The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[Woggle]

Couples can and will do what pleases them.

 

We are all over the place---very traditional on some things and very egalitarian on other things. Yes, he paid when we were dating. He even paid before we were dating. Yes, I cook every day for my family. But on many other things, we are completely egalitarian.

 

There are no rules.

 

In the bedroom, he is the MAN and I am the woman

 

Yes individual couples will choose their own thing but you can't expect to say to men they we will nothing for you that we used to and if you ask for that you are a sexist pig but we expect all the old stuff from you. Of course most men would have an issue with that arrangement.

[xxoo]

Yes individual couples will choose their own thing but you can't expect to say to men they we will nothing for you that we used to and if you ask for that you are a sexist pig but we expect all the old stuff from you. Of course most men would have an issue with that arrangement.

 

Speaking as a woman who LOVES when a man pays, I love to return the favor in my own ways. In the very earliest days, his only reward was my company and my attention, but that's all he wanted

[Aniela]

You do know that is exactly what an escort offers, right? Guy pays for her company and attention. Anything else that happens is between two consenting adults. I find it pretty creepy when women take on the dating mindset of a professional escort.

 

A man pays an escort for the sex. Neither one would be there if that wasn't the case. Unlike a date, between two people who actually like each other.

[xxoo]

You do know that is exactly what an escort offers, right? Guy pays for her company and attention. Anything else that happens is between two consenting adults. I find it pretty creepy when women take on the dating mindset of a professional escort.

 

Escorts aren't actually into the guys

 

You said you get the sexy feelings from paying. So does my H. So, he paid. Hotness all around

[Shining One]

Neither one would be there if that wasn't the case. Unlike a date, between two people who actually like each other.

On many dates, the woman wouldn't be there if the man wasn't paying.

[Shining One]

Escorts aren't actually into the guys

Many women aren't into the guys they go out with. They still expect the guys to pay the bill though.

[xxoo]

On many dates, the woman wouldn't be there if the man wasn't paying.

 

Ack, a free meal is not worth sitting across from some guy I'm not into and fending off his advances

[Aniela]

On many dates, the woman wouldn't be there if the man wasn't paying.

 

I can't picture a man who actually likes women, comparing real dating, to going out with a prostitute (let alone marriage - I've seen that comparison before).

[Aniela]

Ack, a free meal is not worth sitting across from some guy I'm not into and fending off his advances

 

Agreed. I could have had a lot of free meals, or dates in general, when I was on OKC, if I'd just gone out with anyone, in order to eat, or just be out of the house. I didn't go.

[Aniela]

Not all escorts have sex. I was once acquainted with a girl who only did dates and such. If a guy needed a hot woman to bring to a wedding or high school reunion, she was his girl. She took money for her company and attention.

 

When a guy goes on a date with a woman, he isn't just getting her company, she is getting his. Her company is not worth any more money than his. If he chooses to pay for the date, that is his choice, but suggesting that he is somehow paying for her company? That is precisely what escorts do.

 

Usually, men choose to pay for the food. I don't know, why do you pay, when you're out on a date? You mentioned before, that you usually pay. Is it because you think (or know) that you're getting "dessert"?

[Shining One]

I can't picture a man who actually likes women, comparing real dating, to going out with a prostitute (let alone marriage - I've seen that comparison before).

The comparison is situational. Some women require men to financially compensate them for their company by paying the bills. Those (to me) are a valid comparison to escorts. Some women do not require men to financially compensate them for their company. Those would not be a valid comparison to escorts. Personally, I like women who fall into the latter category.

[xxoo]

Not all escorts have sex. I was once acquainted with a girl who only did dates and such. If a guy needed a hot woman to bring to a wedding or high school reunion, she was his girl. She took money for her company and attention.

 

When a guy goes on a date with a woman, he isn't just getting her company, she is getting his. Her company is not worth any more money than his. If he chooses to pay for the date, that is his choice, but suggesting that he is somehow paying for her company? That is precisely what escorts do.

 

Not paying for the company

 

Just that I wasn't contributing anything, but my company was all he wanted. He didn't want me to pay. He wanted to treat me.

[katiegrl]

 

Either that, or I invited her out, and my mother always taught me it was polite to pay when you invite a lady out. I have no problems paying for dates, and I actually enjoy taking care of my girl.

 

The problem for me is when you have women on here acting like they somehow deserve a man to pay for them, or they act entitled to his money.

 

I like doing things for people, but I do not do things for people who don't appreciate it. That is where I take issue.

 

Is it too late to take you up on that dinner invite? lol

 

I think you've just become my new favorite male poster (sorry joseb).

 

And I like taking care of my man too... and doing nice things for people.

 

And your mom sounds like a peach!

Edited October 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[Aniela]

I pay because I generally end up dating women who don't have much money. Either that, or I invited her out, and my mother always taught me it was polite to pay when you invite a lady out. I have no problems paying for dates, and I actually enjoy taking care of my girl. The problem for me is when you have women on here acting like they somehow deserve a man to pay for them, or they act entitled to his money. I like doing things for people, but I do not do things for people who don't appreciate it. That is where I take issue.

 

This sounds nice, and normal. I think women feel the same way (usually), and try to do something nice in return.

[joseb]

I think you've just become my new favorite male poster (sorry joseb).

 

 

That's ok Katie, I like enigma too

 

I think he sums up exactly how I feel about the whole paying for dates thing.

[LD1990]

You don't know how they split their household chores/errands though - in some couples the woman takes on the majority of them despite both partners working. If she did that, then it makes sense that he would pay the majority of the bills regardless of whether she works or not.

 

I only know the way my girlfriend at the time presented it to me. It's not those couples specifically I'm disagreeing with, it's the idea of only being traditional when it's beneficial to you.

 

Fortunately, that has never been a real issue, probably because I'm selective with who I date. I've yet to encounter a woman who's only in it for a meal. I'm sure it happens, but I can't imagine going on a date with someone I don't like just for free food.

[Els]

I can't imagine going on a date with someone I don't like just for free food.

 

I can't imagine it either, and I REALLY don't think that is the norm. Speaking for myself, my time is far too valuable to spend 2+ hours with a person I don't even like just for a free meal... I'd really rather get my own meal and spend the 2+ hours enjoying myself. In fact this is the case for almost every woman I know.

 

If guys are consistently hooking up with women who explicitly do this, I'd say they need to take a good look at their people-picker.

[Shining One]

I can't imagine it either, and I REALLY don't think that is the norm. Speaking for myself, my time is far too valuable to spend 2+ hours with a person I don't even like just for a free meal... I'd really rather get my own meal and spend the 2+ hours enjoying myself. In fact this is the case for almost every woman I know.

 

 

 

 

 

If guys are consistently hooking up with women who explicitly do this, I'd say they need to take a good look at their people-picker.

I imagine the women who literally do this for the free meals, such as this one, are a very small minority. However, there are still plenty of women who will continue to "date" a man they have little to no romantic interest in.

• Perhaps she enjoys his company on a platonic level.
  
• Perhaps she enjoys the experiences he takes her on.
  
• Perhaps she enjoys the attention he provides.
  
• Perhaps she hates being lonely and keeps seeing him until the next boyfriend appears on her radar.
  

I've experienced all of these reasons and more. The paid dates were an added perk for these women.

[Woggle]

Just did a quick search and found this video online. A room full of women feeling entitled to that free drink. Admitting that they have no intentions of paying. Sad, this.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEWoSiSH6mk

 

To be fair I wouldn't expect somebody from Real Housewives to have any intelligent women in the audience.

[katiegrl]

 

My mother was a very wonderful woman. When she passed years ago, her funeral was hosted by a church she never once attended, A couple hundred people showed up to pay their respects, and a cancer benefit was named in her honor.

 

My condolences about your mom enigma...

 

I lost both my mom and dad two years ago ... mom to cancer, dad to freak accident, so I can relate.

 

Good memories keep me sane, no doubt same for you.

[Aniela]

My condolences about your mom enigma...

 

I lost both my mom and dad two years ago ... mom to cancer, dad to freak accident, so I can relate.

 

Good memories keep me sane, no doubt same for you.

 

Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. I've been terrified of losing my dad - I'm having enough trouble getting up every day, as it is. I wasn't going to get up at all, yesterday, but I had to.

 

Mum would have had a huge funeral, but most people were in England, New Zealand, Tasmania, California, or are gone themselves. One group of best friends she's had since she started working at the age of sixteen, are meeting up next month, and said they'll toast to her. We were flooded with emails and calls, and when she was in the hospital, I had to ask people to spread the word, because I couldn't get to everyone.

 

I still can't believe she's gone. Effing aneurysm, and cancer. I lost my favourite aunt to cancer last year, on mum's birthday. Lost my cousin, another aunt, and an uncle to it, in the last several years. Another uncle is on some kind of life support right now - they'll be taking out the breathing tube today, to see if he can breathe on his own.

 

Sorry for the off-topic.

[katiegrl]

Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. I've been terrified of losing my dad - I'm having enough trouble getting up every day, as it is. I wasn't going to get up at all, yesterday, but I had to.

 

Mum would have had a huge funeral, but most people were in England, New Zealand, Tasmania, California, or are gone themselves. One group of best friends she's had since she started working at the age of sixteen, are meeting up next month, and said they'll toast to her. We were flooded with emails and calls, and when she was in the hospital, I had to ask people to spread the word, because I couldn't get to everyone.

 

I still can't believe she's gone. Effing aneurysm, and cancer. I lost my favourite aunt to cancer last year, on mum's birthday. Lost my cousin, another aunt, and an uncle to it, in the last several years. Another uncle is on some kind of life support right now - they'll be taking out the breathing tube today, to see if he can breathe on his own.

 

Sorry for the off-topic.

 

Thank you Aniela...

 

And sorry about your mom too... and other family members.

 

Yes losing my dad was especially hard, we were super close.

 

And the way he died, geez, so unnecessary.

 

Fell and hit his head, did not go to hospital right away, and fell into coma from bleeding in brain. So so stupid.

 

But life goes on and he's still with me in spirit.

 

Anyway, appreciate the sentiment.... back to topic!

Edited October 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[Els]

Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. I've been terrified of losing my dad - I'm having enough trouble getting up every day, as it is. I wasn't going to get up at all, yesterday, but I had to.

 

Mum would have had a huge funeral, but most people were in England, New Zealand, Tasmania, California, or are gone themselves. One group of best friends she's had since she started working at the age of sixteen, are meeting up next month, and said they'll toast to her. We were flooded with emails and calls, and when she was in the hospital, I had to ask people to spread the word, because I couldn't get to everyone.

 

I still can't believe she's gone. Effing aneurysm, and cancer. I lost my favourite aunt to cancer last year, on mum's birthday. Lost my cousin, another aunt, and an uncle to it, in the last several years. Another uncle is on some kind of life support right now - they'll be taking out the breathing tube today, to see if he can breathe on his own.

 

Sorry for the off-topic.

 

{{{hugs}}}

[BettyDraper]

I have heard of women who date for free meals but I could never do that myself.

 

Not even when I was barely 22 and renting a room did I ever date men for food. That sounds incredibly ghetto to me.

 

I always preferred first dates to be a coffee date or a drink in case there was no chemistry. Sitting through a meal with a man whom I don't like is not my idea of fun.

[readynow]

Can't believe this thread is still going strong!

 

I said in one of the threads on here in my earlier days (and got crucified for it) that I would never romantically date any man who wouldn't pay for our dates. No, I'm not broke or uneducated - far from it. I've got my PhD now (yay) and earn tons I just think it's such a manly thing for a man to WANT to pay. And like I said then, I'll be happy if he took me to McDonald's for a happy meal so it's not that I'm expecting him to burn a hole in his wallet.

 

There was this one time that I went on a date with this guy, he wasn't broke in any shape but he somehow implied that he expected us to split the bill. My insides literarily dried up along with the sexual attraction I had felt and I told him I'd pay the entire bill instead. We became friends after that - he kept wanting us to progress the relationship and couldn't understand why I wasn't into him. He wasn't wrong, that's just not my type.

 

In relationships, I do pay sometimes - I would have bought the tickets ahead of time and let him know it was taken care of, or I'll cook him a meal or order takeout before he arrives. But there is NO WAY I'm bringing out cash or a card on a table and wrestling with some guy on how a meal will be paid for. It has never happened to me before except that one time and I didn't even let it get to that. I simply don't date such men.

 

I think everyone is entitled to WANT whatever paying arrangement they want.

 

So here's what I think: Let men who don't want to pick up tabs only date women who are happy to do so. In the same way, let men who love to pay only date women who want them to pay. Stop complaining, there are millions in each camp. Everyone is happy!