The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[elaine567]

Instinctively, I, the man, has no problem paying if I am the one who asked her out. In those relati2onships where it has gone beyond 3 or 4, whether I have asked or not, I have had a good number of the ladies offer w/o prompting. I guess I have been lucky.

 

i do not think it has anything to do with luck.

[ZA Dater]

I don't really think paying is such a big deal to be honest, I ask someone out I pay. If she wants to go half them great but more often than not I wont allow that and rather 'ok we will split the next one" which is perhaps rather stupid as there never is a next one!

[JuneL]

i do not think it has anything to do with luck.

 

I also suspected in an earlier post that the OP must have picked those "high maintenance" women. There are guys who LOVE high maintenance women, but those with such a taste usually have a high disposable income and would absolutely and happily pay for everything (meals, gifts, vacations, even expensive ones), instead of complaining that the ladies they have picked are entitled.

[Shining One]

I don't typically go for high maintenance women, but a disproportionate amount of the women I've dated fall into the entitled category. I admit, I chose poorly and didn't know when to quit. However, even now, I still don't know what to look for in a woman to determine whether or not she is of the entitled variety before going on several dates at least.

[Bastile]

Converted to USD, that's about $117. Seems fair. I think I've been hovering around $150. Though one dinner can easily exceed that amount if you're not careful.

 

There's this decent Indian restaurant near me that isn't very expensive. I have used it several times to then lead the date to my place.

 

My MO is first date in their town for their comfort. I rarely push for 1st date sex (though I have some very interesting stories on the importance of leading, if you want to know - epiphanies which came from first date sex). 2nd date my area...

 

Going to expensive dinners gives women the complete wrong impression, imo. No way in blue hell would I spend 150 quid on a date with a woman that Isn't even a serious girlfriend.

 

My issue has been maintaining attraction once these women start to show their true colors. Some of them would have made good FBs but they all want a RL. I do too, just not with these women.

 

The vast majority of women want relationships. It's completely natural that they want to LTR.

 

Tough. You don't always get everything your own way like a brat. And the less I want it, the more they do anyway.

 

I've had women completely trying to shame me into a commitment, only to find that they have guys on the side loads of times. I won't be rushed or harassed into that decision.

 

Settling into a LTR for me is basically taking your foot off of the accelerator. A woman plays that game with an art that I can't match. Best to just concern yourself with sex, having fun, and getting to know her. She will do her feminine thing.

 

I remember a quote once "if a bird wanted to fly into a cage, wouldn't you think there is something wrong with that bird?".

 

 

As I really don't like dating or multi dating I get very dissapointed when I make the determination that a girl is not LTR material.

 

You have to multi-date. Or you at least need the ability to be able to walk away without getting the hump.

 

It's called "game", because it's meant to be fun. Sometimes I've found that I need to remind myself of that, and to take things less serious.

 

 

I recall this one (probably the hottest body on girl I've ever dated, great job, very intelligent) and she acted up on the phone prior to our 3rd date and I was all "Damnit! She is not LTR material!" (And further proved it by being very selfish sexually).

 

Turn her into your sl*t. Tell her to get on her knees with her tongue out, and roll your penis over it.

 

Gotta think more creative. Though I went through a period of just not caring much anymore. Sex was actually lowest one of my priorities of self-improvement. Think that I was using it more for validation - and lost my respect for it as an activity. Maybe you're there too?

 

When I start dating again, I'll likely be posting more in the sexual part of this forum, and giving it a much bigger focus.

 

I have this realization at some point with all of them and I often feel it's not worth the headaches.

 

I have questioned "is it really worth it?" more times than I care to admit.

 

I think that a love for the game itself is crucial. That's what's got me through.

 

How many dates does that cover usually?

 

3

 

 

I am starting to think that maybe this paying for dates issue is just a case of these men who are complaining about all those entitled women possibly not being totally ready to fully invest in someone due to the traumatic breakup of a relationship or marriage they did invest in heart and soul, and repeating bad patterns of behaviour by going for the same types of women over and over again.

 

I now believe it's less about entitlement or generosity than it about the ghosts of a broken heart not yet fully healed.

 

Who on earth hasn't had a bad break up before? And what's that got to do with dating as a form?

[phineas]

I am starting to think that maybe this paying for dates issue is just a case of these men who are complaining about all those entitled women possibly not being totally ready to fully invest in someone due to the traumatic breakup of a relationship or marriage they did invest in heart and soul, and repeating bad patterns of behaviour by going for the same types of women over and over again.

 

I now believe it's less about entitlement or generosity than it about the ghosts of a broken heart not yet fully healed.

 

Or maybe in today's society with online dating, dating apps, social media, ect the next shiny object for the woman you just took out is but a click/swipe away.

 

You drop $$$$ for dinner & drinks.

Then she ghosts you for another guy.

 

ok, well you found another one online, she wants to meet this week, you take her out, drop some more $$$ and she ghosts you.

now what?

drop a car payments worth of $$$ on multiple women in a month in hopes one will stick around?

 

screw that noise.

I used to take my online dates to a bar for a few drinks or to see a free concert somewhere and get a few drinks.

We are both driving so if she wants more than 3 rounds.........

 

To spend any amount of money on someone in today's society before you know they are sticking around is just plain foolish.

[littleblackheart]

Obviously I got that wrong; instead of giving the benefit of the doubt, next time I'll remember it is to do with a very cheap mentality and men feeling entitled to the women they think they deserve at a minor cost. My mistake.

[Bastile]

Obviously I got that wrong; instead of giving the benefit of the doubt, next time I'll remember it is to do with a very cheap mentality and men feeling entitled to the women they think they deserve at a minor cost. My mistake.

 

I don't see the great need to pigeon hole people at all. Shows a lack of care to bother understanding what we are really saying.

 

It's not that I'm a "poor victim with a broken heart", or "a cheapskate". It's that it's best practice when dating. I'm doing what works best for me.

 

It's just pragmatism.

[littleblackheart]

I don't see the great need to pigeon hole people at all. Shows a lack of care to bother understanding what we are really saying.

 

It's not that I'm a "poor victim with a broken heart", or "a cheapskate". It's that it's best practice when dating. I'm doing what works best for me.

 

It's just pragmatism.

 

I wasn't addressing you personally so you can relax. Well done you for doing what works for you.

[littleblackheart]

Or maybe in today's society with online dating, dating apps, social media, ect the next shiny object for the woman you just took out is but a click/swipe away.

 

You drop $$$$ for dinner & drinks.

Then she ghosts you for another guy.

 

ok, well you found another one online, she wants to meet this week, you take her out, drop some more $$$ and she ghosts you.

now what?

drop a car payments worth of $$$ on multiple women in a month in hopes one will stick around?

 

screw that noise.

I used to take my online dates to a bar for a few drinks or to see a free concert somewhere and get a few drinks.

We are both driving so if she wants more than 3 rounds.........

 

To spend any amount of money on someone in today's society before you know they are sticking around is just plain foolish.

 

I agree with the gist of your post, and for those who are whining, they should either date less frequently, spend less on dates or earn more. Or still do what they do and stop whining. Problem solved.

[Bastile]

I wasn't addressing you personally so you can relax. Well done you for doing what works for you.

 

^ This is a good display of the sort of attitude of women that want guys paying for expensive dates. Throwing a strop when she doesn't get her way. Using shaming ("you're cheap", "you're bitter", etc). And so on.

 

My mistake trying to converse with it regarding pragmatism

[littleblackheart]

^ This is a good display of the sort of attitude of women that want guys paying for expensive dates. Throwing a strop when she doesn't get her way. Using shaming ("you're cheap", "you're bitter", etc). And so on.

 

My mistake trying to converse with it regarding pragmatism

 

My ideal date involves a deserted spot, a pot of coffee, a few slices of homemade cake and fun conversation so you picked the wrong person.

[No_Go]

I just happen to realize how nonsensical the whole 'paying for dates' issue is. It always happen when someone try to 'impress' or live beyond their means or create an attraction where there isn't any.

 

I got back from a first date with a guy on which both of us didn't spend anything and it was the most genuine, nice, wonderful, anxiety-free experience that I've had in a while. No crowds, no noise, no thinking if my make up is melting or can I walk on these heels any longer or who'll pay the d*mn date.

 

This whole experience just made me think this whole pay game is so so meaningless if there is actually an attraction - it is like drugs - if you can't get enough emotions you need external factors (chemicals) to create some.

[Bastile]

My ideal date involves a deserted spot, a pot of coffee, a few slices of homemade cake and fun conversation so you picked the wrong person.

 

I see. You aren't in the category at all. You don't have a dog in the race - just some observations and ad-hominems.

 

Likely a jealousy thing then.

 

I think you picked the wrong person, to be honest.

[Bastile]

The problem is you're dating dime pieces.......

 

Yep.

 

(10 chars).

[littleblackheart]

I see. You aren't in the category at all. You don't have a dog in the race - just some observations and ad-hominems.

 

Likely a jealousy thing then.

 

I think you picked the wrong person, to be honest.

 

Never mind...

[littleblackheart]

this whole pay game is so so meaningless if there is actually an attraction - it is like drugs - if you can't get enough emotions you need external factors (chemicals) to create some.

 

Yes. Keeping it simple is the best way to gauge compatibility.

[Bastile]

Never mind...

 

*Taste's own medicine... doesn't like like it.

 

I just happen to realize how nonsensical the whole 'paying for dates' issue is. It always happen when someone try to 'impress' or live beyond their means or create an attraction where there isn't any.

 

Dates cost money. Even just simple netflix 'n' chill my expenses raise. Multi-dating costs good money.

 

It's literally a weekly/monthly thing that needs managing. Otherwise it can get out of control really fast.

 

Glad you had fun on your date, but I don't think I see where you are coming from. Maybe you mean "don't spend a lot on dates to impress someone", and I agree. But there is nuance beyond that.

 

I don't find it an issue that ever goes away. And because it is a practical issue (somewhat boring), it's easily avoided. Actually think that a practical discussion on it is a good responsible thing.

[No_Go]

Bastile I thought the same before. I'm a woman but I have paid over the past a lot for dates (usually when I offer to pay I pay for both) so I've also been pissy on how badly it affects my budget. Now add on top expenses like manicure (like $50), blowdrying (like $50), new dress ($100, could be more) etc and it easily goes in the hundreds for a high-maintenance date only from my end.

 

And here it comes this guy who is simple, likes nature like I do, lives close by and we just have an afternoon stroll next to the river under the sun midday. I slip on some old sundress, low sandals, did my hair etc myself (it's daytime in the end), meet him, all casual, we're having a blast, enjoying something that we both like, and are distraction-free. Why would it need to be more complex than that, even if multidating? (I'm not saying your approach in particular is wrong, just the overall dating approach of most guys IMO). Why it needs to be a game? I don't see it as a honor badge to meet 100s of people... I think most people are just not putting any effort in per-selection and getting to know what their date is like and then are annoyed and disappointed and blame it all on OLD

 

Especially in the summer you need zero budget for first / second dates (at least where I leave there are ton of free live music events, beaches, festivals, trails what not). Oh, if you grab a bite or a drink here and there that's what it would cost at most but even that is optional.

 

*Taste's own medicine... doesn't like like it.

 

 

 

Dates cost money. Even just simple netflix 'n' chill my expenses raise. Multi-dating costs good money.

 

It's literally a weekly/monthly thing that needs managing. Otherwise it can get out of control really fast.

 

Glad you had fun on your date, but I don't think I see where you are coming from. Maybe you mean "don't spend a lot on dates to impress someone", and I agree. But there is nuance beyond that.

 

I don't find it an issue that ever goes away. And because it is a practical issue (somewhat boring), it's easily avoided. Actually think that a practical discussion on it is a good responsible thing.

Edited July 22, 2017 by No_Go

[Cookiesandough]

There are lots of wonderful free dates!!! The best date I ever had with a guy we went antique store browsing and then a walk on a pier holding hands. There are so many inexpensive dates if you just get a little creative. You might weed out some ladies who want to be wined and dined, but it seems like you're looking to do that anyway.

 

 

I think it has a lot to do with the ladies you go for. especially beautiful girls, particularly older ones, are rare and thus in demand ( not by everyone but the ones looking for maturity+looks+proximity in age)and if they can get a date with a man who spends on them, many will choose that. I think many of them care a lot about a mans financial state(at least the very beautiful, single older women i know) otherwise they just get a boy toy. Although the ones I know make decent money themselves. They seem to invest in their appearance(beauty shop, spa, etc) Ie high maintenance. That is just my guess.

Edited July 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Bastile]

There's literally no way that I can date the way I have without money.

 

Last year, I was approaching three times a week. Costs £5 just to go to my favourite place where I like to do it.

 

Searching costs. Add it up. That's around £60 a month before I've taken anyone on a date! (that's apparently 77 dollars)

 

I've spent so much money on dating. And I don't regret any of it.

 

But it doesn't grow on trees, either. It has to be accounted for.

[No_Go]

I didn't say spend no money on dating. I just sai spend no money for first and second dates.

 

I realized that I actually don't spend much less when I'm not dating because I still go out with friends etc. And it adds up (i.e. not to feel too lonely if I'm single&not dating I'll eat out with friends 2 x a week). If I'm dating someone - even if I pay for both once a week = same spending.

 

I spend zero on alcohol (I just drink water when dining out) and I'm happy eating in any hole in the wall (I actually love more authentic places), if you're into high end wining/dining I can imagine dating & dining out in general would be a large chunk of money.

 

There's literally no way that I can date the way I have without money.

 

Last year, I was approaching three times a week. Costs £5 just to go to my favourite place where I like to do it.

 

Searching costs. Add it up. That's around £60 a month before I've taken anyone on a date! (that's apparently 77 dollars)

 

I've spent so much money on dating. And I don't regret any of it.

 

But it doesn't grow on trees, either. It has to be accounted for.

[Bastile]

I didn't say spend no money on dating. I just sai spend no money for first and second dates.

 

And see my results decline significantly. It's best practice that interests me.

 

For a start, when meeting women in the street, I've found it works well to go to her for the first date. That's for her comfort. That costs money in itself.

 

If any guy wants to increase his results, just add some alcohol. That's more money.

 

I could go antiquing, sure. But it's likely going to drop my success rate by a good amount. Also, it's very unlikely to turn a girl on much. See what I'm saying?

 

An example of a first date that I enjoyed was when I took a girl for coffee. That's £5 travel, and something like £6 coffee. Already £11.

 

Then we went to a pub. Can't remember how many drinks we had, but she offered to pay (she was cool). Probably another good tenner though. So lets say £20.

 

We were kissing, and the vibe was great. Logistics made it that she had to go past my place on her way home. Just got lucky with that, so I bought a bottle of wine on the way (another tenner - £30), and we went to my place.

 

We watched "The Evil Dead 2"

 

But we were kissing more. She didn't want to have sex, because her interest was high. And she thought that I'd "pump and dump" (which I actually don't do).

 

Anyway, that's like £30. And I had a really great relationship with her.

 

I think my way is a good way. It gets notches from moochy types, and it gets relationships from better women too. Like I said, I think it covers all the bases as best that a man can.

 

Just my opinion.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with you no_go:) I guess ppl should just do what works for them and water will seek its own level

Edited July 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[littleblackheart]

I agree with you no_go:) I guess ppl should just do what works for them and water will seek its own level

 

The whole thread seems to be about how it's not working for a good number of guys though. I come back to LS every so often and this pay thing seems to be a recurring problem with quite often the same posters still having the same issues months and years down the line and still insisting on blaming it on women and their sense of entitlement (that's what I was responding to anyway).