The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[jimbo]

Personally, I think you have a couple of red flags on your hands here.

 

IMHO, conflicting financial philosophies are a primary stressor in relationships. You have identified in her a financial philosophy which you do not accept. Financial disagreements are not a trivial matter, like disagreeing over best movie of the year. Common financial philosophies are a non-negotiable in my mind. If you already are identifying financial points of contention, I would generally recommend to not proceed any further. If there are already disagreements on finances, why do you think building a deeper relationship will mitigate those concerns? The only way to solve philosophical disagreements is through communication. In this context, communication should not be regarded as something for her benefit (i.e. trying to change her mind) but a method to understand her position further so that you can learn to accept it. I recommend to enter into any relationship with the firm realization that the person is not going to change. This is even more true as we age as people are basically set in their ways by the time they're in their 30s, unless they are extremely introspective, which is a rare trait.

 

Second, the fact you are creating a t-chart of a woman you barely know suggests you do not trust her. So now you have two strikes: Disagreement on financial philosophies, lack of trust.

 

What are the redeeming qualities of this dating relationship? Regarding the budget you have calculated, I think the important thing to ask yourself is what do you intend to achieve by creating a financial profile of this woman? Are you creating it for yourself because you don't trust her, and you need to to reinforce your suspicions so you can find a rational reason to end things? Or, are you doing it as you intend to bring it up to her to try to change her? Either way will likely not have a good outcome.

 

I am not trying to change anyone. I believe in fairness and equality in all aspects of a relationship. This one sidedness really didn't come out until recently. I tried to meet in the middle and compromise, but that was a failure. Aside from finance, we were in agreement on everything else it seemed.

[jimbo]

That's something I can't deal with either. Combine that with the extreme entitlement mentality, well, it compounds the effect.

 

i know a lot of men can't resist hotties with attitude, but for me there's an inherent repulsion. I have a thoroughly integrated understanding that it's going to be too much work, my best effort is never enough, always on the lookout for a better deal. With few exceptions, such women have learned to leverage their attractiveness and expect the world to beat a path to their door. Not that they're all over me or anything either... it's like we were born on different planets.

 

No sex yet... interesting. Have you tried and she's holding out, are you being the consummate gentleman and waiting for her to green light you? It seems strange to me; based on her age and other circumstances, it seems like it would've happened within 4-5 dates.

 

I think you're running the risk of striking out in three pitches. You pay, no sex, you're the dumpee. I think most guys would've cut their losses already, but if you're determined to ride this all the way you at least ought to be getting laid.

 

Here's the deal on the sex. She wanted to come to my place on our third date, I was a bit hesitant, but I agreed. She was all over me, but said we couldn't do anything because she was in the middle of her period. I said, not a problem. After dinner, she jumped on me and started taking my and her clothes off. She offered to remove her tampon, but I just really didn't want to have sex with blood all over. I said, let's wait. Weeks later she told me that she's never had anyone say no to her, and that she's embarrassed. I said, you were on your period and you were complaining of cramping. I didn't feel comfortable in having sex at that time nor put you in more pain. Week after week, she would be very touchy feely, but then stop. I am not ready yet. That is all that I hear. Ok, no problem. Then she said she's buying lingerie for us and she'll wear it this weekend. Each time, again, not ready. We talked about it numerous times, but she said soon. Or, if you want have sex with other women, okay, but I am not ready. I just left it like that.

 

Very strange.

[jimbo]

What did I just read :lmao:

 

So good for you that you dodged a bullet with this one. I hope you have had good sex with her. She's technically a prostitute in disguise anyway.

 

Never did. It was one of the reasons why I always felt uneasy and unsettled in what we were doing.

[No_Go]

Never did. It was one of the reasons why I always felt uneasy and unsettled in what we were doing.

 

Why on earth you're going on dates with this one then?? No sex, 'traditional' (aspiring prostitute), living with mama...It is just mind boggling but oh well.... Bad experience is still experience.

[jimbo]

Why on earth you're going on dates with this one then?? No sex, 'traditional' (aspiring prostitute), living with mama...It is just mind boggling but oh well.... Bad experience is still experience.

 

Tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Again, I was wrong. I ended the same day as this BS. Reasoning before, now she had a yeast infection. All of a sudden, she had a yeast infection. Which was funny, as I asked her that morning how she was feeling? She said great. She suffers from headaches and such.

 

I can only take so much BS and lies. Not sure if they were lies, but I started to feel played.

[SevenCity]

Don’t be too shocked - you’ll get this a lot in the NYC area.

 

I would have bolted if I waited that long for sex when they are acting like a hooker.

 

She is your typical NYC entitled girl who has never been told no. And so you can nderstand, telling her no is probably what kept her around a bit longer.

 

Of the women I’ve dated since I was single, only two offered to pay and really meant it. Funny how your free meal from her cost you about 6.

 

In other parts of the county (or even state) this princess hooker attitude isn’t as prevalent, but it is rampant in NYC and the surrounding areas.

 

Any girl who says she’s “traditional” only means she wants a free ride. They pick and choose what traditions they want to follow.

 

When you meet a girl who really likes you, she will want to pay.

 

Try to keep the dates cheap and see how they react (hard to do here though).

[lana-banana]

She's entitled, selfish, and clearly an absolute nightmare---you really dodged a bullet, OP---but calling her an "aspiring prostitute" and a "princess hooker" is also awful.

 

You seem like a decent and honorable guy who got a raw deal in a baffling situation. In the future, don't waste your time on anyone who tests you or makes absurd demands. The first few months of dating at least should be smooth sailing, and any drama so early on is a guarantee of something worse to come.

[ocd420]

If she makes that much and isn't willing to pay for dates, get rid of her. Imo it's a sign of a bad personality trait; my assumption being greed.

This isn't the 1940's anymore, where men bring home the bacon.

[some_username1]

If you sleep in the dog basket yer gonna get fleas.

[lovephule]

I think such high maintenance women probably spend much time grooming themselves, and expect to be taken care of financially. They should aim for men who make a lot more.

 

Time... and money. Being hot is an investment and they expect a return on it.

 

OP have you tried meeting women through cooking classes? Not saying it's the answer to your problem here, just wondering if you've tried it and how it worked out for you.

[jimbo]

Don’t be too shocked - you’ll get this a lot in the NYC area.

 

I would have bolted if I waited that long for sex when they are acting like a hooker.

 

She is your typical NYC entitled girl who has never been told no. And so you can nderstand, telling her no is probably what kept her around a bit longer.

 

Of the women I’ve dated since I was single, only two offered to pay and really meant it. Funny how your free meal from her cost you about 6.

 

In other parts of the county (or even state) this princess hooker attitude isn’t as prevalent, but it is rampant in NYC and the surrounding areas.

 

Any girl who says she’s “traditional” only means she wants a free ride. They pick and choose what traditions they want to follow.

 

When you meet a girl who really likes you, she will want to pay.

 

Try to keep the dates cheap and see how they react (hard to do here though).

 

Yea, I've had such bad luck dating around here. It was never this bad. They are all expecting free dinners, drinks and entertainment. I have no problems paying for the first date, and then switching off. However, most just expect it as payment for their time it seems.

 

At this point, I am just going to take a break. There's a difference in being alone as well as feeling used. Rather be alone.

[jimbo]

She's entitled, selfish, and clearly an absolute nightmare---you really dodged a bullet, OP---but calling her an "aspiring prostitute" and a "princess hooker" is also awful.

 

You seem like a decent and honorable guy who got a raw deal in a baffling situation. In the future, don't waste your time on anyone who tests you or makes absurd demands. The first few months of dating at least should be smooth sailing, and any drama so early on is a guarantee of something worse to come.

 

Never called her a aspiring prostitute or princess hooker. Nonetheless, it's been drama since meeting her.

[jimbo]

Time... and money. Being hot is an investment and they expect a return on it.

 

OP have you tried meeting women through cooking classes? Not saying it's the answer to your problem here, just wondering if you've tried it and how it worked out for you.

 

I've tried a few, only older couples and older women (50+) are usually there. Dating doesn't seem to be worth it anymore. I do not play the hookup game, so it seems there are limited options.

 

Boy things have changed a lot since the last time I was on the market. Now, there is a list of requirements that men seem to need in order to quality just for drinks. Then, to continue the relations, it's absolutely mind blowing. It really feels like pay to play.

 

This is something out of an apocalyptic movie or something. Bizarre.

[jimbo]

If she makes that much and isn't willing to pay for dates, get rid of her. Imo it's a sign of a bad personality trait; my assumption being greed.

This isn't the 1940's anymore, where men bring home the bacon.

 

It was so weird. Other people were even looking at us. It was like a little girl losing her lollipop. It was unreal. The waitress was laughing.

[smackie9]

Jimbo.....here's some info for you. When you have sex with a woman on her period...the bleeding stops on penetration. It's something our body does, so no it doesn't look like a murder scene. I know there is menstruation porn out there....that is all fake blood for effect, not what really happens.

 

Also, women are at their horniness at this time and from my experience, and talking to other women, the orgasms are better then ever.

 

As for this woman you were dating......she was telling you lies. I feel when someone offers up that much detailed information...it's mostly BS.

[jimbo]

Jimbo.....here's some info for you. When you have sex with a woman on her period...the bleeding stops on penetration. It's something our body does, so no it doesn't look like a murder scene.

 

I guess every woman is different. I had period sex with my ex-wife, and blood was all over her, me and the bedsheets. I guess that was one of the reasons why I was hesitant. However, to be punished for that is a bit out of whack. Or, I guess, I think things a bit differently than others. There is no right or wrong answer. Everyone can have a different opinion on the matter; and I understand that.

[No_Go]

Never called her a aspiring prostitute or princess hooker. Nonetheless, it's been drama since meeting her.

 

You’re gentle OP. I called her that as well as other users but besides rude - I still believe that’s the accurate way to describe her.

 

In this day and age we’re trained like puppies to be politically correct - that’s why women like this flourish.

 

Thank your lucky stars this one is gone to leech on her next host.

[No_Go]

Yeah. I have had period sex a few times and it ranged from a little bit of red on me to blood being all over the place. Never know what you are gonna get. Best bet is to have sex in the shower if you really wanna do it.

 

Simple device like natural sponge or even makeup sponge makes period sex completely mess free. Or Soft cups.

 

I’ve sex a myriad of times on my period and don’t remember staining the sheets besides something super minor.

 

I’m always baffled at ‘period breaks’ that people take - the s like 25% of the time each month ...

[jimbo]

I guess. However, looks fade. I am sure, in her 20's she wouldn't had given me the time of day; and that is fine. However, when looks are gone, male or female, the person's personality and true character are all that is left. It's great that she's in shape, attractive, has a job, comes from a good family, etc. However, to expect everything in life to be handed to her is ridiculous. I never understood that setup. Two people cannot build a relationship on just superficial qualities. At least, on that can go the distance.

 

I guess maybe it is me. I do not live in a superficial world. The funny part is that she reached out to me via eHarmony, not vice-versa. It's been a struggle ever since. It's not been a financial struggle for me, as she would come to my place (I believe because she lives with her parents), and I'd usually just cook. However, I like to go out, but it should be fair. Doesn't have to be 50/50 down the line, but fair. She lost it. I still have it playing in my mind. I've never seen that before. Again, it was a surreal experience. Then to leave right after and call the next day; multiple times. WTF? I guess, equality is too much to ask for these days..

 

As for the resistance to sex each time, just make me feel like I wasn't worthy enough for her. She'd keep on grabbing and go close to sex, then pull away, I am not ready. Say she's going lingerie shopping for this weekend, then say, well I cannot stay over because.. I just felt played in my mind. Like I was keeping her warm until something better came around. She would call multiple times a day to talk. Then, she say when I meet the man that I will marry/have kids with, I can do this that and the other things. I called her out on it multiple times. Why are you talking to me in regard to the man you want to meet? How would you like it if I talked to you about the woman I hope to meet? She would stop and say, but you have her. Again, so surreal. It felt like something was missing or something was being withheld. Nothing made sense. She would dog sit a family friends' dog for a weekend, then tell me they paid her 1k. She did this multiple times during our time courting. I said, with all that money you're making in addition to your 100k a year job, you should have no debt. No response. She'd rarely hang out with me on a Saturday, usually only during the week, Friday's and Sunday's.

 

Nothing made sense. Seems I was living or experiencing the twilight zone.

[elaine567]

She said, she's old school and feels the man should pay for most things.

She started getting very agitated when I said things should be split equally.

She said this doesn't sit well with her and will be very frustrating.

 

Not sure where all this "confusion" is coming from, she made it perfectly clear where she stood on paying for stuff and no amount of "she should do this or that" changed her mind did it?

 

She is merely doing what works for her, the time for you to walk away was when she first brought that attitude up, if it was something you did not agree with.

 

Too many IMO ignore attitudes and opinions that the disagree with in the hope that the other person will somehow miraculously change their mind, or that they can be "told" what to do.

BUT very very few at 37 yo are open to persuasion, they know exactly what they want and often how to get it too.

If you will not play ball then someone else will.

 

You may prefer to be alone, rather than fork out money, other men like the company or like the power that paying for everything can give them... Some men are also born providers and love that role...

 

YOU want an equal partnership, so YOU need to dismiss any woman pronto who exhibits behaviour that implies she wants a man to look after her and pay for everything.

[some_username1]

You’re gentle OP. I called her that as well as other users but besides rude - I still believe that’s the accurate way to describe her.

 

In this day and age we’re trained like puppies to be politically correct - that’s why women like this flourish.

 

Thank your lucky stars this one is gone to leech on her next host.

 

Absolutely right, if she isn't an actual prostitute then she certainly likes wearing the uniform.

[No_Go]

Oh my.... the "hottie" is 37????? I find this thread so amusing. She's aging, grumpy lady living with her momma (I'd bet money the 100K job is NOT real unless she's monetizing her body i.e. she's not exactly aspiring ... ahem.... but an actual one) and she thinks she's a prize :lmao:?

[Space Ritual]

There will always be some other guy that comes along with more money, more drugs and a bigger dick. It usually happens with these types so you are just marking time for some other guy who will have the same problem

 

Cut your losses now and be thankful if you don't spend another penny or second of your time on her

[No_Go]

YOU want an equal partnership, so YOU need to dismiss any woman pronto who exhibits behaviour that implies she wants a man to look after her and pay for everything.

 

Yeah... Well, he's not paying for everything mom&pop are still footing her living costs since this lady resides at home

[Space Ritual]

up, if it was something you did not agree with.

 

Too many IMO ignore attitudes and opinions that the disagree with in the hope that the other person will somehow miraculously change their mind, or that they can be "told" what to do.

 

We men moreso than women. When Women are done they are DONE. Us guys? Not so much

 

We guys tend to like the exercise in futility for some reason