The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[jimbo]

The sad thing is you will meet a lot of women like this. Actually, my experience has been most.

 

It’s rare you meet one who isn’t entitled and has an endless supply of guys who are willing to foot the bill.

 

But I’ll say that when you do meet one there will be no question. She will fight you to pick up the tab and not just do the lazy reach for the check with no intention of actually paying.

 

I can understand for the first date or two and then switch off. However, she was not hearing any sense in paying for any dates. Just for kicks, I said 70/30? She was steaming. It seems, she was just using her beauty to get by for free stuff. After all, she's a prize to be won. Again, her words, not mine.

 

Still in disbelief. Nothing made any sense. I thought it was interesting how she tried to reach out the next day. Most likely, her friend or family told her maybe you over reacted a bit. She even said, I do think we can continue that night. Okay, take care of yourself I said.

 

I knew something was off when I told her I stayed at the Holiday Inn for a business trip a few weeks ago. She retorted that she'd never stay in a Holiday Inn. I only like The Four Seasons, Waldorf Astoria or other high end hotels. I even said then, I do not think I could afford you.

 

I think she's living in dream land or something. She complains about her bills/expenses, but wants someone else to pay for her time and companionship.

 

The last few women I've dated were similar in NYC, but nothing was like this. They at least switched off. Just a surreal experience. I hope this is not the norm these days.

 

If it is, not sure what to do.

[SevenCity]

I can understand for the first date or two and then switch off. However, she was not hearing any sense in paying for any dates. Just for kicks, I said 70/30? She was steaming. It seems, she was just using her beauty to get by for free stuff. After all, she's a prize to be won. Again, her words, not mine.

 

Still in disbelief. Nothing made any sense. I thought it was interesting how she tried to reach out the next day. Most likely, her friend or family told her maybe you over reacted a bit. She even said, I do think we can continue that night. Okay, take care of yourself I said.

 

I knew something was off when I told her I stayed at the Holiday Inn for a business trip a few weeks ago. She retorted that she'd never stay in a Holiday Inn. I only like The Four Seasons, Waldorf Astoria or other high end hotels. I even said then, I do not think I could afford you.

 

I think she's living in dream land or something. She complains about her bills/expenses, but wants someone else to pay for her time and companionship.

 

The last few women I've dated were similar in NYC, but nothing was like this. They at least switched off. Just a surreal experience. I hope this is not the norm these days.

 

If it is, not sure what to do.

 

 

It’s been my norm unfortunately. The last girl I dated was very pretty but had the same entitlements. Her idea was me buying dinner and then she would get dessert. Thing is, I hate going out to dinner so if not for her I wouldn’t be there. So it’s like a double whammy- I’m out at a place I don’t want to be, paying for a meal I don’t want.

 

She wasn’t as high end as yours but money became an issue.

 

And you’ll find it carries over into all aspects of the RL. These are the same women who won’t lift a finger to help out.

 

What to do? Well since I paid up, I made getting sex a priority. And guess if they were selfish in bed? Yep.

 

After I tired of that, I left and started the cycle over again.

 

If that’s not your thing, save yourself some time and money and bring it up soon. Something like “‘My friend is dating this girl and she always expects him to pay. What are your thoughts on that?” Or something more sly.

 

Edit: she lost it because I didn’t pay for her train ticket one day to come see me. I had an air tight case after that one lol.

Edited December 13, 2017 by SevenCity

[jimbo]

We actually had this conversation early on. At first, she was in agreement, then she slowly changed her tune. In terms of sex, she said intimacy was very important to her as well. She even went so far as to tell me she broke up with her ex because he didn't like sex or even kissing. Then the kissing became pecks here and there, then she would say I am not ready. I prefer to cook as well. The food around here is very expensive and it's easy to blow 50 - 75 bucks for dinner, so I can cook the same meals at home; possibly better quality. She had not probs. with it, so we'd do this a couple of times a week. She would just kick the can (sex) down and said I am not ready, and I understand if you cannot wait and want to have sex with other women. Again, on the third date, she was ripping my clothes off. ???

 

So, it seemed that I was paying for her time and company. When I go out with friends, I do not need to pay for their time and company. Since we're not building anything, what am I doing here? Nothing. I am stuck in neutral. 3 + months. Add the fact of the blow up and entitlement that she (or anyone) should get everything they want with little to no effort. Very strange. I do not know one man who would put up with that. A relationship, at least to my understanding, is supposed to benefit both parties. Whether it's just sex or something more. It seems that she feels her time and company was enough.

 

That's cute, but I wasn't looking for a friend. I still believe she was keeping me at bay until something better came along or at least til after X-Mas. I do not think she thought I would pull the plug with the hope of getting some intimacy from her. Ironically, she came over that day and said she got some new lingerie. I said let me see, she got up and walked away. Just said I know what you want.

 

Very strange.

[jimbo]

 

Edit: she lost it because I didn’t pay for her train ticket one day to come see me. I had an air tight case after that one lol.

 

That's crazy. Why do you have to pay for her ticket? She has no skin in the game? Basically, you're paying for her company. Gotcha.

[SevenCity]

That's crazy. Why do you have to pay for her ticket? She has no skin in the game? Basically, you're paying for her company. Gotcha.

 

Exactly. And we’re talking $10.

 

The ironic thing is she used to always say “It’s not about the money”

 

If that’s the case, give it to me and I’ll happily buy it for you

 

The problem is these women are used to guys buying them an Uber home after the first date. Can you imagine? I recall dating a neighbor when I used to live in an apartment building. She, and her friends, were miffed that I didn’t spring for a baby sitter. Honey, that was your choice and therefore it’s not my responsibility.

 

Be prepared for a lot of women to call you cheap (on here as well). Funny how it’s cheap when it’s not their money....

[newyorker11356]

Exactly. And we’re talking $10.

 

The ironic thing is she used to always say “It’s not about the money”

 

If that’s the case, give it to me and I’ll happily buy it for you

 

The problem is these women are used to guys buying them an Uber home after the first date. Can you imagine? I recall dating a neighbor when I used to live in an apartment building. She, and her friends, were miffed that I didn’t spring for a baby sitter. Honey, that was your choice and therefore it’s not my responsibility.

 

Be prepared for a lot of women to call you cheap (on here as well). Funny how it’s cheap when it’s not their money....

 

Where in the world do you guys find these women?

 

Maybe it's because I live close to NYC in Manhattan, and often go on dates with professional women, but I've never encountered this sort of mentality in them.

[jimbo]

Match, Eharmony and OKcupid. Those were my last three and they were either teachers or school psychologist. .

 

I'm now in Westchester, but work in Manhattan. The last three were in Westchester.

 

Seems I get the bottom of the barrel or what's left in OLD; so I am taking a break. I've never seen so many entitled women who also live with their parents making 100k + a year. Baffled. Perhaps just dumb luck..

[jimbo]

Exactly. And we’re talking $10.

 

The ironic thing is she used to always say “It’s not about the money”

 

If that’s the case, give it to me and I’ll happily buy it for you

 

The problem is these women are used to guys buying them an Uber home after the first date. Can you imagine? I recall dating a neighbor when I used to live in an apartment building. She, and her friends, were miffed that I didn’t spring for a baby sitter. Honey, that was your choice and therefore it’s not my responsibility.

 

Be prepared for a lot of women to call you cheap (on here as well). Funny how it’s cheap when it’s not their money....

 

It's amazing. Try telling some of them to reverse the situation, you the woman, she the man, they do not get it. This one told me as well it was not about the money. If it wasn't about the money she would not had been so pissed off (on her offer), get up and leave.

 

I forgot to add, what she meant to do was, offer for her to pay for the meal, and then I, as a real man, would pay for the meal. She added, I will always offer, however, the man pays. WTF?

 

I do not mind spending money; however, I DO MIND being treated as a financial resource machine.

 

That Uber and babysitter mention was funny. How is that YOUR responsibility?

[SevenCity]

Where in the world do you guys find these women?

 

Maybe it's because I live close to NYC in Manhattan, and often go on dates with professional women, but I've never encountered this sort of mentality in them.

 

I’m in the same location (close to nyc). I found them all online.

 

I’ve dated women from Ivy League lawyers to medical professionals to nannys.

 

It has little to do with their income and a lot to do with location and looks.

 

In other words, the better looking they are and the more opportunity to meet men, the more likely they are to encounter dudes who throw money at them.

 

Going back to the train ticket one, the guy she dated before me was rich (lived close to me) and he used to get up early before work and drive her back to queens then come back and go back to work. When she told me this I looked at her as if she was nuts. Turned out the guy was also super jealous and controlling and wanted to keep an eye on her at all times.

 

Conversely, the few chubby girls I went out with (didn’t look like that in their pics) were more than happy to foot bills and come out to me.

 

I think it all has to do with how attractive they are. Not to say that all attractive women are this way, but it sure seems the single ones are!

[SevenCity]

It's amazing. Try telling some of them to reverse the situation, you the woman, she the man, they do not get it. This one told me as well it was not about the money. If it wasn't about the money she would not had been so pissed off (on her offer), get up and leave.

 

I forgot to add, what she meant to do was, offer for her to pay for the meal, and then I, as a real man, would pay for the meal. She added, I will always offer, however, the man pays. WTF?

 

I do not mind spending money; however, I DO MIND being treated as a financial resource machine.

 

That Uber and babysitter mention was funny. How is that YOUR responsibility?

 

It’s not a great feeling when they treat you like an ATM. But the good news is it comes out fairly quickly. I recall one I went out with said she would only let the guy pay on a first date if she liked him. WTF? Like it’s some kind of honor?

 

By 3 dates she should be offering to take you out. If not, you’ve got an entitled chick on your hands.

 

You’ll know when you find one that isn’t entitled but it may take you a while to find her. And that’s only a single component of what I’m seeking. Needless to say it’s been frustrating but I’m pretty comfortable with the fact I’ll never find a girl I want to be serious with again. As a result I’m just looking st them as sex now and may forgo some of my dealbreakers as a result.

[Juha]

It’s not a great feeling when they treat you like an ATM. But the good news is it comes out fairly quickly. I recall one I went out with said she would only let the guy pay on a first date if she liked him. WTF? Like it’s some kind of honor?

 

By 3 dates she should be offering to take you out. If not, you’ve got an entitled chick on your hands.

 

You’ll know when you find one that isn’t entitled but it may take you a while to find her. And that’s only a single component of what I’m seeking. Needless to say it’s been frustrating but I’m pretty comfortable with the fact I’ll never find a girl I want to be serious with again. As a result I’m just looking st them as sex now and may forgo some of my dealbreakers as a result.

 

This pretty much sums it up for me. All I ever meet are selfish, entitled women. They expect you to foot the bill for everything and kiss their butt because as one put it " I am lucky that she spends her valuable time with me as she is so hot she can have any guy she wants" I proceeded to get up from the bar, threw down some money to cover half the bill and wished her luck...

 

I now look at pretty much all the women I date as they are there for my sexual pleasure only and if they actually are different then I would be ecstatic...

[lovephule]

Am wondering something, going back to your original post:

Ironically, I said just a few days ago, if I was living in a cheap apt. driving a beater car, you'd prob. not give me the time of day.

 

What prompted you to say this? Would you mind providing a little more context?

[Els]

It’s not a great feeling when they treat you like an ATM. But the good news is it comes out fairly quickly. I recall one I went out with said she would only let the guy pay on a first date if she liked him. WTF? Like it’s some kind of honor?

 

Uh, it really is for some men. Where I grew up, a woman insisting on splitting the bill on the first date is essentially saying, "Let's be friends." The men whom I have been with would have been quite put off if I had refused to let them pay. I split the bill with a few guys whom I didn't want to be with and they DID get somewhat upset about it (but that was the whole point of me insisting - it was a strong signal that I didn't want to date them). Just how social signals in some cultures work, and just how some men feel/think.

 

If that's not you, then just don't pay and date women who are compatible with you. The whole point of dating is to assess compatibility after all.

Edited December 13, 2017 by Elswyth

[jimbo]

Am wondering something, going back to your original post:

 

What prompted you to say this? Would you mind providing a little more context?

 

We were discussing life plans. Reason being, she was always saying on the phone or in person when I meet a man for so and so. I then said, what am I doing with you then? How would you like it if I said when I meet a woman who is so and so? She back tracked and then I said. We both know if I was living in a cheap apt. driving a beater car, you'd prob. not give me the time of day. She didn't bat an eye.

[jimbo]

Uh, it really is for some men. Where I grew up, a woman insisting on splitting the bill on the first date is essentially saying, "Let's be friends." The men whom I have been with would have been quite put off if I had refused to let them pay. I split the bill with a few guys whom I didn't want to be with and they DID get somewhat upset about it (but that was the whole point of me insisting - it was a strong signal that I didn't want to date them). Just how social signals in some cultures work, and just how some men feel/think.

 

If that's not you, then just don't pay and date women who are compatible with you. The whole point of dating is to assess compatibility after all.

 

Those days are gone. All women I've dated in the NYC area EXPECT the first date (and more) to be paid by the man; whether she likes him or not. I've gone on dates where I've paid, and she disappeared. I always pay the first date anyway, as that was how I was raised. However, women used to be upfront, but now, it seems many are there for the entertainment and free drinks/meal. That is the fee to spend time with her.

 

I will ask you the same I asked this woman, if roles were reversed, and you had to pay for all the outings and meals/drinks for me, how would you feel? Not a bit taken advantage of? The fair and equitable way is to switch off or the man pays for one part of the date, and the woman pays for the other. I.E., I get the dinner, you get the movie, etc.

[jimbo]

It’s not a great feeling when they treat you like an ATM. But the good news is it comes out fairly quickly. I recall one I went out with said she would only let the guy pay on a first date if she liked him. WTF? Like it’s some kind of honor?

 

By 3 dates she should be offering to take you out. If not, you’ve got an entitled chick on your hands.

 

You’ll know when you find one that isn’t entitled but it may take you a while to find her. And that’s only a single component of what I’m seeking. Needless to say it’s been frustrating but I’m pretty comfortable with the fact I’ll never find a girl I want to be serious with again. As a result I’m just looking st them as sex now and may forgo some of my dealbreakers as a result.

 

Just tired of it. I shouldn't be just measured (or judged) on my assets and $$. Guess what, if I die tomorrow, this stuff is not coming with me. It seems we've moved into a WIINFM culture; or pay to play.

 

However, I could just use a woman for sex. I know many people can, and that is fine. Sometimes I wish I could. I just get too concerned with the risks.

[greymatter]

I had a first date with a man last Friday night. We had a (non-alcoholic) drink at a bar and he paid. We then went to a restaurant and when the check came, we split it. We went out to dinner again last night and he wouldn’t let me pay which was very generous on his part. If we have a third date, I will pay next time. This is how I roll but I have had some dates insist on always paying. I don’t know of any women in my demographic who act like the ones you describe and it would be an error on your collective parts to think everyone is like that. I too would not have repeat dates with someone who expected me to fund everything.

[jimbo]

I had a first date with a man last Friday night. We had a (non-alcoholic) drink at a bar and he paid. We then went to a restaurant and when the check came, we split it. We went out to dinner again last night and he wouldn’t let me pay which was very generous on his part. If we have a third date, I will pay next time. This is how I roll but I have had some dates insist on always paying. I don’t know of any women in my demographic who act like the ones you describe and it would be an error on your collective parts to think everyone is like that. I too would not have repeat dates with someone who expected me to fund everything.

 

You are a rarity my dear. Many women I've dated follow this one's dating trajectory. I initially, thought this one was different as we started off on the first date, she paid the drinks, and we then went some where to get a bit to eat, and I paid. Next date, she paid for a quick lunch, then I paid for the event we went too. Then, she changed her tune to where I, as a man, should pay for all meals and if we travel, that's on me too. Add that to 3 + months of no intimacy; despite seeing each other twice a week. In addition, her attitude and leaving our date to be with her friends was just very disrespectful and I just ended it.

 

Again, I have no problems paying for meals and events. However, that should be my decision, not automatically assumed by the other party. I do not expect anyone to do the same for me. If it is offered, than sure, it's a nice treat and greatly appreciated. This one, actually said, yes, she'd offer, but you as the man should always say no and pay.

 

I've never experienced something so extreme like that before. If this was how it was from the beginning, I would had ended it there. Not looking for a sugar baby.

[Els]

Those days are gone. All women I've dated in the NYC area EXPECT the first date (and more) to be paid by the man; whether she likes him or not. I've gone on dates where I've paid, and she disappeared. I always pay the first date anyway, as that was how I was raised. However, women used to be upfront, but now, it seems many are there for the entertainment and free drinks/meal. That is the fee to spend time with her.

 

I will ask you the same I asked this woman, if roles were reversed, and you had to pay for all the outings and meals/drinks for me, how would you feel? Not a bit taken advantage of? The fair and equitable way is to switch off or the man pays for one part of the date, and the woman pays for the other. I.E., I get the dinner, you get the movie, etc.

 

There are a lot of things that the SO and I happily do that would turn out horrible if the roles were reversed. Dating is about compatibility, as I said. If you want a 50/50 split of expenses then that's fine, date women who are into that. Some couples enjoy complementary roles, some don't. All I am saying is that some of you assume that all men are like you, which isn't true. There really are men who prefer to pay.

 

I do agree that any woman who says she EXPECTS an expensive dinner paid for on the first date is likely better avoided.

Edited December 13, 2017 by Elswyth

[Juha]

I had a first date with a man last Friday night. We had a (non-alcoholic) drink at a bar and he paid. We then went to a restaurant and when the check came, we split it. We went out to dinner again last night and he wouldn’t let me pay which was very generous on his part. If we have a third date, I will pay next time. This is how I roll but I have had some dates insist on always paying. I don’t know of any women in my demographic who act like the ones you describe and it would be an error on your collective parts to think everyone is like that. I too would not have repeat dates with someone who expected me to fund everything.

 

Women in the major big cities and the Northeast are mostly like that.

 

That is the norm...

[jimbo]

Wish I found this post earlier, I would had sent it to her. It's pointless now.

 

I Make $40K And My Girlfriend Never Offers To Pay For Anything

[jimbo]

Women in the major big cities and the Northeast are mostly like that.

 

That is the norm...

 

Regretfully, it isn't. Last three women I dated all expected similar treatment. All from different counties and different backgrounds. Seems the norm. from 28 - 39.

[jimbo]

There are a lot of things that the SO and I happily do that would turn out horrible if the roles were reversed. Dating is about compatibility, as I said. If you want a 50/50 split of expenses then that's fine, date women who are into that. Some couples enjoy complementary roles, some don't. All I am saying is that some of you assume that all men are like you, which isn't true. There really are men who prefer to pay.

 

I do agree that any woman who says she EXPECTS an expensive dinner paid for on the first date is likely better avoided.

 

I partially agree. However, if a man pays for 100% of the outings, and the woman pays for zero.. What is the man getting out of this arrangement? A kiss and a thanks babe?

 

I must be missing something. Please do not get this misconstrued as two people who are significant others or married. Then, as I explained to this one, everything goes into one main pot, and each would have the same size blow money fund. Therefore, this wouldn't be an issue. During dating this is an issue.

[SevenCity]

Regretfully, it isn't. Last three women I dated all expected similar treatment. All from different counties and different backgrounds. Seems the norm. from 28 - 39.

 

It carries into the 40s as well.

 

Oh and the one with the train ticket offered to pay her share on the first date and I had already fooled around with her. Old bait and switch!

[Juha]

Regretfully, it isn't. Last three women I dated all expected similar treatment. All from different counties and different backgrounds. Seems the norm. from 28 - 39.

 

I quoted the wrong thread. lol

 

Women in the big cities and The Northeast are mostly money driven.

 

That is the norm. There are exceptions, not many.

 

They expect you to pay pretty much all the time.

Also don't forget you need to have a BMW, Mercedes, Audi, etc...