Mrs._December Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Dating solely for free food/drinks has got to be the worst time to money conversion I've ever heard of, not even counting the ethical aspect. Exactly. You have to talk with the guy in order to set the date, plan your schedule accordingly, spend all that time getting dolled up and dressed for the date, get to the venue, endure 2 or 3 hours of polite chit chat with your 'mark,' possibly dodge him putting his hands on your legs under the table or coming on way too strongly, deal with the awkwardness of him walking you to your car after dinner and maybe wanting to sit in it with you while you warm it up, possibly having to dodge his requests to lock down another date in the coming days, drive back home, scrape all your war paint off and throw on comfortable clothes - ALL for a "free" $20 or $25 entree at a middle of the road restaurant? Seriously???? :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: There ARE gold diggers out there, but that's an entirely different premise. They won't be targeting the average man paying for an average dinner - they'll be aiming for all-expenses-paid trips overseas, yachts, fancy cars. Exactly (again). Gold-diggers aren't looking for your dinner dates, boys. They're looking for MUCH MUCH more than that $70 steak at a nice steak house. They want houses and plastic surgery and cars and designer bags and designer shoes and designer clothes and expensive hair and nail salon visits and furs and trips and cruises and everything else, but a free meal? LOL. Hardly. I can't help but laugh every time a guy uses the "gold-digger" title for a woman who didn't pay half of the $50 dinner bill out on their date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Gold-diggers aren't looking for your dinner dates, boys. They're looking for MUCH MUCH more than that $70 steak at a nice steak house. They want houses and plastic surgery and cars and designer bags and designer shoes and designer clothes and expensive hair and nail salon visits and furs and trips and cruises and everything else, but a free meal? How do you think they get to the stage where they are asking for plastic surgery, houses, cars, designer bags etc? They don't ask for all that on the first date. They start with dinner, to see if this guy and his money are easily parted. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 How do you think they get to the stage where they are asking for plastic surgery, houses, cars, designer bags etc? They don't ask for all that on the first date. They start with dinner, to see if this guy and his money are easily parted. Not exactly. The (real) gold-diggers I've heard of target specifically men whom they already know have a high income or a lavish lifestyle, not Joe Bloe working in middle management. I'm sure they do "start" with dinner with such men, but the poster we're responding to is assuming that it's common practice for women to go out on dates with men they don't like, SOLELY for the free food and drinks. It would be a very stupid woman who does that, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I'm sure they do "start" with dinner with such men, but the poster we're responding to is assuming that it's common practice for women to go out on dates with men they don't like, SOLELY for the free food and drinks. It would be a very stupid woman who does that, IMO.I can't speak to actual percentages of women who do this, but I can say I've been really good (or really bad from my point of view) at picking them out. I think many of them liked me on a platonic level, but they certainly didn't like me romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I can't speak to actual percentages of women who do this, but I can say I've been really good (or really bad from my point of view) at picking them out. I think many of them liked me on a platonic level, but they certainly didn't like me romantically. Well, that's different from going out with a man whom you don't like... Why are you assuming that they never liked you romantically from the start? Is it not possible that they liked you as a person, and went out on a date with you to see how the "romantic" aspect would develop? Turns out it didn't, obviously, but that doesn't mean it was never a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 the poster we're responding to is assuming that it's common practice for women to go out on dates with men they don't like, SOLELY for the free food and drinks. It would be a very stupid woman who does that, IMO. I would agree that it isn't common. But it does happen. It's only stupid if you're assuming that hourly "wage" is the goal. Many who do it, do it for the ego boost, self-validation, to brag to their friends, etc. Getting a 2nd job might be better $/hour but it sure doesn't sound as good to show off "I am stacking shelves in Tesco every evening" than "5 different guys bought me dinner this week"... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I would agree that it isn't common. But it does happen. It's only stupid if you're assuming that hourly "wage" is the goal. Many who do it, do it for the ego boost, self-validation, to brag to their friends, etc. Getting a 2nd job might be better $/hour but it sure doesn't sound as good to show off "I am stacking shelves in Tesco every evening" than "5 different guys bought me dinner this week"... How is that tied to "paying for dates", though? Sure, lots of people date for ego boost, self-validation and bragging rights. Men and women both. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I have read enough on here to conclude that this paying for dates thing seems to be like a religious belief: there’s simply no point in arguing. If a woman prefers to have a traditional relationship and she can find a man who’s both willing to and capable of supporting her, then who are we to judge? If a man is not willing to pay for dates during the early dating stage and he can find a woman who is willing to and capable of splitting the early dating expenses equally with him, then who are we to judge? Personally I think it also depends on the stage of life. I used to be very conscious about contributing to dating expenses when I was younger, even when my bf was clearly making more. But my current bf is the kind of man who liked to pay most if not all when we go out. I think he’s at the stage where taking me to nice dates is going to have a negligible effect on his wallet. There’re plenty of thoughtful things I can do for him, like cooking a nice meal, picking up small gifts I know he loves, giving him feedback on his biz strategy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I have read enough on here to conclude that this paying for dates thing seems to be like a religious belief: there’s simply no point in arguing. If a woman prefers to have a traditional relationship and she can find a man who’s both willing to and capable of supporting her, then who are we to judge? If a man is not willing to pay for dates during the early dating stage and he can find a woman who is willing to and capable of splitting the early dating expenses equally with him, then who are we to judge? Pretty much this, each to their own. I find it really bizarre to complain about a whole gender when it's really just a matter of finding compatible partners. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Why are you assuming that they never liked you romantically from the start? Is it not possible that they liked you as a person, and went out on a date with you to see how the "romantic" aspect would develop? Turns out it didn't, obviously, but that doesn't mean it was never a possibility.I'm not counting single date only women. I'm only counting women who I went on multiple dates with. I'll concede that I'm assuming in many cases, but a few of them confirmed their lack of romantic / sexual interest when we had the "let's be friends" or "not interested" conversation at the end. In hindsight, they did not give the romantic interest signals that I look out for now: There was no sex and no signs of reciprocation on their part. I thought back then that a woman saying yes to a date was a sign of interest, but I know better now. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 How is that tied to "paying for dates", though? Sure, lots of people date for ego boost, self-validation and bragging rights. Men and women both. Because I am saying that some women get that ego boost, self-validation and bragging rights not simply from dating, but from dating on the guy's dollar. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 There's also Foodie Call dating. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 There was no sex and no signs of reciprocation on their part. So accepting to go out with you means yes we can have sex? Oh please. To me it would only mean: I'm fine with spending some time with you to get to know you better. So the date can make any of us realize if we are interested or not. If some woman is not interested in you but accepts your invites to go out it either means she's kinda desperate (not having any other chance to really go out) or she enjoys your company as a friend. Obviously things should be made clear early on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 So accepting to go out with you means yes we can have sex? Oh please.That's not what I meant. I was saying that the women in question didn't give me any signs of romantic interest over the course of our dates. Sex or reciprocation are two of the common ways women have demonstrated interest in me. I don't believe that a woman owes me sex just because I buy her dinner.Obviously things should be made clear early on.I'd probably have a different outlook on this topic if this had been the case. Link to post Share on other sites
singletotaken Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 I'd say it's best to pay on the first date to show you are a gentleman and also not to go for anything expensive. If she offers to pay say get the next one. I'm going to interview the ladies on the streets of London and see their opinion and I'll place it in the form of a video. Link to post Share on other sites
imheretoday Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I think this is simple: if the guy asked the woman out, he pays. If she asked him out, she pays. In a relationship, they should take turns. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Whoever asks who out pays. Generally its the guy who asks the girl out for the first few dates so I would say first 3 dates the guy pays. I will offer to pick up drinks or something if its a dinner date or whatever too. In a relationship taking turns paying seems to work well. If one partner voices they short on money or something nothing wrong with the other picking up the slack, and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Since it causes so much resentment, isn’t it just easier everyone to pay their own thing in the beginning? If living together, things will get proportionate to income naturally, but in the beginning I don’t see why I need to pick someone’s check or him picking mine (and if it happens I really don’t mind it, it’s not much for counting pennies, more for avoiding resentment for unnecessary reason). The ones that would say it’s for courting - there are 1000 other ways to court, pick the ones you like. Link to post Share on other sites
singletotaken Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 I did a video blog about this the other day on my youtube channel. Here is my take and I got women's opinions from the street. Enjoy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 As a general observation, I find that if the woman wants to split the bill, it is a sign she is not interested in a second date, if she is happy to let me pay for the date, I know there is more likelihood of another meeting, I think the woman likes the guy to pay only if she feels there is some connection Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 As a general observation, I find that if the woman wants to split the bill, it is a sign she is not interested in a second date, if she is happy to let me pay for the date, I know there is more likelihood of another meeting, I think the woman likes the guy to pay only if she feels there is some connection I think ones experience is as varied as the people involved. In my experience on every occasion the woman paid for the first date, I had sex with them during that first date. While on the occasions I have split the cost of a first date with different women, I have had sex with all of them by the second or third date and have been with one of them now for almost 23 years. Whereas on the few occasions I paid for a first date, I variously had sex with them on the first or second date. Or alternatively never had sex with them at all and never had any more dates with them either. That said most of my dating experience started with having sex with a woman shortly after meeting them, following chatting for a few minutes through a couple of hours. Then just carrying on having sex with some of them as an ongoing relationship for days through weeks and in one instance a few years as well. Link to post Share on other sites
CollinW Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 6. ALL THE OTHER VARIABLES. All the other factors many of which have been mentioned already, like: there's a lot of competition around, no one wants a stingy man, he should be a provider, men usually make more than women, etc. Some apply only in some cases, some might be partially valid points. There really isn't a lot of competition, men aren't dating to the extent they were back in the day and many men don't even want to be bothered with women until a certain age. And do you think anyone wants a stingy woman? I see a lot of women are still operating under the assumption that men are going to jump through hoops and prove themselves in 2019. There is a reason why there are so many articles about women complaining about being lonely and the lack of dating success. And lately women make more than men under 30, so in that case they should be paying. Link to post Share on other sites
sega13 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us. So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case. I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc. As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay? As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying? I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest. Hello. Personally, I will always pay for my girlfriend. I do not know. I am so raised. I can't do otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 And lately women make more than men under 30, so in that case they should be paying. But...but...that completely contradicts the argument we see here so often from men who claim that the ONLY one who benefits from marriage is the woman because it's a financial 'windfall' her when she's able to snag one of those poor male victims and drag him to the alter. So....I guess for those under 30 who are marrying, it's a "racket" for men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Double post. Link to post Share on other sites
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