The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[HereNorThere]

I'm in my mid 30s and look younger, so I can date within about 10 years on either side of my age. The Instagram, social media women are definitely a real thing. I always tease them about this hot new restaurant that just opened on the mall. It has fireplaces, flat screen tvs, etc. Lol, it's the new McDonalds though!

 

This is why you're better served just looking out for those girls. I'm not Jay-Z and we're not order cristal rose. Dating girls closer to my age that aren't into the whole fake validation thing is much easier. They treat you better, appreciate your efforts and are much more fun to hang out with. Instagram is not a modeling agency, get over yourself.

 

Still doesn't stop them from ordering the expensive wine though. It's literally fermented grape juice. I so don't get it.

[barcode88]

Drinks is my default first date. It's cheap, and I always offer to pay for both of us. If she REALLY insists on paying her half that's cool too.

 

Do cheap first dates if you don't want to be used, if they're looking for a free meal or something, they will probably bail if you suggest a cheap first date.

[Robert]

Folks, let's remember the thread starter's questions and stick to the topic in the original post please. Off-topic debating between other members will be deleted. Thanks. ~6

[basil67]

If you want to avoid getting used, how about giving on line dating a miss? Stick to dating women you meet socially. That way you can build a rapport and gauge a certain amount of interest before you go out the first time.

[Mumbles]

Herenorthere has got it right inmo. Don't date and spend money in order to get something of equal or greater value from it. Date to enjoy the experience and to enjoy your date - thats what life itself it all about when you think about it for a moment - enjoy life, spend what you can doing the things you like.

 

If you don't actually enjoy dating then don't do it.

 

Sounds pretty glib, but honestly, why are you dating? Serious question.

 

Different age demographics, cultures/societies, etc, will bring different expectations of whats what in the dating game. Without having a clue where you are from or how old you are, its going to be difficult for responders to provide anything meaningful as a response.

 

As a general thing, I'd side with the poster who suggested a daytime meet, cafe style. $20-30 will probably do it, all in, and even if you have to pay, its not a lot of money and will give you great insight into whether there is anything worth pursing later.

[salparadise]

Different age demographics, cultures/societies, etc, will bring different expectations of whats what in the dating game.

I'm from the generation where men are supposed to pay for first dates. Men are supposed to pay for most dates. It's part of the expense of being a man. [...] I sure wouldn't offer to pay....

 

This ^ is what you have to screen for. Use the word progressive in your profile to key them on your expectation, and look for cues that tell you she's a 21st century woman who considers herself fully equal and functional.

 

Oh, you'll get the occasional pretender who thinks she's progressive but expects to be woo'd and pursued like a Victorian debutante. It's going to be up to you to either pay or create an awkward moment by not calling a halt to the slow reach.

 

Keep it inexpensive on first meets as many have suggested. It's an interview, and most don't lead to a second. A second date should be the first actual date, and by that time you should know if she steps up or back.

 

I don't think it's generational identity, it's just a matter of awareness and a progressive attitude. I've seen both in various age groups. Three years ago I dated a woman who was unbelievably entitled, and then I met my present girlfriend and she is unbelievably gracious. They're the same age, both have advanced degrees in fields where you'd expect them to be progressive. So just go out and have fun, and don't worry if it costs a few bucks, but keep it inexpensive until you figure out what sort of mentality you're dealing with.

Edited January 3, 2017 by salparadise

[Redhead14]

So here's the deal. I'm sick of the dating game because I've found that the beginning stages are not fair to men in any way whatsoever. In the past I let myself get used by women for free food/drinks for way too long into dating, but I've smartened up and I'm getting close to one and done if a girl doesn't offer to pay on a first date (and lots of women offer to pay as a test with the hope that the man won't let her, so when that happens they don't give ME a second date, which I'm cool with since it seems like splitting one bill and never seeing someone again is a best case scenario at this point). If I'm really interested/attracted for some odd reason I'll do date #2 but usually that's not the case.

 

What makes it feel even worse is that it would be one thing if I were going out and begging for dates with girls that are out of my league, but I'm not. I'm mostly dating on Bumble where women need to initiate the first conversation, so for them to still think they should be aggressively pursued by a guy who will pamper them seems odd since THEY are the first ones to show interest, and they wouldn't if they were out of my league.

 

With that said I am dating mostly girls who are pretty attractive so maybe that's where I'm going wrong. In order to not be used maybe I need to go out with girls where I'm out of their league? Seems messed up...

 

Anyone have any insight into this? Because I'm kinda at a loss at this point. I can't remember the last time I dated someone where I got anywhere near the amount of time, effort, money, etc, that I put into it.

 

First of all, the first time you meet someone you find on OLD, it's not a "date". You don't spend a lot of money on that meeting. It's a couple of drinks, maybe hor d' oeurves and conversation. It's about just finding out if they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and if there is enough there for you to want a "real" date. This also weeds out women who just want to get out for a night and a free meal, etc. And, you should split that bill. If you really find yourself attracted enough, you pick up the tab.

 

How do I date without getting used? -- My friend, that is the very question lots of WOMEN ask when dating -- and they aren't asking because of money. A saavy woman dater will allow the man to pay for the first few dates as one small sign that he isn't just looking for sex. But, she will also begin to reciprocate and pay or at least share some of the cost fairly soon if she really likes you. If she doesn't offer at least, then you should next her.

 

Yes, dating can be expensive in the very beginning, but if you like her enough to want to keep seeing her, it's just part of the sign of your seriousness, let's say, and not all about sex.

 

Like it or not, the first few dates are on you. And, Bumble and Tinder-like sites kinda cater to people who aren't really looking for anything serious too.

 

As part of your dating "investment", I'd say use a paid site too. And, there isn't anything wrong with opening a conversation fairly early to find out if a particular dating partner is looking for a relationship and not casual dating out of their dating journey. Make sure you're on the same page in terms of dating goals by at least the second date or so. It's not about saying that you or they want that with each other at the point, just being on the same page in terms of goals. And, then you just have to observe whether they are reciprocating your interest level. It should be balanced at least so you don't feel as though you are doing all the work, so to speak. If she isn't at least very receptive and doing some reciprocating cost-wise, time-wise, initiating after a few dates, next her.

 

But, in the very beginning you just need to put in a little more for the woman to feel comfortable about your intentions but you shouldn't be doing all the work. Saavy women daters expect the man to do the initiating and she is being receptive and then it should balance out soon if she likes you.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Redhead14

[gaius]

You have to have value as a man beyond just paying for dates. I'm very traditional and pay 99% of the time my love and I go out but she doesn't love me because of that. She loves me because I'm strong, smart, sexy, funny, masculine. Just an all around outstanding man.

 

If you're not an outstanding man, not even a mediocre man, then you can pay all you want and girls aren't going to respond.

[Lady2163]

Really, OP, it all boils down to what YOU want from dating.

 

If you just want a hookup, well there's an app for that.

If you want a FWB, a sort of frequent booty call, you're going to have to find someone like-minded and she's going to want you to deliver to meet her needs.

If you want to find companionship, a room mate with benefits for a period of time, you're going to have to invest time and money.

If you're looking for your future life partner and mother of your children and you haven't figured that out if there is the potential for that after 3-5 dates, you're not really in touch with what you want.

 

There is also a bit of survival of the fittest of sorts.

 

Let's say I have four men on OLD who want an initial meeting.

 

Man 1: lets meet for coffee

Man 2: I have a $10 gift card to Chili's, let's meet there.

Man 3: I have a $50 gift card to Chili's let's go there.

Man 4: You like sushi? I love sushi. Let me take you to my favorite place.

 

Who am I going to be the most motivated to meet? Man 1 almost guarantees I am paying for my own. Man 2 also leaves a high chance we are going Dutch. Man 3: will probably pay for my meal and Man 4 is DEFINITELY bringing the A game.

 

You can be a minimalist dater to rule out feeling used. I'm actually fine with minimal first, second and maybe third dates. But minimal dating is probably a sure way to get minimal responses.

[kendahke]

How do I date without getting used?

 

by keeping your expectations in check.

 

Just because you like or are interested in someone doesn't mean they owe you reciprocity. Everyone has a right to their preferences and determining for themselves who they want to invest in.

[Larryville]

How do I date without getting used?

 

Equality in dating is important to me too, so I screen women as well.

 

Screening women in the introductory stages is important and I don’t know why people don’t or won’t get that. Ask the right questions. In addition there are going to be things in a woman’s profile that will clue you in to the type of person she might be.

 

I'm from the generation where men are supposed to pay for first dates. Men are supposed to pay for most dates. It's part of the expense of being a man. [...] I sure wouldn't offer to pay....

 

This ^ is what you have to screen for.

 

Only once in the entire time I have participated in OLD did I have an issue with being “suckered” into going on a date with someone who did not at least show some respect for the money I’m spending on a date.

 

I absolutely don’t mind paying for any dates because as someone said in a thread a week or so ago I’m going out on a date with someone I have “screened” and I have strong romantic interest in. Otherwise why bother?

 

I don’t have the money or patience to go out on dates just for the hell of it or just to have something to do.

[Lady2163]

Screening women in the introductory stages is important and I don’t know why people don’t or won’t get that. Ask the right questions. In addition there are going to be things in a woman’s profile that will clue you in to the type of person she might be.

 

 

 

 

 

Only once in the entire time I have participated in OLD did I have an issue with being “suckered” into going on a date with someone who did not at least show some respect for the money I’m spending on a date.

 

I absolutely don’t mind paying for any dates because as someone said in a thread a week or so ago I’m going out on a date with someone I have “screened” and I have strong romantic interest in. Otherwise why bother?

 

I don’t have the money or patience to go out on dates just for the hell of it or just to have something to do.

 

You didn't call me out individually, but that is my quote. I'm either a late boomer or an old GenXer. I don't think I'm the generation of the OP.

 

The rest of my quote also talked about not paying for a friend's meal or entertainment if we go out. If four male friends go out and the bill is $80 and the waitress was good, do you expect one guy to pay $55 and the rest to toss in $15?

 

So, I'm not going to offer to pay for my date's coffee or meal in the beginning. I'm fine with Dutch treat. If we go to a movie and to dinner, I'm fine with paying for either/or. However, I'm also choosing the restaurant if that's what I'm paying for. If the movie cost $10, I'm probably not paying for a prime rib supper.

 

But I'm also not dating for free stuff.

[xyz1234]

You have to ask yourself: Who wants the date worse? Who wants the sex worse? Clearly, you're not looking for a serious relationship or you'd be anxious to show people you were flush and a gentleman.

 

I know there are some women online who are just meal prostitutes or trying to get guys to give them gifts or money. But you are surely smart enough to be able to weed those out before your first date. If they ask you for anything before even meeting you, clear out. And if it keeps happening, you may be choosing cheap looking women of that type solely because these are also the women who will show you skin before meeting. If so, that's on you, bud.

 

Due to my recent dating experiences I'm no longer looking for a serious relationship but I would be open to it if I were to meet a woman who doesn't use men (but that doesn't seem likely).

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "flush and a gentleman" but I assume you mean the type of "gentleman" who plans and pays for a stupid amount of dates before getting anything back by way of reciprocation. I'm not that, no.

 

And no I'm not dating girls who dress like prostitutes or anything like that, but I'm thinking about going in that direction because at least I might get some return on investment before I give up on them...

 

Keep first dates cheap. I've found that if the woman doesn't enthusiastically reciprocate interest within the first 2-3 dates, she never will. Therefore, keep the first 2-3 dates relatively inexpensive.

 

I keep first dates cheap but dates beyond that aren't worth it for me at this point. Let's map out the first 3 dates and come up with a ballpark price I'd be paying for the woman.

 

Date 1 - coffee or drinks - $4-$25

Date 2 - drinks, mini-golf, bowling, whatever - $25

Date 3 - dinner and drinks - $40-50

 

We're basically talking $70-$100. You can say all you want that I could plan cheaper dates but there is always an escalation and by date 3 you're probably going to have to do dinner/drinks at least once.

 

This is just what I'd be paying for THEM, and doesn't include the fact that for the most part I cook for myself and don't go out for drinks on my own since I like to eat healthy, and this has the added benefit of saving me money. So those 3 dates just costed me $200 I otherwise would not have spent.

[xyz1234]

How about Dutch Treat?

 

I'm from the generation where men are supposed to pay for first dates. Men are supposed to pay for most dates. It's part of the expense of being a man. We "pay" later in the relationship by getting to wash your tracks out of your underwear and wash the sheets after sex.

 

I probably wouldn't pay for a date until there was a commitment of some kind. I don't pay for my friends if we go out to eat or to a movie - and they don't pay for me. I mean, when I do pick up the tab my friends are grateful, someone has given you a "gift" of a free meal.

 

I sure wouldn't offer to pay for a first date.

 

So what you're saying is that women should get everything paid for them upfront, and then YEARS down the road if we're still dating long enough to be living together they will clean my sheets? Sounds like a great deal

 

Now, if I planned the entire date chose the restaurant, chose an activity or movie I liked, then it could be a different story.

 

I'm forced to do this stuff! I consider planning a date and choosing a restaurant to be a burden! Not to mention with the last girl I went on a first date with, I asked her out, she picked a place close to her, we got drinks, and she didn't offer to pay.

 

OP, you lost me the moment you turned your dates into a transaction. You don't "get out of it what you put in." That's not how this works.

 

99% of your interactions, dates, etc. aren't going to lead anywhere. That's okay because you need the experience. Don't date to get something from the person, date to get better at dating. Enjoy the social aspect and meeting new people.

 

Dating is expensive. At my age, it's nothing to drop 1000 dollars in a weekend doing it. The formal restaurants in my neighborhood can easily cost 300 dollars for the evening. That doesn't include the hundreds of dollars you dropped on clothes, ubers, haircuts, drinks before and after the meal, tickets to a show, etc.

However, I date at that level because I enjoy spending my money on those things. I like fancy restaurants and dressing up, but that doesn't mean it's for everyone. If it's not your gig, plan simple day dates. Meet at a trendy coffee spot, go to the botanic gardens, zoo, whatever is available in your city.

 

You'll be surprised that most women appreciate a well thought out day or evening just as much as an expensive dinner. Just balance it out a little and find a spot where you are comfortable. That money is GONE so make sure you're having a good time. No one owes you anything in this game.

 

Okay for one, I absolutely don't need the experience. I have enough experience that I know when I'm being used on date #1 and I let it end there. I'm not 18 and doing this stuff for the first time. "Getting better at dating" isn't the issue since most times women want to continue the free ride past the first date and I'm already over it.

 

As far as turning dates into transactions, wouldn't you say that when a woman doesn't offer to pay and leaves me to foot the bill... she is the one who turned it into a transaction? She is the sole reason I just paid double for the activity while she paid nothing. Kind of makes it seem like I paid for her to meet me, no?

 

Also what you say about planning an inexpensive "well thought out day" is also me using my resources (time, effort, etc) to try and make this person like me. So still not fair.

[xyz1234]

Drinks is my default first date. It's cheap, and I always offer to pay for both of us. If she REALLY insists on paying her half that's cool too.

 

Do cheap first dates if you don't want to be used, if they're looking for a free meal or something, they will probably bail if you suggest a cheap first date.

 

...That's still being used. In this day and age there should be no financial inequality in dating, especially if I'm clearly not chasing girls like I said in the OP.

 

If you want to avoid getting used, how about giving on line dating a miss? Stick to dating women you meet socially. That way you can build a rapport and gauge a certain amount of interest before you go out the first time.

 

Who do you think usually pays on the first actual date with someone you meet socially? Sorry but it's still the man 9 times out of 10.

 

Herenorthere has got it right inmo. Don't date and spend money in order to get something of equal or greater value from it. Date to enjoy the experience and to enjoy your date - thats what life itself it all about when you think about it for a moment - enjoy life, spend what you can doing the things you like.

 

If you don't actually enjoy dating then don't do it.

 

Sounds pretty glib, but honestly, why are you dating? Serious question.

 

Different age demographics, cultures/societies, etc, will bring different expectations of whats what in the dating game. Without having a clue where you are from or how old you are, its going to be difficult for responders to provide anything meaningful as a response.

 

As a general thing, I'd side with the poster who suggested a daytime meet, cafe style. $20-30 will probably do it, all in, and even if you have to pay, its not a lot of money and will give you great insight into whether there is anything worth pursing later.

 

I can no longer enjoy people mooching off of me for any amount of money and showing little to no appreciation, and little to no effort after the fact. I'm not spending a lot of money because I'm not an idiot, but I should only be paying for myself on dates.

 

You have to have value as a man beyond just paying for dates. I'm very traditional and pay 99% of the time my love and I go out but she doesn't love me because of that. She loves me because I'm strong, smart, sexy, funny, masculine. Just an all around outstanding man.

 

If you're not an outstanding man, not even a mediocre man, then you can pay all you want and girls aren't going to respond.

 

See here's the thing... if you pay 99% of the time how do you know she loves you for those other reasons and not because you spend more resources on her than the other guys? You don't!

 

I want to know that a girl likes me for my personality and who I am as a person but it's impossible to know if that's the case if you spend money on her on every date.

[xyz1234]

Screening women in the introductory stages is important and I don’t know why people don’t or won’t get that. Ask the right questions. In addition there are going to be things in a woman’s profile that will clue you in to the type of person she might be.

 

Only once in the entire time I have participated in OLD did I have an issue with being “suckered” into going on a date with someone who did not at least show some respect for the money I’m spending on a date.

 

I absolutely don’t mind paying for any dates because as someone said in a thread a week or so ago I’m going out on a date with someone I have “screened” and I have strong romantic interest in. Otherwise why bother?

 

I don’t have the money or patience to go out on dates just for the hell of it or just to have something to do.

 

How do you screen prior to an OLD to know that you have strong romantic interest in someone? I literally have no romantic interest in anyone prior to or even after date #1. I'm not about the "love at first sight" garbage.

 

I think OLD has changed things in a lot of ways. I used to be the type of guy that could be very interested/attracted to a girl after only just meeting them, but I just know better now. Plus, I now always have other attractive, interested girls available to fall back on.

 

First of all, the first time you meet someone you find on OLD, it's not a "date". You don't spend a lot of money on that meeting. It's a couple of drinks, maybe hor d' oeurves and conversation. It's about just finding out if they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and if there is enough there for you to want a "real" date. This also weeds out women who just want to get out for a night and a free meal, etc. And, you should split that bill. If you really find yourself attracted enough, you pick up the tab.

 

How do I date without getting used? -- My friend, that is the very question lots of WOMEN ask when dating -- and they aren't asking because of money. A saavy woman dater will allow the man to pay for the first few dates as one small sign that he isn't just looking for sex. But, she will also begin to reciprocate and pay or at least share some of the cost fairly soon if she really likes you. If she doesn't offer at least, then you should next her.

 

Yes, dating can be expensive in the very beginning, but if you like her enough to want to keep seeing her, it's just part of the sign of your seriousness, let's say, and not all about sex.

 

Like it or not, the first few dates are on you. And, Bumble and Tinder-like sites kinda cater to people who aren't really looking for anything serious too.

 

These are the exact sites I'm using and I have found ZERO women who aren't looking for anything serious. I honestly wish what you're saying was the case because even when looking for something serious, I'd much rather it start out as something not serious. I'm not one to fall for someone quickly because I've been there and done that and it's f'ing stupid.

 

As part of your dating "investment", I'd say use a paid site too.

 

Hahaha yeah right! I'm already paying way too much as it is and I'm going to pay for what I'm already getting for free? And I'd be willing to bet that women on paid sites are even worse than the garbage I've been dating with the entitlement and the need to have their butt kissed for however many dates before they make even the slightest effort.

 

And, there isn't anything wrong with opening a conversation fairly early to find out if a particular dating partner is looking for a relationship and not casual dating out of their dating journey. Make sure you're on the same page in terms of dating goals by at least the second date or so. It's not about saying that you or they want that with each other at the point, just being on the same page in terms of goals. And, then you just have to observe whether they are reciprocating your interest level. It should be balanced at least so you don't feel as though you are doing all the work, so to speak. If she isn't at least very receptive and doing some reciprocating cost-wise, time-wise, initiating after a few dates, next her.

 

But, in the very beginning you just need to put in a little more for the woman to feel comfortable about your intentions but you shouldn't be doing all the work. Saavy women daters expect the man to do the initiating and she is being receptive and then it should balance out soon if she likes you.

 

Honestly it should be balanced from the start. Like I said, this is Bumble and the women start the first conversation. To expect to do that, then to have the man do all of the initiating and make all of the effort for about 3 dates before the woman reciprocates is insane.

[VeveCakes]

 

Honestly it should be balanced from the start. Like I said, this is Bumble and the women start the first conversation. To expect to do that, then to have the man do all of the initiating and make all of the effort for about 3 dates before the woman reciprocates is insane.

 

I think you are taking Bumbles vision statement too literally for what the women who use it actually think - the ones I know who use it just see it the same as any other dating app. They make the first move but other than that, the dating game remains the same.

[Pill]

I'm still astonished at the fact that women expect traditionalism from online dating. Like, how can you expect something so archaic from something so advanced and contemporary?

 

There is a chance that I will pay if I meet you in person but there is simply no way on earth I'm paying if I meet you online.

[Kelley]

The guy I'm dating at the mo, our first date was a coffee, which I paid for. We just clicked and I can honestly say it was one of the best dates I have had. It's about the company not an expensive meal! Second date the cinema I offered to pay for my ticket and he refused. Third we went hiking with my dog, and it's going great, more dates out and about doing things together, rather than pubs and meals. I think dating should be 50/50 even arranging another date. If she offers to pay let her, see if she follows through. Let your gut feeling guide you, if something doesn't feel right, it's usually not right!

[Pill]

So what you're saying is that women should get everything paid for them upfront, and then YEARS down the road if we're still dating long enough to be living together they will clean my sheets? Sounds like a great deal

 

Yeah women are full of crap when it comes to this irrational argument. First of all there is no guarantee that you'll be washing a damn thing considering neither one of us may even like each other, so I would be paying for the possibility which doesn't make sense to me. Second of all women present it like men aren't doing anything "down the line". How about you pay for dates to invest in me buying you flowers 4 years from now. Or how about you count paying for dates as part of the investment for getting an expensive ring in a few years.

[Pill]

 

Who am I going to be the most motivated to meet? Man 1 almost guarantees I am paying for my own. Man 2 also leaves a high chance we are going Dutch. Man 3: will probably pay for my meal and Man 4 is DEFINITELY bringing the A game.

Seems like you choose man 4 not because it's his a game but because you'll get the best meal out of it.

[xyz1234]

Just as an example, here's what happened on my last Bumble date. She messaged me, we talked for a couple weeks, and then I asked her out. I suggested an area where we could grab drinks that's about halfway between us, but she said there's not many good places in that area, so she suggested a different area and picked the bar/restaurant.

 

We went on the date and she shows up 15 minutes late with no apology (she did text saying she was running late around the time the date was supposed to start, otherwise I would have left before 15 minutes). We had two drinks each over 3 hours and the waiter brought the check. As soon as the check comes she immediately goes to the bathroom, leaving me to pay. Even though it's only 4 drinks it's $50 including tip because she picked an expensive place. She gets back and sees my credit card on the table but says nothing and doesn't offer to split.

 

*Side note: Someone mentioned that when a woman offers to split on a first date to turn it down and just say that they can next time, or whatever. I'm actually fine with this and I've done it in the past. Usually the second date comes around and they at best offer to split and not pay in full of course, but that's to be expected from users.

 

So the date ends and we hug goodbye and of course she pulls her head to the side so I don't go for a kiss. I text her afterward saying that I hope she had a good ride home (since it was a pretty long ride for both of us), that I had a good time, and that we should get together again. She agrees, but this agreement is useless because most women respond this way even when they are totally uninterested because they are cowards.

 

So now we've been texting here and there for a week (almost all conversations started by me) and I don't really have any interest in asking her out again knowing full well that I'm going to be paying. And of course she won't ask me either, because a woman wouldn't want to show a man she's interested at all, right? I swear, lots of women seem to not want to show their cards at all even if they ARE interested so that if it turns out the man isn't interested they can pretend like they weren't either and save face (and their overly inflated ego). Comical.

 

So that's probably going to be where it ends with this one. I have others lined up but I know there's a 90+% chance that things go close to exactly the same way, so why bother?

[Shining One]

There is also a bit of survival of the fittest of sorts.

 

Let's say I have four men on OLD who want an initial meeting.

 

Man 1: lets meet for coffee

Man 2: I have a $10 gift card to Chili's, let's meet there.

Man 3: I have a $50 gift card to Chili's let's go there.

Man 4: You like sushi? I love sushi. Let me take you to my favorite place.

 

Who am I going to be the most motivated to meet? Man 1 almost guarantees I am paying for my own. Man 2 also leaves a high chance we are going Dutch. Man 3: will probably pay for my meal and Man 4 is DEFINITELY bringing the A game.

Survival of the fittest applies to everyone. The women who never look at their purse on a date get put in the sex-only pile. The women who contribute have relationship potential. You could say that women who contribute are bringing the A game.

[Shining One]

So that's probably going to be where it ends with this one. I have others lined up but I know there's a 90+% chance that things go close to exactly the same way, so why bother?

You bother so you can find one who falls into the 10%. I'm currently in a LTR with a woman who paid (entirely) for our second date and every alternating date until we became exclusive. She did this of her own volition without us having any sort of discussion. There are plenty of women out there who believe in equality from day one. I've had the pleasure of dating a few and I have several within my circle of friends.

[SwordofFlame]

Just as an example, here's what happened on my last Bumble date. She messaged me, we talked for a couple weeks, and then I asked her out. I suggested an area where we could grab drinks that's about halfway between us, but she said there's not many good places in that area, so she suggested a different area and picked the bar/restaurant.

 

We went on the date and she shows up 15 minutes late with no apology (she did text saying she was running late around the time the date was supposed to start, otherwise I would have left before 15 minutes). We had two drinks each over 3 hours and the waiter brought the check. As soon as the check comes she immediately goes to the bathroom, leaving me to pay. Even though it's only 4 drinks it's $50 including tip because she picked an expensive place. She gets back and sees my credit card on the table but says nothing and doesn't offer to split.

 

*Side note: Someone mentioned that when a woman offers to split on a first date to turn it down and just say that they can next time, or whatever. I'm actually fine with this and I've done it in the past. Usually the second date comes around and they at best offer to split and not pay in full of course, but that's to be expected from users.

 

So the date ends and we hug goodbye and of course she pulls her head to the side so I don't go for a kiss. I text her afterward saying that I hope she had a good ride home (since it was a pretty long ride for both of us), that I had a good time, and that we should get together again. She agrees, but this agreement is useless because most women respond this way even when they are totally uninterested because they are cowards.

 

So now we've been texting here and there for a week (almost all conversations started by me) and I don't really have any interest in asking her out again knowing full well that I'm going to be paying. And of course she won't ask me either, because a woman wouldn't want to show a man she's interested at all, right? I swear, lots of women seem to not want to show their cards at all even if they ARE interested so that if it turns out the man isn't interested they can pretend like they weren't either and save face (and their overly inflated ego). Comical.

 

So that's probably going to be where it ends with this one. I have others lined up but I know there's a 90+% chance that things go close to exactly the same way, so why bother?

 

It sounds like you're an attractive "nice guy" who keeps going for attractive high maintenance women. However, you don't quite have the "game" to keep one, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here about being used repeatedly. I would say screen better. It can be hard to tell online initially, but definitely after the first date, you should have a pretty good idea if the woman is high maintenance. If you know it's not going anywhere, perhaps ask her to split the bill at the end of the first date. I mean why not? You'll never see each other again anyway.

 

While certainly far from foolproof, take into account how career driven she is, how much someone like that earns, how she dresses, does she have expensive hobbies, etc.