The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[Bastile]

I agree with you no_go:) I guess ppl should just do what works for them and water will seek its own level

 

I think that often when women give advice, they are talking about how they want to be courted.

 

You might like antiquing. Another girl likes something else. It's all very particular.

 

Just about everyone is okay with coffee. Hence, making it a good first date. Easy to build rapport over, doesn't cost much, easy to scout a bunch of coffeeshops in different towns, easy to bounce to another location extending the date, etc.

 

And that's why I've went out with women who are completely different. Different cultures, social backgrounds, attitude on life, etc. By having a good base game, not by tailoring my game to each and every woman.

 

Also, when a man has a routine that he runs girls through, he gets very very good at reading women. Knowing exactly where he is in the set. You learn a lot by doing that.

 

Catering specific first dates for each new woman that you meet would drive me around the bloody bend. Makes no sense to me.

[No_Go]

Ok got your point. I'm still not getting wth go on so many dates (and then complain about budgets???) Of course 100 dates are going to cost A LOT. Are you going for ONS?

[AdoraBella]

I do not think men should be expected to pay for dates. I think it's nice if they offer, but I think women should also offer to pay half. If the man insisted that he wanted to pay that would be ok for the first date or two, but after that I think they should split the bill or take turns.

 

I think men are often getting the short end of the stick because there are women who say they want equality, but what they really mean is that they want special treatment. They say they don't want to be responsible for cooking, cleaning and other traditional female roles, but they still expect men to pay and open doors and other similar things.

 

Personally, I am not a "homemaker". I really dislike cooking. I'm not very good at it, but that comes from a lack of interest. I work full time and I don't plan to ever change that. I'm not willing to be responsible for all the cooking and cleaning, but I happily split the tasks with my fiance, or we do them together to make them more tolerable. We come from previous relatipnships where our ex did ALL the cooking, so we both have a lot to learn.

 

I'm getting a little off topic, but the point is I want to be treated as an equal, but I think men should be treated as equal too and not have extra expectations placed on them. And as for opening doors...I think it's nice if he opens doors for you IF he gets to the door first. If I happen to get there first, I'd open it for anyone coming in behind me whether they be strangers, a date, boyfriend , etc.

[Bastile]

Ok got your point. I'm still not getting wth go on so many dates (and then complain about budgets???) Of course 100 dates are going to cost A LOT. Are you going for ONS?

 

I'm not complaining.

 

I'm discussing problem solving. I've basically spelled out my entire early game (first few dates).

 

I've already said that I have no regrets on the money I've spent. I'm happy with it.

 

I'm not going for ONS. But I have gone out with a wide variety of ages, nationalities, social backgrounds, etc. This is the best way that I've found. And I refined that over years.

 

I do go for a 3 date lay though (sometimes 5 dates). I look to do that without exclusivity. And I look to be a lover - I've no interest in being filtered as some sort of orbiter/provider/borefriend (whatever you want to call it). Or no interest in dancing to a woman's tune like a monkey at an organ grinder.

[No_Go]

Ok, if it works for you, fine. Sounds like a solid plan.

 

All I was saying if you decrease the number of dates your costs will drop drastically even if you keep the same game. If you're looking not for ONS but relationship 10 different first dates per round are plenty (I've never had to go to over 3-4 dates to get a bf and also have dated men from every continent, diverse in their ways).

 

I'm not complaining.

 

I'm discussing problem solving. I've basically spelled out my entire early game (first few dates).

 

I've already said that I have no regrets on the money I've spent. I'm happy with it.

 

I'm not going for ONS. But I have gone out with a wide variety of ages, nationalities, social backgrounds, etc. This is the best way that I've found. And I refined that over years.

 

I do go for a 3 date lay though (sometimes 5 dates). I look to do that without exclusivity. And I look to be a lover - I've no interest in being filtered as some sort of orbiter/provider/borefriend (whatever you want to call it). Or no interest in dancing to a woman's tune like a monkey at an organ grinder.

[Bastile]

Ok, if it works for you, fine. Sounds like a solid plan.

 

All I was saying if you decrease the number of dates your costs will drop drastically even if you keep the same game. If you're looking not for ONS but relationship 10 different first dates per round are plenty (I've never had to go to over 3-4 dates to get a bf and also have dated men from every continent, diverse in their ways).

 

I agree with you. I need to do a less intense style of dating.

 

I'm going back to it in a few weeks. And I'll dial things down a notch.

 

Believe me, finding women to ltr isn't a problem. Finding women that meet my quite high standards is though.

 

I actually used to be a serial monogamist. Those times are long-gone

 

But I'd like to think that I've refined my tastes in women with the experience, at least.

[Miss Spider]

I wonder if guys are more likely to want to see a girl again if they spent $ on the date( she didn't pay her 1/2) even if they aren't that into her.

[Miss Spider]

I seriously doubt it. A guy's level of interest can often be determined by the type of date he schedules for an individual lady. For example, if I am "interested" in you and I invite you back to my house to watch Netflix, play a video game, or just hang out, how interested do you really think I am? Not very. Like women, men can often determine how much we like a woman almost immediately. We make that determination and then schedule a date based on the results. Cute, doable, but doesn't seem relationship material? Netflix and chill for her. Therefore, most guys are not going to spend much money on a girl in the first place unless the interest level is already there.

 

Now, let's say that upon first meeting a woman, a guy is very interested, so he does actually set up a pricier first date, but during the course of this date, something occurs that causes him to lose interest. Why would he keep dating, investing time (and money) into a girl that he is no longer interested in? Really, the only time I could see a guy doing this would be if he thought that the girl was gonna have sex with him if he stuck around for another date or two.

 

 

Ty. So that means guys who multi-date probably spend a lot of $ over time on first dates with girls they discover they have no interest in...that sucks

[Miss Spider]

. Therefore, most guys are not going to spend much money on a girl in the first place unless the interest level is already there.

 

.

On a side note:

Does this change if the guy is a 'player' and trying to get a girl in bed by wooing her at the beginning? Particularly if they have plenty of money and not much else to offer? I hear a lot of stories of guys who wine and dine girls until they sleep with them then disappear..

[Shining One]

I wonder if guys are more likely to want to see a girl again if they spent $ on the date( she didn't pay her 1/2) even if they aren't that into her.

Speaking for myself, if she does this over several dates, she is more likely to end up in the sex-only pile. In the case of a first date, whether or not she paid has almost no effect on whether or not I want to see her again.

[Shining One]

Ty. So that means guys who multi-date probably spend a lot of $ over time on first dates with girls they discover they have no interest in...that sucks

Yes, but more frequently it meant spending a lot of money on women who later revealed they had no romantic/sexual interest in me.

[darkmoon]

men pay for the date to show that they are good provoiders?

 

ok, so when an MM pays for dates (and they do!), you can only deduce that he is looking for a new family to pay for, looking, but while he is still married to wife #1?

 

he may never leave wife #1, but still pays for the AP...

Edited August 19, 2017 by darkmoon

[lovephule]

On a side note:

Does this change if the guy is a 'player' and trying to get a girl in bed by wooing her at the beginning? Particularly if they have plenty of money and not much else to offer? I hear a lot of stories of guys who wine and dine girls until they sleep with them then disappear..

 

It does IMO. In my city you see this especially w/ finance guys all the time. Reminds me of the joke about prostitution... "You're not paying her to sleep with you, you're paying her to leave afterwards."

[Miss Spider]

It does IMO. In my city you see this especially w/ finance guys all the time. Reminds me of the joke about prostitution... "You're not paying her to sleep with you, you're paying her to leave afterwards."

 

Haha yeah, I hear it happen a lot. I guess it's one strategy.

[elaine567]

With all this talk of three date lays and wining and dining to get sex, women ending up on the "sex only pile", and basically the use and abuse of women for sex, I am not surprised women are refusing to pay for dates.

Why would she do that, if she is going to be history by date 4?

[Bastile]

Had to post this, because I've been there. And it made me laugh.

 

[knabe]

Had to post this, because I've been there. And it made me laugh.

 

 

Omygosh.....i accidentally did this once when I didn't realize they always lead with most expensive suggestion. It stinks!

[darkmoon]

Well - do you?

 

Is it like you know that girls expect you to pay and you wish that you were not caught up in this custom?

 

Or does paying for them make them stay around and fall in love?

[Art_Critic]

When I was single and dating.. No.. I paid for every first date and every date there after and never felt used or put out, part of being a gentleman in my book..

[smackie9]

First off, if this is an issue with you, don't take them out for dinner, take them out for coffee and work your way up. Like Tom Leykis says....spend no more than $10 on your first date.

[Miss Spider]

 

Or does paying for them make them stay around and fall in love?

 

Lol very funny. I was curious about if men feel ripped off too. If I was a guy I wouldn't take them out. I'd take them "in". I'd take them "to". ?

[smackie9]

Well - do you?

 

Is it like you know that girls expect you to pay and you wish that you were not caught up in this custom?

 

Or does paying for them make them stay around and fall in love?

 

How would you feel if she paid for both of you on a first date? Would you feel she was trying to get out of seeing you again, and didn't want to feel obligated? Or would it tell you she is interested in you? or would that tell you she's desperate?

[smackie9]

Lol very funny. I was curious about if men feel ripped off too. If I was a guy I wouldn't take them out. I'd take them "in". I'd take them "to". ?

I think the ones that over do it do, because they think by trying to impress her with throwing money around would make her want him. Pretty stupid on him for thinking that works. It's his own damn fault. "Money can't by me love"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srwxJUXPHvE

[OatsAndHall]

I only felt "ripped" off if I was continually paying for dates and that has only happened once since I jumped into the dating scene. I don't think she intentionally being cheap; she was just very "traditional" and felt that I paid seeing as I was the one asking her out. She did pay on two occasions but it was when she suggested a date.

 

But, this is one of the reasons why I generally ask to get coffee on the first date. It's cheap if I end up picking up the tab and I don't feel discouraged if the date goes badly.

[normal person]

Paying is to be expected. It's the price of entry. The only times I ever felt "ripped off" were the times where they showed up 20 pounds heavier than in the pictures. That's just an outright lie.