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The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread


Who should pay for dates?  

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I’m always baffled at ‘period breaks’ that people take - the s like 25% of the time each month ...

 

Some people are squeamish about blood and some see blood as "dirty", there is an increased risk of passing on blood borne STIs, and some cultures and religions prohibit sex during menstruation, so no, I a not surprised when people decide to abstain from sex during menstruation.

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Oh my.... the "hottie" is 37????? I find this thread so amusing. She's aging, grumpy lady living with her momma (I'd bet money the 100K job is NOT real unless she's monetizing her body i.e. she's not exactly aspiring ... ahem.... but an actual one) and she thinks she's a prize :lmao::lmao::lmao:?

 

She's actually 38 now. She swears about her salary, but I didn't understand 100k a year and still not on her own. She was only on her own once, with her fiancee, but that ended, so she moved back in. She also told me she called off the wedding 2 years ago, but a simple Google search stated the wedding was for May 2016.

 

A lot of questions, not many answers that make sense.

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Not sure where all this "confusion" is coming from, she made it perfectly clear where she stood on paying for stuff and no amount of "she should do this or that" changed her mind did it?

 

She is merely doing what works for her, the time for you to walk away was when she first brought that attitude up, if it was something you did not agree with.

 

Too many IMO ignore attitudes and opinions that the disagree with in the hope that the other person will somehow miraculously change their mind, or that they can be "told" what to do.

BUT very very few at 37 yo are open to persuasion, they know exactly what they want and often how to get it too.

If you will not play ball then someone else will.

 

You may prefer to be alone, rather than fork out money, other men like the company or like the power that paying for everything can give them... Some men are also born providers and love that role...

 

YOU want an equal partnership, so YOU need to dismiss any woman pronto who exhibits behaviour that implies she wants a man to look after her and pay for everything.

 

Hmm, maybe the reaction. Maybe the scene. Maybe walking out and leaving. I do not know.

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We men moreso than women. When Women are done they are DONE. Us guys? Not so much

 

We guys tend to like the exercise in futility for some reason

 

Was looking for a compromise. Wasn't able to get it, so I walked.

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There will always be some other guy that comes along with more money, more drugs and a bigger dick. It usually happens with these types so you are just marking time for some other guy who will have the same problem

 

Cut your losses now and be thankful if you don't spend another penny or second of your time on her

 

Already did. I do not need a 38 Y.O. having child like antics in public places. When this happened, I was saying, if she reacts like this on a food bill, how is she going to react on important things? That was why I had no further interest in entertaining her charades.

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We men moreso than women. When Women are done they are DONE. Us guys? Not so much

 

We guys tend to like the exercise in futility for some reason

 

I also think that some men just refuse to believe what a woman tells them, they assume that THEY are right and that SHE will see their point of view eventually, as her POV is "ridiculous"...

 

I think women can do the same when it comes to commitment, "He says he will not commit but I know better..."

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Now it doesn't matter since you dropped her, but I'm betting money he job is fake. She's a con artist - like the lie with the wedding date just proves.

 

A good old background search or even checking her LinkedIn and company page will tell you what the situation is... Most likely she's living at home because she has no job or some minimal wage one...

 

I've dumbed out and dated a guy who stated he's a CEO of a tech startup :lmao:. I was paying for everything because he was waiting for a 'deal'. Well - he turned to be unemployed alcoholic. In retrospect it was very obvious but I listened to his words and didn't do my research...

 

She's actually 38 now. She swears about her salary, but I didn't understand 100k a year and still not on her own. She was only on her own once, with her fiancee, but that ended, so she moved back in. She also told me she called off the wedding 2 years ago, but a simple Google search stated the wedding was for May 2016.

 

A lot of questions, not many answers that make sense.

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You may prefer to be alone, rather than fork out money, other men like the company or like the power that paying for everything can give them... Some men are also born providers and love that role...

 

I am not a cheap man. However, I do judge a person on how they act and react. Some would say, a person (man/woman) should have some independence prior to engaging in a serious relationship. I was getting pieces here and there. At worse case scenario, I will just hire a surrogate and have children that way. Since I work from home, it shouldn't be that hard.

 

Money shouldn't be the be all and end all of a relationship. If a woman (or man) expects a free ride and all they give is sex (or in my case, nothing), what and why would anyone put up with that?

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Now it doesn't matter since you dropped her, but I'm betting money he job is fake. She's a con artist - like the lie with the wedding date just proves.

 

A good old background search or even checking her LinkedIn and company page will tell you what the situation is... Most likely she's living at home because she has no job or some minimal wage one...

 

I've dumbed out and dated a guy who stated he's a CEO of a tech startup :lmao:. I was paying for everything because he was waiting for a 'deal'. Well - he turned to be unemployed alcoholic. In retrospect it was very obvious but I listened to his words and didn't do my research...

 

 

Yea, I did a Google, LinkedIn and Facebook search on her. Very little information . I was shocked to learn she said she wasn't on Facebook. Yet, she's always on the phone. She was very forward with information, however, this was not a job interview, so I didn't think I needed to go deeper.

 

She's looking for a sugar daddy it seems. I should had told her to visit seeking arrangement dot com. She would have a lot of suitors there. No doubt solve her money issues that she claims to have.

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She's actually 38 now. She swears about her salary, but I didn't understand 100k a year and still not on her own. She was only on her own once, with her fiancee, but that ended, so she moved back in. She also told me she called off the wedding 2 years ago, but a simple Google search stated the wedding was for May 2016.

 

She will still be in a bad place after that failed relationship. She may have called it off but that doesn't necessarily mean she wanted it to end.

I guess her fiancé, either paid for everything and she expects it, or he paid for nothing and she does not want to make that mistake again.

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Yea, I've had such bad luck dating around here. It was never this bad. They are all expecting free dinners, drinks and entertainment. I have no problems paying for the first date, and then switching off. However, most just expect it as payment for their time it seems.

 

At this point, I am just going to take a break. There's a difference in being alone as well as feeling used. Rather be alone.

 

I’d rather be alone as well. And when I use the term hooker it’s because I feel like I’m paying for sex. Like a transaction. I don’t like that feeling at all and tire of it after too soon.

 

You can even see the entitlement on their dating profiles: “You must be X tall, stable career, do this, do that, etc.”. Meanwhile, the only thing they list in their profiles are how much they travel and want to have fun. No offering of reciprocity. Just “You’re lucky to be with me”.

 

The interesting twist is if they are so great why are they still single?

 

Unfortunately NYC has the better looking ones. Specifically manhattan. Brooklyn has all the weirdos and artists, Queens seems to be my target zone but there don’t seem to be many there.

 

Bottom line is they all seem to live outside of their means and expect the guy to pick up the entertainment bill.

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This one was living in Westchester; as her parents had a $$$$ pad in the suburbs. Which, that is cool. However, it's the same thing time and time again. It feels like I have to pay for their company. It's so degrading for me to do all of this and then, the minute I say it's your turn when you said you'd pay for it, you blow up or end the dating phase. Truth be told, they are all still on the dating site as active or online.

 

Why is everything about money? This one would call all the time, come to my place (Offered dozens of times to come to hers, but she's embarrassed that she's living with her parents), says she really likes me and sees this going some where, etc. Guess it was all lies.

 

How does a man tell if there is substance or not with a woman and not just about the resources he may be able to provide?

 

She would also say she's off Match, but her profile was still live. Now, it's just hidden. Saying she doesn't know why it is still active.

 

It's so hard to build trust these days. For some, it seems there's always the temptation of something better. There are women on Match that I dated 10+ years ago still active on match and online. I'm at a loss.

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This one was living in Westchester; as her parents had a $$$$ pad in the suburbs. Which, that is cool. However, it's the same thing time and time again. It feels like I have to pay for their company. It's so degrading for me to do all of this and then, the minute I say it's your turn when you said you'd pay for it, you blow up or end the dating phase. Truth be told, they are all still on the dating site as active or online.

 

Why is everything about money? This one would call all the time, come to my place (Offered dozens of times to come to hers, but she's embarrassed that she's living with her parents), says she really likes me and sees this going some where, etc. Guess it was all lies.

 

How does a man tell if there is substance or not with a woman and not just about the resources he may be able to provide?

 

She would also say she's off Match, but her profile was still live. Now, it's just hidden. Saying she doesn't know why it is still active.

 

It's so hard to build trust these days. For some, it seems there's always the temptation of something better. There are women on Match that I dated 10+ years ago still active on match and online. I'm at a loss.

 

Well the mods moved the thread. I hate that as all situations are different. I digress.

 

Yea depending on where in Westchester could be little rich girl syndrome.

 

Online dating is tough. I’ve been on it for 1.5 years now and have yet to find one I want to keep long term.

 

To be honest, I’m really feeling that the girl I’m looking for wouldn’t use OLD.

 

Most people are multi dating and, as an attractive woman, she’s got HUNDREDS of guys messaging her every week.

 

I remember a few years ago this girl at my job was using OLD. She was cute, a solid 5. Big butt, small breasts and a mousy face. She would tell me she would have to set aside a few hours a week to sift through all the messages she received.

 

Now imagine if she was an 8 or 9? You get the idea.

 

Couple that with many of these guys having money to burn on them and all of a sudden a guy who wants them to pay their share doesn’t look so appealing.

 

If the roles were reversed (women asked and always picked up the tab) I would still pay my share - that’s who I am. I don’t want a free ride.

 

The girl I’m seeing now has dated super rich guys but seems more interested in my sexual performance than money. She’s actually paid several times but that’s because she has no concept of money and has no savings and credit card debt.

 

If not for other deal breakers she might have made the long term requirements. I’ll enjoy it for now.

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newyorker11356
Well the mods moved the thread. I hate that as all situations are different. I digress.

 

Yea depending on where in Westchester could be little rich girl syndrome.

 

Online dating is tough. I’ve been on it for 1.5 years now and have yet to find one I want to keep long term.

 

To be honest, I’m really feeling that the girl I’m looking for wouldn’t use OLD.

 

Most people are multi dating and, as an attractive woman, she’s got HUNDREDS of guys messaging her every week.

 

I remember a few years ago this girl at my job was using OLD. She was cute, a solid 5. Big butt, small breasts and a mousy face. She would tell me she would have to set aside a few hours a week to sift through all the messages she received.

 

Now imagine if she was an 8 or 9? You get the idea.

 

Couple that with many of these guys having money to burn on them and all of a sudden a guy who wants them to pay their share doesn’t look so appealing.

 

If the roles were reversed (women asked and always picked up the tab) I would still pay my share - that’s who I am. I don’t want a free ride.

 

The girl I’m seeing now has dated super rich guys but seems more interested in my sexual performance than money. She’s actually paid several times but that’s because she has no concept of money and has no savings and credit card debt.

 

If not for other deal breakers she might have made the long term requirements. I’ll enjoy it for now.

 

There are plenty of women that would make good long-term relationship partners that use OLD. But just like in real life, you have to sift through a lot of duds before you strike gold.

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heavenonearth

My boyfriend pays for everything, no questions asked. If I want to contribute, he says no. We went on a vacation before, he paid for it. He has a car, I don't drive, and he drives me wherever I want to. He takes me out for dinner regularly, he buys the food he cooks for me, and when we go out, he pays for concert tickets and drinks etc. I never have to pay for anything.

In the beginning it made me very uncomfortable, but I realized after a while that this is what he wants to do, he likes to do these things for me, he has the money and he doesn't expect me to pay for things I cannot afford.

I do not work, and am still in school, but expect that once I graduate and have an income, I will also start contributing financially to our activities.

 

I never asked for him to do any of this, it just happened to be this way from the very beginning.

 

I think it's ok if one person is making more money than the other or if they are in school like in my situation, or if the partner offers or insists on paying, as with my situation. I do think that once someone starts to demand to have things paid for them, it is a different issue. That's not okay, and it's definitely a bit fishy, if you ask me. You only know her for 6 weeks, I would be very cautious.

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heavenonearth
Tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Again, I was wrong. I ended the same day as this BS. Reasoning before, now she had a yeast infection. All of a sudden, she had a yeast infection. Which was funny, as I asked her that morning how she was feeling? She said great. She suffers from headaches and such.

 

I can only take so much BS and lies. Not sure if they were lies, but I started to feel played.

 

 

Lol http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aM792km-YME/VFLzVJlr35I/AAAAAAABBBo/mwF_ED_U5pA/s1600/random-funny-photo-017-funny-bits.jpg

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Please note, it is not about the money issue. I have the money. It's about fairness and respect. If I am not worth a $45.00, then what does that say? Yet, I never once batted an eye cooking for her at my place, buying the groceries, the bottles of wine, etc. When I brought that up, she even got even more upset. The point I am saying, people like others to appreciate them. If it is all one sided, how does the other person feel? Used, disrespected and unappreciated. That was a big decision to end it. The other was the tantrum she threw, cancelled our plans by saying she wasn't feeling well, then as I am sitting right there, call her friend and pick her up. Let's not even go into the sex or intimacy.

 

It made me feel like a worthless piece of turd. I've never felt so disrespected in my life by a woman I was seeing.

 

Now, I am sure, she's yet to experience this; a guy throwing in the towel and not putting up with her crap like this, but I draw the line at respect. People can have disagreements, but there is no reason to treat the other one that you do not agree with like dog turd. Yes, that is how I took it.

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heavenonearth
I should send the book to her. I do not think she'll get the joke though.

 

Too bad, because you want a woman who gets the joke!

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The girl I’m seeing now has dated super rich guys but seems more interested in my sexual performance than money. She’s actually paid several times but that’s because she has no concept of money and has no savings and credit card debt.

 

If not for other deal breakers she might have made the long term requirements. I’ll enjoy it for now.

 

Enjoy, but be safe.

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heavenonearth
Please note, it is not about the money issue. I have the money. It's about fairness and respect. If I am not worth a $45.00, then what does that say? Yet, I never once batted an eye cooking for her at my place, buying the groceries, the bottles of wine, etc. When I brought that up, she even got even more upset. The point I am saying, people like others to appreciate them. If it is all one sided, how does the other person feel? Used, disrespected and unappreciated. That was a big decision to end it. The other was the tantrum she threw, cancelled our plans by saying she wasn't feeling well, then as I am sitting right there, call her friend and pick her up. Let's not even go into the sex or intimacy.

 

It made me feel like a worthless piece of turd. I've never felt so disrespected in my life by a woman I was seeing.

 

Now, I am sure, she's yet to experience this; a guy throwing in the towel and not putting up with her crap like this, but I draw the line at respect. People can have disagreements, but there is no reason to treat the other one that you do not agree with like dog turd. Yes, that is how I took it.

 

 

By the way, sorry OP, I did not read all the follow up posts and did not know it had already ended when I wrote my response, but I am glad it ended, because you are worthy of respect, and this woman had NONE for you!

Very entitled, and in German we say "weltfremd" - some people just do not see the real world and other people, they only see their entitlement.

it is very sad, I would not expect this from a 38 year old woman.

I think when she had that tantrum and you ended it, basically, she felt the embarrassment of being rejected, which is why she left.

I hope she will have more experiences like this to teach her a lesson.

 

And I hope you will meet someone who will treat you with respect and care that you deserve. Good luck, OP!

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By the way, sorry OP, I did not read all the follow up posts and did not know it had already ended when I wrote my response, but I am glad it ended, because you are worthy of respect, and this woman had NONE for you!

Very entitled, and in German we say "weltfremd" - some people just do not see the real world and other people, they only see their entitlement.

it is very sad, I would not expect this from a 38 year old woman.

I think when she had that tantrum and you ended it, basically, she felt the embarrassment of being rejected, which is why she left.

I hope she will have more experiences like this to teach her a lesson.

 

And I hope you will meet someone who will treat you with respect and care that you deserve. Good luck, OP!

 

I appreciate your comments and encouragement. :)

 

 

As for her, well, I never like to hurt people, so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think she was just keeping me around until something better came along. Her last text to me was:

 

"It's a shame your monetary insecurities got in the way of our relationship. Truly a shame."

 

I didn't reply, but she wanted to get one last jab in. Again, it has nothing to do with the money. It has to do with decency and respect. If she cannot splurge a dinner when she said she'd get the next one, she has no word. In addition, to explode like that at her age for a 40 dollar or so, that's uncool and a bit immature.

 

It's never easy to end a relationship, but in reality, we really didn't have one.

 

Certainly an experience.

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heavenonearth
I appreciate your comments and encouragement. :)

 

 

As for her, well, I never like to hurt people, so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think she was just keeping me around until something better came along. Her last text to me was:

 

"It's a shame your monetary insecurities got in the way of our relationship. Truly a shame."

 

I didn't reply, but she wanted to get one last jab in. Again, it has nothing to do with the money. It has to do with decency and respect. If she cannot splurge a dinner when she said she'd get the next one, she has no word. In addition, to explode like that at her age for a 40 dollar or so, that's uncool and a bit immature.

 

It's never easy to end a relationship, but in reality, we really didn't have one.

 

Certainly an experience.

 

Very manipulative text of hers to you. And quite paradox once more, clearly it was her Who had monetary insecurities. What a loser.

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[quote=jimbo;7484353"It's a shame your monetary insecurities got in the way of our relationship. Truly a shame."

 

I didn't reply, but she wanted to get one last jab in. Again, it has nothing to do with the money. It has to do with decency and respect.

 

And... congruency, egalitarianism, fairness, etc. It gives you a huge window into how her mind works, her attitude, and what it would be like to be in a relationship with her. It would be a one-way deal. You give, she receives... and judges you based on whether she feels she's receiving everything she deserves.

 

It's never easy to end a relationship, but in reality, we really didn't have one.

 

Certainly an experience.

 

Yes, a real learning experience. You had a vague notion of how you felt about such things before, but now it's focused.

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The sad thing is you will meet a lot of women like this. Actually, my experience has been most.

 

It’s rare you meet one who isn’t entitled and has an endless supply of guys who are willing to foot the bill.

 

But I’ll say that when you do meet one there will be no question. She will fight you to pick up the tab and not just do the lazy reach for the check with no intention of actually paying.

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