The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[Shining One]

Here's a new take (new to me, at least) on women dating for free meals. Women are asking men they match with to send them Uber Eats or other food deliveries. Of course, most refuse, but all it takes is one sucker. Now they're getting the free food without even going on the date. In response, some guys are agreeing and ordering the food with the payment on delivery option.

 

I've only gotten two requests so far and I've been unmatched immediately after suggesting we go out for food instead.

[Veronica73]

Lol!

 

But seriously, I don’t think these women are “dating” for free meals. They are scamming desperate/stupid guys! I mean, I don’t judge all men just by the African princes that email me.

[Veronica73]

No it's the exact same arena. Women like you like to play stupid about the reasoning behind traditional dating. Men paid because men had all of the money and buying power. Not only that but people didn't date around back then and dating almost always lead straight to marriage, in which the women was assumed to give up her own lifestyle to serve the family.

 

So if you want to reverse the financial expectations of society, you have to reverse the culture that those financial implications were built on also. The reason no one expects children to pay for anything is because children don't have buying power. The minute children begin making as much as adult, then they're likely going to be assigned responsibility. Like a teenager who gets a summer job and is expected to pay for their own expensive clothes.

 

If you have a hard time understanding that, then you have some serious issues with logic and need to leave the discussion to those who can comprehend it.

 

Gosh. I’m so, so sorry I missed this. So...should the men who agree with me leave the discussion as well? Are they also playing stupid and have serious issues with logic?

[Veronica73]

A popular saying during the 70s feminist movement was that the personal is political so dating very much is a part of feminism.

Granted, I’m not a student of feminism. But in this case, I would say the personal (who pays for dates) is personal. Not political. Dating is not a political issue. Equal pay for equal work is a political issue. Unless we want to make laws about who people date.

[Shining One]

But seriously, I don’t think these women are “dating” for free meals. They are scamming desperate/stupid guys!

I agree, their intent is to scam food rather than date. However, I see this as an evolution of women going out on dates for free food. It seems rather risky though. Wouldn't the guy need to get her address?

I mean, I don’t judge all men just by the African princes that email me.

I don't judge all women by these few.

[Woggle]

Granted, I’m not a student of feminism. But in this case, I would say the personal (who pays for dates) is personal. Not political. Dating is not a political issue. Equal pay for equal work is a political issue. Unless we want to make laws about who people date.

 

Dating should not be a political issue but it is. The personal is political was a favorite of radical feminists back in the day and dating and relationships very much are a part of modern gender war kind of debates.

[Veronica73]

Dating should not be a political issue but it is. The personal is political was a favorite of radical feminists back in the day and dating and relationships very much are a part of modern gender war kind of debates.

 

But aren’t you one of the people who complains about radical feminists? It seems kind of disingenuous to complain about them, but then co-opt their slogan/idea for your own purposes.

[Woggle]

But aren’t you one of the people who complains about radical feminists? It seems kind of disingenuous to complain about them, but then co-opt their slogan/idea for your own purposes.

 

I don't like them but if men have to follow their rules which we do if we don't want to get called sexist then everybody should.

[Unhappy_Nerd]

I'm totally late to this party, but when I saw the thread title, I thought it was talking about paying for an escort/lady of the night...:D:D

[SumGuy]

I'm totally late to this party, but when I saw the thread title, I thought it was talking about paying for an escort/lady of the night...:D:D

Wait! We are not?

I was just looking for reciprocity and insight on how I can get paid for my "services" I mean fair is fair. :)

[Els]

Here's a new take (new to me, at least) on women dating for free meals. Women are asking men they match with to send them Uber Eats or other food deliveries. Of course, most refuse, but all it takes is one sucker.

 

 

This is just bizarre, lol. Does anyone actually DO this?!? I suppose a few people do send money to the Nigerian prince as well, but for the sake of humanity's future I'd hope they are few and far in between.

[preraph]

There is totally and always has been such a thing as meal prostitutes. One worked where I did once and if some man didn't pay for her meal, she didn't eat. And she'd go to eat with just about any man. Now, whether the actually then had sex with most of them, I don't know. I somehow doubt it. I imagine she had a lot of one-off dinner dates.

[Shining One]

This is just bizarre, lol. Does anyone actually DO this?!?

I'm sure some do. I could see a younger me falling for this, especially if she enticed me with some "promises" of things happening in the future. A woman in college got me to do a lot of her work using that approach.

 

A few of the women who claim to have done this posted their Tinder chat logs and photos of the food they received.

[Woggle]

Some men are dumb and will buy anything for a woman. I am not one of them but some guys for some reason easily party with their money if a woman is hot enough.

[Legatus]

That depends on circumstances:

 

1. If it was very spontaneous outing (like after a dance class I stayed with this girl to dance 6 more hours) we took turns, it was natural. I bought a round, then she bought a round, and that's how it went on and on : )

2. If I invite her for a specific event (movie, dinner, pool) then it will be my pleasure to pay. I expect it and I might even be pushy a little bit. Sometimes a guy just wants to pay..

3. I have no problem if she pays when she initiates and comes up with the activity for us. Then she can take charge and I won't let my man's pride get in the way.

 

But I am always prepared to pay my half at least..

[Els]

I don't like them but if men have to follow their rules which we do if we don't want to get called sexist then everybody should.

 

 

Oh for chrissakes. If you live your life terrified of being called things, how did you ever even make it to your age?

 

 

 

Most of us don't let "being called X or Y by random people" dictate what we do or don't do in our personal lives. And I assure you that most of us have been called a thing or two in our multiple years of life...

[SumGuy]

On this topic, from a woman's perspective is there such a thing as a guy paying too much or too often?

[Stillits]

On this topic, from a woman's perspective is there such a thing as a guy paying too much or too often?

 

For me, yes. If they never let me pay or contribute to paying, it gets very uncomfortable for me, and is actually sure to push me away. In general, until we are seeing each other regularly, I prefer to split costs. Sure, it comes down to viewing myself as independent, but more so it is a consequence of not wanting to owe anyone anything (real or imagined).

 

Once we're in a more established position and know we both enjoy each others company, the sense of "owing" gets replaced with a sense of sharing, and I can enjoy both treating him and being treated myself, within our respective means.

[Lisa_Lisa]

On this topic, from a woman's perspective is there such a thing as a guy paying too much or too often?

 

 

Yes, if we go out often and he pays for everything, I feel guilty. I'd like to show him I'm not taking him for granted so I'll offer to pay for things or book a hotel on my card for a weekend away. I can't fathom not contributing to a relationship or even something casual.

[lavenderandvelvet]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I will chime in.

 

First up, feminism doesn't apply to dating. Everyone has the freedom to choose the relationship and relationship roles they want. It is up to people involved.

 

I personally prefer when men organize and pay for the first three dates. I will contribute to part of the date, like a round of drinks or snacks at the movies.

 

The reason I prefer men to initiate the dates and the paying is because I find it that for me personally it confirms a level of interest and intent. Men appreciate stuff they "invest" in. I also expect men to open doors for me on dates. I want to feel cared for and protected in the context of dating.

 

In the context of regular life, I don't expect men to open every door - I expect who ever got there first to hold the door and open it for me my hands are full. When going out with colleagues we can go dutch or alternate depending on who and how we like to work.

 

Once the dating moves to the 4th date, I am happy to alternate or split the bill.

 

These first 3 dates can be cheap. I have no issues with something free, cheap or minimal. I often suggest a museum date, and since I am a member, I'll get the tickets. You should pick up a coffee or a snack during. We can have a round or two of drinks or go for ice cream or walk in the farmers market. I'm not keeping a tally, but it would be easy enough to "invest" less than $30 into the first couple of dates. If $30 is too much for you, we aren't a good match. I wouldn't suggest something that I can't afford to go to. I'm not looking for a man to upgrade my life.

 

My two cents on it.

 

P.S. When I have offered to pay during dates, men have been insulted, because to them it insinuated I didn't think they could afford to take care of me. I am really really cautious on it now.

[major_merrick]

Some men are dumb and will buy anything for a woman. I am not one of them but some guys for some reason easily party with their money if a woman is hot enough.

I think many guys have the idea that an expensive meal will buy them a good time later that night. Sometimes that works. I believe that women who follow an expensive date with first-time sex are sending a bad message.

 

 

Oh for chrissakes. If you live your life terrified of being called things, how did you ever even make it to your age?

These days, name-calling (especially by the left) has been pretty effective. A lot of men are running scared. I'd go so far to say that I have "female privilege" these days in that I can be mouthy and aggressive with far fewer consequences than men would face.

 

 

P.S. When I have offered to pay during dates, men have been insulted, because to them it insinuated I didn't think they could afford to take care of me. I am really really cautious on it now.

I think some men would take it that way, especially in more conservative areas. I know that when my husband was dating, he ran into a couple of women who wanted to pay. He wasn't offended, but he was really, really surprised. Like he ran into an alien. Surprises aren't a good thing on a first date.

[NuevoYorko]

My perspective as one of the older people on this site:

 

I consider myself a feminist, which to many of you fellows on here means that I have zero testosterone. Admittedly that can be a side effect of living past the age of 50 but I've identified this way since I was in my late 20's. Raising a daughter contributed to this. We wanted to make sure she understood that no path she wanted to follow, including roles within personal relationships, needed to be defined or closed off to her because she was born and continued to identify as female.

 

That said, I have always made the first approach to women I'm interested in as well as organizing and paying for dates. I've done what I suppose looks like a fairly traditional courtship routing. Why? Am I the victim of a conspiracy of women who want free food? Am I brainwashed by THE LEFT? Nah. I actually enjoy it.

 

Sure I have been approached and have enjoyed plenty of drinks and food purchased by women - some of whom have been my friends or work colleagues. Until I joined LS, I literally never even considered the possibility that a woman I had just eaten a meal (that I'd paid for) with had spent her time with me for "free" food. That just sounds outrageously unlikely.

 

I was married for years, and as I've mentioned I have an adult daughter. These are by no means the only women I've known very well in my life but they are the ones I've known the best. The idea of them wasting hours of their time preparing and sitting with a person of any gender outside of a professional setting (or maybe a family holiday like Thanksgiving ) who was not interesting to them in one way or another is just unfathomable. They'd both rather be reading, watching 90 Day Fiancee, hanging with friends, pursuing whatever avocation, fooling around with their dogs, taking a nap. Whatever. Not sitting in a restaurant in exchange for a meal.

 

One of the beauties of this time of history, IMO, is that many of us have the luxury to choose between traditional behaviors, or to put those completely aside in favor of something else. Nobody has to pay for a date because they are a man but if we feel like dating in a traditional fashion, this is a choice we can make.

 

No woman has to "pay" for a meal bought for her by a man by having sex or seeing him again. A couple can organize their household in a manner where each partner has traditional roles or where the husband stays home with the kid and the wife works, whatever they choose. In our case, I went to graduate school and my ex wife "brought home the bacon" for 4 years. When our daughter was born she stayed home for several years and I worked; at another point she returned to work and made a higher salary than I did; we bought a home and her income contributed more to the down payment than mine did. We did not care AT ALL. These were the details that we agreed worked for us.

 

No, our divorce was not caused because I may have been what you youngsters like to define as a "beta" or what my generation calls a chump. But think whatever you like about that.

 

I'm single now and I like taking women out on dates, "on me." If they happened to be along just for a free meal? Well, I was blissfully ignorant of it, and in any case would not have cared. If I had a good time, good for me. If I had a bad time, I would not think it was because I'd paid for dinner. And if she was that desperate for a meal, I don't mind making a charitable contribution.

 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[wgmitch]

The last 2 women I dated were complete opposites when it came to paying for dates. Woman number 1 I had 3 dates with, but didn't feel a real connections. But, she offered to pay for every date, even our first date. I declined her to pay for the first as I asked her out, picked the place and thought I should pay. When the first date ended we said, "let's do this again" and she said, but it's my treat this time. It made me feel very good. I can't explain it, but it made me feel like she really liked me and wanted to take me out. Simple.

 

Woman number 2, we dated for 4 months. She never offered to pay for any dates, not even when I drove to her place, 2 hours away and she picked the place. She would say, "I want to take to this great place on the beach!" We would get done and she never offered to pick up the check. I said something about it after about 10 or so dates, I'm not sure when and she got real defensive. She said that she never paid for dates in the past. I said we are more than out of the dating stage and we go out every weekend, sometimes lunch and dinners. After a while I felt used. She was not out of work or hurting for money. She started offering to pay for drinks if we went to a bar, but never offered to pay for meals. That was just weird at that point and offer things sent us in separate ways.

 

I guess it is what you are used to, but I can say as a man I feel good when a woman wants to take me out and pay for a date. It is not emasculating what so ever for me. I'm still single so, what do I know? Ha!

 

[thefooloftheyear]

On 11/15/2019 at 7:19 PM, lavenderandvelvet said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

The reason I prefer men to initiate the dates and the paying is because I find it that for me personally it confirms a level of interest and intent. Men appreciate stuff they "invest" in. I also expect men to open doors for me on dates. I want to feel cared for and protected in the context of dating.

 

I

Ok great....

But you do realize that the "investment" they are making could easily be just to get into your pants, right?  The fact that they are initiating/ paying really isn't something a woman should use to qualify a guy as a legitimate prospect....

TFY

[VioletVelvet]

Woman here. Here's my rule: On a first date, if I definitely don't want to see him again I pay. If I do want to see him again and he wants to pay (which is usually the case) I say ok but I'm getting the next time. If he suggests we go Dutch, sometimes I do and sometimes I just pay instead and say, next time you get it.  

I have been out with some men who, once I've paid a couple of times, just expect me to pay all the time. 

IMO if you are male and want to date mani-pedicured, hair done, eyelashed, waxed, trendy outfit kind of women then you should expect to pay because that kind of maintenance is really expensive and your arm piece doesn't come cheap.