Hehe you were all right

[Leigh 87]

So, you were all right.

 

I am not at all shocked. Although his betrayal did hurt me.

 

I had a gut feeling something was up with this guy but I like to give everyone a chance rather than being judgmental.

He totally changed his behaviour one week in....

I thought it was noble of me to stick by him during a tough time when other women would all run......

I felt rotten leaving.

 

I read his texts. I knew we were over anyways so..... He wanted me to come over and talk about it.He fell asleep at one stage. I looked at his phone.

 

First week: told his mates he met me. Said he was smitten. Told them he asked me to be his gf way earlier than with others because he thought I was a legit " nice girl who I am extremely attracted to"

After first week: he thought I cheated on him. I didn't. He then started texting other women while I was still his " girlfriend":sick:

All the while I assumed it was his son that was born that reduced his texting. NAH.... he was just texting other women alllllllllll day long every day!!!!

 

No wonder he didn't have time to text me:lmao:

I was crushed at first. As I said, he was smitten at first. Until he got it into his warped mind that I cheated.

When confronted I was crushed but I KNEW something was up. I knew he didn't want us ... He confessed. He said after I " cheated " he wanted to end it but he was way too attracted to me and he already had fallen hard and so he couldn't help but give it another try.

I read all his texts. He told his cousin the above so it does coroberate things.

So his foot was out the door after my supposed cheating, yet he couldn't let go so he stayed while he chatted to other women ALL DAY LONG. Behind my back.

He called me his gf..said I am all his

He said " but u were chatting to other guys so I felt entitled to do the same :sick:"

Yeah.... I did no such thing...I only had eyes for him.

 

He also said that it turns him on talking about getting a girl pregnant if she is really hot and they are having sex. He said the thought turned him on of me getting pregnant by him

Oh and if the lying and cheating and THE FACT IT WAS WITH 18 year olds that isn't messed up enough, he also confessed that he had massive anger issues and had a few court cases out against him. He liked to bash people and really hurt him.

 

 

 

 

 

So you were all right. What a lunatic. SHUDDER.

 

 

 

 

 

He presented so well to my parents. He texted his mates telling them all he finally met a great girl and he was smitten. He acted like a nice guy who adored me.

 

My friends would comment that the way he looked at me was the way all women was their partner to look at them

 

What a DUD.

 

NEXT:sick:

Edited April 25, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

It's coming across like all of this is pure drama and fun for you.

 

Ummm why would anyone have anything bad to say? I was betrayed when I was nothing but wonderful to that man.

 

I've done nothing wrong.

 

I am shocked. He acted very smitten and he even texted his mates and told then he met a chick he was " really into " and he acted like it but something was amiss after week one.

 

I am very betrayed.

 

I had no idea he was chatting to women..... He did text me daily.

 

This is a shock. The other revelations he told me just yesterday. Last night in fact.

 

This man appeared to be very normal. My parents and mates thought he was smitten. He fooled us all. He even lied to his own mates about his enamoured he was by me.

Edited April 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
cleanup

[Leigh 87]

Plus I really hate judging people.

 

For instance of someone is living with parents.. I'd over look it if there was a reason besides then being a total bum.

 

I don't want to let this deter me and start becoming too judgmental.

[h0000]

Ummm why would anyone have anything bad to say? I was betrayed when I was nothing but wonderful to that man.

 

I've done nothing wrong.

 

In all fairness, you asked for it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Plus I really hate judging people.

 

For instance of someone is living with parents.. I'd over look it if there was a reason besides then being a total bum.

 

I don't want to let this deter me and start becoming too judgmental.

 

Judging someone and using good judgement are two different things. It's not wrong to weed people out of your life if they have too many issues going on. In fact, it's a healthy thing to do because look at what you're letting in. And now you are hurt.

 

In the future, it would be wise to get to know someone more before deciding that you want a relationship. You don't know this man very well. A few weeks simply isn't long enough to really delve into a person. This guy is very practiced at telling women what they want to hear, it seems.

[Million.to.1]

So...... when are you going to stop paying attention all this "strong chemistry" and other mumbo jumbo you feel with guys you have known for 2 minutes Leigh?

 

When are you going to take the time to get to know someone over a longer period of dating before having sex and getting involved ?

Edited April 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed mean spirited portion

[Leigh 87]

Judging someone and using good judgement are two different things. It's not wrong to weed people out of your life if they have too many issues going on. In fact, it's a healthy thing to do because look at what you're letting in. And now you are hurt.

 

In the future, it would be wise to get to know someone more before deciding that you want a relationship. You don't know this man very well. A few weeks simply isn't long enough to really delve into a person. This guy is very practiced at telling women what they want to hear, it seems.

 

 

 

No. I read his texts.

 

He told his cousin and best two friends that he as smitten from moment one.

 

Initially everyone around me who saw us, the way he made me feel and the texts make me believe he started off smitten.

 

His girl cousin even commented " smitten hey...never heard u that excited before "

 

I don't have any doubt in my mind that this man was instantly smitten and infatuated. For a week as I said.

 

It's after that week he SHOULD have broken it off.

 

Instead, he realised he didn't want to date me. Yet kept me around because he was too immoral to break it off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As he said to his best friend in his texts " I know it's Lil soon but I think think she could be the real deal, she'd genuinly nice seeming. It scares me lol they all start out nice but she seems Ge genuinely sweet "

 

Even he seemed to acknowledge that it was a bit early. To be bf gf. I even didn't consider hik a BOYFRIEND one week in.HENCE WHY I went out dancing with my two male friends.

 

Where as if I were his girlfriend legitimately after a reasonable time frame, I would have NOT just gone out dancing with men without asking him to come along OR I wouldn't have danced with other men.

 

It was a week in and he seemed to think we were bf gf. I never thought that until he became do upset that I supposedly cheated.

[Leigh 87]

So...... when are you going to stop paying attention all this "strong chemistry" and other mumbo jumbo you feel with guys you have known for 2 minutes Leigh?

 

When are you going to take the time to get to know someone over a longer period of dating before having sex and getting involved ?

 

 

Plenty of people still hold out for the intense chemistry that always leads to the most passionate sex in long term relationships.

 

They still get it but they just wait and get to know one another.

 

I'll never go for men who may be nice but who I just don't feel passion for.

 

I feel passion for many men in a small seven months span so I am sure I'll easily find intense chemistry with a suitable partner.

 

There's no reason why I have to settle for mediocre chemistry.

 

I don't want kids. I don't yearn for a partner.

 

I am holding out for great love. When two people actually fall in love head over heels. I've seen it happen often enough around me to know it's feasible for a girl like me who attracts enough options..

 

 

 

It isn't the chemistry that ruins things. It's the fact I need to step back and asses whether they are a good person. Over time. It has to be earnt. Not assumed.

 

 

So yeah next time I feel a mutual spark and loads of mutual attraction I NEED to take the time to get to know them. Over months.

Edited April 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
cleanup

[Leigh 87]

So...... when are you going to stop paying attention all this "strong chemistry" and other mumbo jumbo you feel with guys you have known for 2 minutes Leigh?

 

When are you going to take the time to get to know someone over a longer period of dating before having sex and getting involved ?

 

I agree with what you're saying.

 

I'm imposing set time limits as to how fast I can move physically based on what multiple sources advise.

 

However, I don't think I have to settle for less than intense chemistry. I am a woman who feels it often mutually. With average dudes mostly.

 

I need to impose healthy time frames insofar as moving into the relationship and the pace is concerned.

 

I don't need to date and pay attention to men who don't excite me because they are such nice guys.

Edited April 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
cleanup

[Leigh 87]

In all fairness, you asked for it.

 

I didn't ask to be betrayed.

 

I didn't deserve that.

 

I was so supportive and loving to this man when other women judged him and would have fled.

[Leigh 87]

Judging someone and using good judgement are two different things. It's not wrong to weed people out of your life if they have too many issues going on. In fact, it's a healthy thing to do because look at what you're letting in. And now you are hurt.

 

In the future, it would be wise to get to know someone more before deciding that you want a relationship. You don't know this man very well. A few weeks simply isn't long enough to really delve into a person. This guy is very practiced at telling women what they want to hear, it seems.

 

He thinks his actions were justified cos.. He thinks I cheated on him.

 

He never got over that cheating scare.

 

I actually never knew u was his gf until he said " u do know under my GF right? I'm not really into my gf dancing with other dudes...."

 

It was news to me....... I wanted to regain his trust and make things right so u went along with it. And I thought it was sweet.

 

I told him that it was one week in so dancing with other men isn't cheating.

 

Usually I give it all up and act like a gf right away. This time I went out and did things that girlfriends wouldn't do since many men have bull shed in order to get into my pants so yes while he seemed into me I just don't know.

[Leigh 87]

I feel very betrayed.

 

He got so very badly burnt. So he trusts no one.

 

He accuses me of cheating when I didn't do it. He then proceeds to cheat himself.

 

He's a vile piece of work.

[Leigh 87]

I'm doing this to help others.

 

This man told me my parents, my friend AND his friend that he'd found a woman he was smitten with. His words.

 

Men lose interest.

 

Men can start out smitten. They can start out infatuated. And it can all be lost in an instant.

 

This is why I am going to impose set time lines no dating men who want instant bf and gf labels. Red flag...

 

I thought I would go with the flow. Which never worked, men either didn't whole " oh, I don't do labels " crap or they would ask for bf gf way to soon. So it makes sense to cut them loose earlier rather than later......

[JS84]

Sometimes you don't know you have "chemistry" with someone until you get to know them. Most of the women I wound up falling for I had absolutely no interest in when I met them, but once I got to know them that changed. Sometimes it was over a period of weeks or months. And likewise there were a few women who I was "smitten" with when I first met them but as I got to know them that faded quick lol.

 

If you have a habit of choosing the wrong guys, how fast or slow you take it probably won't much of a difference. Maybe try something different or try changing your outlook on how relationships are developed? I'm not saying chemistry isn't important but it's not the end all in getting to know someone. And just because there isn't an initial spark doesn't mean one can't develop.

[elaine567]

I didn't ask to be betrayed.

 

I didn't deserve that.

 

I was so supportive and loving to this man when other women judged him and would have fled.

 

You went out dancing with two other guys, what sort of message did that send to someone who thought you were a "nice" girl.

I am not saying anything went on, but how would you have felt if he had arranged to go dancing with 2 girls, would you not have put your self back on the market too?

He wrote you off; you then became just another girl he f*cks.

[Leigh 87]

Sometimes you don't know you have "chemistry" with someone until you get to know them. Most of the women I wound up falling for I had absolutely no interest in when I met them, but once I got to know them that changed. Sometimes it was over a period of weeks or months. And likewise there were a few women who I was "smitten" with when I first met them but as I got to know them that faded quick lol.

 

If you have a habit of choosing the wrong guys, how fast or slow you take it probably won't much of a difference. Maybe try something different or try changing your outlook on how relationships are developed? I'm not saying chemistry isn't important but it's not the end all in getting to know someone. And just because there isn't an initial spark doesn't mean one can't develop.

 

I've tried we dating several men without the initial spark.

 

It never worked. They were really nice guys but the spark never developed.

 

I don't " date " men unless I really wanna make out with them or else if rather be their friend. Their buddy.

 

I prefer a spark. I've been single for a mere seven months and I haven't even gone out tons bar or club and yet I've managed to meet plenty of average aussie dudes who I spark with.

 

Since I feel sparks for average men I am sure there is hope for me since I don't require a hot guy in order for a spark.

 

So in seven months I've tried to date spark and non spark men. Neither worked.

 

I simply have no motivation to want to date a man who I don't have intence chemistry with.

 

For me, strong chemistry never develops if it isn't there early oh. By the end of date one.. I've given chemistry a chance to grow as I said. It never does.

 

Seeking men I have a spark with isn't the issue. I jump in too fast with wrong men who I COUOD HAVE WEEDED OUT had I gotten to know then over a longer period of time.

 

Going for good chemistry isn't the issue. Not screening candidates PROPERLY before agreeing to be bf gf is my downfall.

 

That is what I need to fix.

[Leigh 87]

You went out dancing with two other guys, what sort of message did that send to someone who thought you were a "nice" girl.

I am not saying anything went on, but how would you have felt if he had arranged to go dancing with 2 girls, would you not have put your self back on the market too?

He wrote you off; you then became just another girl he f*cks.

 

I had known him a week.

 

I was trying to not get too caught up in him do soon so I didn't think I owed it to him to act like a gf.

 

I danced with two male mates. Both married. In their own home. Not out at a club...

 

I texted him after and told him all about it. I had nothing to hide.

 

It was the first time I'd danced for hours in years. I never go out.

[Leigh 87]

You went out dancing with two other guys, what sort of message did that send to someone who thought you were a "nice" girl.

I am not saying anything went on, but how would you have felt if he had arranged to go dancing with 2 girls, would you not have put your self back on the market too?

He wrote you off; you then became just another girl he f*cks.

 

What he did was awful.

 

He should have NOT asked to be bf gf again if he wanted to chat to other women.

 

You don't do that. You break up first.

 

He was leading me to believe that he was my bf. He told me as such and he took me out with my friends and told them all that he was my boyfriend...

 

He should have had the balls to end it leave me be if he wanted to sext other women for three weeks they've were supposedly bf gf.

[Leigh 87]

He lied.

 

The way he presented himself to not only me, but to my friends AND his mates, was very disingenuous.

 

He paraded me around as his GF.

 

He told my friends " my gf is so beautiful.. I adore her "

 

Trust me he was not making it obvious that I was just another girl he fckd........

 

He kept in almost daily contact. He always initiated.

 

He even attributed his change in behaviour to his new born son. And that he had a lot going on and he " just wasn't a texter "

 

And yet he was texting looooooooooong heart felt texts to one girl who he'd never met....... So he does text. Just not to chicks he is no longer into.

 

He fooled more people than just me!

 

My friend are disgusted. They saw the act he put on. He even faked looking at me in adoration

 

Men like this aren't good people.

 

They selectively invest and care only about people that directly benefit them. And they stop caring if there is nothing in it for them.....

[Leigh 87]

People need to be wary.

 

Some men exhibit NO obvious signs.

 

Only sign here was: he stopped texting in the same manner. Less texts ensued and they weren't lovey. But he still texted daily.

 

I am learning to trust my intuition.

 

Because when he took me out for dates with my friends he FOOLED EVERYONE.

 

Everyone around him, both our sets of friends, asked he was head over heels for me. He wasn't over the top. But just the way he looked at me.

 

He contacted me daily. People around us thought he was smitten.....

 

However, I knew something was wrong. I just did. However I wanted to be wrong....I liked him a lot and didn't want my intuition to be right.

 

I hope others can learn from my mistakes.

 

Not all men who lose interest and stop being into you act totally lukewarm.. Men can fool your friends family and all around them........

 

And as sweet as bf gf thing was, I have to avoid men who want instant relationships like bf gf.

[elaine567]

He lied.

The way he presented himself to not only me, but to my friends AND his mates, was very disingenuous.

He paraded me around as his GF.

He told my friends " my gf is so beautiful.. I adore her "

Trust me he was not making it obvious that I was just another girl he fckd........

He kept in almost daily contact. He always initiated.

He even attributed his change in behaviour to his new born son. And that he had a lot going on and he " just wasn't a texter "

And yet he was texting looooooooooong heart felt texts to one girl who he'd never met....... So he does text. Just not to chicks he is no longer into.

He fooled more people than just me!

My friend are disgusted. They saw the act he put on. He even faked looking at me in adoration

Men like this aren't good people.

They selectively invest and care only about people that directly benefit them. And they stop caring if there is nothing in it for them.....

No-one said he was a good person, nor that he acted well here. Everyone here, seemed to want to show you that.

That is not the point, the point being you IMO did not act in any way that would attract any man long term; you did not act on the huge red flags waving either, and that is on you.

Edited April 25, 2015 by elaine567

[Leigh 87]

No-one said he was a good person, nor that he acted well here. Everyone here, seemed to want to show you that.

That is not the point, the point being you IMO did not act in any way that would attract any man long term; you did not act on the huge red flags waving either, and that is on you.

 

Ummm going out and dancing with two male friends.. Who both have partners who I know and respect.... Isn't acting skanky. I even told him all about it.

 

I acted very very good to him.

 

Any man would be lucky to have a girl like me who asked him daily how him and his new son is going.

 

I offered daily to come over and cheer him up if he needed it.

 

I acted extremely kind and supportive when NO OTHER women would have stuck by him....

 

I didn't act in any which way that would repel decent me.

 

In fact, two of my new male friends asked me out after they heard how kind and supportive I was being to a man who DIDN'T deserve it. Both mates are very decent men by the way.

 

So two decent men witnessed how supportive I was and both thought to ask me out after being so taken aback by the support I have an undeserving scum bag.....

 

And IN PERSON there were no red flags. Both his AND my friends alllllllll made comments about how cute we were together and how much he appeared to be enamoured.

 

Several people said " he seems wrapt" or " well the way he looks at u seems as though he's enamoured "

 

There WERE no signs besides kid situation!!!!!!

 

The way he acted wasn't suspicious in the flesh. Outsiders presumed he was smitten.

 

He texted me daily. He initiated. He saw me weekly. He took me on dates.

 

It was my intuition and the fact he got wasted twice and.... The fact his texting style changed. Yet he even had excuse for the drop of in text frequency ( a newborn is a legit excuse)

 

There was no ref flags aside from his personal situation. And the fact he wanted me as a gf after a week.

 

Yet he texted his cousin regarding that. He told them " have gf know it's too soon lop but really have good feeling bout this one "

 

So yeah there were red flags but outsiders couldn't tell that he wasn't that into me.

 

And I even saw those texts to his best friends when he declared " smitten! " during out first date and a few mushy texts beyond..................

 

 

If u were in my shoes u wouldn't have been able to isn't declare yep, deff not into me "

[ExpatInItaly]

I think the fact that he wanted to be your boyfriend after a few days should have been the big red flag. What was the big rush? Guys that come on very strong like that often burn out quickly too, in my experience. He's by no means unique, in that sense.

 

Furthermore, men who get jealous and possessive easily so early on could be exhibiting red-flag behaviour too. They're often the types who aren't faithful themselves, and look for a reason to shift the blame on to you so they can continue doing what they were going to do anyway (justifying his interactions with other women by claiming you were doing it too)

 

I know you won't accept this, but I believe he wasn't really relationship-oriented from the get-go. He looked for something quickly (in this case, you dancing with some friends) to give himself the green light to continue flirting with other girls. He kept his options open, despite what he was telling you and other people.

 

In any event, be thankful he's out of your life. Don't communicate with him anymore. He did a crappy thing and it's done.

[Leigh 87]

I think the fact that he wanted to be your boyfriend after a few days should have been the big red flag. What was the big rush? Guys that come on very strong like that often burn out quickly too, in my experience. He's by no means unique, in that sense.

 

Furthermore, men who get jealous and possessive easily so early on could be exhibiting red-flag behaviour too. They're often the types who aren't faithful themselves, and look for a reason to shift the blame on to you so they can continue doing what they were going to do anyway (justifying his interactions with other women by claiming you were doing it too)

 

I know you won't accept this, but I believe he wasn't really relationship-oriented from the get-go. He looked for something quickly (in this case, you dancing with some friends) to give himself the green light to continue flirting with other girls. He kept his options open, despite what he was telling you and other people.

 

In any event, be thankful he's out of your life. Don't communicate with him anymore. He did a crappy thing and it's done.

 

 

Who knows if he'd change for any girl ?

 

I do believe he was smitten initially.

 

And he cried over me dancing with those guys. He was devestated.

 

I saw the texts to his family and a couple of his mates... He was devestated when he thought I cheated.

 

I do not think this was ever a case of " he's just not that into me" as I strongly believe he was at least in the first week.

[Diezel]

So let's see who is next in May. Because, this was April's story.

 

"You were all right."

 

But you didn't listen and you wanted to continue. You didn't listen and even after that, you still went over. And then you went into his things to confirm something you thought MIGHT have happened. Regardless of whether he justifiably did so or not. You STILL were trying.

 

"You were all right."

 

But what did you learn from this? Because from what I can see, you've learned nothing. You will continue to do the same thing over and over and over again.

 

We've been right for the longest time but you keep wanting to jump into things like this repeatedly. You want the instant gratification of a relationship and fireworks and chemistry without ANY real foundation.

 

You. Just. Don't. Get. It.

 

No one ever said chemistry wasn't important but you put that on such a high pedestal that everything else falls on the side. Even after all of this, you STILL are parroting that he was into you. For all of SEVEN days. Boyfriend/girlfriend... 7 days... "cheating"... 7 days.

 

Are you serious right now? Because sometimes, I can't tell.

 

Stop hoping that others will learn from your mistakes and start learning from them YOURSELF.