Hehe you were all right

[xxoo]

It isn't the chemistry that ruins things. It's the fact I need to step back and asses whether they are a good person. Over time. It has to be earnt. Not assumed.

 

 

So yeah next time I feel a mutual spark and loads of mutual attraction I NEED to take the time to get to know them. Over months.

 

This is good insight. I hope you can follow through and put this into action the next time you meet someone who thrills you.

[Leigh 87]

So let's see who is next in May. Because, this was April's story.

 

"You were all right."

 

But you didn't listen and you wanted to continue. You didn't listen and even after that, you still went over. And then you went into his things to confirm something you thought MIGHT have happened. Regardless of whether he justifiably did so or not. You STILL were trying.

 

"You were all right."

 

But what did you learn from this? Because from what I can see, you've learned nothing. You will continue to do the same thing over and over and over again.

 

We've been right for the longest time but you keep wanting to jump into things like this repeatedly. You want the instant gratification of a relationship and fireworks and chemistry without ANY real foundation.

 

You. Just. Don't. Get. It.

 

No one ever said chemistry wasn't important but you put that on such a high pedestal that everything else falls on the side. Even after all of this, you STILL are parroting that he was into you. For all of SEVEN days. Boyfriend/girlfriend... 7 days... "cheating"... 7 days.

 

Are you serious right now? Because sometimes, I can't tell.

 

Stop hoping that others will learn from your mistakes and start learning from them YOURSELF.

 

 

You advocate the slow burn chemistry.

 

I prefer a spark upon meeting someone.

 

I do place equal importance on compatibility.

 

However, I'll never even bother to date a guy to begin with without the intense chemistry. I'm just be their friend.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting a spark when you first meet someone in order for you to actually want to accept a date.

 

I'd personally never accept a date of a guy I didn't feel excited about going on the date with.

 

That doesn't mean I don't place just as much emphasis on compatibility.

 

I am a cute girl. Enough people think I'm attractive instantly. I don't need to do the " she was nothing special at first but I grew slowly attracted "

 

I am not the sort of girl who has to do that. Enough men find me instantly cute or pretty or gorgeous.

 

Some people need to START with a spark and then take it from there.

 

I will definitely not be taking things much further though until I ascertain whether or not they are a good person, with no real issues and etc.

 

 

 

 

 

So spark first. Then I'll take it slower next time and ONLY invest if we genuinely seem very compatible.

[Leigh 87]

So let's see who is next in May. Because, this was April's story.

 

"You were all right."

 

But you didn't listen and you wanted to continue. You didn't listen and even after that, you still went over. And then you went into his things to confirm something you thought MIGHT have happened. Regardless of whether he justifiably did so or not. You STILL were trying.

 

"You were all right."

 

But what did you learn from this? Because from what I can see, you've learned nothing. You will continue to do the same thing over and over and over again.

 

We've been right for the longest time but you keep wanting to jump into things like this repeatedly. You want the instant gratification of a relationship and fireworks and chemistry without ANY real foundation.

 

You. Just. Don't. Get. It.

 

No one ever said chemistry wasn't important but you put that on such a high pedestal that everything else falls on the side. Even after all of this, you STILL are parroting that he was into you. For all of SEVEN days. Boyfriend/girlfriend... 7 days... "cheating"... 7 days.

 

Are you serious right now? Because sometimes, I can't tell.

 

Stop hoping that others will learn from your mistakes and start learning from them YOURSELF.

 

 

 

 

And of course I've learnt.

 

I don't have a low IQ. I've been professionally tested too. I'm above average.

 

Obviously I am going to run the next time a guy calls me gf within a week.

 

And despite the intense chemistry I'll try to get to know them as well as I can before investing.

 

I wanted to stick by him because I felt compelled to help. Had I not invested, I would have ran long ago.

 

So yeah. I have learnt that while I do need a spark, I cannot jump into any instant relationship or bf gf territory. Until I've gotten to know them for a few months.

 

What I won't do is date someone without the spark or chemistry. I'd just not be interested in dating.

 

I don't see how someone couldn't learn from this. You would have the be below average in intellect to not pick up ANY pointers or risk factors....

[JohnsonBaby]

You seem to focus alot on the fact he claimed to be smitten ,seeing his actions I wouldn't give his words too much value. He was probably attracted ,if he had a real attachment towards you or felt "smitten" despite of the fact he thought u cheated first ,he wouldn't have been unfaithful (this from someone who cheated)Sounds a bit like a shallow situation based on superficial attraction.

[Diezel]

I don't have a low IQ. I've been professionally tested too. I'm above average.

 

What does IQ have to do with anything? I know people with high, high IQ's who knew jack about day to day life situations. It's like saying someone that is 7'0 tall is going to be excellent at basketball. Don't confuse high IQ with being smart.

 

Obviously I am going to run the next time a guy calls me gf within a week.

 

We'll see.

 

And despite the intense chemistry I'll try to get to know them as well as I can before investing.

 

We'll see, because this has not been your M.O. in 2015.

 

I wanted to stick by him because I felt compelled to help. Had I not invested, I would have ran long ago.

 

In helping a guy, you knew for just a week. You told him you'd be by his side, "at his worst". Why? That's not something you say to someone you've known for just a week. This is what I am trying to get you to recognize.

 

So yeah. I have learnt that while I do need a spark, I cannot jump into any instant relationship or bf gf territory. Until I've gotten to know them for a few months.

 

What I won't do is date someone without the spark or chemistry. I'd just not be interested in dating.

 

No one is saying that you shouldn't date without a "spark" or "chemistry" but every one of your posts comes across as "If I don't feel it within the first 24 hours, the guys is completely written off." But then you don't see the correlation between the guys you absolutely felt fireworks for and how quickly those relationships have evaporated.

 

I don't see how someone couldn't learn from this. You would have the be below average in intellect to not pick up ANY pointers or risk factors....

 

Again, intellect has nothing to do with it.

If it did and you were as high IQ as you were, you would have been listening to dozens and dozens of posts as well as your own experiences. Clearly not the case...

 

 

And just as a serious question... how did your 1 week boyfriend find out you went out dancing with two male neighbours? I think I must have missed that part in one of your threads.

[Rejected Rosebud]

He thinks his actions were justified cos.. He thinks I cheated on him.

 

He never got over that cheating scare.

 

 

OK Leigh please get real for a minute, you told us all (thousands of people!!!) that you banged your neighbor (who had a girlfriend!!) while you were ON YOUR WAY TO MEET YOUR "BOYFRIEND"!!! You called him that, "boyfriend."

 

Well I don't think of that as cheating because no matter what you like to say I don't believe anybody can actually be bf/gf in a couple of days or even weeks, but that is what YOU SAID. So even though it;s not cheating imo who wants a girlfriend who would do something like that??? :sick: No decent guy would sorry.

 

Of course your behavior aside I think he sounded like a big loser from everything you said about him but you probably BOTH dodged bullets!! From all you have said NEITHER one of you is in any condition to try to have a relationship!!!

[SawtoothMars]

Ummm going out and dancing with two male friends.. Who both have partners who I know and respect.... Isn't acting skanky. I even told him all about it.

I acted very very good to him.

Any man would be lucky to have a girl like me who asked him daily how him and his new son is going.

 

Whatever you think you did innocently convinced this guy that you were cheating. I would guess that most guys would feel the same way he did.

 

Also... having a GF that cares about you and any children you may have isn't something special. It's like a base requirement if you already have kids. So, don't go asking for a cookie because you did the bare minimum.

[No Limit]

He said the thought turned him on of me getting pregnant by him

 

Indeed I've even read a thread somewhere from a guy who said that he wants to impregnate his GF on purpose so she'll stay with him.

 

Watch out for idiots like those.

[Leigh 87]

What does IQ have to do with anything? I know people with high, high IQ's who knew jack about day to day life situations. It's like saying someone that is 7'0 tall is going to be excellent at basketball. Don't confuse high IQ with being smart.

 

 

 

We'll see.

 

 

 

We'll see, because this has not been your M.O. in 2015.

 

 

 

In helping a guy, you knew for just a week. You told him you'd be by his side, "at his worst". Why? That's not something you say to someone you've known for just a week. This is what I am trying to get you to recognize.

 

 

 

No one is saying that you shouldn't date without a "spark" or "chemistry" but every one of your posts comes across as "If I don't feel it within the first 24 hours, the guys is completely written off." But then you don't see the correlation between the guys you absolutely felt fireworks for and how quickly those relationships have evaporated.

 

 

 

Again, intellect has nothing to do with it.

If it did and you were as high IQ as you were, you would have been listening to dozens and dozens of posts as well as your own experiences. Clearly not the case...

 

 

And just as a serious question... how did your 1 week boyfriend find out you went out dancing with two male neighbours? I think I must have missed that part in one of your threads.

 

 

 

Look I am attractive enough to hold out for a guy who does find me instantly gorgeous. Every guy who's asked me out has thought I was very pretty.

 

And if theres no initial spark I simply have no inclination to date. No spark = friends. A new friend. I don't need a " partner " I enjoy being alone most often time and I rarely see evenly best friends I prefer talking to them daily not seeing them often. I am an introvert and don't have that " Need" to have a partner to share my daily life with.

 

And I've tried multiple times to give men a chance when the spark and chemistry wasn't there to begin with. It never worked out. I NEVER ONCE grew intensely attracted to them. At best, I tolerated their presence around me. Without that excitement and " falling in love " and limerence, they felt like an annoying shadow..a friend I forced myself to have to be around make than I cared to..

 

There is no correlation between men I have sparks with and them being bad men. It's been SEVEN MONTHS single..that's not enough time to decide that fireworks men are ALL likely going to be bad news.

 

I have had fireworks with men who were very good men but sadly under the wrong circumstances aka I was travelling or they were taken and refused to cheat ( nor would u take part in that) but we acknowledged the fireworks and stopped hanging out due to their partnersĺ........they were all very good men though.

 

I am sure a girl like me can find the intense chemistry I am.after with the average aussie bloke who's also highly compatible.

 

There's no strong reason why an attractive 28 year old cannot find that. I am confident I will.

 

I also have the tools to avoid more red flags now.

 

Go into any pub with me in person. Ask anyone " issue hot enough to get the great love story " where the guy is enamoured by me early on if I it right away. I am. I prefer intense chemistry nkt a slow burn because I tried the slow burn and it is never as passionate as natural fireworks..I've tried believe me and after several months the passion and sex was never as acute as with the fireworks guys.

 

I feel intense chemistry with AVERAGE or below average looking Aussie dudes. So yeah, it is VERY likely that a gal like me can find the 10/10 sexual attraction and chemistry with an AVERAGE aussie dude who's compatible with me.......

 

If what I was looking for wasn't realistic I'd quit.

 

And don't think I haven't tried your approach. I have. Absence of intence chemistry from the outset made me favour being single than spending several months and one time two rmuewrs with blokes who I had very mediocre chemistry with at best. I didn't need them around me SANS that intense chemistry. I need to want to make out.

[Jessie1231]

Look I am attractive enough to hold out for a guy who does find me instantly gorgeous. Every guy who's asked me out has thought I was very pretty.

 

And if theres no initial spark I simply have no inclination to date. No spark = friends. A new friend. I don't need a " partner " I enjoy being alone most often time and I rarely see evenly best friends I prefer talking to them daily not seeing them often. I am an introvert and don't have that " Need" to have a partner to share my daily life with.

 

And I've tried multiple times to give men a chance when the spark and chemistry wasn't there to begin with. It never worked out. I NEVER ONCE grew intensely attracted to them. At best, I tolerated their presence around me. Without that excitement and " falling in love " and limerence, they felt like an annoying shadow..a friend I forced myself to have to be around make than I cared to..

 

There is no correlation between men I have sparks with and them being bad men. It's been SEVEN MONTHS single..that's not enough time to decide that fireworks men are ALL likely going to be bad news.

 

I have had fireworks with men who were very good men but sadly under the wrong circumstances aka I was travelling or they were taken and refused to cheat ( nor would u take part in that) but we acknowledged the fireworks and stopped hanging out due to their partnersĺ........they were all very good men though.

 

I am sure a girl like me can find the intense chemistry I am.after with the average aussie bloke who's also highly compatible.

 

There's no strong reason why an attractive 28 year old cannot find that. I am confident I will.

 

I also have the tools to avoid more red flags now.

 

Go into any pub with me in person. Ask anyone " issue hot enough to get the great love story " where the guy is enamoured by me early on if I it right away. I am. I prefer intense chemistry nkt a slow burn because I tried the slow burn and it is never as passionate as natural fireworks..I've tried believe me and after several months the passion and sex was never as acute as with the fireworks guys.

 

I feel intense chemistry with AVERAGE or below average looking Aussie dudes. So yeah, it is VERY likely that a gal like me can find the 10/10 sexual attraction and chemistry with an AVERAGE aussie dude who's compatible with me.......

 

If what I was looking for wasn't realistic I'd quit.

 

And don't think I haven't tried your approach. I have. Absence of intence chemistry from the outset made me favour being single than spending several months and one time two rmuewrs with blokes who I had very mediocre chemistry with at best. I didn't need them around me SANS that intense chemistry. I need to want to make out.

 

No one is saying you can't find a guy who is attracted to you. That is the easy part. I think any female can find men who will find her enough to feel chemistry with. I think the problem is that while there may be physical attraction at first, something is missing that makes the guy not stick around.

[Leigh 87]

OK Leigh please get real for a minute, you told us all (thousands of people!!!) that you banged your neighbor (who had a girlfriend!!) while you were ON YOUR WAY TO MEET YOUR "BOYFRIEND"!!! You called him that, "boyfriend."

 

Well I don't think of that as cheating because no matter what you like to say I don't believe anybody can actually be bf/gf in a couple of days or even weeks, but that is what YOU SAID. So even though it;s not cheating imo who wants a girlfriend who would do something like that??? :sick: No decent guy would sorry.

 

Of course your behavior aside I think he sounded like a big loser from everything you said about him but you probably BOTH dodged bullets!! From all you have said NEITHER one of you is in any condition to try to have a relationship!!!

 

 

I was dating a guy prior. Who I felt no sexual chemistry with. After the initial first night spark I realised the next day that it was more of a friendship spark. I gave him a chance in absence o strong chemistry but I didn't enjoy dating a guy who I didn't feel like making out with.

 

I slept with me neighbour while with him. There was no exclusivity talk though. And I dumped him the day of......

 

Then I met my.boyfriend the following day after I ended things with the no chemistry guy..

 

I never touched another man when I was with the current most recent ex.......

 

I left the no chemistry guy the day I banged the neighbour. I came clean. He wasn't even mad since he said we weren't exclusive.

 

I also came clean with the most recent ex when I went out dancing with my male neighbour friends.

 

I hid nothing from either man.

 

I didn't act in a way that no decent man would warm to.

 

I was loyal and honest with the last man. I deleted all my dating apps, got rid of ken who texted me from time to time and yeah I was devoted.

[Leigh 87]

Anyway, I am very upset.

 

While I only had eyes for my then bf, he was lining up his next gf.

 

It's very hurtful to be used.

 

I personally could never lie to a guy. As soon as I just knew that I would never accept or warm up to the low chemistry guy I left and told him why as hard as it was.

 

Men like this guy that the thread is about are very happy to use women and tell them their are bf gf while they like up a better option. They have no remorse.

 

It's extremely upsetting to have a " bf" by bus own own admission, and then leaning he didn't care about you.

 

I also find it hard to believe that heartless men with no conscience can then go and fall all over the right woman. And yet have zero care for the women they hit and betrayed.

 

He seems like he cares a lot about a woman if she benefits him. If she doesn't rock bis world he has zero feelings and yet pretends to her and her friends that he does.

 

He still maintained to the very end that " I wouldn't have had you here if I didn't have feelings, I would use the casual girls in my phone but I liked you, hence why we had sleepovers and why I was not able to his get rid of you after u believe you cheated"

 

He honestly makes me sick.

[Leigh 87]

What does IQ have to do with anything? I know people with high, high IQ's who knew jack about day to day life situations. It's like saying someone that is 7'0 tall is going to be excellent at basketball. Don't confuse high IQ with being smart.

 

 

 

We'll see.

 

 

 

We'll see, because this has not been your M.O. in 2015.

 

 

 

In helping a guy, you knew for just a week. You told him you'd be by his side, "at his worst". Why? That's not something you say to someone you've known for just a week. This is what I am trying to get you to recognize.

 

 

 

No one is saying that you shouldn't date without a "spark" or "chemistry" but every one of your posts comes across as "If I don't feel it within the first 24 hours, the guys is completely written off." But then you don't see the correlation between the guys you absolutely felt fireworks for and how quickly those relationships have evaporated.

 

 

 

Again, intellect has nothing to do with it.

If it did and you were as high IQ as you were, you would have been listening to dozens and dozens of posts as well as your own experiences. Clearly not the case...

 

 

And just as a serious question... how did your 1 week boyfriend find out you went out dancing with two male neighbours? I think I must have missed that part in one of your threads.

 

I WAS DATING a low chemistry guy trying to give him a chance. We weren't exclusive or bf gf yet. I slept with neighbout and immediately ended things with the guy at the time. I came clean. We are still friends as he can see I have morals and I am not the type to cheat on actual bfs when I am in relationship.

The day I met my then most recent ex bf, I met up with that neighbour I had banged. I discussed it with the neighbour. I wanted to know that it was all good, there were no feelings involved and I informed him that I was meeting a new online guy that night. I HAD slept with the neighbour but not after MEETING the new most recent ex.....

 

I actually went out of my way to have a talk with the neighbour to make sure he understood that I didn't harbour any feelings and that I was continuing to date new men AND I wished the neighbour luck with his now gf, who he had been seeing for two months when we slept together. They weren't exclusive.

 

In 2013 I gave a non fireworks guy a shot. I REALLY loved his personality and he was everything I was looking for in a man.

He made me laugh which is so important.Sadly, while I was attracted to his appearance, I neevr grew to want to make out with him. I never craved sex. I just wanted to cuddle him in bed and I didn't YEARN FOR the sex.

He felt like a friend who I could acknowledge was attractive. We had about a 5/10 on the chemistry scale.

 

In 2013 I then gave another guy a chance; I felt fireworks to begin with and then I lost it QUICKLY because I disliked his personality. The initial passion vanished.

 

In 2004 I met a guy who I had sparks and fireworks with. We lasted 2.5 years of living together. He was totally loyal. I left because he started to smoke too much pot and he refused to change.

 

In 2011 I met a guy I didn't initially want warm to physically but who I fell hard for after a month or so. He never warmed to me. But I did grow to feel intensely attracted to him only it was one sided from my end.

 

As you can see, I've given a no fireworks guy a go. After months I still didn't get URGES to really wanna make out with him.... I need the intense chemistry.

Right now I have learnt that I don't WANT to have to date a guy who I'm not dying to make out with.

Too busy with studies and work for me to want to have to invest time dating a guy who I felt nothing for in the hope that I'll " warm up" to him sexually.

And while I did warm up to 2011 guy it was still never as mind blowing sexually as it was with the initial spark guys! It NEVER got explosive in the bedroom.

 

I believe I am the sort of girl who feels intense chemistry with AVERAGE AUSSIE DUDES often enough for me to realistically expect to find one who wants to date me and who is COMPATIBLE P.

I WOULD understand your concern is I was aiming out of my league and I needed a hottie for me to feel the fireworks. But I ALWAYS normally feel intense chemistry with the average aussie dude.

So it's realistic for me to start out dating intense chemistry men, and then see how it goes....

[Leigh 87]

I am very hurt and deserve support and well wishes.

 

It's all very deceitful and hurtful. I came clean to him of my whereabouts when I went out dancing with those two men. I told him it wasn't classy and I also went in to say that I very rarely went out and danced so that he had nothing to worry about if we became bf gf..

THATS when he lost it. He said " you were my gf, I had big plans, I got my friend who works at such and such to book us a hot air balloon breakfast ride for this coming weekend:("

 

I looked at his texts remember.

Which is wrong and a sign of the end when you KNOW something is amiss and have to verify it. Next time I'll leave and not have to verify anything

 

His texts did show that he was very upset at me for " cheating " in his mind.

 

He went from being smitten to totally changing his tune overnight. And yet he kept me around as a gf in his words while he showed around.

He saw the bf gf thing as dead so he went about chatting to other women as pay back. Well that's what he told me and texted his one friend.....he thought I was " browsing men" and said " I'll give her a taste of her own medicine !" According to what he told me and texted his best friend.

 

Even his best friend texted back " wtf dude, come in that's sick, how do u know leigh is talking to other men "

His friend added " let her go and date other ppl I don't get why u want her as gf anymore wtf ur mental lolz"

My ex said " but I do like her a lot and she's so my type physically and I can't just be done with her yet, she isn't one of my bitches or anything I do feel for her as bf gf but yeh dunno what to do, miss her too much to let her go but don't trust her so can't filly invest either "

 

:sick:so that was the lovely convo he texted his mate. Even his mate thinks he is crooked......Can't let me go cos he wants cuddles at night and " feels for me still " yet wants to chat up other women and line up a new gf who I read for a fact is just 18.

 

That jerk paraded me around to my friends and his friends as his gf. He got all jealous and mad about my exes and he accused me of being with other dudes.

He was using me and pretend to OTHERS Around us that he cared for me, when he was lining up his new 18 yr old gf. He was sending her super long texts, saying good morning and goodnight to her.

 

I REALLY hate how some men can pretend to do the bf gf thing while they are fully chatting to women and lining up a new gf.........

 

I personally feel really guilty when I check out of a fledging dating scenario and I soon tell the guy....

 

I just feel rotten in the inside that he carried on with me whilst arranging a new gf.

[Leigh 87]

No one is saying you can't find a guy who is attracted to you. That is the easy part. I think any female can find men who will find her enough to feel chemistry with. I think the problem is that while there may be physical attraction at first, something is missing that makes the guy not stick around.

 

You're totally right.

 

That's why I am not afraid to date around and date until I find the whole package.

 

I read the guys texts since it was a train wreck as it was hence why I did read his texts. Where as in healthy happy relationships or dating scenarios you don't check texts.

 

His texts to check out with my theory. That he started out smitten and simply changed his tune. He thought I was a cheating dog. His words

 

You were right that he kept me around when he didn't invest enough for a relationship. But again, he WAS initially into me.

 

Just as I have been initially into men who I lost interest in. I was smitten, only to lose interest once I got to know them and their personalities ticked me off....

 

My point was that I only date men who are very clearly into me to start out with. Which I believe he was or else I wouldn't have dated him..... His texts back this up anyways.

 

He also read my phone. So he would have seen I NEVER cheated. Sheesh.

[CrystalCastles]

Leigh, do you find your dating life satisfying at all? You seem to be making the same mistake over and over. And getting nowhere. People have been giving you good advice for years, why aren't you listening?

 

I think you need to throw your friend's relationship out of your head. Relationships are different for different people. No relationship is the same. I had instant chemistry with my boyfriend, we were official on date 5 which happened two weeks since our first date and we were absolutely crazy about each other. My two best friends had completely opposite stories- both of them rejected their boyfriends the first time they were asked. Then changed their minds. Their relationships were slow burn, but that didn't mean their relationships were worse than mine- just different.

 

You are not your friend. You don't really know their relationship. You don't know what problems they are having, you don't know anything about their relationship apart from what you see and what your friend tells you, which isn't everything. Searching for a relationship like your friend's isn't making you happy and it isn't working.

 

It seems to me that you have a really Disney-esque idea of how relationships work. Love at first sight or something. "Instant sparks". Really its just lust. Its not love, its not even meaningful. I think your ideas on relationships are hurting your chances of finding a meaningful thing with a good man.

[ExpatInItaly]

Leigh, nearly every single post says the same thing. Sparks, fireworks, smitten, something about "average Aussie dudes". We get it. A quick scan of your other threads reveals or less the same discourse, sometimes almost verbatim.

 

The point is that it doesn't seem to be working well at all for you. Not only with this man, but other men you have posted about. That lust in the beginning seems to be really clouding your judgment about what type of men they really are. You are allowing the so-called "sparks" to blur your version and ignore giant red flags. It's making you to vulnerable to getting hurt.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, do you find your dating life satisfying at all? You seem to be making the same mistake over and over. And getting nowhere. People have been giving you good advice for years, why aren't you listening?

 

I think you need to throw your friend's relationship out of your head. Relationships are different for different people. No relationship is the same. I had instant chemistry with my boyfriend, we were official on date 5 which happened two weeks since our first date and we were absolutely crazy about each other. My two best friends had completely opposite stories- both of them rejected their boyfriends the first time they were asked. Then changed their minds. Their relationships were slow burn, but that didn't mean their relationships were worse than mine- just different.

 

You are not your friend. You don't really know their relationship. You don't know what problems they are having, you don't know anything about their relationship apart from what you see and what your friend tells you, which isn't everything. Searching for a relationship like your friend's isn't making you happy and it isn't working.

 

It seems to me that you have a really Disney-esque idea of how relationships work. Love at first sight or something. "Instant sparks". Really its just lust. Its not love, its not even meaningful. I think your ideas on relationships are hurting your chances of finding a meaningful thing with a good man.

 

I don't need a partner or kids.

 

That's what your not getting. I enjoy very passionate sex and chemistry. And I'd rather have a life time of that with it not lasting than to settle down with the ONE man who never gave me butterflies or fireworks to begin with.

 

Eventually, I would like ghe intense chemistry to also coincide with true love and deep feeling and I am very happy to wait a few years. I would enjoy getting mind blowing sex with several men a year for four years until the RIGHT one comes along, than I would enjoy settling for less than mind blowing sex with the ONE man every day:sick:

 

I will never do the slow burn. And seven months single is NOT any case for it " not working out for me "

OF COURSE it will take a few guys before one of the guys I have the most passion with actually ends up falling in love with me and me them and it being a healthy long term match.

 

It is to be expected that it'll take a few years to find intense chemistry with the right match. Since I DON'T HAVE TOO HIGH STANDARDS it is very likely I will find the average guy with a kind heart who's the right love match for me AND a who I have the magical head over heels begining with.It takes time and it's not failing by taking the time that is to be expected to find the combo of intense chemistry and a true love match.

 

I prefer intense chemistry. I truly do feel it mutually with AVERAGE looking aussie guys OFTEN ENOUGH a for me to know that I CAN realistically

wait out for intense chemistry WITH the right match.

And I'm a cute enough girl to find it with the right guy after a few years.

I've enjoyed my short dating flings very much. And felt hurt by them ending for significantly less than the time I spent happy with them.

 

What I didn't enjoy was giving slow burn guys a chance. I'm an introvert and it drains me to have to spend time with such men. Sure they can be my friend who I hang out with occasionally but to date ? No thanks?

 

I don't believe it's Disney esque if you aim within your league and expect to wait a few years.

I don't think meeting a guy and both being smitten and wildly attracted to each other is Disney esque. Happens to me every few months. It's just a matter of time before one is a match.

 

It's been seven months single. It's very normal for any woman to have not found a great love story by that point.

 

Not all women yearn for a family and the partner to constantly be around them.

 

As an introvert, it actually bugs me to be around men in a dating sense UNLESS I have the intense chemistry. I don't like to see my friends allllllll the time even my best friends so for men and dating, I feel repulsed and smothered unless intense chemistry is there.

 

I wanted the last guy to go away to be honest and trust me, I tried to feign a romantic spark that just wasn't there. I could have grown into him but if never have had mind blowing sex or that giddyness surrounding being with him.

[ascendotum]

He thinks his actions were justified cos.. He thinks I cheated on him.

 

He never got over that cheating scare.

 

I actually never knew u was his gf until he said " u do know under my GF right? I'm not really into my gf dancing with other dudes...."

 

It was news to me....... I wanted to regain his trust and make things right so u went along with it. And I thought it was sweet.

 

I told him that it was one week in so dancing with other men isn't cheating.

 

Usually I give it all up and act like a gf right away. This time I went out and did things that girlfriends wouldn't do since many men have bull shed in order to get into my pants so yes while he seemed into me I just don't know.

 

People will put different interpretations on events after the fact to support their motives. Hard to say with this guy if the cheating scare was legit or an excuse to chat up others and down grade you to fwb which he also wanted. Could be legit but the whole situation was over the top on drama.

Within a week he wants to be full on bf/gf.

He decides this without getting your take on it or announcing it.

You go out with your neighbors in the meantime since you are still single and he feels betrayed.

It should be a red flag when anyone wants to be bf/gf within the week.Like they want to lock it in before you find out to much negative stuff about them. Launching into men with the omg crazy hot chemistry I think clouds your judgement on making good longterm decisions in regards to them as well. Sure your bff struck it, but there are so many 'amazing chemistry' then crash & burn STRs too.

Edited April 26, 2015 by ascendotum

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, nearly every single post says the same thing. Sparks, fireworks, smitten, something about "average Aussie dudes". We get it. A quick scan of your other threads reveals or less the same discourse, sometimes almost verbatim.

 

The point is that it doesn't seem to be working well at all for you. Not only with this man, but other men you have posted about. That lust in the beginning seems to be really clouding your judgment about what type of men they really are. You are allowing the so-called "sparks" to blur your version and ignore giant red flags. It's making you to vulnerable to getting hurt.

 

Seven months single isn't " it just ain't working "

 

Several years sure, it ain't working.

 

I'm an attractive girl to ENOUGH guys for me to expect to find the fireworks with the right man.

 

It takes time.

 

The less than intense chemistry also hasn't worked. I was never content with less than spectacular chemistry. I was not content with NEVER feeling that " in love " feeling.

 

So trust me. Having a super nice, solid and perfect match in terms of compatibility NEVER made me feel thrilled to be with those men even after 2 to 10 months of trying to will myself to be " elated " with the relationship despite the lack of intense chemistry.

 

After this latest lying scumbag, I have learnt a very valuable lesson......

It's not going for intense chemistry that, by the way, many couples get; it's the fact I am too nice and overlook red flags.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have to stop been too nice to men who have blaring red flags. THAT, is my problem. NOT going for men who I have the best chemistry with.

[elaine567]

Leigh, it seems that all your posts say the same things.

 

I am beautiful, pretty, lovely, wonderful, sexy...

I find a man who sees me as worthy of a f*ck.

I get sparks

I feel chemistry.

I sleep with said man.

I sabotage the relationship...

 

I am beautiful, pretty, lovely, wonderful, sexy...

I find a man who sees me as worthy of a f*ck.

I get sparks

I feel chemistry.

I sleep with said man.

I sabotage the relationship...

 

Repeat ad infinitum

 

You need to stop trying to validate yourself by sleeping with men who you lust after and who you can persuade to sleep with you.

Get your head into gear and start looking for real relationship potential before you get into bed with anyone.

Start analysing your behaviour, even this red flag man acted better than you did.

"He thought I was a cheating dog"

Who could blame him? Out dancing with two married men????

YOU knew it was all above board, but why would he think that? He hooked up with you and then you were out with two other men... what signal does that send?

Stop blaming him and start seeing your own part in all of this and learn a lesson.

[Leigh 87]

People will put different interpretations on events after the fact to support their motives. Hard to say with this guy if the cheating scare was legit or an excuse to chat up others and down grade you to fwb which he also wanted. Could be legit but the whole situation was over the top on drama.

Within a week he wants to be full on bf/gf.

He decides this without getting your take on it or announcing it.

You go out with your neighbors in the meantime since you are still single and he feels betrayed.

It should be a red flag when anyone wants to be bf/gf within the week.Like they want to lock it in before you find out to much negative stuff about them. Launching into men with the omg crazy hot chemistry I think clouds your judgement on making good longterm decisions in regards to them as well. Sure your bff struck it, but there are so many 'amazing chemistry' then crash & burn STRs too.

 

And there are so many mediocre chemistry relationships that crash and burn too. Usually when one cheats once they meet a partner who they DO share intense chemistry with.

Has it ever occurred to you that less than intense chemistry based relationships aren't satisfying for some people ? We'd rather be alone and wait for someone we are smitten with.

 

I've had SEVERAL men approach me, lamenting that they felt intense chemistry with me and are so tempted to cheat on their partners / wives becsuse, in their words " I never felt that fire in my heart for her to begin with"

 

And I can get what my mate has too. I attract a high enough number if men for me to realistically hold out for it.

 

It is purely a numbers game.

 

Plus I don't need a hot guy to feel the crazy hot chemistry. Making the odds stacked IN FAVOUR of me finding something more long term.

I am just not motivated to bother going on dates with men who I don't feel that kind of omg crazy chemitry with. It feels like it wastes my time. I'd rather go home and masturbate and think about a guy I do have passion with in the bedroom.

 

I have made threads years ago about momogamy not being natural. I've never really subscribed to the whole monogamy thing. People like me don't settle for less than fireworks. It takes that sort of natural spark to make us even WANT to stop having sex with other people. Moreover, I have ex partners I had great passion with that are single and I can have for FWB who I have omg chemistry with and I can enjoy one off casual fun with if I get sick of waiting out for The One.

 

I'll never settle for less than fire works.

 

There are ways I can better navigate new potential matches. Such as not Bejng so nice and trusting them when they ask me to ignore red flags...

 

Obviously, next time see red flags, I have learnt first hand that there ARE NO PRIZES For trying to be considerate and understanding enough to try to overlook them.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, it seems that all your posts say the same things.

 

I am beautiful, pretty, lovely, wonderful, sexy...

I find a man who sees me as worthy of a f*ck.

I get sparks

I feel chemistry.

I sleep with said man.

I sabotage the relationship...

 

I am beautiful, pretty, lovely, wonderful, sexy...

I find a man who sees me as worthy of a f*ck.

I get sparks

I feel chemistry.

I sleep with said man.

I sabotage the relationship...

 

Repeat ad infinitum

 

You need to stop trying to validate yourself by sleeping with men who you lust after and who you can persuade to sleep with you.

Get your head into gear and start looking for real relationship potential before you get into bed with anyone.

Start analysing your behaviour, even this red flag man acted better than you did.

"He thought I was a cheating dog"

Who could blame him? Out dancing with two married men????

YOU knew it was all above board, but why would he think that? He hooked up with you and then you were out with two other men... what signal does that send?

Stop blaming him and start seeing your own part in all of this and learn a lesson.

 

 

HahahhaaAhahahaha.

 

He called me his girlfriend, then he picked up his phone and entertained other women.

 

Sorry but going out dancing with FRIENDS, who I may add, actually acted protective of me when men tried to dance with me, is NOT AS BAD AS TALKING TO OTHER DUDES FOR WEEKS awhile I tell a man that he's a BOYFRIEND.

 

Who can blame him? Boo hoo, I danced with two Mail friends.

 

My dad had a heart attack that day and I hadn't been out dancing since 2013. I was upset about my dad and needed to go have a drink or two and let off some steam!

 

Having a few too many drinks due to perdonal issues, with friends, who both new about my boyfriend at the time, is NOT a very good reason for him to have gone " ok then, I'll just keep seeing her as bf gf WHILE I TEXT OTHER WOMEN CONSTANTLY.

 

Who could blame him hey hahahahhaa:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

How on earth is going out dancing for the first time since 2013, with married men who, being a cheating dog.

 

In what universe was I a cheating dog?

 

Anyone who actually knows me well allknow that I very rarely even GO out dancing.

 

I even told my then bf about it. I apologised if it looked bad, asked if he wanted to JOIN US, and explained " I am not usually one to go out but due to my dads predicament I'm feel like letting off steam"

 

How is that as bad as calling a bloke my " boyfriend " while I am out texting other men and sending sexual content to them for weeks ??????????

 

What he did is totally disgusting.

 

I could personally never sleep at night if I went around calling guys my boyfriend, have them believe it and then text other men behind their backs.

[Leigh 87]

Writing about how awful he is makes me feel better.