Hehe you were all right

[ExpatInItaly]

He was SMITTEN until I went out with neighbours.

 

He changed his tune after. Totally changed.

 

But still said he wanted me as a gf.

 

No, what I meant was: Had you already told him you were dancing with your friends? And then asked him to come over? I'm trying to piece together why he'd already told you the trust was gone by the time you asked him to join you.

[clia]

I seriously didn't cheat!!!!!

 

I slept with a neighbour the day I met him. We fooled around. No sex. Yes it's gross, the chemistry was enormous and we clicked.... I didn't know he had a girl he was seeing.

 

I met the then bf THAT NIGHT.

 

I cut neighbour out because I was smitten with my bf at the time.

 

I went out dancing with two neighbour friends who I know their wives so nothing suspect there.

 

And I am not the one who wanted bf gf....... I wasn't even aware I was his gf HE is the one who was all " u were my GF.....and u dogged me with other dudes "

 

He said it was very soon for bf gf, he even texted his cousin and friend that it was too soon but that he " felt I was different "

 

I can't make sense of any of this. Four days ago your story was this:

 

I MET the neighbour. On the same day I met this guy.

 

I DID NOT BANG HIM until a week later!!!!!! after hanging out almost daily!!!!

 

And it was because we were wasted. We didn't set out to.

 

I'd known both men one week. I didn't realise that he considered me a gf. I was very into this guy but a week in I didn't think I owed a new dating prospect monogamy...

 

Anyway, it doesn't matter at this point.

 

You are better off without this guy.

[clia]

So unfortunately, even a legit man who wants to make me his gf early......even if he's wonderful seeming, should I run or should talk talk to him about it and say " let's get to know each other better first "

 

Run or talk it through?

 

A legitimate man isn't going to ask you to be his girlfriend immediately.

[Robert]

**** Moderators Note ****

 

If you cannot post something helpful and your posts are directed at the thread starter to tear them down rather than build them up then let's keep those posts to yourself, thanks

 

If it continues I will close this thread and send some people on vacation

[CrystalCastles]

I don't need a partner or kids.

 

That's what your not getting. I enjoy very passionate sex and chemistry. And I'd rather have a life time of that with it not lasting than to settle down with the ONE man who never gave me butterflies or fireworks to begin with.

 

Eventually, I would like ghe intense chemistry to also coincide with true love and deep feeling and I am very happy to wait a few years.

 

I will never do the slow burn.

 

I never said anything about kids in my post, so I'm not sure where you are getting that from.

 

What is it that you need? This is what I'm really confused about. What is it that you are looking for? Are you looking for casual sex only? LTR? Because the way you are going about looking for an LTR is the way one would normally go about looking for casual sex. The sparks and intense chemistry, in casual sex that's all that matters. Lust. But in LTRs you have to consider totally different things, which I think is what you're not getting.

 

I think that you have to figure out what you want. You also have to figure out a different method of going about doing it, because right now you're not getting anywhere.

[ascendotum]

I don't see what's not mildly unfeeling and sociopathic to call someone a gf and tell them u want to be EXCLUSIVE to one a order, all the whole chatting to other women

 

And I never go out and the ONE TIME in over a year that I do go out with two trusted male friends who are married, I get blasted???????????

 

Lol I even told him of my whereabouts and asked him to join me.

 

The one time I go out to let of steam after my dad has a freaking mild heart attack and I am somehow in the wrong?????

 

You know you didn't sleep with those 2 guys but he doesn't. He's only known you for 2 wks so that's all he has to go on. He has no idea if that's the first time you been out dancing since 2013 or if you going out nite clubbing solo or with a couple of guys is a regular event for you since 2013. 99% are going to say to a guy they are considering for a bf...nothing naughty happened they are just good friends and the guy wont know if its true or not. There is a good chance this precipitated the switch to fwb. Its not because of baby stress since he was on the phone plenty teeing up some new prospects. You saw his txt history with other women...did it start in week one or only after the dance nite out?

[Leigh 87]

I never said anything about kids in my post, so I'm not sure where you are getting that from.

 

What is it that you need? This is what I'm really confused about. What is it that you are looking for? Are you looking for casual sex only? LTR? Because the way you are going about looking for an LTR is the way one would normally go about looking for casual sex. The sparks and intense chemistry, in casual sex that's all that matters. Lust. But in LTRs you have to consider totally different things, which I think is what you're not getting.

 

I think that you have to figure out what you want. You also have to figure out a different method of going about doing it, because right now you're not getting anywhere.

 

 

 

I believe you can have the most intense chemistry and sparks in a long term partner.

[Leigh 87]

You know you didn't sleep with those 2 guys but he doesn't. He's only known you for 2 wks so that's all he has to go on. He has no idea if that's the first time you been out dancing since 2013 or if you going out nite clubbing solo or with a couple of guys is a regular event for you since 2013. 99% are going to say to a guy they are considering for a bf...nothing naughty happened they are just good friends and the guy wont know if its true or not. There is a good chance this precipitated the switch to fwb. Its not because of baby stress since he was on the phone plenty teeing up some new prospects. You saw his txt history with other women...did it start in week one or only after the dance nite out?

 

Started after night out.

 

He was devestated I dogged him.

 

Texted his cousin and one friend " devo man, she dogged me, had hot air balloon nearly booked for sunrise breakfast, went all out for her and made her my gf heaps early and thort we had something special, I'm so never getting smitten and falling too hard too fast again "

 

That was a text to his cousin.

 

His work mates texted him after work also to ask him why he was acting to off at work the day he found out about the dancing with neighbours.

 

BEFORE the incident he was smitten.

 

AFTER the incident he changed.

[Leigh 87]

He sent me an apology today..

 

" worried about u.... The look on ur face when u looked and saw other girls....in my phone..

 

Look, I was smitten and wanted u as a gf truly I did and so early too, was not sensible but I

 

Was trying to isn't go with what I felt was a once in a very blue moon connection

 

I have been feeling hurt ever since u dogged me

 

I started talking to other girls which was wrong of me I should have ended it but I couldn't

 

Help myself, intense attraction and chemistry and all that jazz, loved to be around u and

 

That made it harder to end, this isn't easy for me either sorry for hurting u"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sent at 12:29 today.... From him.

[shvrk]

He sent me an apology today..

 

" worried about u.... The look on ur face when u looked and saw other girls....in my phone..

 

Look, I was smitten and wanted u as a gf truly I did and so early too, was not sensible but I

 

Was trying to isn't go with what I felt was a once in a very blue moon connection

 

I have been feeling hurt ever since u dogged me

 

I started talking to other girls which was wrong of me I should have ended it but I couldn't

 

Help myself, intense attraction and chemistry and all that jazz, loved to be around u and

 

That made it harder to end, this isn't easy for me either sorry for hurting u"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sent at 12:29 today.... From him.

 

Ehhhhh screw em. Let's take some time and find you a great guy now. The past is the past, make sure chemistry is there, wait a bit, and do the slow burning thing that you hate so much. I'll tell you right now, it's more satisfying than a constant roller coaster with different men. I'd be so stressed, girl.

 

OR since you said you didn't want a long term thing, why don't you just sleep around? Like you do? Without getting invested with emotions. If that's possible. When I had a FWB I only saw him for sex, texted platonic-ally, and maybe went over to smoke pot with him and his friends here and there. Never got too close. Turns out months later after I moved across the country, he thought we could have been something. Go figure.

 

Maybe that's the key to a FWB... don't see eachother except for "business" so you don't get all emotional... Unless you're against FWB too? I don't know I'm kinda confused too

[barcode88]

OP why do you care what this guy says/thinks? He cheated on you - move on.

 

I would seriously reconsider some of the decisions you make though, there is a general consensus here I feel that you make poor choices - I'm not trying to be disrespectful here either, honestly. But there is a reason your thread is called "You were all right"

 

Hope the next one works out better for you.

[Leigh 87]

Ehhhhh screw em. Let's take some time and find you a great guy now. The past is the past, make sure chemistry is there, wait a bit, and do the slow burning thing that you hate so much. I'll tell you right now, it's more satisfying than a constant roller coaster with different men. I'd be so stressed, girl.

 

OR since you said you didn't want a long term thing, why don't you just sleep around? Like you do? Without getting invested with emotions. If that's possible. When I had a FWB I only saw him for sex, texted platonic-ally, and maybe went over to smoke pot with him and his friends here and there. Never got too close. Turns out months later after I moved across the country, he thought we could have been something. Go figure.

 

Maybe that's the key to a FWB... don't see eachother except for "business" so you don't get all emotional... Unless you're against FWB too? I don't know I'm kinda confused too

 

 

 

 

I have done the slow burn multiple times.

 

I didn't enjoy dating men who I didn't have intense chemistry with.

 

Without the fireworks, butterflies and in love feelings I actually recoiled at the thought of having to spend time with them:sick:

 

I've tried your method. It didn't work out any better for me. The slow burn and lack of passion felt suffocating as I am introverted and didn't much like spending time with men when the magical type of chemistry as lacking.

 

I don't need to do the slow burn where both parties don't fall head over heels.

 

I need to find the chemistry I desire and then take things slower.

 

 

 

 

And I DO NOT SLEEP AROUND I sleep with men who I am dating and I feel there is long term potential with only.

 

I rarely do Fwb.

 

I am not easy I sleep in the same room as hot men I am friends with regularly and watch DVDs and chill because THEY ARE FRIENDS if I as easy I'd indiscriminately sleep with all the men who show interest..

 

I need to feel strong chemistry and feelings for me to want to bed a man. The neighbor and I had amazing chemistry and a connection hence why I did it.

[Leigh 87]

OP why do you care what this guy says/thinks? He cheated on you - move on.

 

I would seriously reconsider some of the decisions you make though, there is a general consensus here I feel that you make poor choices - I'm not trying to be disrespectful here either, honestly. But there is a reason your thread is called "You were all right"

 

Hope the next one works out better for you.

 

Yes I will stop making some of the decisions.

 

I will run from men who want bf gf early on.

 

I will not get together with people who have massive personal issues.

 

I won't, however, date men who I am not doing to make out with and who I am not excited about dating. I choose to not fall quietly in love and am going to hold out for a man who infallible Madly in love with as opposed to " meh, he thought I was nothing special not did I him, but we are sooooooo compatible so we loved hanging out. Sex was less than. Spectacular but butterflies and lust and being giddy with excitement over ur partner is a thing of Disney "

 

It's not a fairytale to meet a person u spark with and who you're really excited and who you fall hard for. This the magic. It happens. It's not always a case of " meh they were nothing special but I grew to love them as opposed to going through the IN love "

 

I know couples who were honestly smitten from date one. They have intense chemistry and passionate sex..ALL those couples have their " best sex ever "

 

None of those couples that I know so well, ever net prior partner who " they may have hardcore of a sizzle with in the bedroom but who were jerks so they went for the nice guy"

 

They waited until their 30 s sometimes 40 s and these couples held out for one if the property they shared intense chemistry with and they were ultimately compatible.

 

I tried the slow burn people here advocate however I know myself well enough to know it won't make me happy. Holding out for fireworks with the right person will. Being single and having mind blowing sex with partner who I am PASSIONATE about but who I don't stay long with is INFINITELY better than settling for mediocre to good sex with THE ONE partner who may be compatible......

[Leigh 87]

Ehhhhh screw em. Let's take some time and find you a great guy now. The past is the past, make sure chemistry is there, wait a bit, and do the slow burning thing that you hate so much. I'll tell you right now, it's more satisfying than a constant roller coaster with different men. I'd be so stressed, girl.

 

OR since you said you didn't want a long term thing, why don't you just sleep around? Like you do? Without getting invested with emotions. If that's possible. When I had a FWB I only saw him for sex, texted platonic-ally, and maybe went over to smoke pot with him and his friends here and there. Never got too close. Turns out months later after I moved across the country, he thought we could have been something. Go figure.

 

Maybe that's the key to a FWB... don't see eachother except for "business" so you don't get all emotional... Unless you're against FWB too? I don't know I'm kinda confused too

 

 

 

I need intense chemistry to enjoy sex.

 

When I feel the fireworks I get feelings.

 

Fireworks and intense chemistry and feelings go hang in hand and are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

I had one or two fwb I enjoyed. But one of them was an ex u had feelings and intense passion for. The other I had good but not great chemistry with.

 

I prefer to date the men I want and who I yearn for and desire. Rather than giving men I am meh about a chance, since I don't need a " partner " in life enough to date the men I'm not excited about dating.

 

So no fwb thanks.

 

I prefer to hold out for relationship potential....

 

I've tried casual and I didn't derive any pleasure. Needs to be romance and the falling in love part present for me to enjoy sex full stop.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Can you just try to let things unfold without doing and thinking and saying all kinds of wild stuff? I really think you should give the whole "chemistry, sparks, great love story" a rest!!! We all know already! I don't know how you are going to tell the difference between a guy you're attracted to who wants to get in your pants and tells you he is "smitten" and all that malarky, and a real connection because you won't just chill out and get to know anyone. I think you will end up with just a long string of casual sex partners, which you say is okay with you - and then you say it is not okay with you - so who knows!!! If it really is NOT what you want for the rest of your life you are really going to have to change some of your ways.

[ExpatInItaly]

He sent me an apology today..

 

" worried about u.... The look on ur face when u looked and saw other girls....in my phone..

 

Look, I was smitten and wanted u as a gf truly I did and so early too, was not sensible but I

 

Was trying to isn't go with what I felt was a once in a very blue moon connection

 

I have been feeling hurt ever since u dogged me

 

I started talking to other girls which was wrong of me I should have ended it but I couldn't

 

Help myself, intense attraction and chemistry and all that jazz, loved to be around u and

 

That made it harder to end, this isn't easy for me either sorry for hurting u"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sent at 12:29 today.... From him.

 

Meh. You already know he's not a good catch. Don't respond. Just chalk it up to experience and move on.

[Leigh 87]

Clia - he didn't ask me to be his gf until after a week in.

 

Sorry about the confusion.

 

I haven't told even my closest friends about doing neighbour a week in I only told them about the first time we fooled around. It is very shameful since I knew he was seeing someone.

 

I never cheated on the recent ex as he asked me to be his gf after the fact. And he made no indication of being bf gf until he asked me officially. He said he wanted to start out slow in fact! So much for that!

[Leigh 87]

It was a huge mistake what I did a week in. Haven't told my friends even.

 

But there was no talk of exclusivity.

 

Plus when I've dated men in the past I've never slept with someone else.

 

This was a first.

 

As soon as he asked to be bf gf I deleted all fwb and men I've very previously slept with from my phone and Facebook........

 

It's over anyway.

 

It just stings that he also said " he hated me " for it. It hurts. I really cared for him.

[clia]

It just stings that he also said " he hated me " for it. It hurts. I really cared for him.

 

Don't stress about it. He's a screwed up guy with tons of issues and drama and you are better off without him. Just delete his message and move on. You'll be fine!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Leigh maybe you can try to reorganize your thoughts. What you did "a week in" was pretty dumb and weird behavior, I think you should hold yourself to higher standards than that but you didn't do anything TO this guy. You need to work on yourself and your own behavior or you are not a good type of girl for a good guy to choose. THAT guy was a loser, and you only knew him for a few weeks I don't think even one month. I know your feelings are hurt but it was really not a relationship you will get over it fast.

 

If you want to be a girl who sleeps with one neighbor guy and dances in the home of 2 other married neighbor guys you are not in the right place to be anybody's girlfriend, you are a party girl, if you are happy right now doing that that is OK but guys ready for a relationship are NOT going to pick a girl who is into that stuff no matter whether she has a pornstar body and designer vagina or not!!! So get yourself sorted out and ACT like what you WANT TO ATTRACT, if that is people who fool around a lot, or people who want to find somebody special, whichever!!

 

I am sorry you are hurt though.

[Anela]

 

 

Sent at 12:29 today.... From him.

 

Ignore him. This is why no contact is a good thing. I was stupid to not have done it myself (well, I did for a while). They somehow always pop up when you're feeling better - at least, that's the way it happened for me. Ready to throw you into a tailspin again.

[ExpatInItaly]

Clia - he didn't ask me to be his gf until after a week in.

 

Sorry about the confusion.

 

I haven't told even my closest friends about doing neighbour a week in I only told them about the first time we fooled around. It is very shameful since I knew he was seeing someone.

 

I never cheated on the recent ex as he asked me to be his gf after the fact. And he made no indication of being bf gf until he asked me officially. He said he wanted to start out slow in fact! So much for that!

 

So you did know he wasn't totally single? If so, why did you do it? And this happened while you were seeing the now-ex, but before he asked you to become official? This was before you went dancing with the two married friends?

 

Sorry, I'm just not able to keep all the details/timeline straight.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh maybe you can try to reorganize your thoughts. What you did "a week in" was pretty dumb and weird behavior, I think you should hold yourself to higher standards than that but you didn't do anything TO this guy. You need to work on yourself and your own behavior or you are not a good type of girl for a good guy to choose. THAT guy was a loser, and you only knew him for a few weeks I don't think even one month. I know your feelings are hurt but it was really not a relationship you will get over it fast.

 

If you want to be a girl who sleeps with one neighbor guy and dances in the home of 2 other married neighbor guys you are not in the right place to be anybody's girlfriend, you are a party girl, if you are happy right now doing that that is OK but guys ready for a relationship are NOT going to pick a girl who is into that stuff no matter whether she has a pornstar body and designer vagina or not!!! So get yourself sorted out and ACT like what you WANT TO ATTRACT, if that is people who fool around a lot, or people who want to find somebody special, whichever!!

 

I am sorry you are hurt though.

 

 

 

Wtf.

 

I'm not a party girl!!!!!!!!

 

I DON'T PARTY

 

I HADN'T PARTIED SINCE 2013!!!!!!!!!!

 

I stay HOME FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHTS WITH MY CAT AND CURL UP AND WATCH DVDS

 

Partying ONCE in two years DOESN'T MAKE ME A PARTY ANIMAL FFS

[Leigh 87]

FFS

 

My dad had a mild heart attack so I went out and got drunk on beer.

 

That is NOT akin to being a party girl who goes out every weekend SHEESH

 

I am very averse to spirits and haven't had them in over two years. I can only drink wine and beer.

 

I would say I am very tame and low risk when it comes to cheating since I'VE NEVER CHEATED on an adult partner.

 

LOL I mean I don't go out and party more than one every two years......... I dint cheat...I am totally loyal once I am exclusive......

 

Quality guys DO ask to date me..Sadly, if I am not feeling like I want to date them I am not going to date a guy just because he's " so nice and decent " seeming if I lack sexual chemistry. I'd rather masturbate for life than settle for one of those guys.

[Leigh 87]

He texted an apology. Weird.

 

" I don't hate you at all I just don't trust you. Really sorry for dragging things on, don't care about the girls I was talking to them was more to get u back as I thought u were chatting to other dudes..really sorry "

 

He doesn't text me in general just the two since break up.

 

Don't think I'll have to block him as I can't foresee him texting me.

 

If he keeps texting I'll bloke though.