Hehe you were all right

[ExpatInItaly]

He texted an apology. Weird.

 

" I don't hate you at all I just don't trust you. Really sorry for dragging things on, don't care about the girls I was talking to them was more to get u back as I thought u were chatting to other dudes..really sorry "

 

He doesn't text me in general just the two since break up.

 

Don't think I'll have to block him as I can't foresee him texting me.

 

If he keeps texting I'll bloke though.

 

Not so weird really. Par for the course, for guys like him. He's still blaming you. But seeing if that door might still be open, probably because the other women aren't currently giving him enough affection and attention. I hope you have the self-respect to ignore him. He's full of crap.

[Leigh 87]

Not so weird really. Par for the course, for guys like him. He's still blaming you. But seeing if that door might still be open, probably because the other women aren't currently giving him enough affection and attention. I hope you have the self-respect to ignore him. He's full of crap.

 

 

He definately doesn't want me back. He doesn't trust me. He's told me and his mates that he'll never get back together with me.

 

Plus as much as I want to find intense chemistry again, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I can find this sort of lusty chemistry with a better man.

 

Everyone in my life tells me I am an attractive girl and I'll have no issues finding that super lusty style honeymoon period with a much better man than Scott....

 

I still believe he was smitten with me to begin with and wanted a relationship.

 

I don't think he ever lied about being super into me.

 

My manager is dating his best friend also. He told his mate that he did want a relationship until I " dogged him"

 

I will nevr believe I was simply another girl that he feels he can easily find. He was super, super attracted to me I am exactly his type so it is not like I'll ever be the back up girl. He doesn't find the chemistry and connection we had often. As he has told at least two of his friends since I read all his texts:sick:

 

Point blank, we are never getting back together. But yeah, Scott goes after the girl of his dreams he is not the type to settle for less. He wouldn't use a back up plan he isn't a loser like some men. Scott can actually attract attractive girls so he isn't desperate enough for the plan b option of a girlfriend lol......

 

He's acted mental enough for me to know that even if he decided he was head over heels in love with me and did legitimately want me back, it WOULD NOT end well due to his issues.

 

Plus it would be a deal breaker if a new guy had a sick school girl fettish as Scott does:sick: and therefore why should I give him prefered treatment lol.

[Leigh 87]

It is only after the fact that I saw he had some pretty vile inclinations when it came to his sexual preferences.

 

It's amazing we the things I was willing to brush to the side. I told myself " well we have that rare combo of intense passion AND we get along so well... Damn it, I don't wannt KNOW his unpleasant sexual fantasies :sick:"

 

After we broke up I asked him what he was really into sexually.

 

He admitted he had a school girl fettish:sick:

 

And that he prefered anal over normal sex.

 

He wanted to break it off once he lost trust in me but he put his own selfish needs first and kept me around because he enjoyed sex cuddles and hanging out. Knowing it wouldn't never work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So armed with the facts, I am much better off seeking out the same lusty and delightful chemistry but with a man who isn't into doing 18 year olds when he's 30:sick:

[ExpatInItaly]

So you didn't respond to him, right?

[ascendotum]

So you didn't respond to him, right?

I'm hoping for another unexpected twist to the story. Like he comes over with some flowers and offers to take her out to dinner and they hug at the end....and suddenly those fireworks are getting lit again and its back on.

[Leigh 87]

I'm hoping for another unexpected twist to the story. Like he comes over with some flowers and offers to take her out to dinner and they hug at the end....and suddenly those fireworks are getting lit again and its back on.

 

It's over.

 

He tells my friends guy she's bedding, that he is suffering and he wishes he could trust me because he doesn't think he can get a girl that he's this addicted to again.

 

Oh well too bad for him lol. He had a girl willing to overlook all his flaws.

 

I guess I'm lucky he didn't trust me.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's over.

 

He tells my friends guy she's bedding, that he is suffering and he wishes he could trust me because he doesn't think he can get a girl that he's this addicted to again.

 

Oh well too bad for him lol. He had a girl willing to overlook all his flaws.

 

I guess I'm lucky he didn't trust me.

 

But Leigh..you realize that kind of talk when you only dated for a few weeks isn't normal or healthy, no? It's weird. And why you're buying into it, I don't know. You seem to believe what he says even though you know he's a liar. You'd have to be a fool not to think he didn't already have a few women he was talking to before he supposedly lost trust in you. The timeline is too short. His actions and words didn't match. Ask your friends not to report back on what he says - you shouldn't pay any attention to it at all.

[Leigh 87]

But Leigh..you realize that kind of talk when you only dated for a few weeks isn't normal or healthy, no? It's weird. And why you're buying into it, I don't know. You seem to believe what he says even though you know he's a liar. You'd have to be a fool not to think he didn't already have a few women he was talking to before he supposedly lost trust in you. The timeline is too short. His actions and words didn't match. Ask your friends not to report back on what he says - you shouldn't pay any attention to it at all.

 

I read all his texts.

 

They start after he thought I cheated.

 

Look, the guy was smitten and enamoured with me. He wanted to break up as soon as he found out I "" cheated "". He was too weak willed since the sex is addictive and his attraction to me was so intense.

 

He texted his cousin about " yeh it's over after she cheated I started chatting to other girls "

 

 

 

This isn't a case of him just not being that into me. He was. I " cheated " in his mind. He lost interest in pursuing a relationship.

 

 

He really wanted a gf.

[Conners]

I read all his texts.

 

They start after he thought I cheated.

 

Look, the guy was smitten and enamoured with me. He wanted to break up as soon as he found out I "" cheated "". He was too weak willed since the sex is addictive and his attraction to me was so intense.

 

He texted his cousin about " yeh it's over after she cheated I started chatting to other girls "

 

 

 

This isn't a case of him just not being that into me. He was. I " cheated " in his mind. He lost interest in pursuing a relationship.

 

 

He really wanted a gf.

 

 

I'll give you a piece of your own advice that you regularly dish out on this forum.

 

HE WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU! If he was he would "move mountains" to be with you. Yes maybe he thought he really liked you when you first met but your personality obviously drove him away.

 

Talking yourself up the way you do is a massive turn off to anybody, including guys.

[fardaxel]

Leigh, I don't know you, but it seems that you are idealising a relationship that your friend has. They may *act* crazy about one another as the day they met, but there's a lot that goes on behind closed doors that we don't see.

 

I think equating anxiety with passion is a really bad move, as it leads us to plunge headlong into unsuitable relationships, which seems to be the case here.

 

Everyone's definition of "crazy about one another" is different. I wouldn't be placing so much emphasis on someone else's relationship, as it's very likely that what you see, and the reality, are two different things.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll give you a piece of your own advice that you regularly dish out on this forum.

 

HE WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU! If he was he would "move mountains" to be with you. Yes maybe he thought he really liked you when you first met but your personality obviously drove him away.

 

Talking yourself up the way you do is a massive turn off to anybody, including guys.

 

This. If he were truly "smitten" with you (which after 7 days, isn't realistic) he likely would've have least tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, especially under the circumstances of your night with these friends. Instead, he dropped you. Trying to convince yourself otherwise is holding you back and keeping you in an unhealthy frame of mind. Or perhaps you could at least take into account when commenting on other people's problems.

 

Also, please take the poster's last sentence into consideration. A little humility goes a long way. Men don't go for conceited women, generally.

[Leigh 87]

I'll give you a piece of your own advice that you regularly dish out on this forum.

 

HE WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU! If he was he would "move mountains" to be with you. Yes maybe he thought he really liked you when you first met but your personality obviously drove him away.

 

Talking yourself up the way you do is a massive turn off to anybody, including guys.

 

He was into me initially.

 

I agree he changed his mind.

 

 

But he was definitely very into me to begin with.

[Leigh 87]

The things I do believe he was really into me to begin with.

 

For whatever reason he changed his tune.

 

I don't believe he was close to lukewarm about me at the beginning. He wouldn't have texted his cousin and best friend telling them " best first date ever " and " I am really into this one, been a while since that happened I'm gunna go with it "

 

Lol so he definitely wasn't lukewarm on date one and two.

 

He was obviously in the end for whatever reason. It happens.

[Million.to.1]

Why do you keep repeating that he was "really into you" ?

 

Leigh, Is that all you care about? That this guy (who isn't worth another thought) wanted to bang you?.. or wanted a GF?

 

And now you really need to convince all of us, that he was TRULY into you?

 

I seriously don't get it. Why is this so important to you anyway? Do you define your worth to the world with how many guys feel "strong chemistry" and are "really into you?"

 

What else do you have to offer the world aside from your straight teeth, your bubble butt and designer vagina?

- Because maybe you should start thinking and talking about those things more and less about the superficial nonsense you make the focus of EVERY post.

[Leigh 87]

Why do you keep repeating that he was "really into you" ?

 

Leigh, Is that all you care about? That this guy (who isn't worth another thought) wanted to bang you?.. or wanted a GF?

 

And now you really need to convince all of us, that he was TRULY into you?

 

I seriously don't get it. Why is this so important to you anyway? Do you define your worth to the world with how many guys feel "strong chemistry" and are "really into you?"

 

What else do you have to offer the world aside from your straight teeth, your bubble butt and designer vagina?

- Because maybe you should start thinking and talking about those things more and less about the superficial nonsense you make the focus of EVERY post.

 

 

Because I don't date men who don't at least start out as really into me.

 

And you don't talk to me in real life lol.

 

U actually have no idea what I talk about to people.

 

My connections with men more started out with the initial fireworks and the way in which we got along. We made each other laugh, could talk about intelligent topics of discussion and THOUGHT we could be compatible.

 

It is who a guy is and who I am and the way in which we interact and perceive one another.

 

The early dates, this guy and I got along. Both introverts. I didn't actually find him attractive at first. It was after the evening progressed that I liked him. There was just " something about him " and also his humour and ability to make me laugh won me over.

 

A lot more than the superficial.

 

We had the crazy mutual attraction and also happened to make each other laugh. This is not a guy who started out lukewarm.

 

I am not the type of girl who overlooks men who start out as lukewarm about me.

[Million.to.1]

I'm talking about what you talk about ON HERE, on love-shack. Leigh. Not what you talk about with your dates. (who are really into you.)

[Leigh 87]

I'm talking about what you talk about ON HERE, on love-shack. Leigh. Not what you talk about with your dates. (who are really into you.)

 

Lmao.

 

Two entirely different people dear.

 

Plus I can tell when a man is into me. That's what I am defending.

 

I know the difference between a lukewarm man and a smitten man.

 

I also happen to give very good advice on here.

 

My advice stands to reason : men can be very into u yet change their minds fast.

 

This is what happened to me here. I won't be seen as a girl who is desperate enough to go after men who are not remotely into me.

 

I go for men for think I am gorgeous and who act like they are lucky to have me. Who want to show me off to their friends. I DO NOT ever go for men who think I'm nothing special and are using me purely for sex until a " better girl" comes along

 

I also know men and women lose interest just as fast as they fell. Because I have been the one to lose interest fast.

 

It was down to their personalities that lost my interest. Well one guy I realised I only sparked with on a platonic level. Other guy I was smitten with initially I ended up disliking his personality.

[ExpatInItaly]

What exactly transpired om this night in question? And what does he believe transpired? Why does he believe that?

 

I'm curious why he was so quick to assume you were lying and that you had cheated on him. He didn't appear interested in trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. (And yes, we know he was into you and smitten and so on. Just looking for the facts of the night he changed his mind)

[Leigh 87]

What exactly transpired om this night in question? And what does he believe transpired? Why does he believe that?

 

I'm curious why he was so quick to assume you were lying and that you had cheated on him. He didn't appear interested in trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. (And yes, we know he was into you and smitten and so on. Just looking for the facts of the night he changed his mind)

 

He distrusts women and is extremely jealous.

 

Scott is a very jealous man. My his own admission and that of his friends.

 

He sees I get a lot of male attention and he doesn't trust women in general.

[Leigh 87]

What exactly transpired om this night in question? And what does he believe transpired? Why does he believe that?

 

I'm curious why he was so quick to assume you were lying and that you had cheated on him. He didn't appear interested in trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. (And yes, we know he was into you and smitten and so on. Just looking for the facts of the night he changed his mind)

 

He did try to give me another chance. He lost all trust but tried to give me the benefit of the doubt but his heart just wasn't in it after that cheating scare ......

[Leigh 87]

Anyways I went on a date with a really nice seeming guy we both seemed smitten.

 

So I am very interested in learning from my last and pursuing things with this man now.

 

This new guy seems great so he is great friends with his ex of 17 years, they co parent to boys very harmoniously.

 

He seems like a legit nice guy so now we are dating so I can find out lol if he really is as genuinely kind hearted as he seems.

 

He reminds me of the " really nice guys " that wanted me but I wasn't sexually attracted to. Except I am actually highly specially attracted to this " nice guy"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh.. I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY UNTIL WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT THESE DATES COULD GO SOMEWHERE.

 

Lesson well and truly learnt

 

Slow.

 

NO going to one another's houses ANYTIME SOON.

 

I am done with those intense Insta relationships. A look at my history spells out how well they all worked out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow though him and I have super lusty feelings but unlike with the other guys I will savour it and out sex off for as long as humanly possible LOL......

[whirl3daway]

Hi Leigh,

I've read through a couple of your threads and like most other people, I've noticed that [on loveshack], you tend to focus a lot on what men think of you.

 

To me, it seems like you use your looks/superficial stuff as a defense mechanism. People have been asking you, what about the other stuff? What about him? What about what you thought of him? And you only respond with "well, he was clearly lusting after me in the beginning, he was super into me, he wasn't lukewarm".

 

Well... that's fine, but what about you? What did he do to impress you? Did you like the type of man he was? Did you like his character? Were you more than lukewarm with him? Did you guys have stuff in common? Did he do his best to show you that he's a good man?

 

I think PP are trying to get you to see that you spend a lot of time focusing on how the men in your life think you are worthy, but that's not really the important thing for you. I know you think sparks are important and I agree with you. I don't want to date a man who is ambivalent about me either. What I'm saying is not really about the sparks, or the lust, or the initial attraction, and I think other posters are saying the same thing.

 

You need to use the lust/sparks that you feel only to instigate a relationship. That's taken care of. From then, you must pay attention to other things. Things that I think are important:

 

- What are the man's relationships with his friends like? Are his friends good people? What does he say about them? What do they do together? Are his friends all perpetually single, or are they a mix of relationships/singles?

 

- What are the man's relationships with his family like? Are they overly enmeshed, or does he have healthy boundaries?

 

- What are the man's relationships with his exes like? Does he say positive things about them, or just negatives? If it's like "man these girls all treated me horribly, I'm a victim of their stuff, blah blah", then it's a red flag. But if he can say "you know I dated nice women and some not so nice women, but I learned from each relationship and wish them well", that's good.

 

- If he has children, what is his relationship with his kids like? Does he take care of them? Does he do everything in his power to see them? If not, that's a red flag. A good man does everything in his power to see his kiddos regardless of what an ex does/says.

 

- How does he take care of himself? Does he eat well, exercise? Does he have hobbies? Does he have enough of a job/career that he can be an independent adult without relying on you?

 

- How does he speak to you? Is it complementary but not overtly so? Does he say things like "I'm very attracted to you and I think you're wonderful", but not things like "I'm obsessed with you, I think you're my soulmate, I think you're the love of my life?" Guys who come on strong like that tend to leave quickly/lose interest fast in my experience.

 

So... that's a lot of typing to basically say that... while you are right to look for the sparks at first because that's something that's important to most of us, but especially to you... you have to use it as a "diving board" in order to learn more about the person.

 

It can be very easy to get lost in the fireworks, which is why I think other people have been telling you to be wary of looking for them. People tend to be on their best behavior in the first 3-6 months, and you have the hormones doing their best to make you think this person is the BEST EVER, so you have to be especially vigilant that you're doing your best to evaluate the type of person a man is, BEYOND the sparks.

[Leigh 87]

And the new guy had two boys so he isn't making grand over the top statements, he isn't telling me " you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met ".

 

And while he said he's looking for someone special to grow old with, he isn't a fan of jumping into relationships. At least not until he feels comfortable introducing a woman to his sons.

 

So... Same heady chemistry but with the breaks on. He hasn't done anything alarming or abnormal. Yet. TOUCH WOOD.

 

Please be nice and normal this time lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last guy was a bit of a playboy I digress... He has a super glamorous highly paid career filled with overseas travel and orgies and threesomes.

 

 

 

 

 

Current guy is the opposite. He's all about his kids and he sacrificed the first part of his life being a teenage father and hence hadn't experienced the joys of travel yet but he is now on the path to traveling and he cannot wait:)

 

 

 

 

Anyways wish me luck and if all goes well, I won't NEED to write a thread about him.

 

 

.....unless he really is as genuine and kind hearted and normal as he appears to be on the surface.

 

 

I will be so stunned if this guy turns out well that I prob will come back in here and be like... HES NORMAL.

[Conners]

Wow you've already got someone new lined up? Are you really that afraid of being single?

 

Goes to show how much you really liked this guy since you are already moving on. they must of been some crazy fireworks

[Leigh 87]

Hi Leigh,

I've read through a couple of your threads and like most other people, I've noticed that [on loveshack], you tend to focus a lot on what men think of you.

 

To me, it seems like you use your looks/superficial stuff as a defense mechanism. People have been asking you, what about the other stuff? What about him? What about what you thought of him? And you only respond with "well, he was clearly lusting after me in the beginning, he was super into me, he wasn't lukewarm".

 

Well... that's fine, but what about you? What did he do to impress you? Did you like the type of man he was? Did you like his character? Were you more than lukewarm with him? Did you guys have stuff in common? Did he do his best to show you that he's a good man?

 

I think PP are trying to get you to see that you spend a lot of time focusing on how the men in your life think you are worthy, but that's not really the important thing for you. I know you think sparks are important and I agree with you. I don't want to date a man who is ambivalent about me either. What I'm saying is not really about the sparks, or the lust, or the initial attraction, and I think other posters are saying the same thing.

 

You need to use the lust/sparks that you feel only to instigate a relationship. That's taken care of. From then, you must pay attention to other things. Things that I think are important:

 

- What are the man's relationships with his friends like? Are his friends good people? What does he say about them? What do they do together? Are his friends all perpetually single, or are they a mix of relationships/singles?

 

- What are the man's relationships with his family like? Are they overly enmeshed, or does he have healthy boundaries?

 

- What are the man's relationships with his exes like? Does he say positive things about them, or just negatives? If it's like "man these girls all treated me horribly, I'm a victim of their stuff, blah blah", then it's a red flag. But if he can say "you know I dated nice women and some not so nice women, but I learned from each relationship and wish them well", that's good.

 

- If he has children, what is his relationship with his kids like? Does he take care of them? Does he do everything in his power to see them? If not, that's a red flag. A good man does everything in his power to see his kiddos regardless of what an ex does/says.

 

- How does he take care of himself? Does he eat well, exercise? Does he have hobbies? Does he have enough of a job/career that he can be an independent adult without relying on you?

 

- How does he speak to you? Is it complementary but not overtly so? Does he say things like "I'm very attracted to you and I think you're wonderful", but not things like "I'm obsessed with you, I think you're my soulmate, I think you're the love of my life?" Guys who come on strong like that tend to leave quickly/lose interest fast in my experience.

 

So... that's a lot of typing to basically say that... while you are right to look for the sparks at first because that's something that's important to most of us, but especially to you... you have to use it as a "diving board" in order to learn more about the person.

 

It can be very easy to get lost in the fireworks, which is why I think other people have been telling you to be wary of looking for them. People tend to be on their best behavior in the first 3-6 months, and you have the hormones doing their best to make you think this person is the BEST EVER, so you have to be especially vigilant that you're doing your best to evaluate the type of person a man is, BEYOND the sparks.

 

 

 

Oh I was into him.

I have a lot of men who are really into ME but who I don't feel the spark with.

Rarely is the chemistry mutual.

 

Beyond the chemistry? The last guy;

 

- had three kids to two diff mums at age 29

- fought for his kids but they ultimately reside in a orher state with his ex.

- his latest ex is threatening to never let him see his new baby sin UNLESS he gets back with her. Which he refuses.

-Doesn't have a good relationship with his parents.

- said two of his good mates dogged him ( a few days before break up)

- says he hates drama yet it consumes his life

- claims to have gone for three fruit cake exes

 

- had a school girl fettish and enjoyed 18 year olds when he is nearly 30

- wanted a " sub" in the bedroom p

- wanted his sub to service him and attend to daily anal and blow jobs when he claims he rarely enjoys licking vagina unless the vagina looks perfect