Hehe you were all right

[Leigh 87]

Wow you've already got someone new lined up? Are you really that afraid of being single?

 

Goes to show how much you really liked this guy since you are already moving on. they must of been some crazy fireworks

 

I had intense chemistry with the first guy. But clearly there was nothing more there.

 

Or we would be together.

 

We only dated a month. It feels right to move on now after nearly a week broken up.

 

I am equally as attracted to the new guy and he seems like a better character so far so he deserves a chance.

[ExpatInItaly]

He distrusts women and is extremely jealous.

 

Scott is a very jealous man. My his own admission and that of his friends.

 

He sees I get a lot of male attention and he doesn't trust women in general.

 

That doesn't answer my question at all. What did you do, exactly? And what does he think you did?

[Leigh 87]

Wow you've already got someone new lined up? Are you really that afraid of being single?

 

Goes to show how much you really liked this guy since you are already moving on. they must of been some crazy fireworks

 

 

 

Not afraid of single. Have turned three guys down in the week lost break up. Great seeming men but I just didn't lust over them.

 

New guy I feel giddy and excited about and feel that GOOD feeling. Stronger than I felt with the recent ex.

 

I took time to warm up to the recent ex..... He was smitten and I wasn't initially. But was into him somewhat.

 

It wasn't until after the cheating scandal where he wanted to drop me that I REALLY panicked.

 

I was torn between him and my neighbour to be very candid. The neighbour has since left his partner. Not to be with me but I was the catalyst for what he knew was coming for a long time......

 

So I REALLY became enamoured with the recent ex after I HE LOST INTEREST.

 

I am more convinced that the ex and I only shared the sexual firworks with little substance. Although we did like each other's personalities. But there was something " missing" now in retrospect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOKING back, the ex and I clearly had shaky foundations. We did share a connection but not a strong enough romantic one. We had feelings but not enough to sustain a long term relationship.

 

I was all excited about the fact he seemed to fall hard for me in the first week. For once, a man who I'm very attracted to likes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Conners]

I had intense chemistry with the first guy. But clearly there was nothing more there.

 

Or we would be together.

 

We only dated a month. It feels right to move on now after nearly a week broken up.

 

I am equally as attracted to the new guy and he seems like a better character so far so he deserves a chance.

 

You seem desperate for a relationship or a guy to be into you at all times though. Take a break from dating perhaps, you're approaching the fourth guy this year and it's only April.

[Leigh 87]

That doesn't answer my question at all. What did you do, exactly? And what does he think you did?

 

I don't want to talk about him anymore.

 

He had a right to be pisssed.

 

We both did wrong by one another.

 

I never cheated because we weren't bf or gf to my knowledge......... When I slept with neighbour.

 

Afterwards he was all like " but u were my gf omgggggg"

 

It was A WEEK in though and I couldn't decide who I wanted: him or neighbour.

 

I actually thought I would go for the neighbour IF he left his partner and had grieved the loss properly.

 

It was my recent ex wanting to break it off that made me realise hmmmmmmm I want him after all.

 

After the alleged cheating he wanted to break up. I was indifferent to it at first. Because I did have a huge crush in the neighbour anyway......

 

Then I went into panic mode and I didn't want to lose him so I begged for another chance.......... He didn't want to give it to me but when we talked IN PERSON he couldn't resist the sexual chemistry and we DID enjoy each other's company so...........

 

That's a more complete outline of the series of events that unfolded.

[Leigh 87]

You seem desperate for a relationship or a guy to be into you at all times though. Take a break from dating perhaps, you're approaching the fourth guy this year and it's only April.

 

Not desperate for a relationship.

 

I've turned a lot of men down who were really decent seeming.

 

I need the firworks. Not just any guy.

[Conners]

Not desperate for a relationship.

 

I've turned a lot of men down who were really decent seeming.

 

I need the firworks. Not just any guy.

 

You seem to get fireworks for anyone who seems interested in you.

[Leigh 87]

So looking back I think this ex of kinds good looks and the fact he had a powerful career and flashy lifestyle caused me to falsely think I was soooooo into him.

 

The sexual chemistry and cuddles ( he is a 6"4 big man who is epic at cuddling ) and the fact he was funny to me were the things I liked.

 

The drama and the fact we had sexual chemistry to begin with and the fact I want strong sexual sparks kept me in the loop A LOT LONGER than I should have been.......

 

There was never any great sense of comfort with him. Even when he was into me, I wasn't as into him.

 

And my interest sky rocketed once I thought I lost him. And the roles reversed.

 

He attracts drama into his life. Where as my mates are all calm mellow people. Who all hate drama.

[Leigh 87]

You seem to get fireworks for anyone who seems interested in you.

 

No.

 

I have turned down two men in this week alone.

 

Men who were very very interested lol in dating me.

 

The man prior to the recent ex??? Turned him down. And he was a saint of a man.

 

Umm between the ex Ex and the most recent ex, I turned a cute American guy from Ohio down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turn a LOT more men down than I do date them........

 

If I wanted to be in a relationship I would.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This yeah I have felt sexually super into three or four men.

 

Major fireworks with TWO of the four.

[Conners]

No.

 

I have turned down two men in this week alone.

 

Men who were very very interested lol in dating me.

 

The man prior to the recent ex??? Turned him down. And he was a saint of a man.

 

Umm between the ex Ex and the most recent ex, I turned a cute American guy from Ohio down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turn a LOT more men down than I do date them........

 

If I wanted to be in a relationship I would.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This yeah I have felt sexually super into three or four men.

 

Major fireworks with TWO of the four.

 

You said just a few posts earlier that you've turned down 3 men this week and now you're saying two. So which one is it? Many of your threads have several inconsistencies which leads many people to believe you are lying or exaggerating things you say. I really dont care that you've apparently turned down several men to be honest, it's not exactly an indicator of how great you are. You're a woman with options, like many of us. The rest of us don't feel like we are superior because of it.

[Leigh 87]

I've given guys I did NOT have fireworks with a chance too! One of the Irish indated I lacked firworks with but was into him.....In retrospect I shouldn't have dated him. But I have a penchant for Irish.

The Irish back in January, the OTHER Irish I dated THIS year....... I was more into than the more recent ex in THIS THREAD but the recent ex was just phenomenal at sex.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am getting experienced at dating and I am honestly learning from my misteps.

 

 

 

I am confident each guy from here on out will be less defective than the last:sick:

 

 

 

The more I learn about what felt " off" and " missing" about an ex, the more I know to avoid red flags and follow my intuition.

 

 

 

Right now I am very confident that I'll make better choices in men than j did esrly this year:sick:

 

 

 

I now look for committment orientated men, men who are nice about exes, men who seem like kind hearted people and men who aren't aren't over the top but still tell me I'm beautiful in healthy doses......

[Leigh 87]

You said just a few posts earlier that you've turned down 3 men this week and now you're saying two. So which one is it? Many of your threads have several inconsistencies which leads many people to believe you are lying or exaggerating things you say. I really dont care that you've apparently turned down several men to be honest, it's not exactly an indicator of how great you are. You're a woman with options, like many of us. The rest of us don't feel like we are superior because of it.

 

I never said I felt superior

 

Three in 1.5 weeks sorry I stand corrected.

 

The other guy was half a week prior to this weeks two men.

 

I do not get excited about the majority of men.........

[Diezel]

Anyways wish me luck and if all goes well, I won't NEED to write a thread about him.

 

I honestly do wish you the best of luck with the new guy, but a part of me can't help but think: May's thread, coming soon.

[Leigh 87]

So I decline far far more men than I opt to date.

 

Like most of u I could be in a relationship with a nice guy if I so chose to, the like many of you, I'm just not highly sexually into the nice guys who want a relationship with ME.

 

I read this guys profile and spoke at length with him before looking at his pic.

He sounded like he had very good values. Talked about how important his family is and he had a very positive outlook in life. He sounded mellow and upbeat.

 

Then I looked at his pic and I thought he was very cute.. I definately felt some online chemistry but as usual wasn't sure if it would translate into real life.

 

So at least I take the time to focus on what a guy sounds like as a person before I even consider him worthy of meeting....

 

This is the first time I took the time to really have a good talk to the guy in order to see if he sounded normal and promising

[Leigh 87]

I honestly do wish you the best of luck with the new guy, but a part of me can't help but think: May's thread, coming soon.

 

 

I picked this guy based in how he sounded before I even looked at his private pics which were not available to the public.

 

 

At least, while I won't ever compromise on this instant sparks and lustful chemistry, I am picking now based on his they sound as opposed to what they look like.

 

 

 

I looked at his pic after I got talking to him for an hour or so and felt we got along well and he seemed like one of the nice guys for sure.

 

 

 

 

I thought he was very very cute.

[Leigh 87]

And so what I date a lot.

 

I turn far more men down than I date.

 

So I don't just want anyone lol.

 

But at least I'm putting myself out there and gaining valuable experience.

 

I picked current guy as a candidate because he seemed as nice as the really nice guys who wanted me ( but I never wanted sexually). Yet I am actually attracted to this " nice guy"

 

No idea who he is yet BUT chances are, he'll be better than the LAST guy.........

 

I chose a nice guy who I wasn't very sexually into; then a guy who I was super sexually attracted to but whO WAS A JERK

 

NOW I am hoping to find the nice guy who I'm actually having the super lusty feelings for in one package !!!!

 

I am putting s LOT more focus on a mans character and getting to know him.

 

That is what I intend on doing here. The attraction seems off the charts but the pace at which I proceed with me severely slowed.

 

BECAUSE I have experience in dating, I can now approach things better.

 

Already I am putting loads more focus on his character. Despite the seemingly mutual stroooooong sexual chemistry....

[Leigh 87]

Lol shouldn't I be handed a gold star for actually reading his profile and TALKING TO HIM before even getting to see what he looked like .!!!?!?!??!$??????

 

 

 

 

 

I knew it was a gamble but when I saw his pics I was blown away at how cute I found him.

 

 

 

Both of us think it seems too good to be true lol.

 

 

And no, no talk of " soul mates " or umm... Finding me " so much more attractive than his exes":sick: cough player cough.........

[Leigh 87]

I was an idiot with last guy.

 

He was just super nerdy AND hot and I was super attracted to his persona and the way he said and did things.

 

He had a few good values like he spoke of how he was a big believer in sticking by a partners side through injury or disease.

 

But aside from his loyalty to his long term girls, he had way too many issues. And he wasn't that nice to everyone around him......

 

So I clearly went for him for the wrong reasons.

 

At the time I was caught up in lust and I will always find his personality " attractive" at least superficially.

[whirl3daway]

There was never any great sense of comfort with him. Even when he was into me, I wasn't as into him.

 

And my interest sky rocketed once I thought I lost him. And the roles reversed.

 

you know, this kinda stuck out to me. it seems like you have an issue w/ abandonment. I used to feel very similarly to this. It kept me in relationships with people that were bad for me for much longer than I should have stayed. It also made me feel very nervous about being alone/single, and I looked to other men to distract me from that hollow feeling. I jumped from relationship to relationship [even short ones!] because the thought of being alone (not actually physically being alone) without someone to pay attention to me was horrible.

 

abandonment/attachment issues basically make you act like this. not super interested until they're gone, and when they're gone, it's like they were your soulmate and you will never find someone as awesome as them, etc. maybe this isn't true for you but maybe it's something to work on in therapy.

[clia]

Lol shouldn't I be handed a gold star for actually reading his profile and TALKING TO HIM before even getting to see what he looked like .!!!?!?!??!$??????

 

 

I hadn't realized you were previously focused on looks, because you kept saying you went for average looking guys who other girls didn't want.

 

But yes, it's great to get to know a guy!

 

Both of us think it seems too good to be true lol.

 

Even this...too much. Too invested. You shouldn't even be having conversations like this on a first date. You just met him and had one date. You've barely scratched the surface of who he is. Anyone can seem too good to be true after one date.

 

Just keep it slow, slow, slow.

 

And again, I can't understand why you are with another guy who has kids when you've repeatedly said you don't want kids. At your age it shouldn't be too hard to find men who don't already have children.

[ExpatInItaly]

Where the heck do you find all these guys?

[Diezel]

Where the heck do you find all these guys?

 

It seems like it's online.

[melissacus]

Leigh, I don't know you, but from your posts and comments you seem very insecure. You are constantly trying to convince yourself and others that this guy was indeed interested in you, was attracted to you, that you have many other guys that are interested in you, you deny most of them, etc. Nobody who is self-confident feels the want/need to express their "confidence" or worth to people. The need to do that is called compensation....for something that's lacking. My advice is to stop dating and accepting the attention of men (any woman can find a man who will pay attention to her so do not feel special because you have multiple men giving you attention/asking you for dates), and to start focusing on being able to validate and love yourself. You sound like a very lost woman with very low self-esteem. I am not judging you negatively or trying to be mean, this is just what I feel from your posts.

[Leigh 87]

you know, this kinda stuck out to me. it seems like you have an issue w/ abandonment. I used to feel very similarly to this. It kept me in relationships with people that were bad for me for much longer than I should have stayed. It also made me feel very nervous about being alone/single, and I looked to other men to distract me from that hollow feeling. I jumped from relationship to relationship [even short ones!] because the thought of being alone (not actually physically being alone) without someone to pay attention to me was horrible.

 

abandonment/attachment issues basically make you act like this. not super interested until they're gone, and when they're gone, it's like they were your soulmate and you will never find someone as awesome as them, etc. maybe this isn't true for you but maybe it's something to work on in therapy.

 

 

 

Mum and dad moved overseas when I was a child. To Hong Kong. I an an aussie girl.

 

While I did visit them a lot and also have stints living there, I was initially raised by family friends from age 10 ish to 10 on and off.

 

Yes I have abandonment issues.

 

But I also have a heavily romantic idea of what I want out of relationships. So I seriously don't stick with men who I'm NOT highly, highly sexually into.

 

I do hold out for amazing sexually chemistry.. I decline so many men.... So thus isn't about me needing to refrain from dating...I do hold out for men I'm into as opposed to men I am lukewarm about.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I don't know you, but from your posts and comments you seem very insecure. You are constantly trying to convince yourself and others that this guy was indeed interested in you, was attracted to you, that you have many other guys that are interested in you, you deny most of them, etc. Nobody who is self-confident feels the want/need to express their "confidence" or worth to people. The need to do that is called compensation....for something that's lacking. My advice is to stop dating and accepting the attention of men (any woman can find a man who will pay attention to her so do not feel special because you have multiple men giving you attention/asking you for dates), and to start focusing on being able to validate and love yourself. You sound like a very lost woman with very low self-esteem. I am not judging you negatively or trying to be mean, this is just what I feel from your posts.

 

Um the thing is, I really do think I'm more attractive than the average woman. Not model material but yeh, I sort of can get more attention than the average girl. I would know, I have girlfriends who don't receive the amount of male attention I do.

 

I happen to date only men who think I'm gorgeous instantly. There's nothing wrong with that. I prefer a loved up, heady and romantic lusty early phase. Nothing wrong with that.

 

And thus current man isnt better pick than the last men because I'm making strides in picking better men......

 

I am genuinly smitten with his personality and relish in our lovey dovey esque cannot kttpnput hands to ourselves type of chemistry..

 

I am taking it very slow though.

 

By the way if I had low self esteem I would be the type to go for men who aren't into me. Instead, I only pursue men who act smitten and enamoured..

 

Yes men change their minds. But if a guy checks out of the relationship or stops being into me I... Come and mak a thread. I mentally checked out of the last guy.... I wanted to be selfless thought and stick by him plus the sex was great so u thoughht why not. I was not at all shocked when it ended.

 

But yeah, I view myself as a woman who can go hold out for the men who think I'm a beautiful girl inside and out.

 

I'm not the type who will waste much time with men who are clearly not that into me.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Leigh 87