purple21 Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 hmm - need some help with a sorta fwb situation posted about him awhile back when i became emotionally attached. Anywho, it's a friend from work that i ended hooking up with back in Dec a couple times and once again in Jan, between now and then we emailed and texted once in awhile - just friendly stuff - well I texted him last Sat and he invites me over - wasn't expecting that - but went over - i guess i'm glutton for punishment - however have a better mindset about it now Well we hung out til 6 in the morning, fooled around a little and feel asleep (no sex this time - which is probably a good thing), woke up, hung out and fooled around a little again, as he went to take a shower i figure i should get myself home and do the same - well he asks me what i'm doing - tell him not sure - and he was like oh you just going home to shower and stuff, well i have to run to the store and stuff and i'll text you in a couple hours and kissing me a couple times goodbye. Yes very sweet and all but based on past experience with him - wasn't expecting that text (does no one talk on the phone anymore - lol) - and of course never got it. Well surprisingly he sends me an email at work - just saying hey - so i hey him back and ask him what's up - he just asks me if i'm back full time (yeah the work thing is another issue - i'm actually laid off - last day 9/30 - eeks) - i get back to him 20mins later say no and ask him if he wanted to meet for lunch because that was one thing he mentioned the day before - he says well he just ordered lunch with his group - i said cool another time and asked him how he was doing - well he says not good but he will live - well i ask him what's wrong and tell him he could call me later So i text him at night asking him if he was better - and he said not really missing his mom. Here is where my current issue lies - while hanging out on Sat he would randomly tell me the issues in his life right now - he's currently taking some bipolar and schizophrenea (sp?) medication, and he hasn't talked to his mom in months - even changed his phone# so she couldn't call him - because he said his father abused him and she knew about it and didn't do anything about it - he even read me a note (that he keeps in his wallet) from her telling him she was sorry and didn't know about it - thinking back i'm not sure what the abuse was or when it took place - i didn't ask. He also has some health issues from being in desert storm. I also know but he didn't really mention it only the fact that he still talks to her - that he has been on and off in this ldr - i don't know all the details of it though - it seems to be off when we talk but who knows. I also know that he drinks and smokes pot pretty heavily - well on the weekends at least - i know a lot people do those things on the weekend me included - but it seems pretty excessive. But getting that text from him tonight broke my heart - i told him if he didn't want to call her then write her a letter - he said i was the 2nd person to tell him that but it's too hard sorry - i also suggested writing a letter to her and not actually sending it for now might help - and just says and i know that how - well i just told him it helps sometimes just to get out those feelings and thoughts out on paper (and tried lightening it a bit and saying then he could use it to write a song - we are both really into music) - well no response after that so i just sent him a text later to try and have a relaxing night and hope things get better for him. Hmm - I guess I'm just not sure how to help or what to do or what to say - i guess i felt like he was reaching out in a way. When we do get together - which i admit isn't too often lol - he seems so gung ho on hanging out together - meeting me with kisses at the door - talking to all hours of the night - making reference to hanging out again. I'm really trying not to think about it relationship wise this time, this time i just feel more concerned as a friend i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Been there done that..prolly got a t-shirt...lol This is such a hard situation as a friend you want to be there for them in their time of need but as a person that has feelings for that friend it's hard not to get attached. And if you get attached you feel that pain of heartbreak over and over. Someone once told me that women are attracted to a**h*** guys..not saying that your friend is but I think it's something to do with that untouchable factor that we are attracted to...ya know what I mean. Women are natural nurturers (sp?) and we like to take care of people. My friend could call me right this second, invite me over and without a question in my head I would be there for him for WHATEVER he needed. But I have to always remind myself that that may be all it ever is...just fillin needs. That's where we have to protect our hearts... My suggestion is hold on to your heart. Keep it close and be there for your friend...sounds like he has some major emotional and physical needs that have to be addressed and just remember there is only so much you can do to help him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple21 Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered Been there done that..prolly got a t-shirt...lol This is such a hard situation as a friend you want to be there for them in their time of need but as a person that has feelings for that friend it's hard not to get attached. And if you get attached you feel that pain of heartbreak over and over. Someone once told me that women are attracted to a**h*** guys..not saying that your friend is but I think it's something to do with that untouchable factor that we are attracted to...ya know what I mean. Women are natural nurturers (sp?) and we like to take care of people. My friend could call me right this second, invite me over and without a question in my head I would be there for him for WHATEVER he needed. But I have to always remind myself that that may be all it ever is...just fillin needs. That's where we have to protect our hearts... My suggestion is hold on to your heart. Keep it close and be there for your friend...sounds like he has some major emotional and physical needs that have to be addressed and just remember there is only so much you can do to help him. Thanks Skeered for reading my post, your advice really helps - glad i'm not the only one like this. Yeah I guess I went there last Sat thinking it would all be fun and I could handle it. Now I'm just confused I guess after him telling me all this stuff and contacting me yesterday about it. I'm definitely one of those nurturing type people. And I realize that he just has way too much going on for any sort of relationship besides friendship to come out of all this. That is one thing I have to keep telling myself though is that I have to protect myself and not get too sucked in. I'm also telling myself this for another guy i'm talking to that contacts me via im everynight. I guess i'm just a good listener - maybe i should start charging - jk But seriously for the friend from work - I feel really bad and wish I could do something to help but I guess the only thing I can do is be there for him if he needs it, you're right. He is so erratic though, I'm not sure when I'll hear from him again. I'm also not sure what to say to him if he does contact me. Oh well I guess I'll see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Don't sit around and wait for the phone calls either..by you just being in the background of his life helps to I think. They know your there and they will call if they need to..be steadfast for him but don't call him and bug him let him heal. I had to learn this one too..almost the hard way because I almost bugged him to a point that I could have lost him forever. As far as my situation goes at this point I have an incredible friendship out of what has happened and I wouldn't change that for the world...just remember stay strong for yourself first so you don't get hurt in the end.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple21 Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Thanks again Skeered - you are right and very helpful I don't have anyone else to really talk about this because my friends know who he is and I don't want to be spreading around info like that, so I really appreciate it. Your right - my first instinct is to text him tonight if I didn't hear from him just to say hi and see how he was doing today - he is not in work today. But I don't want to be a pest either - which I felt I was in the past - lol but he never really said anything about it. I'm not planning to be standing around the phone this time though - I know better now. Of course it is still a little difficult to do though - lol - of course I'll be happy if I do hear from him - oh brother. I'm just going to keep super busy. Yes yes - I will stay strong - I have been pretty strong the last month or two. Plus I have my own problems to worry about - just got laid off from work (last day 9/30) - yuck. So I'm also contemplating moving the heck out of town - a little scared because I'll be on my own - but now is the time if any. Plus my ex seems to be calling me way too much lately - which I have no interest in - I'll only answer once in awhile - lol - and then I make him buy me lunch. Hmmm - maybe someday I'll meet someone that I will talk to on the phone in person and go on real dates and hang out, I'm really not asking for too much Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple21 Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 ok - i just text'd him a hello msg - didn't mention anything else - even though i was a little worried he wasn't in work today - who knows but that's it - it he wants to contact me back that's cool - if not there isn't anything else i can do that's the plan and i'm sticking to it hmm - is it 9/30 yet - i need to get the heck out of town - lol - where's a nice city for a 31 year old single girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple21 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Share Posted April 21, 2005 Crap - haven't heard back from him I sorta saw him at work today - waved to me I know it hasn't been much time and I shouldn't of put myself in this position again - but it still stinks Just had to vent a little - grrr - alright i won't think about it anymore have a fun night planned for tomorrow - that will help Hmm - offered a job in Austin, TX - anyone from there? Blah - too much stress right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple21 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 Yep still nothing - what a bunch of crap Oh good just got a picture of my last crush (which I had for years) of his wife and new baby - yeah And IM friend i met online still im's me everynight - oh yep there he is but that's it Sorry just needed to vent - just a little frustrated Link to post Share on other sites
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