A Year of Darkness and then Light

[BulgarianBoy]

I want to start by saying that this is my first thread in this forum. I found this forum back in May of last year when my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and left me in a fragile state. Ever since, I have been a frequent visitor, reading the stories of countless others and sharing their joys and sorrows. To be honest, I initially used the forum as a way to keep my hope up that people DO in fact get back together, be it after a few days, months, or even years. However, as the days passed I slowly began to change, mentally and emotionally, and finally realized the true beauty of this forum. This is a place where everyone can share your most emotional and intimate part of your life with some of the most understanding and compassionate people I have ever met. I know I will probably never meet any one of you, but I personally want to thank everyone on this forum, for giving me hope and inspiring me to change into the person I now am.

 

 

Someone once told me "If you make an impact on one person in your life, even if it's the slightest impact, then your life will be complete." All of you guys have made an impact on me and now I want to hopefully help someone in return. I promised myself, that if I do find a way out of the darkness I will come back and help others with what I went through. This is my attempt.

 

 

I have been through a lot the past year, a year of darkness. The first few months of the break up were extremely hard; I couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything productive. All I ever thought was about my ex-girlfriend and what I can do to get her back. I went against the advice of everyone on this forum, I KEPT IN CONTACT. I know some of you guys are going to make fun of me for that, but in the end you learn best from your own mistakes. I now realized why that was such a bad idea, but my younger, less-experienced self did not know that. What is even more embarrassing was that I kept sticking around despite being rejected multiple times, and my ex clearly talking to other guys. Despite all of that, I was still there and every time she needed help or advice on something, guess who was the first to offer it. Bingo!

 

 

Everything changed a few months ago when I woke up one day and realized that if I keep doing this to myself I will constantly be in a state of unhappiness. I at that point I began my no contact (about 6 months ago). In the begging, it was really hard. I constantly felt the need to reach back to my comfort zone and shoot her a text, but somehow I resisted myself. However, every day I did not text her, my mind became more clear. I began to see the flaws in her, in me, and most importantly in our relationship. I learned a lot ever since, and I am really grateful for that. I am definitely a changed person; if my ex saw me walking down the street she will never recognize the person I have become. I LOVE my new self. I am much more open, caring, and loving. I treat people with much more respect and most importantly, I am finally happy again.

 

 

Last night I was drinking with my friends, we were having a great time joking around and just doing our regular boy shenanigans. Before I went to bed, I went on Facebook and for the first time in a while I decided to go to the profile of my ex (we were still friends on FB). I looked through the profile, and genuinely smiled. I smiled, because I finally realized that unknowingly I finally let go of everything. I let go of all the darkness, of all of the pain, and most importantly of the hate I had towards her for what she did. After looking at her posts for a few minutes, I slowly went back to the top of the page and hit the unfriend button. I then put my phone away, and fell asleep still with a smile on my face.

 

 

If someone broke your heart just hang in there. I know it is hard, I have been there. But trust me, your smile will come one day and you will be grateful for it. For the record I do not hate my ex, and I learned that things happen for a reason. I do in fact still love her, but not in the way that you might think. I love her as a person that was once part of my life and changed me for the better. I hope she is happy, and she finds what she was looking for.

[luvme1]

Awesome post. Very inspiring! It's so good to see people finding happiness WITHOUT getting their ex back. Way to go!