Metal Heart Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I've been with my boyfriend for a while, its a great relationship but we got together when we were both quite young. We've been together just over 4 years now (I was 18 when we got together) and before him I'd had two other boyfriends, both who I slept with. Now in a sense I really don't care that we got together quite young, because he is the most caring loving person I have ever met, and I do truly love him. Recently though, I've found myself flirting with all sorts of men, some my ages, some about 10 years older, but it's always when I'm out with my best friend, I would never do it in front of my BF. I never let anyone think I'm intending to go further, and I've only ever given out my number once to a guy who I'd starting considering a friend, but then he would come into work, and while I was working (bar work) he would text me saying how "s*** hot" I looked and stuff! Now I have got to admit, I love the attention, but is this cheating? My BF does compliment and buy me things all the time, but no matter what he says I feel better about myself if someone outside our relationship is complimenting me and flirting, but I don't know why. I think it's just for attention why I do it, and like i said i would never sleep with any of these guys, but surely wanting attention from other men when I'm truly happy in my relationship isn't normal?! So I think deep down, what I'm saying is, although I have no intention of cheating on my BF now, if I love the attention so much from other guys now, just 4 years into the relationship, will I crave it even more as time goes on? Cause I'm hoping its just a phase, if it isn't does it mean I'll be more likely to cheat in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I think it depends on your own morality if you will cheat or not. My XW was the same way though. I told her everyday how beautiful I thought she was, how attractive, how sexy. And I tried to show her how much I desired her, as much as you can anyway when you are constantly getting rejected and turned down. Her response was always "yeah, whatever" to me telling her these things. But when guys at work made sexually harrasing comments and said things, then it meant something to her, then she felt sexy or attractive. In her mind when I said these things they didn't count because as her husband I was required or obligated to say these things. It didn't matter that I truly felt that way. Is that what you are feeling perhaps? My XW was an attention wh*re. And she was 18 when we got together. I think part of it was the maturity level, and part that she felt she didn't get to "have fun" and experience being with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metal Heart Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 I honestly dont think i would cheat, but theres a niggling feeling all involved about my future. Wehn my BF says things to me I never shrug them off, I'll smile and say thankyou or something, even if I don't believe him (ie at the moment I'm trying to lose weight off my legs inparticular, and he said the other day that they looked thinner, and though I didnt believe him i smiled and said thankyou!) I just wish I didn't flirt, I do it without realising, i've always been brought up in pubs and around men, and so I'm used to using my sexuality on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Hello, Here is a thought you might wish to consider. How would you feel if your boyfriend was flirting with numerous women behind your back? I don't think you would feel very good and you would certainly feel disrespected and humiliated if you found out. Maybe you should contemplate this. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I think the issues is something you dismissed at the beginning of your post: you got with him young and have been with him a long time. To me, an over abundance of pleasure or need for approval from members of the opposite sex, at your age, means that you're not old enough for a committed relationship. To be straight, but if my g/f gave her number to a dude in a bar (or a customer in a place of work), I'd break up with her. Not because I was injured, but because that's just not right. I'd have a talk about this with your b/f, not in a confessional sense, but just to get it on the table. Tell him that you might want to see other people if it comes to it, but for now you are cool to hang with him. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by Bryanp Hello, Here is a thought you might wish to consider. How would you feel if your boyfriend was flirting with numerous women behind your back? I don't think you would feel very good and you would certainly feel disrespected and humiliated if you found out. Maybe you should contemplate this. I wish you luck. DITTO with BryanP's post! additionally: attention is great! i do not know one person who does not like some sexual attention....and when it is from strangers, or people who are not expected to give it, well it is even better, causethey do not know you are trying to slim down. The fact that yyou are very active in seeking that attention from strangers should throw some flags up, which it seems it has, now you ned to figure out what is really missing, not what you think might be, or think might not be, from you and your bf's relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 ...an over abundance of pleasure or need for approval from members of the opposite sex, at your age, means that you're not old enough for a committed relationship... Yup, 100% true. This is why it is a BAD idea to tie yourself down in a quasi-married, sexual, exclusive relationship at age 18. A young woman SHOULD have the chance to flirt with lots of young men, enjoy their companionship, see who pleases her best, and really get the "attention seeking" out of her system (not climb into bed with them because before you know it, you've entered that "Marriage Lite" state). NO ONE, male or female, should marry or enter into one of these serious bf/gf relationships until they have passed this stage and learned to fully appreciate the pleasures of a 1:1 r/s, to the point where they have no real desire for any other partner. Just think how the LS traffic would be reduced if this simple rule were observed. Link to post Share on other sites
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