Heartbroken12416 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Hey everybody!. So I'm in need of some advice on something that happened last night.... Here goes.... So a little bit of back story first.... I was dating a guy for 3 years. The best way to describe our relationship was that when things were good, they were good, but when things were bad, they were bad... Well since our break up (he's the one that broke up with me) almost 2 years ago, he has contacted me here and there. Nothing really significant, but once in a while saying hey what's up or whatever. Now almost right after he broke up with me, he started seeing a new girl, and they have been on and off ever since. We have mutual friends and through the grapevine I have heard that they have "broken up" a bunch of times, but then they always get back together (our relationship was the same way). So anyway, yesterday he contacted me, told me that him and his girlfriend are done once again, and that he wanted to contact me and go out and have some fun. He said if he knew anybody that liked (and probably needed) to have a night out, it was me. And he was right... I made it clear to him that we were only going out as friends, and he agreed. He said there was no way that we were going to get back together, etc... So I figured "hey why not" and we went out. I haven't had so much fun in forever!. It was like old times. We went out for a long drive and talked and then had dinner together (which we split the check for). But almost the whole night, we were talking about "us". Sharing stories of all our good times (and some bad times), laughing, and just having a good time. There were so many times that he made me laugh so hard and as I looked up to him from laughing, he was just staring at me smiling. So anyway, after a night of talking, we headed back home and chilled at my place for a while....and yeah....we probably made the biggest mistake....we slept together. One thing just led to another and it just happened mutually. After we were finished, we just layed there and he brushed my hair from away my eyes, just staring at me and smiling. You could tell so many times that he wanted to kiss me, as I wanted to kiss him, but I think we both knew it wasn't a good idea, so that never happened. It brought back so many good memories of what we had but I tried hard not to let my emotions get the better of me. Shortly after that, he said he had to get going home, we hugged and he left. But after he left, I couldn't stop myself from crying.... Now I know there is probably no chance of us EVER getting back together. He has made it clear that he doesn't want to get back together, and I know getting back together would not be a good idea. We both agreed that we are ex's for a reason. But I can't help but feel maybe a LITTLE curious if he still cares about me or has feelings for me still.... I feel really guilty too. I almost feel like a horrible person. Cause I know that I shouldn't have done it, and he probably knows it shouldn't have happened, but we can't take it back now. What do I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 It sounds like he made the booty call, you answered..... you guys went out, got drunk, slept together... everything after sex you were probably imagining.... and he got out of there asap. He said you're never getting back together, but you've let him know you'll have sex with him anyway. What else is there? If you don't want to be his FWB, don't act like one. Go No Contact so you can heal and find someone who's excited to be your boyfriend! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Ruby pretty much nailed it. In his mind you're FWB now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I do completely agree with you. I do think I was just a convienience essentially. Which is fine....I mean I don't really want to get back into a relationship with him either. The only other thing I can mention is that we were both completely sober....but I still think I was just a "quick hookup" still. Thanks for your help. It really helped to hear that that's prob what it was but I was kind of caught up in the emotional curiosity for a bir there. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I do completely agree with you. I do think I was just a convienience essentially. Which is fine....I mean I don't really want to get back into a relationship with him either. The only other thing I can mention is that we were both completely sober....but I still think I was just a "quick hookup" still. Thanks for your help. It really helped to hear that that's prob what it was but I was kind of caught up in the emotional curiosity for a bir there. Thanks again The fact that you were completely sober reiterates the fact that it was purely an FWB booty call type scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Oh no, I understand that. I was just mentioning that cause of the fact that Ruby mentioned in her reply that we got drunk. I was just mentioning that we weren't drunk.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 One thing we should be wary of as women is that men are always looking for sex and women are always looking for commitment. Also from a young age we are always told to be careful when it comes to sleeping with guys be they exes or new dates. You slept with your ex. Your actions were that of a consenting adult especially since there was no alcohol involved. All I can say is accept that you did what you did and try to move on. You learn from your mistakes and if this ex was never good for you from the beginning, he will never be good for you in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Oh no, I understand that. I was just mentioning that cause of the fact that Ruby mentioned in her reply that we got drunk. I was just mentioning that we weren't drunk.... Oh honey, you weren't even drunk? Ouch. But I think it's a good point that's been made, that some people -- men and women both IMO -- will try to get love from an ex by giving them sex, or even just giving them emotional support after a breakup. It's a bartering system, you're trying to negotiate your way back in, offering what you have that the ex wants (sex or emotional connection) in hopes they'll give you love and commitment in return. Always remember, as Ally Sheedy so wisely tells us in the seminal classic "St. Elmo's Fire": "Sex isn't love." Link to post Share on other sites
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