I caught her cheating with my friend

[Harribo28]

What you are going through is very similar to what I went through about 3 years ago.

 

Basically I had a gut feeling that my GF was cheating on me, it became more and more obvious and then I went through her instant messaging and there was months of messages and pictures between her and this guy and worst of all some messages with her friends where they knew about it along with a lot of personal details about me and our relationship.

 

I started getting turned on at the thought of her with him and then when I found the messages and pictures it sent me over the edge, and then I would get devastated and then turned on again, with this cycle going on and on.

 

I finally confronted her about it, (on a night out after we both had drink on us, bad idea) and the tears flowed. She said she would end it with him but within a couple of weeks she was sleeping with him again, this time she didn't hide it and basically told me she needed the sex, I had already known this after reading her messages to her friends. I went from accepting her cheating to getting turned on by it to actually encouraging her to.

 

Since then our relationship has gone from strength to strength and we are completely open about our feelings. she has become the dominant one in our relationship while i have become more and more submissive, something that works well for us.

 

You choices are 1, follow the path i have chosen, beware it will be torture and you will experience some level of humiliation which depending on your GF could grow.

 

Or option 2, tell her you know and deal with the possibility of losing her or forgiving her and hoping she will stop seeing him. For what its worth, I don't think she will, she has been seeing him for 3 years behind your back so there is obviously something she is not getting in your relationship and finds with your friend, it could simply be the excitement of cheating on you.

 

After you know what you want you need to let her know.

[timp1990]

What you are going through is very similar to what I went through about 3 years ago.

 

Basically I had a gut feeling that my GF was cheating on me, it became more and more obvious and then I went through her instant messaging and there was months of messages and pictures between her and this guy and worst of all some messages with her friends where they knew about it along with a lot of personal details about me and our relationship.

 

I started getting turned on at the thought of her with him and then when I found the messages and pictures it sent me over the edge, and then I would get devastated and then turned on again, with this cycle going on and on.

 

I finally confronted her about it, (on a night out after we both had drink on us, bad idea) and the tears flowed. She said she would end it with him but within a couple of weeks she was sleeping with him again, this time she didn't hide it and basically told me she needed the sex, I had already known this after reading her messages to her friends. I went from accepting her cheating to getting turned on by it to actually encouraging her to.

 

Since then our relationship has gone from strength to strength and we are completely open about our feelings. she has become the dominant one in our relationship while i have become more and more submissive, something that works well for us.

 

You choices are 1, follow the path i have chosen, beware it will be torture and you will experience some level of humiliation which depending on your GF could grow.

 

Or option 2, tell her you know and deal with the possibility of losing her or forgiving her and hoping she will stop seeing him. For what its worth, I don't think she will, she has been seeing him for 3 years behind your back so there is obviously something she is not getting in your relationship and finds with your friend, it could simply be the excitement of cheating on you.

 

After you know what you want you need to let her know.

 

Ideally, having this turn into your situation would be great I guess. In the last little over 2 weeks, my biggest worry was we would be drinking and I'd mention it so I know what you mean.

 

Question, does the guy she's been with know that you know? I think, especially with this guy being my friend, that I would not want him to know that I know if it ever turns into something like what you have now.

 

I think I would have been pissed if I found out multiple other people knew it was going on. From the beginning they swore not to say anything to anyone because we both have mutual friends. They also said multiple times that it's just sex. Believe me, when I first found out, I was reading and reading just assuming I was going to come across that email that said they had feelings for each other or that they wants to be together. I never came across anything like that, actually it was just the opposite.

[Harribo28]

If you go down this road you better be prepared for the torment and stomach churning angst it will cause. If she goes with it there will be a power shift in your relationship, more than likely she will become more dominant and controlling and you will become more submissive and find yourself doing anything to please her. The normal rules society puts on relationships will apply to you only while she will be free to do as she pleases. She may even get off on teasing you a bit.

 

After the second time I caught her cheating and she basically told me she had no intention of stop seeing him she stopped having to hide it. I think she told him I knew and was okay with it because within a few months he would come over to our flat and bring her into the bedroom. He was a real cocky jock, I think he got off on the fact he was sleeping with my GF. After the first couple of months and when he stopped feeling the necessity to try and intimidate me we actually started getting on really well.

 

I don’t know how I would feel in your situation given that guy she is with is a good friend. My friends have never found out about my situation and I intend to keep it that way. Her friends have known about it before me and she has told them that I am okay with her seeing other guys. I would have preferred if she didn’t tell them but girls have a tendency to share everything with their close friends. More than likely a few of your GF’s close friend already know and have been hiding it from you and possibly some of your guy friends also especially given that it has been three years.

 

If this is the case, are you going to be able to handle the embarrassment?

 

P.S I wouldn't tell her you read through her email/messages.

[jen1447]

The sleeping with friends (specifically) and other friends knowing are definitely unique branches of the kink, so nothing new there really.

 

I don't see how she would get mad at me if she finds out I know, after all she is the one cheating.

timp, she's cuckolding you, without your knowledge. Do you really expect her to show intellectual integrity at this point? She might even blame you for 'making' her cuckold you, claim your snooping was the real injury to the relationship, tell others you said you wanted her to do it, etc., etc.

[Mrin]

OP: You're a cuckold. Nothing wrong with that. Idea - one of the things you could do is open up your relationship into Polyamory. That's basically what you'd be doing if you told her you knew and were cool with it. Might be a really healthy way to deal with the whole situation especially because The Guy is your friend too.

[stillafool]

My take is that when she finds out that you know and you were turned on by it she will no longer look at you as masculine. She will be turned on even more by your friend and will more than likely leave you and go with him. They both will feel justified.

[jen1447]

Could go either way ....she may get off on it too and start to outwardly marginalize you/treat you like a #2/kickdog.

[aliveagain]

As long as she can guarantee you paternity of your children and being the sloppy second excites you what do you care what we think? It's your life, your health, your girlfriend and you are free to be turned on any way you want. What is your point of posting?

[sandylee1]

OP

 

is this a relationship you see a future in? Would you like to grow old with your GF? I've read about cuckolds and as most have said, you are one. Not to the degree of watching, being humiliated or more.

 

Where to from here?

[Harribo28]

There is a possibility that you will end up emasculated but this will all depend on how it is handled.

 

You won't feel right until you raise this with her.

[Darren Steez]

Listen, I think the OP should sit his girlfriend down and tell her straight up

 

Tell the other guy to come straight over and have them do it in front of him while he video tapes it. Maybe even move the guy in?

 

Split the rent/mortgage three ways, watch his girlfriend getting done. Everybody wins!

[Spectre]

I hate to break this to you, but she doesn't love you. If you want to be a cuckold fine, but do not fool yourself: this girl has zero love or respect for you. If she had even an ounce of love for you, she wouldn't be banging your friend.

 

So..well, good luck. If you are into cuckolding find a girl who is upfront with you about it. You do not have that here, you have a cheater.

[Fleur de cactus]

I dont see any positive thing coming from this relationship of cheater with your friend. What do you want , what do you wish to happen? If you have an answer to this question, follow it and see what will happen. Anyway good luck.