greenhorn Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Ok this friend of mine joined one not for profit organization which takes cares of destitute childrens. There he got the job of collecting donations.So he came to me and asked me to donate something like 110 Euros for that. I said ok let me think whether I can give you straight away that much or not. He then started saying that I am selfish, I don't want to help others though I am earning so much. He made me feel guilty that I go out and eat at McDonald's whereas there are children who eat nothing? I go for vacations and there are childrens who are homeless. I got totally pissed off and then he broke the friendship and stopped talking to me.Actually he was my colleague turned friend though now we work in two different branches in different continents. So my question are 1.Yeah there are many poor ppl in this world so does it mean that I should live with bare minimum and donate rest of my money? 2.Am I being selfish in living life in good way ? Am I selfish if I am saving money to buy car,home ....etc.. 3.Why should some one put friendship at ransom for getting donation ? 4.Why should he want me to spend my money for the things he feels for ? he made me feel selfish & guilty for not donating money though he very well knows that I have plans with my money so I am saving for them. Later I went and said that ok I am ready to pay the donation but he still didnt reply to my messages. I am also not going to talk to him but I think his stand was totally childish. what you all feel? was I wrong, the question is not about the amount of money, even it was 10 Euros I wont have paid for friendship as ransom.And I also hate when someone calculates my paycheck. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I say good riddance! Why should you be obligated to feel strongly about something, just because he does? He needs to get over it! Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Donating to anything is a PERSONAL choice! Tell him to go on his merry bandwagon elsewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 so your friend is charging you a Goodwill fee to be chummy? NEXT! personally, there is NO bigger turn off than when someone asks me for a specified amount as a donation...... i usually cannot afford to give much monetarily, but i am big on volunteering and offering other services needed. IMO- that is what the big-money sponsors are for....Money. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn So my question are 1.Yeah there are many poor ppl in this world so does it mean that I should live with bare minimum and donate rest of my money? 2.Am I being selfish in living life in good way ? Am I selfish if I am saving money to buy car,home ....etc.. 3.Why should some one put friendship at ransom for getting donation ? 4.Why should he want me to spend my money for the things he feels for ? 1. You are not, but you are single and have a high-paying job (?). If you can afford it, you should give something. What I don't understand though is why he came up with this amount. It's ok to ask people to donate, but they should be free to decide how much they want to give. 2. No. I would find it selfish though just to think of yourself if you could afford it to help others by giving up a little bit of your comfort. 3. In this point you are right. Nobody has the right to force you to give money. Maybe he feels your rejection to donate equals a rejection of him as a friend. As this is an important cause for him, he might have thought that you have to feel the same. 4. Because he considers you his friend and collecting money for those children was important to him. I think he has to realize that his friends will not always feel the same enthusiasm about certain things as he does. He then can either dump them or try to accept them, with all their good things and all their flaws. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenhorn Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Hmm....so it is not as simple situation as I thought. Personally as LBR said I am also game for doing whatever I can and in fact I was the member of this organization but had to leave it when I had to leave the country so I introduced him to that organization. Well he is asking for that specified amount cause the organization has given him coupons of that amount, something like yearly memberships or life memberships. In the whole story what is most disturbing for me is that why did he put friendship as ransom ? and he could have asked me that if you wish you donate but what was the need of breaking the friendship. As Kooky said yeah I could afford it but I didn't like the manner in which it was asked that he gave me just one minute to decide and he started saying that you spend money here and there and thinking so much for donating. Fact is that I myself don't spend money on useless things like smoking or drinking or going to strip bars. I have always done whatever I could,infact when Tsunami came and our company asked us that those who want to donate their one day's pay for it please indicate and I did that within the first hour, but it was not binding it was optional. As Tiki and Debs said why should it be obligatory and infact I have this nature of resenting anything that is binding to me, I always wish to have my own choices Kooky, it is true that one can always let go little bit of our comfort , I can always skip one meal in one week and give the 10 euros for charity but not doing , will it be selfish ? I don't know but I myself is also feeling the same.But how much one can do this ? Well let me give one more insight. I do feel for the cause and I am sure that he feels so but the real reason for me joining the organization was not only for cause but I thought that it will reflect in my CV as some social work and I have my future plans where it would have been useful. I told him that this is also one of my reason and he got interested due to that reason as well. So I know that his cause is not really that strong.If I would have found that he is living like bare minimum then I would have thought. don't know what to think more but this whole episode has disturbed me a bit Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Your friend must have found religion when he joined this non-profit. Hopefully he comes to his senses and realizes that the people he's trying to help are only in this quagmire because they have a s.h.i.t.t.y government. More than likely, the money you donate won't even reach those people... it will go toward paying the salaries of those in charge. It also pays for the costs of running the organization. Whatever's left over will be applied to the destitute... less than half the original amount of your donation. You want to give him something? How about a piece of your mind? He has no right to make you feel guilty about it. What a d.i.c.k. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 what are your friends incentives for getting you to donate so much? i am sure he is going for a quota of some sort, and will get rewarded in some fashion. do you know Green? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Not-for-profit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenhorn Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Yes LBR, if he has not changed suddenly after seeing the office then I know the reason. He has been given a quota and if he does it he will be said as honestly working for them and will get some sort of certificate.Well I don't want to negate the fact that he must be feeling for the cause also. But the first reason is stronger cause he used to come to me for asking me to let him join the organizations which I am working.Earlier I was working for one such organization which was in the field of "Rain Water Harvesting" for environmental protection and he wanted to join that one, so I have know that he is not that strongly feeling for the cause. As westernxer said there was no need to make me feel guilty for that, imagine I let him join the organization and he saying that I am not feeling for the cause.And I also know that much of the money will go for the salaries of those who are working and not all will reach the childrens. well the real reason is that we have plans to do some sort of higher studies in some good schools of US or Europe, for which we should have good academic score, work experience, other things and some kind of social work.Now you can't bluff them cause after giving letter of admission they hire professional agencies to do background check on you and validate what all you have written in your CV,so the only way left was to do it actually.This was the real reason for atleast joining the organization, I don't know how much he changed after that. But I am sure if you try you can make any one feel guilty however rich or poor.Those who are eating only one meal a day can also feel guilty of eating daily when there are ppl not getting anything. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Hunger isn't the only problem in this world. So many organizations seeking donations for everything under the sun... cancer, H.I.V., paralysis, homelessness, tsunami, land mines, civil liberties, dolphins, whales, environment, Smiles, public broadcasting, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... Only the filthy rich have the means to donate so substantially on a regular basis, but they get a handsome tax write-off for doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts