Mollycoddle75 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Well here goes. I met my male friend a year ago after we had both been cheated on and left by our partners. We became friends fast and spent all our time together. After about 2 mths we slept together but was still only friends. I decided a friends with benefits relationship was not for me and said that we are not sleeping together any more. We remained friends but neither of us dated anyone else and continued to spend all our time together. I knew I had fallen for him but he never tried to get in a relationship with me or tried it on again. I decided this was unhealthy for me after 10mths and said I was going to start dating others. He eventually responded that he saw us as in a relationship just without the sex and he was in love with me. He said his anti depressants caused him to have no sex drive and that as I was the one who put a stop to the sex he'd left it at that. This was 2mths ago and still he has not tried it on with me? It's still like we are just friends and maybe he said he loved me to stop me going off dating. I don't want a relationship with no intimacy it's making me feel unattractive! I have said this to him and he just says sex isn't everything and we've not really had an opportunity around kids, periods and working shifts to have sex. But I think if if really had any desire to sleep with me at all he would make opportunity! I havnt had sex for nearly a year now. He's great in every other way. Should I walk ? Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 He may not care about physical intimacy or even be able to perform but surely there are other things you can do to be intimate. Is there any kissing, caressing or even holding each other? From what you have described it sounds like you are close friends, it doesn't sound like you are lovers in the traditional sense. If he is unwilling to meet you half way I think you are going to end up feeling very resentful and trapped when you could be in a loving relationship with a man who is willing and able to meet your needs. You obviously care about him deeply so you need to be honest and let him know it's not working for you and see if a compromise can be made. If it can't then perhaps it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 He's got to get off the drugs to have sex. Some drugs kill sex drive. He won't even think about sex and may even say to himself good riddance to sex, it was taking up so much time, etc. If you read boards where people talk about these drugs and their experiences you'll see their thought patterns while on the drug. If he needs the drugs to stay alive, he's suicidal while off, etc. you may need to walk. If he's simply overprescribed as I believe most people are, he could stop and learn other coping skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Thank you both for your replies. He came off the anti depressants for a while, no increase in sex drive just became very with drawn and snappy and quite frankly unbearable. Yes it is like we are just friends there's nothing else no kidding caressing nothing, only his words that he wants to be with me. This is going to hurt so much ending it with him I really love him and I do believe he does care about me. But I don't feel like it's a relationship I feel like he just didn't want to lose my friendship to someone else. I'm not sure if I'm angry at him or myself. Myself tbh for not being strong enough to do anything about it. It's so difficult because it's a sex thing and I didn't want him to feel embarrassed or pressured to Make it worse. I had forgotten to Say that he had a performance issue before he'd even met me where he cannot climax!! But he still had a sex drive before the anti depressants. Thank u for your support xx Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Be sure he's reported the lack of sex drive to his doctor. There are lots of antidepressants he could try. They certainly don't all do that. In fact, some stimulate sex drive. Link to post Share on other sites
dancingsunflowers80 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 So sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you are really weighing the pro's and con's of the relationship. Sometimes in relationships I think about timing...and I pray about it which helps take the burden off my shoulders. Hoping you come up with a clear answer on what to do! Blessings to ya girlie. mommato2lilmonkeys Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 This is more than a sex issue. If there is no intimacy or physical affection he can't expect that will make you happy in the long run. You deserve a fulfilling relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 No well I tried to talk to him about it and he slammed phone down on me then texted me saying he doesn't make me happy so take care ?. So don't have to worry now, just have to heal now ?. Thanks to you all for your responses xx Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Sounds like a blessing in disguise and you dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
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