tylerj Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 So my now ex and I split up last Wednesday after she requested some space the prior Friday, and I partly failed to give her that space when I became very jittery about trusting whether it could go on. She gave me incredibly mixed signals, but did initiate the breakup. It was not a clean breakup. I did all the things I shouldn't, I didn't quite beg but I tried persuading her to stay, and I got angry. Nothing directed at her, but I smashed something in the flat in the heat of the moment. I am aware it frightened her, but I also don't want this to be overblown. I still don't yet fully appreciate the 'pressure' she has felt which lead to the breakup... But there's a whole other topic on that. She has moved out, collecting her stuff at the weekend whilst I went to visit my parents. She has lost some of her jewellery in the move and accused me of stealing it. I haven't. 100% no contact is not possible for us at this point, as although she has gone we will continue to need to pay for the rent until I have moved out and the property has been re-let. We have a lot of joint furniture/crockery etc, and we will need to divide things, as well as closing off bills and bank accounts. Since last Thursday contact from me has been minimal. I told her where I left her key, and yesterday I reached out, in the sense I told her I hoped she was ok / cared for her, that last time she saw me I was not myself, and that I'd be back in town this week if she was prepared to discuss things. She is now getting her space, and the ball is in her court. I am now trying to do things for me - getting my life busy/organised, doing all the things you'd expect. I want to keep the door open for reconciliation, as I am still madly in love with this girl, and I know she is suffering from stress and I stupidly want to be there for her. And I know it is a long shot. She has always commented on how good our relationship was compared to her exes, as have her friends/family, so everyone is surprised by this outcome. She has reconciled with people before, after realising she'd not fallen out of love with them. I appreciate most of the replies will be things I don't want to hear, but do you have any advice in the situation where no contact is not possible in the short-term? Should I tell her where I stand? And if it's not to be, how do I go about getting closure? I do feel I need some answers from her to help me with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 No contact in this situation would be to limit your contact to only discussing matters which *absolutely must* be addressed in terms of the logistics of settling the property issues. Basically, stick to that and don't have anymore contact than absolutely necessary. Pick a set time frame -- two weeks, a month -- after which you should hardly be in contact anymore, if at all. If you're still living in the dwelling, then YOU take on the chore of renting it out to someone else, don't involve her in that. The goal is, contact only when absolutely necessary. In time, she may change her mind. It happens, although not that often. But the worst thing you can do -- for your own healing and for your shot at reconciliation -- is to continue to "be there" for her, to tell her you still have feelings, to try to reach out as a friend, etc. Let her feel the loss of you in her life. And YOU need to focus on yourself right now, on healing and moving forward. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author tylerj Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 She's reached out in response to how I left things, suggesting we talk on the phone on Friday. No idea what I want to get out of this call right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) Talking on the phone with her isn't a good idea. She's moved out. She's not calling to reconcile, she's calling to relieve her own sense of guilt. It's not going to make you feel any better. Try going NC and only speak with her when you absolutely need to, to arrange for household stuff. Don't use that as an excuse to continue talking about the breakup. The more contact you have with her.... the more you offer yourself up.... the less she misses you and the more you delay your own healing. Edited April 28, 2015 by Ruby65 Link to post Share on other sites
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