There are many dateless guys past their 30s

[Vegeta2]

If you're a male past your 20's, 30's, or even 40's you can have a little peace of mind knowing you are far from the only man who is dateless. While it is true that in real life men will seldom admit they cant a girlfriend, I have talked to and later met in real life at least ten men who are anywhere from 20 to 48 years old and were perpetually dateless. These guys included an IT professional, an oncologist, a navy/air force veteran, a writer, a well traveled ESL teacher who currently resides in China.

 

I read one study that showed that while 80% of women have reproduced, only 40% of men have done so. The concept of a guy who cant get a women is certainly not new. Knowing this has helped me cope with my own girlfriend-less life and has taught me that for some guys it just does not happen. By no means am I trying to discourage anyone from trying; I am merely highlighting the fact that some guys, for a variety of reasons just never succeed

[misty12]

So who are all these women dating if the men are dateless ??

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yea, there's a lot actually.

 

A surprising amount of men really put zero effort into meeting women. I work with some of them, and I've known some of them when I was little, and I can tell you that a number of them are around age 40 and haven't dated in a decade at least.

 

There's nothing wrong with it. Life is not a mold. Do what makes you smile.

[Vegeta2]

Excellent question. Dating is not distributed equally. Lets say you go to a social gathering where the theme is hooking up with someone. Say there are 10 men and 10 women. Do you think each man will hook up with one women. The answer is hell no. What will happen is there will be one or usually 2 guys that are most desirable. They'll get the most attention and dates. Another 5 guys will get a date if they try hard enough. and 2 guys will get nothing. I'm not making this stuff up. I once worked in a high end cafe with 5 guys and 20 waitresses. What happened is the two handsome, charismatic guys slept with most of the 20 girls. The rest of the guys went home and touched themselves.

 

The key issue that many women would rather share a man with 9 other women rather than be with a guy who is not up to par with their expectations.

We all know guys who get alot of women and are constantly juggling several women.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Excellent question. Dating is not distributed equally. Lets say you go to a social gathering where the theme is hooking up with someone. Say there are 10 men and 10 women. Do you think each man will hook up with one women. The answer is hell no. What will happen is there will be one or usually 2 guys that are most desirable. They'll get the most attention and dates. Another 5 guys will get a date if they try hard enough. and 2 guys will get nothing. I'm not making this stuff up. I once worked in a high end cafe with 5 guys and 20 waitresses. What happened is the two handsome, charismatic guys slept with most of the 20 girls. The rest of the guys went home and touched themselves.

 

The key issue that many women would rather share a man with 9 other women rather than be with a guy who is not up to par with their expectations.

We all know guys who get alot of women and are constantly juggling several women.

 

That may all be true for the most part.

 

But IMHO, the more you turn life into a competition for yourself, the worse off you are. It's not just dating. It's about "How does you job and salary measure up to Jimmy and Bobby?" and your house and your car.

 

There are things you can do to make yourself happy and contribute to making the world a better place.

 

I mean, there's cute women who could easily get dozens of dates who drop off the map and open schools in disadvantaged countries. So, they have those advantages and choose not to use them. It's a little bit of a tangent, but just bringing up a point.

[Anela]

The key issue that many women would rather share a man with 9 other women rather than be with a guy who is not up to par with their expectations.

We all know guys who get alot of women and are constantly juggling several women.

 

Oh, for heaven's sake. Maybe some of those women chose to have children on their own. Also, there have been people of both sexes who have married more than once, and had children with each spouse.

[Necris]

The concept there is someone for everyone just isn't true, some people are just going to be lonely, and others will get more attention than they really need like one guy juggling five women.

 

I find it funny though when people tell lonely guys that they'll find someone eventually and what usually happens is that either they manage to never find someone or when they do, they don't find the best woman they end up with that girl that has already been through numerous guys, has tons of baggage and emotional problems, possibly kids, and now wants to "settle down" or more accurately can't find any other guy interested so settles for lonely guy. Since the best girls (mentally stable, smart, good looking, has goals, etc.) would already be taken by the other guys pretty quickly.

 

Quite the sad state of affairs.

[ZA Dater]

The concept there is someone for everyone just isn't true, some people are just going to be lonely, and others will get more attention than they really need like one guy juggling five women.

 

I find it funny though when people tell lonely guys that they'll find someone eventually and what usually happens is that either they manage to never find someone or when they do, they don't find the best woman they end up with that girl that has already been through numerous guys, has tons of baggage and emotional problems, possibly kids, and now wants to "settle down" or more accurately can't find any other guy interested so settles for lonely guy. Since the best girls (mentally stable, smart, good looking, has goals, etc.) would already be taken by the other guys pretty quickly.

 

Quite the sad state of affairs.

 

Sadly you are in my opinion quite spot on with the above. One needs to sift through the various patronising BS phrases like

 

 

"Oh rejections happens to everyone"

" There are lots of fish in the sea"

Then there is my persona worst and to understand you may need to read this twice.

 

 

"Its a pity she isn't into you, she is really a fantastic person"

[misty12]

Most of the single guys I know who can't get dates are in the position they are in because they pursue women who are out of their league. I can't tell you how many unattractive men I come across who will not date an overweight woman.

[Diezel]

So who are all these women dating if the men are dateless ??

 

Other women, staying single, or with cats.

[Necris]

Other women, staying single, or with cats.

 

So you never seen the guys that have to juggle five different women?

 

Some guys get 0 attention, most get some attention and a few get massive attention from women.

[Necris]

Most of the single guys I know who can't get dates are in the position they are in because they pursue women who are out of their league. I can't tell you how many unattractive men I come across who will not date an overweight woman.

 

Tbh it doesn't really help to ask out women you aren't attracted to since they too aren't attracted to you. Believe me I tried but still got the rejections, just because the girl isn't hot to you doesn't mean she will think you much better.

[ZA Dater]

Most of the single guys I know who can't get dates are in the position they are in because they pursue women who are out of their league. I can't tell you how many unattractive men I come across who will not date an overweight woman.

 

Why the dam should single guys have to resort to the obese? It amazes me on almost every OLD platform the only people who like me at the obese. Because a guy is perpetually single does that mean he needs to grit his teeth and resort to something he doesn't want?

 

 

This type is logic is nothing short of nonsensical.

 

 

In life you don't settle for mediocre, well you do if you have zero ambition you try for the best you can and in my personal opinion if the best I can do is obese I would rather not bother.

 

 

Of my lists of complete and utter turnoffs obesity sits right at the very top.

[ZA Dater]

Most of the single guys I know who can't get dates are in the position they are in because they pursue women who are out of their league. I can't tell you how many unattractive men I come across who will not date an overweight woman.

 

Futhermore who decided who is in what league? How do you determine that?

[Vegeta2]

I do not aim for extremely good looking women simply because, other than the competition for them, many also have an inflated ego that can only be deflated by a top tier guy. Also i find that loud, sassy foul mouthed girls are a massive turnoff, irregardless of how they look.

 

If I were to tell you I was rejected by over weight, not so good looking, and excessively hairy women, you'd start saying "you're being shallow; you only want to get in their pants'. There is simply no winning the argument. Very rarely do women complain that they cant get dates EVER. They complain about the lack of quality men( see top tier). Men here complain that they are in their twenties and beyond and never had a girlfriend.

I used to know a Greek girl in my college class that was a bit on the chubby side, though was was cute. I tried to go out with her and all I heard was a multitude of strange excuses. Then I lost her to my co-worker who really never liked her, but his girlfriend was abroad and wanted sex immediately. He knew she liked her, but he also had women left and right as he was top tier. So he decides to lower his standards for a one night lay. Then he never calls her again and afterwards I'm stuck hearing fro here how

"Men are pigs who only want women for sex".

 

Funny thing is a women will never admit that she'd rather be a ONS for a top tier guy rather than give a chance to a guy who deems unworthy. It is never her, always someone else!

 

Also there is no denying that a guy who is ugly(me for example)yet social will have a much much harder time getting a women versus a man who is handsome yet quite. The silent, strong type as wome like to call it. Or take the case of this one guy who was my friend( key word:was). He was extremely good looking, but a bizarre lunatic. Once women saw him they fawned over him. As soon as he opened his mouth, they headed for the door. But he at least got their attention in the first place.

 

Lastly I am totally against the idea of "standards" though I will use the word to make things less confusing.You are either attracted to the person or you are not. you cant force attraction, therefore I don't blame women whatsoever. It's not their fault I was born extremely ugly

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Lastly I am totally against the idea of "standards" though I will use the word to make things less confusing.You are either attracted to the person or you are not. you cant force attraction, therefore I don't blame women whatsoever. It's not their fault I was born extremely ugly

 

Yea, I'm the same. I hate the word 'standards' but just use it here to make things easier to explain.

 

If you would like some real advice, I have found that foreign women are a little bit more lenient and also women who grew up in poor/rough backgrounds. A lot of those women come across men who are beleaguered by drug and alcohol problems, joblessness, and lack of responsibility when it comes to children, so being a 'good man' will actually mean something. AND you may actually be able to help them out.

 

Myself, I come from an upper middle class American background, and I find the women in my demographic are just BRUTAL when it comes to 'standards'.

 

Anyway, just from my experience. Chew on it.

Edited April 27, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[BlueIris]

So long as you believe that "attraction" is physical and can not grow, you’re sunk. It’s wrong. Attraction and love can and do grow for many MANY people. Even people that you initially thought had no sex appeal can morph in front of you over time because of how and who they are. Watch the TV show “Married at First Sight”- every single episode and listen to what they are saying. You’ll learn a ton.

[pteromom]

I find it funny though when people tell lonely women that they'll find someone eventually and what usually happens is that either they manage to never find someone or when they do, they don't find the best man they end up with that guy that has already been through numerous girls, has tons of baggage and emotional problems, possibly kids, and now wants to "settle down" or more accurately can't find any other girl interested so settles for lonely girl. Since the best guys (mentally stable, smart, good looking, has goals, etc.) would already be taken by the other girls pretty quickly.

 

Quite the sad state of affairs.

 

It works both ways. Any single woman in her late 30s-40s can tell you that all the good men are taken and what are left are the guys who are not desirable. Not mentally stable, not smart, not good looking, doesn't have goals, like you said. Or - sexual deviants, addicts, abusers, perpetually unemployed.

 

That's why a lot of older women are happier staying single than taking someone she doesn't want to be with.

 

And it is the same for men. Pickins' get slimmer as you get older. A lot of the "best" partners are married off already.

 

But that doesn't mean there are no good ones out there. It just means there are a lot of weeds in the garden, and you have to be willing to sift through the weeds to find the flowers.

 

Or - you can choose to just opt out and stay single. But if you are CHOOSING that, you can't then whine about your choice.

 

Either keep trying, knowing that you will have rejections and bad experiences, or don't.

 

And no, you don't have to settle for "obese" women if you don't want to. You get to decide what is most important to you - nobody else. Just remember that the more boxes someone has to check, the fewer results the search will provide. If your ONLY criteria is "not obese", then there is no reason you can't find someone. Gotta put the work in though.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yea, there's a lot actually.

 

A surprising amount of men really put zero effort into meeting women. I work with some of them, and I've known some of them when I was little, and I can tell you that a number of them are around age 40 and haven't dated in a decade at least.

 

There's nothing wrong with it. Life is not a mold. Do what makes you smile.

 

Yep, there is indeed a pattern. I lucked out last year as the woman I dated, who was rather cute, told me herself that gives a crap about looks, she's more about personality...and that's likely why I had a shot at her.

 

Well, women don't make it easy these days. The whole hoop jumping and teeth pulling get pretty old.

[Sarabi]

Lastly I am totally against the idea of "standards" though I will use the word to make things less confusing.You are either attracted to the person or you are not. you cant force attraction, therefore I don't blame women whatsoever. It's not their fault I was born extremely ugly

 

Awww Vegeta. I am feeling sad for you right now Am sure you are being more than unnecessarily hard on yourself. Please don't be

 

I am female, just turned 30 and do not exactly get asked out by lots of men either. Never married, no kids, not had loads of relationships etc. I have been told to enjoy it and realise how free I am right now...

 

(By the way Vegeta is a super yummy mixed flavour enhancer/allspice here...is that where you got your name? )

[Necris]

It works both ways. Any single woman in her late 30s-40s can tell you that all the good men are taken and what are left are the guys who are not desirable. Not mentally stable, not smart, not good looking, doesn't have goals, like you said. Or - sexual deviants, addicts, abusers, perpetually unemployed.

 

That's why a lot of older women are happier staying single than taking someone she doesn't want to be with.

 

And it is the same for men. Pickins' get slimmer as you get older. A lot of the "best" partners are married off already.

 

But that doesn't mean there are no good ones out there. It just means there are a lot of weeds in the garden, and you have to be willing to sift through the weeds to find the flowers.

 

Or - you can choose to just opt out and stay single. But if you are CHOOSING that, you can't then whine about your choice.

 

Either keep trying, knowing that you will have rejections and bad experiences, or don't.

 

And no, you don't have to settle for "obese" women if you don't want to. You get to decide what is most important to you - nobody else. Just remember that the more boxes someone has to check, the fewer results the search will provide. If your ONLY criteria is "not obese", then there is no reason you can't find someone. Gotta put the work in though.

 

For girls it may work that way since most guys I know don't really reject advances from girls unless they are already in a relationship but even then..., but for a guy even with low standards its extremely hard to even get dates in particular for the lonely guys if you can only net a few dates a year if that. its going to be super hard to "sift through the weeds from the flowers" if there are even any flowers.

 

Difference between men and women is that the men actually go out and try to find somebody and have to deal with the rejection, and competition from other men. Naturally some luck out and become the lonely guys, and most guys feel lucky to get a girl. While a few guys have many women.

 

Women otoh from what I notice kind of just wait and see if any guy is interested so women end up lonely because they never put any effort into actually getting a guy or have ridiculously high standards. Women essentially do most of the rejecting and just wait for guys to come along and reject as necessary. Though since men are generally "thirsty" this strategy actually works well for most women apparently. I don't think I've ever met a woman who was basically the female incel, their problems are usually about trying to avoid being some guy's FWB or ONS or finding the wrong guys.

[loveweary11]

If you're a male past your 20's, 30's, or even 40's you can have a little peace of mind knowing you are far from the only man who is dateless. While it is true that in real life men will seldom admit they cant a girlfriend, I have talked to and later met in real life at least ten men who are anywhere from 20 to 48 years old and were perpetually dateless. These guys included an IT professional, an oncologist, a navy/air force veteran, a writer, a well traveled ESL teacher who currently resides in China.

 

I read one study that showed that while 80% of women have reproduced, only 40% of men have done so. The concept of a guy who cant get a women is certainly not new. Knowing this has helped me cope with my own girlfriend-less life and has taught me that for some guys it just does not happen. By no means am I trying to discourage anyone from trying; I am merely highlighting the fact that some guys, for a variety of reasons just never succeed

 

 

 

Hmm.. so every woman who has reproduced has had kids with approximately 2 different men?

 

Is that statistic accurate?

[elaine567]

Hmm.. so every woman who has reproduced has had kids with approximately 2 different men?

 

Is that statistic accurate?

 

If that is true then it seems things have got better for modern men then.

8,000 Years Ago, 17 Women Reproduced for Every One Man

[Sarabi]

If I were to tell you I was rejected by over weight, not so good looking, and excessively hairy women, you'd start saying "you're being shallow; you only want to get in their pants'. There is simply no winning the argument. Very rarely do women complain that they cant get dates EVER.

Lol, I heartily disagree I have a flirty colleague who is separated but not divorced...and I told him he has been on more dates since leaving his wife(about 12 months) than I have changed pairs of knickers ha ha. I SERIOUSLY have not had a date since...I can't remember when.

As you said though, you can't force attraction so in your case it is not YOUR fault you are not attracted to some of these women.

 

Funny thing is a women will never admit that she'd rather be a ONS for a top tier guy rather than give a chance to a guy who deems unworthy. It is never her, always someone else!

Ooooh oooh oooohh...hmmmm, not sure. Now now. I think it depends on maturity of the woman and if she really wants a good partner etc. I guess I would always think about a man I was attracted to and who looked good as a good partner. Until I had a friend who taught me that you need to go for the guys who are not heartthrob/drop dead gorgeous types. Those ones know they are gorgeous and like playing with women because they can get any one they want. She told me the best are the type who are not so handsome that every girl wants them, who work hard are genuinely kind and loving at heart and who will look after women and treat them like princesses, e.g. some nerdy guys(who she personally adores).

To be honest, I never wish to be ANYONE's ONS, regardless of how good looking or how tempting the opportunity. I am happy to let cobwebs form down there until a decent one comes along (and that is saying something because I am deathly scared of 8 legged freaks...)

[JuneJulySeptember]

For girls it may work that way since most guys I know don't really reject advances from girls unless they are already in a relationship but even then..., but for a guy even with low standards its extremely hard to even get dates in particular for the lonely guys if you can only net a few dates a year if that. its going to be super hard to "sift through the weeds from the flowers" if there are even any flowers.

 

Difference between men and women is that the men actually go out and try to find somebody and have to deal with the rejection, and competition from other men. Naturally some luck out and become the lonely guys, and most guys feel lucky to get a girl. While a few guys have many women.

 

Women otoh from what I notice kind of just wait and see if any guy is interested so women end up lonely because they never put any effort into actually getting a guy or have ridiculously high standards. Women essentially do most of the rejecting and just wait for guys to come along and reject as necessary. Though since men are generally "thirsty" this strategy actually works well for most women apparently. I don't think I've ever met a woman who was basically the female incel, their problems are usually about trying to avoid being some guy's FWB or ONS or finding the wrong guys.

 

There are a number of women I have been friends/acquaintances with over the years that I would have dated. To me, they are physically attractive and certain nights, they look really good. They also have a decent enough of a personality where I could have some fun with them.

 

But yes, they are looking for more. And a few of those women have been single for a very long time.

 

In my opinion, my life would have been better if I had dated those women. It could have been some fun times and some good sex. To them, the thought probably makes them .

 

Lol. It's hard to explain, but being just a healthy person and having a job and being able to speak decent is not enough. It is for you, but not for them. That's just how it is. You can play or not, but you must accept.