There are many dateless guys past their 30s

[Sarabi]

Hmm.. so every woman who has reproduced has had kids with approximately 2 different men?

 

Is that statistic accurate?

 

Lol in certain social circles/cultures in this country, I can say it definitely is true

I am not exaggerating. I can think of at least two guys at work whose wives have had kids with them AND other men before them. As well as customers at work whose kids are so obviously by several different men...

[LookAtThisPOst]

There are a number of women I have been friends/acquaintances with over the years that I would have dated. To me, they are physically attractive and certain nights, they look really good. They also have a decent enough of a personality where I could have some fun with them.

 

But yes, they are looking for more. And a few of those women have been single for a very long time.

 

In my opinion, my life would have been better if I had dated those women. It could have been some fun times and some good sex. To them, the thought probably makes them .

 

Lol. It's hard to explain, but being just a healthy person and having a job and being able to speak decent is not enough. It is for you, but not for them. That's just how it is. You can play or not, but you must accept.

 

Remember back in the 1940s it was enough for women to have such a man?

 

Anyhow, I had gone out with this 51 year old woman, probably looked in her mid-40's and was very attractive. However, she said she hasn't been in a relationships with a man since probably 6 or 7 years ago. She's gone out with guys since then, but they didn't amount to anything physical or anything at all.

 

To look at her, you'd think she'd already been snarfed up in this 6 or 7 years.

 

By the way, she's never been married, never had any children, and doesn't believe in living together before marriage. So came from a kind of a strict Catholic background, but not only beautiful but, "Princess" beautiful.

 

She put me in the friendzone (after 3 dates of paying for outings and such where I Thought she had a romantic interest in me), but thought the age diff was too great, but it was just an excuse and she finally said, "Relationships are too complicated."

 

So she was likely single by choice and maybe not even holding out for anyone wonderful as she's gotten used to living on her own for so long. Quite overly independent. Funny thing, she came from a small town, but was the "black sheep" of the small town as all her friends hooked up, married young and popped out 2 or 3 kids by 30.

 

She actually preferred to stay away from that small town scenario, even to the point of cutting ties with her old high school friends as they were content on working at either local restaurants or retail outlets. She later ran off to the big city.

[ascendotum]

Most of the single guys I know who can't get dates are in the position they are in because they pursue women who are out of their league. I can't tell you how many unattractive men I come across who will not date an overweight woman.

 

overweight...thats a big factor in the dating market that distorts things. I find the guys who struggle and are not over weight don't consider an overweight women to be their equivalent. Most struggling guys I knew were not fatties, and the couple that were still wanted a slim build gf (yes they were as you describe). Being overweight hits women's femininity (and attractiveness) harder than it hits men's masculinity (and attractiveness). As a skinny guy I had a hard time, but I just didn't find overweight inherently sexy to me...generally speaking, but I know in conversations with women they considered nerdy skinny guy should go for overweight woman, but guys don't think like that. They think 'I'm just average looks and I'm fit build I'm not chasing out of my league by wanting that equivalent.'

[sportygirl89]

There's this guy I know who's 35. Just got back into country after working the past 5 years outside. He told me he has issues he has to work on before he can date anyone. This is the guy who hasn't been able to date anyone for longer than 5 months. Guys would consider me cute, athletic (5-6 x a week I work out), and finishing up my masters. Clearly he has some sort of self confidence issues. He is an engineer so that may be a part of it. If he is 35 and never had a longterm relationship should be a red flag for anyone. At least I don't have to waist my time with him.

[ascendotum]

I have considered cosmetic surgery to reduce my long midface but I was told the procedure Ian very risky

Save your money and spend it on a date/attraction coach (male or female). You will be better off switching from the incel forums to the pua ones. You are not ugly. lol its rare to find someone who struggles and thinks they are ugly and who puts their pic up and I go 'yeah I can see why you have it hard'

[William]

As our forums exist to discuss interpersonal relationship issues anonymously, discussion regarding dateless guys past their 30's can continue and expect responses from the thread starter to be delayed.

[calvincline47]

Excellent question. Dating is not distributed equally. Lets say you go to a social gathering where the theme is hooking up with someone. Say there are 10 men and 10 women. Do you think each man will hook up with one women. The answer is hell no. What will happen is there will be one or usually 2 guys that are most desirable. They'll get the most attention and dates. Another 5 guys will get a date if they try hard enough. and 2 guys will get nothing. I'm not making this stuff up. I once worked in a high end cafe with 5 guys and 20 waitresses. What happened is the two handsome, charismatic guys slept with most of the 20 girls. The rest of the guys went home and touched themselves.

 

The key issue that many women would rather share a man with 9 other women rather than be with a guy who is not up to par with their expectations.

We all know guys who get alot of women and are constantly juggling several women.

 

100% agree with this.

 

I've always been part of the 5 guys in your example. I'll have the odd girl that throws me signs of interest, but I rarely ever get hit on and usually have to convince girls to date me.

 

This was fine in my early to mid 20s, but, now that I'm pushing my 30s (and women seem to be at least somewhat impressed by my secure financial status), I really don't want to deal with it anymore. These days, if women give me signals, I just pretend like I don't notice.

[JuneJulySeptember]

100% agree with this.

 

I've always been part of the 5 guys in your example. I'll have the odd girl that throws me signs of interest, but I rarely ever get hit on and usually have to convince girls to date me.

 

This was fine in my early to mid 20s, but, now that I'm pushing my 30s (and women seem to be at least somewhat impressed by my secure financial status), I really don't want to deal with it anymore. These days, if women give me signals, I just pretend like I don't notice.

 

Yea, and I think OLD has made things even worse for the '5 guys' and the bottom 2 (or was it 3? ).

 

I mean, if a woman can get 30, 50, 100 dates, then what are the chances that she picks you. Even if you are the equivalent to those other guys in every way, you are still just a face in the crowd.

[calvincline47]

Yea, and I think OLD has made things even worse for the '5 guys' and the bottom 2 (or was it 3? ).

 

I mean, if a woman can get 30, 50, 100 dates, then what are the chances that she picks you. Even if you are the equivalent to those other guys in every way, you are still just a face in the crowd.

 

Yeah, for sure. I have girls flirting with me fairly often IRL. Even at my job, where I have known anger issues and have had issues with various people, I have attractive women 5-10 years younger than me that flirt with me.

 

But, I really get the lowest of the low online, to the point that I no longer even consider it an option.

[CrystalCastles]

Why the dam should single guys have to resort to the obese? It amazes me on almost every OLD platform the only people who like me at the obese. Because a guy is perpetually single does that mean he needs to grit his teeth and resort to something he doesn't want?

 

So why the damn should women settle for ugly guys? If ugly guys won't settle for ugly or obese women, then women shouldn't settle for ugly guys either.

 

It amazes me some things I read on here. Certain male posters on loveshack seem to have this expectation of landing a hot bombshell with ginormous boobs and big butt. Yet these men have nothing going for them, are over 30 yet have the worst social skills despite that many number of years living among civilization, don't do anything with their time except play videogames and whine on loveshack etc.

 

If you want to get girls, BE the kind of guy girls would want to date. I wouldn't want to date some whiny loser with no job and no social skills. And I think that if you want to have skyscraper standards, then be prepared to be single for a while, especially if your face looks like a cow's backside. If men are allowed to pursue hot women and not settle for less, then don't be surprised when women ignore you and pursue hot men.

[calvincline47]

It amazes me some things I read on here. Certain male posters on loveshack seem to have this expectation of landing a hot bombshell with ginormous boobs and big butt. Yet these men have nothing going for them, are over 30 yet have the worst social skills despite that many number of years living among civilization, don't do anything with their time except play videogames and whine on loveshack etc.

 

Who is trying to land a hot bombshell?

 

For me, personally, I'm late 20s, with a good job and lots of savings. I've also been told by many people (and have overheard others talking about me) that I'm a pretty good-looking guy (albeit short).

 

My social skills have also been good in the past (though have nose-dived recently due to my current situation).

 

I'm trying to date women that are close to me in age, work in a similar profession, are similar (imo) looks-wise, and have a personality that complements my own.

 

I go on Loveshack because people don't want to hear this IRL (especially from a guy) and I need somewhere to vent.

 

If you want to get girls, BE the kind of guy girls would want to date. I wouldn't want to date some whiny loser with no job and no social skills. And I think that if you want to have skyscraper standards, then be prepared to be single for a while, especially if your face looks like a cow's backside. If men are allowed to pursue hot women and not settle for less, then don't be surprised when women ignore you and pursue hot men.

 

See my post above.

 

I don't think that you have an accurate understanding of the struggles of the modern man.

[Necris]

So why the damn should women settle for ugly guys? If ugly guys won't settle for ugly or obese women, then women shouldn't settle for ugly guys either.

 

It amazes me some things I read on here. Certain male posters on loveshack seem to have this expectation of landing a hot bombshell with ginormous boobs and big butt. Yet these men have nothing going for them, are over 30 yet have the worst social skills despite that many number of years living among civilization, don't do anything with their time except play videogames and whine on loveshack etc.

 

If you want to get girls, BE the kind of guy girls would want to date. I wouldn't want to date some whiny loser with no job and no social skills. And I think that if you want to have skyscraper standards, then be prepared to be single for a while, especially if your face looks like a cow's backside. If men are allowed to pursue hot women and not settle for less, then don't be surprised when women ignore you and pursue hot men.

 

No one should be settling tbh.

 

Though I do think most struggling guys don't have skyscraper standards but just normal standards. Like not wanting to date a 300lb obese woman that's just a little too much woman for alot of guys myself included lol.

 

Now of course there are some guys who do struggle just because they can't seem to see that there are girls interested in them but they ignore or reject those girls as they continue to pursue the girls that reject them. But most guys I think snap out of that phase.

[Vegeta2]

I'm not trying to land a bombsell.

[ZA Dater]

So long as you believe that "attraction" is physical and can not grow, you’re sunk. It’s wrong. Attraction and love can and do grow for many MANY people. Even people that you initially thought had no sex appeal can morph in front of you over time because of how and who they are. Watch the TV show “Married at First Sight”- every single episode and listen to what they are saying. You’ll learn a ton.

 

All of which is true, however, how many females ever give a guy a chance? Yip, the reality is very few do.

[ZA Dater]

So why the damn should women settle for ugly guys? If ugly guys won't settle for ugly or obese women, then women shouldn't settle for ugly guys either.

 

It amazes me some things I read on here. Certain male posters on loveshack seem to have this expectation of landing a hot bombshell with ginormous boobs and big butt. Yet these men have nothing going for them, are over 30 yet have the worst social skills despite that many number of years living among civilization, don't do anything with their time except play videogames and whine on loveshack etc.

 

If you want to get girls, BE the kind of guy girls would want to date. I wouldn't want to date some whiny loser with no job and no social skills. And I think that if you want to have skyscraper standards, then be prepared to be single for a while, especially if your face looks like a cow's backside. If men are allowed to pursue hot women and not settle for less, then don't be surprised when women ignore you and pursue hot men.

 

Ok lets play this game shall we, how about females actually gives guys a chance? I have met up with people from OLD I knew were not attractive to me but I still met them to see if they had a nice personality.

 

However, I am yet to be given a chance, even with people I have got on well with intellectually.

 

Basically you propose one needs to be false and put on a façade in order to attract who we want to attract.

 

Best wishes: the guy with a cows backside as a face.

[carhill]

So who are all these women dating if the men are dateless ??

Well, a large number have dated, mated and have had children with guys like this. Care to hazard a guess how many different mothers are represented in that picture? Then there's all the lovers who didn't procreate but rather enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh, including the one who lived with the gentleman for 14 years, even when making statements like '[he was] a monster who thought nothing of destroying anything inconvenient to him'. Yep, a monster whom she, and others slept, with all those years.

 

The more mundane versions of course aren't so prolific, neither in the progeny department or the creased sheets department, but they still get around and, yep, plow through a lot of lovers and sometimes destroy other relationships, marriages and opportunities along the way because, well, they can. Competition amongst men is brutal and the guys who win take no prisoners and have no mercy nor empathy for those they trod upon. That's simple reality. It's how men are. Generally, we men accept that and carve out our own niches of 'winning' and patrol those fences.

 

However, those who aren't savvy or don't have the killer instinct can be left behind and indeed go dateless, whether due to their own proclivities, the environment they're immersed in, the demographics they choose to pursue their goals in, or any combination thereof.

 

If I had any advice for those guys and, heck, myself when I was their age, I'd say be a bit more like Clint. One might not ever have his power or fame but one can own his own desire and libido and put it out there unabashedly and without care for convention or opinion. Own it and embrace it. The dates will come.

[CrystalCastles]

Who is trying to land a hot bombshell?

 

For me, personally, I'm late 20s, with a good job and lots of savings. I've also been told by many people (and have overheard others talking about me) that I'm a pretty good-looking guy (albeit short).

 

I don't think that you have an accurate understanding of the struggles of the modern man.

 

Maybe I don't, because I'm a modern woman. But in my personal experience, I have known many modern men, in fact I have more male friends than female, and not a single one has had dating problems. They aren't all gorgeous, in fact most of them look average, but they are outgoing and easy to talk to and intelligent.

 

In terms of the bombshell, there have been threads made on this site by struggling dudes. Dudes who have no job at 30, and want a 20 year old sex kitten with boobs the size of bowling balls and a gorgeous face.

 

There are women who like tall guys and there are women who don't. Height isn't a reason why some men can't get dates. I'm 5'11 dating a 5'5 man. He's sexy as hell, super smart and I don't really care that I have to lean down a bit to kiss him. There are women who feel the same.

 

Usually its a very bitter personality which scares women off. You might think it doesn't show, but it does.

 

Ok lets play this game shall we, how about females actually gives guys a chance? I have met up with people from OLD I knew were not attractive to me but I still met them to see if they had a nice personality.

 

However, I am yet to be given a chance, even with people I have got on well with intellectually.

 

Basically you propose one needs to be false and put on a façade in order to attract who we want to attract.

 

Best wishes: the guy with a cows backside as a face.

 

How about males stop demanding attention from females? Especially when these males don't measure up. These so-called "females", aren't giving you a chance because maybe you are unemployed, maybe you are unattractive, or how about this, maybe you are just TOO DAMN BITTER.

 

I'm not sure where you invented this idea that I proposed anything, but please, point me to the sentence where I said that I proposed something. Double standards are very annoying to read. And your post reeks of entitlement. Dating isn't communism, not everyone is going to get a woman, ok? If you're unattractive then you have to do something about the rest of you so that women would want to date you. Which does not involve whining about how women won't give you a chance.

[road]

So who are all these women dating if the men are dateless ??

 

 

They are dating the same men.

 

 

How else are there women that have 5 kids with 5 different men.

[CrystalCastles]

No one should be settling tbh.

 

Though I do think most struggling guys don't have skyscraper standards but just normal standards. Like not wanting to date a 300lb obese woman that's just a little too much woman for alot of guys myself included lol.

 

Now of course there are some guys who do struggle just because they can't seem to see that there are girls interested in them but they ignore or reject those girls as they continue to pursue the girls that reject them. But most guys I think snap out of that phase.

 

Its true, nobody should be settling.

 

However one does have to be realistic as well. If you are a 300 lb obese man, then sorry but a woman who looks like Kim Kardashian isn't going to want to date you. And if you have unrealistically high standards, then be prepared to be single for a while.

 

I've seen struggling dudes post on here about how they are oh so single and oh so alone. But when a woman shows interest they're like "Ew, she's so ugly, I don't want to date that woman, I want to date someone with DDs and a big butt and a gorgeous face". Even though the dude in question gets noticed by women once in a blue moon.

 

I think that if a guy who isn't good looking wants to get noticed by women, he has to do something to make himself stand out. Work out, dress nice, eat well, have hobbies and friends and a life. Get a job. This makes him a well put together person and a fun guy to talk to. My male friends are pretty average looking dudes, yet most of them have barely been single. They are all intelligent, working on their undergrad or graduate degrees, dress well, are charming, have lots of hobbies and interests, and women love these men.

[ZA Dater]

 

How about males stop demanding attention from females? Especially when these males don't measure up. These so-called "females", aren't giving you a chance because maybe you are unemployed, maybe you are unattractive, or how about this, maybe you are just TOO DAMN BITTER.

 

I'm not sure where you invented this idea that I proposed anything, but please, point me to the sentence where I said that I proposed something. Double standards are very annoying to read. And your post reeks of entitlement. Dating isn't communism, not everyone is going to get a woman, ok? If you're unattractive then you have to do something about the rest of you so that women would want to date you. Which does not involve whining about how women won't give you a chance.

 

Males must stop demanding attention but females are fully entitled to demand it? Reeks of double standards to me. Measure up in what sense?

 

FYI: I am not employed, don't live in a mud hut, there aren't lions walking down the road but I am sure you knew that already.

 

Entitlement NO, a fair CHANCE YES. Fact is people don't date for anything more than superficial grounds, wallet, looks and what the guy can her, where he can take her, how nice his friends are, its actually seems to be irrelevant if he is a good guy or not, NO, it boils down to tangible things ad status.

 

Bitter, yes I am, cynical yes I am, irritated yes I am. On the bottom of the pile of people to date, well yes I am to that too.

 

Rules of dating according to me: ladies choose, guys hope to be chosen, he with the best looks, best social status, most wealth: wins.

 

You can do whatever you want but you cant fundamentally change who you are and what you are, you can change the clothes, change the build but fundamentally if people don't like you, they don't like you and no amount of personality will EVER change that.

 

He with caring personality, nice guy attributes, takes an interest in people, has knowledge, NO he gets consigned to the rubbish heap.

 

Harsh but true and yes I am bitter as would most people be if you hit your head against the dating wall of rejection continuously.

[Vegeta2]

I'm not 300lbs or obese. I'm 5'10 180 lbs.

Besides we are getting off topic here. Why is it automatically assumed that a perpetually dateless guy is trying to land a supermodel. Just a few hours a go a girl at work was going on a rant about ugly guys hitting on her while she herself wears 10 kilo's of makeup.

 

Once again I don't blame women. It's the theory of natural selection. Women will not usually approach men( barring some exceptions of course). Men approach women and women choose who they deem worthy in accordance with their standards. Some women have higher standards then others, no doubt and some women choose the wrong guy. Or let me use an analogy. Earlier this month I was looking for a roommate for my apartment. I placed an ad and got at least 50 responses. Of those 50 I chose one very carefully, based on their income, how they carried themselves, their personality. I could afford to choose, as the apartment was mine and I was In control of it. I had many people coming too see the place and wanting to live with me. In fact so many that I could afford to be very selective because I did not want to bring just anyone in my place.

Same way with women. They constantly have men approaching them and can afford to be very selective. They wont just let anyone into their bodies and minds. Of course sometimes they make the wrong choices and miss out on men whom they would have been very happy with. I hope I made the right choice with the roommate!

 

So bottom line guys, learn to live content alone, as many men will live and die and never experience the love of a women.

[Necris]

Its true, nobody should be settling.

 

However one does have to be realistic as well. If you are a 300 lb obese man, then sorry but a woman who looks like Kim Kardashian isn't going to want to date you. And if you have unrealistically high standards, then be prepared to be single for a while.

 

I've seen struggling dudes post on here about how they are oh so single and oh so alone. But when a woman shows interest they're like "Ew, she's so ugly, I don't want to date that woman, I want to date someone with DDs and a big butt and a gorgeous face". Even though the dude in question gets noticed by women once in a blue moon.

 

I think that if a guy who isn't good looking wants to get noticed by women, he has to do something to make himself stand out. Work out, dress nice, eat well, have hobbies and friends and a life. Get a job. This makes him a well put together person and a fun guy to talk to. My male friends are pretty average looking dudes, yet most of them have barely been single. They are all intelligent, working on their undergrad or graduate degrees, dress well, are charming, have lots of hobbies and interests, and women love these men.

 

 

Now I get you when you say someone shouldn't expect much if they can't fit their own standards, I agree. So while I'm not obese myself I personally wouldn't want to be with an obese woman but I'm no model, so I don't expect to find model girls interested in me.

 

But when it comes to not wanting fat girls, I mean if a girl has nothing at all that is attractive its best not to even try to approach. Like I knew a girl that seemed to somewhat like me but I never asked her out (she noticed my existence and acted nice), but man she was short and unusually fat, I mean it was weird she had the body of a fat guy as in she somehow was simultaneously flat (no ass, very small breasts) and fat at the same time, her teeth in her mouth were also super crooked desperately needing braces, and she had a stereotypical valley girl personality and voice. The only attraction would be her being female.

 

Another girl I knew she was more average looks wise so I actually went out on a date with her, and it was refreshing to hear someone enthusiastic to go on a date with me when I asked her out. Unfortunately she had a passing resemblance to Annelise Michel, which now that I think about it kind of creepy: http://www.horrorgalore.com/sites/default/files/anneliese_michel_-_01.jpg

 

She seemed weird from the get go, dressed (dressed in very outdated fashion) and acted very odd, but I was like I really shouldn't be judging people by their appearance, plus she mentioned she was a devout Christian and that is attractive to me.

 

Well that was the most uncomfortable date I've ever been on never met someone so crazy in person. She was ultra late for the date, on the date just kept telling me all this crazy stuff about herself that was just crazy, like she gets off reading stories about women being raped (I mean really!?) and likes comic books so she can imagine the male heroes having gay sex orgies, a Nazi sympathizer (I'm also Black btw so yeah...), gave me a lesson on philosophy, psychology, the nature of evil and 9/11, and finished off the date by denouncing my church and holding her own beliefs as superior, while also simultaneously playing in my hair for some reason. All this on the first date, and I'm just sitting there like:

 

And she wasn't even joking.

 

Unfortunately for me the rare few times a girl has ever been somewhat interested in me they have been physically unattractive or personality unattractive or both

Edited April 28, 2015 by Necris

[LookAtThisPOst]

But when it comes to not wanting fat girls

 

As an experiment, I contacted a couple of these on OK Cupid JUST to see if they would respond. Guess what, got views from them, but no response.

 

You see, the thing is with overweight women, is that...like height...if you're are they are wider in the waistline than the men that they date, it's just as much a turn off to women that won't date men that are short.

 

Basically, they don't want to appear "bigger" both horizontally and vertically to a man.

[ZA Dater]

 

Unfortunately for me the rare few times a girl has ever been somewhat interested in me they have been physically unattractive or personality unattractive or both

 

Different continent and same problem.

[MGX]

No love for the Reubenesque honeys out there?

 

I laugh, but I'm actually not kidding. Some big guys look for cute, attractive big or realistic women exclusively. Can't see themselves with anyone smaller or porn star-like.