There are many dateless guys past their 30s

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Another girl I knew she was more average looks wise so I actually went out on a date with her, and it was refreshing to hear someone enthusiastic to go on a date with me when I asked her out. Unfortunately she had a passing resemblance to Annelise Michel, which now that I think about it kind of creepy: http://www.horrorgalore.com/sites/default/files/anneliese_michel_-_01.jpg

 

 

She's actually really cute.

[Necris]

She's actually really cute.

 

That's Annelise Michel girl who died from Schizophrenia thinking she was possessed she's the real life story behind Emily Rose.

 

The girl I dated had a resemblance to her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

That's Annelise Michel girl who died from Schizophrenia thinking she was possessed she's the real life story behind Emily Rose.

 

The girl I dated had a resemblance to her.

 

I know that.

 

She's really hot.

 

If she was on OLD, her market value would be through the roof.

[Necris]

I know that.

 

She's really hot.

 

If she was on OLD, her market value would be through the roof.

 

Oh okay, but yeah that's why I approached her, I was so glad when she seemed excited to go on a date, but damn when that mouth opened

[normal person]

 

The more mundane versions of course aren't so prolific, neither in the progeny department or the creased sheets department, but they still get around and, yep, plow through a lot of lovers and sometimes destroy other relationships, marriages and opportunities along the way because, well, they can. Competition amongst men is brutal and the guys who win take no prisoners and have no mercy nor empathy for those they trod upon. That's simple reality. It's how men are. Generally, we men accept that and carve out our own niches of 'winning' and patrol those fences.

 

However, those who aren't savvy or don't have the killer instinct can be left behind and indeed go dateless, whether due to their own proclivities, the environment they're immersed in, the demographics they choose to pursue their goals in, or any combination thereof.

 

If I had any advice for those guys and, heck, myself when I was their age, I'd say be a bit more like Clint. One might not ever have his power or fame but one can own his own desire and libido and put it out there unabashedly and without care for convention or opinion. Own it and embrace it. The dates will come.

 

Very well said. I know it's not the nicest sentiment, but it really is survival of the fittest out there no matter how we frame it. I think it's actually easier for men to succeed in this arena. You don't need to be good looking, all you have to do is be successful, which is largely within your control -- way more so than your looks. You can buckle down at school, work your way up the ladder, etc. Put int he blood, sweat, and tears. Compare that to a woman, no matter what she does with her life, her value to men is largely based on her appearance, which she can't really control at all outside of going to the gym and putting on makeup.

 

Interesting Wikipedia read on Sexual Capital:

 

"Capital portfolios typically involve a combination of sexual capital with economic, cultural and social capitals. As an example, to the extent that women, on average, value financial resources (i.e., economic capital) in their male partners more than sexual capital, and men value sexual capital more than economic capital in their female partners"

Sexual capital - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

In simpler terms, if you're a guy, providing resources (money) will increase your desirability despite what you look like. That is something you can do if you work hard enough. There should be no secret that women like success, all you have to do is put your nose to the grindstone and succeed.

[Moy]

Very well said. I know it's not the nicest sentiment, but it really is survival of the fittest out there no matter how we frame it. I think it's actually easier for men to succeed in this arena. You don't need to be good looking, all you have to do is be successful, which is largely within your control -- way more so than your looks. You can buckle down at school, work your way up the ladder, etc. Put int he blood, sweat, and tears. Compare that to a woman, no matter what she does with her life, her value to men is largely based on her appearance, which she can't really control at all outside of going to the gym and putting on makeup.

 

Interesting Wikipedia read on Sexual Capital:

 

"Capital portfolios typically involve a combination of sexual capital with economic, cultural and social capitals. As an example, to the extent that women, on average, value financial resources (i.e., economic capital) in their male partners more than sexual capital, and men value sexual capital more than economic capital in their female partners"

Sexual capital - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

In simpler terms, if you're a guy, providing resources (money) will increase your desirability despite what you look like. That is something you can do if you work hard enough. There should be no secret that women like success, all you have to do is put your nose to the grindstone and succeed.

 

To put it another way: Alpha f***s/Beta bucks

[LookAtThisPOst]

In simpler terms, if you're a guy, providing resources (money) will increase your desirability despite what you look like. That is something you can do if you work hard enough. There should be no secret that women like success, all you have to do is put your nose to the grindstone and succeed.

 

Some men are happy where they are in life. Though they could be a school teacher, accountant, government jobs (federal, state, or municipal), or one of the numerous, humble, but substantial jobs.

 

No need to go further than that to succeed with women as there are women out there that are fine with the aforementioned career paths. In fact, some might consider this success in their eyes. Stick to the same job for 20 years, get a nice pension and a comfy lifestyle.

[Necris]

 

In simpler terms, if you're a guy, providing resources (money) will increase your desirability despite what you look like. That is something you can do if you work hard enough. There should be no secret that women like success, all you have to do is put your nose to the grindstone and succeed.

 

So.... lonely guy's only choice is to make alot of money so he can attract gold diggers who still don't like him as a person but are attracted to the money and lifestyle he can afford?

[Moy]

So.... lonely guy's only choice is to make alot of money so he can attract gold diggers who still don't like him as a person but are attracted to the money and lifestyle he can afford?

 

When I was on POF, four questions invariably came up right at the start of most conversations - they were more like a financial audit than a conversation:

 

1. What do you do? This was always asked right off the bat - first question. Your answer will yield a Google search to find the average wage in that sector. If your job doesn't sound prestigious and lucrative enough the conversation stops dead at that point.

 

2. Where do you live? Cue a mental reaction based on how affluent your neighbourhood is, plus a Google search on house prices in that area.

 

3. What car do you drive? 'Nuff said.

 

4. How many kids have you got? Usually asked by single mothers, as if you are spending some of your hard-earned on your own kids then you're no good as you should be spending it all on hers.

 

I'm not driving at the moment as I haven't done so since a crash. A few months ago I got talking to a woman on POF on a Sunday night and I had the Monday off work as I'd taken annual leave for that day. On the Monday morning I messaged her to say hi (bear in mind that we'd been chatting for less than 12 hours at this point) and her response was: "Why aren't you in work and why haven't you got a car?" Straight up cross-examination as a response to "Good morning"

 

I had so many conversations like this, and I've heard so many other men say the same thing regarding being financially audited and being measured only by utility and finances.

[littleplanet]

I think I shoulda been one of those dateless guys.

But a funny thing happened on the way to adulthood.

Along with hair on my chest (just a little) and a drop in my vocal chords -

I grew a personality.

This didn't make me a hit with glamor pusses. (The ones that wouldn't know a personality if it bit them in the behind.)

But it did drop datelessness over the long horizon.

 

I've known many dateless people in my time.

And many of them are far from being unattractive.

 

Men are not bulls, actually.

And women are not cows.

Zoological observations often don't apply to human beings.

 

Strange enough - many still look for the actual person inside that skin.

And though we are blessed with whatever looks we're born with.....

the one thing we always have control over - is what's inside.

Give up on that - because you don't agree with whatever looks back at you from the bathroom mirror............

nobody who ever sat down at the game got dealt absolutely nothin'.

 

Getting a "date" is what it is.

Paticipating in the human comedy often goes a little bit further.

 

So people are picky.

Or conditioned by childhood fairytales to dwell in fantasylands.

Or mobbed by socially mediated hard knocks into examining their own personal worthlessnesses, they're convinced is a god's honest truth.

 

He was starving in some deep mystery

like a man who is sure what is true

L. Cohen

 

All the best romantic opportunities in my life happened for largely one specific reason: I happened to be a decent human being.

One can learn to accept that this isn't such a bad deal. And run with it.

 

Love and romance are fine things. It is sad to think that so many never know it.

The more we commodify it, the more we wind up shooting ourselves in the foot. Limping wounded things.

Yet it remains as always, the finest expression of the human spirit, that there is.

 

I forget just where I stumbled across this quote, early in life. It stuck with me, though. It went something like this:

 

I would much rather be a good man, than a great one.

A great one has to keep up appearances, and apply those standards, each and every day of his life.

A good one merely enjoys being what he actually is, by nature. That personal nature perpetuates itself, upon each and every morrow.

 

We can think we know and understand the standards we live by. That is our personal choice, in life.

Yet a good life never stands still.

 

Just as little boys can remain terrified of the prospect of winding up as "nice" guys..........

when all the treats in the world offer tradeable opportunities to those "not so nice".............which Faustian bargain applies best?

 

A date can often be a quick and lifeless thing. A shower and shave, and brushed teeth.

Mutual respect, regard, and admiration employs a bit more depth into the ether - and often enjoys a longer shelf life.

 

Humanity rolls around the planet - like a wide universe that wasted so very much time and space in its mad effort to entertain us with majesty.

 

..........while one little planet is all we ever really needed.

[ZA Dater]

I think I shoulda been one of those dateless guys.

But a funny thing happened on the way to adulthood.

Along with hair on my chest (just a little) and a drop in my vocal chords -

I grew a personality.

This didn't make me a hit with glamor pusses. (The ones that wouldn't know a personality if it bit them in the behind.)

But it did drop datelessness over the long horizon.

 

I've known many dateless people in my time.

And many of them are far from being unattractive.

 

Men are not bulls, actually.

And women are not cows.

Zoological observations often don't apply to human beings.

 

Strange enough - many still look for the actual person inside that skin.

And though we are blessed with whatever looks we're born with.....

the one thing we always have control over - is what's inside.

Give up on that - because you don't agree with whatever looks back at you from the bathroom mirror............

nobody who ever sat down at the game got dealt absolutely nothin'.

 

Getting a "date" is what it is.

Paticipating in the human comedy often goes a little bit further.

 

So people are picky.

Or conditioned by childhood fairytales to dwell in fantasylands.

Or mobbed by socially mediated hard knocks into examining their own personal worthlessnesses, they're convinced is a god's honest truth.

 

He was starving in some deep mystery

like a man who is sure what is true

L. Cohen

 

All the best romantic opportunities in my life happened for largely one specific reason: I happened to be a decent human being.

One can learn to accept that this isn't such a bad deal. And run with it.

 

Love and romance are fine things. It is sad to think that so many never know it.

The more we commodify it, the more we wind up shooting ourselves in the foot. Limping wounded things.

Yet it remains as always, the finest expression of the human spirit, that there is.

 

I forget just where I stumbled across this quote, early in life. It stuck with me, though. It went something like this:

 

I would much rather be a good man, than a great one.

A great one has to keep up appearances, and apply those standards, each and every day of his life.

A good one merely enjoys being what he actually is, by nature. That personal nature perpetuates itself, upon each and every morrow.

 

We can think we know and understand the standards we live by. That is our personal choice, in life.

Yet a good life never stands still.

 

Just as little boys can remain terrified of the prospect of winding up as "nice" guys..........

when all the treats in the world offer tradeable opportunities to those "not so nice".............which Faustian bargain applies best?

 

A date can often be a quick and lifeless thing. A shower and shave, and brushed teeth.

Mutual respect, regard, and admiration employs a bit more depth into the ether - and often enjoys a longer shelf life.

 

Humanity rolls around the planet - like a wide universe that wasted so very much time and space in its mad effort to entertain us with majesty.

 

..........while one little planet is all we ever really needed.

 

You have an incredible way with words, I for one hope you meet someone who appreciates that, if you haven't already.

 

 

In many ways the above is a much more eloquent piece of prose but I tend to agree mutual respect and regard are undersold and vastly underappreciated in todays world.

 

 

Trust me on this though, for all my dating disasters and almost all went that way, when you find that magic moment where personality and eloquence wows you then you have experienced one of the best moments life has to offer.

[elaine567]

When I was on POF, four questions invariably came up right at the start of most conversations - they were more like a financial audit than a conversation:

 

1. What do you do? This was always asked right off the bat - first question. Your answer will yield a Google search to find the average wage in that sector. If your job doesn't sound prestigious and lucrative enough the conversation stops dead at that point.

 

2. Where do you live? Cue a mental reaction based on how affluent your neighbourhood is, plus a Google search on house prices in that area.

 

3. What car do you drive? 'Nuff said.

 

4. How many kids have you got? Usually asked by single mothers, as if you are spending some of your hard-earned on your own kids then you're no good as you should be spending it all on hers.

 

I'm not driving at the moment as I haven't done so since a crash. A few months ago I got talking to a woman on POF on a Sunday night and I had the Monday off work as I'd taken annual leave for that day. On the Monday morning I messaged her to say hi (bear in mind that we'd been chatting for less than 12 hours at this point) and her response was: "Why aren't you in work and why haven't you got a car?" Straight up cross-examination as a response to "Good morning"

 

I had so many conversations like this, and I've heard so many other men say the same thing regarding being financially audited and being measured only by utility and finances.

 

Ok but if I was to casually meet a random woman or man I didn't know at work or socially ie in a non dating context, those are the questions I might ask, not to gauge their wealth in particular, but just to make conversation and get to know them.

 

Yes, in dating there will be an element of sussing out your worth, where you live, how many kids you got, but most of that is being practical and part of what dating is all about and is not necessarily a bad thing.

I think in dating, where you live, work, kids and cars are important.

Some do want to date or more to the point support, the long term unemployed or deal with the problems 5 kids may bring to a relationship, and some people live in places where public transport is sparse or even non existent, so a car is essential.

[Moy]

Ok but if I was to casually meet a random woman or man I didn't know at work or socially ie in a non dating context, those are the questions I might ask, not to gauge their wealth in particular, but just to make conversation and get to know them.

 

Yes, in dating there will be an element of sussing out your worth, where you live, how many kids you got, but most of that is being practical and part of what dating is all about and is not necessarily a bad thing.

I think in dating, where you live, work, kids and cars are important.

Some do want to date or more to the point support, the long term unemployed or deal with the problems 5 kids may bring to a relationship, and some people live in places where public transport is sparse or even non existent, so a car is essential.

 

Asking somebody flat out "Why aren't you at work?" when you've known them a matter of hours is a tad rude and intrusive in my book. I certainly don't have to justify taking a day off to a stranger fishing for my financial worth. There is a world of difference between injecting those questions into a conversation and reeling them off one after the other in a matter-of-fact manner like cross-examining a suspect.

Edited May 3, 2015 by Moy

[elaine567]

Asking somebody flat out "Why aren't you at work?" when you've known them a matter of hours is a tad rude and intrusive in my book. I certainly don't have to justify taking a day off to a stranger fishing for my financial worth. There is a world of difference between injecting those questions into a conversation and reeling them off one after the other in a matter-of-fact manner like cross-examining a suspect.

Yes, "why aren't you at work?" is a tad aggressive, I agree.

[Revolver]

Life isn't a Disney movie where everyone gets a partner and lives happily ever after.

 

My mom is a RN and she said it's crazy the amount of older men she has had as patients with no kids no wife. Lots of people die alone and I will probably be one of them

[JuneJulySeptember]

Life isn't a Disney movie where everyone gets a partner and lives happily ever after.

 

My mom is a RN and she said it's crazy the amount of older men she has had as patients with no kids no wife. Lots of people die alone and I will probably be one of them

 

I agree. It's probably a 50/50 proposition for me at this point. And seeing as how I'm at the halfpoint of my life (optimistically), it's something I've accepted for a while.

 

That's not something that bothers me on its own per se, but filling in the social gaps without having a family gets to be a hassle.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I agree. It's probably a 50/50 proposition for me at this point. And seeing as how I'm at the halfpoint of my life (optimistically), it's something I've accepted for a while.

 

That's not something that bothers me on its own per se, but filling in the social gaps without having a family gets to be a hassle.

 

Well, there used to be a time when women eagerly would be looking for a man to be a companion too, esp. in the 1940s/50s. Most weren't as shallow or superficial back then.

 

I think I recall Betty Paige (old time pin-up model) talking about how she would find some of her men inexperienced (didn't know how to kiss) and how she would gladly assist them in that department, where as women are like, "I don't time to teach a man." Yeah that sounds Sooooo loving to me."

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I want to agree with the OP, many dating coaches, guru's I've listened to say they know of guys and have worked with guys like that, guys in their 30's who don't have any dating/relationship/sexual experience.

[johndoe2]

Life isn't a Disney movie where everyone gets a partner and lives happily ever after.

 

My mom is a RN and she said it's crazy the amount of older men she has had as patients with no kids no wife. Lots of people die alone and I will probably be one of them

There's something twisted about the media's portrayal of romance. Really sadistic; we all grow up with these dreams and expectations nurtured by fiction, and then the get hacked down by reality and we despair. At least in an earlier more cynical age we'd be well prepared for what likely awaits us. One reason why as an adult I've grown to hate Disney movies. Except Fantasia.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

In some ways I'm kinda jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are

[DJOkawari]

So much whining

 

Yes, you aren't guaranteed anything. Isn't that what makes life so interesting? The value of anything is the possibility that you weren't going to have it.

 

Men are still valued for their "youthfulness" which I guess is different than youth precisely, but staying young and healthy is attractive for anyone I'm pretty sure.

Edited May 11, 2015 by DJOkawari

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

So much whining

 

Yes, you aren't guaranteed anything. Isn't that what makes life so interesting? The value of anything is the possibility that you weren't going to have it.

 

Men are still valued for their "youthfulness" which I guess is different than youth precisely, but staying young and healthy is attractive for anyone I'm pretty sure.

 

Its just I hate it when so many people think we guys, men have it easier than women do, if that was the case then there wouldn't be so many male late bloomers in the dating game, there are even dating coaches, seduction coaches out there, if you have seen the Will Smith movie "Hitch" then you'll know what I'm talking about.

[johndoe2]

Its just I hate it when so many people think we guys, men have it easier than women do, if that was the case then there wouldn't be so many male late bloomers in the dating game, there are even dating coaches, seduction coaches out there, if you have seen the Will Smith movie "Hitch" then you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

Unfortunately courtship is inherently a losing proposition for males; in theory you could successfully sustain the population with just 10% of the population being male. Many females will mate with multiple males, and you tend to have a situation where a fraction of males mate with the majority of the females in their lifetime.

 

In some species of course more than 90% of males never reproduce. Even in early hominids, the majority of men (who reached adulthood even) did not reproduce before dying. Now in modern times other factors may mean this effect isn't as big, but it's still there; inevitable, supply of males exceeds demand, so some of us have to lose.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Unfortunately courtship is inherently a losing proposition for males; in theory you could successfully sustain the population with just 10% of the population being male. Many females will mate with multiple males, and you tend to have a situation where a fraction of males mate with the majority of the females in their lifetime.

 

In some species of course more than 90% of males never reproduce. Even in early hominids, the majority of men (who reached adulthood even) did not reproduce before dying. Now in modern times other factors may mean this effect isn't as big, but it's still there; inevitable, supply of males exceeds demand, so some of us have to lose.

 

well it's because people will always make the stubborn argument, for every girl that has a boyfriend, that guy has a girlfriend, every time a girl is having sex, a guy is having sex, while that does make sense, anyway, I found this article right here, it was actually posted on another thread in this forum:

http://www.psmag.com/nature-and-technology/17-to-1-reproductive-success

[dgf]

If you're a male past your 20's, 30's, or even 40's you can have a little peace of mind knowing you are far from the only man who is dateless. While it is true that in real life men will seldom admit they cant a girlfriend, I have talked to and later met in real life at least ten men who are anywhere from 20 to 48 years old and were perpetually dateless. These guys included an IT professional, an oncologist, a navy/air force veteran, a writer, a well traveled ESL teacher who currently resides in China.

 

I read one study that showed that while 80% of women have reproduced, only 40% of men have done so. The concept of a guy who cant get a women is certainly not new. Knowing this has helped me cope with my own girlfriend-less life and has taught me that for some guys it just does not happen. By no means am I trying to discourage anyone from trying; I am merely highlighting the fact that some guys, for a variety of reasons just never succeed

 

These guys are often good guys but that means nothing. They don't count tithe ladies and even desperate ladies will at best friendzone these guys.