The 'SURPRISE' child in the middle of our relationship ?

[Reysa09]

Ok quick run down:

 

Me and my boyfriend are finally back together after 6 months of trust issues, other women, other men and other obstacles that led to our previous break up. We have had a long distance relationship for a year. Hes in NC, im in SC, but we manage to see eachother once every week or every two weeks. He's getting out of the military (after 12 long years) in a few weeks (hopefully) and hes coming back to SC until August, then he'll be relocating to Florida to attend school for 90 weeks. I must admit the love that we have for eachother is growing every day.

 

He finally came out and told me that he may have a possible child (3 years old) in st louis. Some chick he use to mess with back when he lived in Georgia, told him last year that he had a child. She also admitted that she was seeing other men but i cant lie the little girl kind of looks like him. The timing is about right, he said he got drunk one night and had sex with her in FEB, the child was born in NOV. He said he's going to get a DNA test this summer. (By the way he has no kids). I know i sound selfish, but i wanted to have his first child. (I have a 7 year old daughter). I feel like things are going to change and I wont be able to have a child by him or get anything that i want because he is going to devote so much time into this new child of his. Im scared and stressed and in order to have a successful long distance relationship for two years, i cant feel this way. How should i handle the situation ?

[Diezel]

How long did he know about this "possible child" for?

[Reysa09]

How long did he know about this "possible child" for?

 

He knew since June 2014 but I guess he hasn't had the funds to fly to Missouri since then. Im just now finding out about it and we've been technically dealing with eachother since June 2014.

[ExpatInItaly]

He knew since June 2014 but I guess he hasn't had the funds to fly to Missouri since then. Im just now finding out about it and we've been technically dealing with eachother since June 2014.

 

Why is he only telling you now? What prompted him to finally come clean? And what do you mean when you say you've been technically dealing with each other?

 

Sounds to me like he still isn't trustworthy. This is a huge, life-changing issue and he chose to hide it from you. Not good. I'd be done with him. Sorry, I know you don't want to hear that. But he's kept this to himself for almost a year. That should be a huge indicator to you about his level of respect and commitment. It's very low, apparently.

[d0nnivain]

By my count this is at least the 4th identical thread you have posted about this. The answers don't change.

 

Your relationship has always been a train wreck. This should be the icing on the cake. How many more hints -- whacks upside the head by a proverbial 2x4 -- do you need to finally walk away for good?

[JollyDays]

I'll take it a step further and say that he's probably still in a relationship with her and is playing both of you for fools. WALK AWAY.

[justwhoiam]

Me and my boyfriend are finally back together after 6 months of trust issues, other women, other men and other obstacles that led to our previous break up.

Sounds like a mess.

 

We have had a long distance relationship for a year.

Do you mean you had an open relationship? Or that both of you were cheating on each other?

 

hes coming back to SC until August, then he'll be relocating to Florida to attend school for 90 weeks.

So what's the deal for the next two years? Still LD?

 

Some chick he use to mess with back when he lived in Georgia, told him last year that he had a child. She also admitted that she was seeing other men

[...]

I feel like things are going to change and I wont be able to have a child by him or get anything that i want because he is going to devote so much time into this new child of his. Im scared and stressed and in order to have a successful long distance relationship for two years, i cant feel this way. How should i handle the situation ?

My first thought would be to get tested. He was having sex with a woman having sex with random guys. She had a child and couldn't even tell who the father was, because of having sex with multiple guys in the same time span.

 

Secondly, I would question his tastes, unless you're very similar to that woman.

 

Thirdly, I would question his sense of responsibility. He was told last June. It's a year. He should have asked this woman to send him DNA results of the child and then be tested himself locally.

 

And finally, he kept all that hidden from you, in the first 6 months of your relationship. I wouldn't count the following 6 months, as you said you were having issues.