Why do people always tell lonely guys to try dating unattractive girls?

[Necris]

OP, your question about if they are overestimating their own attractiveness, doesn't that mean they're confident -- yes and no. If they are overestimating their own attractiveness, it comes off less as confidence and more as delusional and entitled -- and they often wear it as bitterness. That's what people see, and that's not attractive. We all get that way, but got to keep it from showing when dating because neither sex likes it.

 

And lonely women may be hindered by wanting more attractive guys just like men are, or they may simply never be able to get a date because they're fat, flat, ugly, or old or all four. I truly believe there are more women who can't date than men. I've seen men who were not at all attractive still be able to date. And it may be the fact women do not usually ask men out that is the reason why there's more women out there rotting away because no one wants them. That might account for it. Because you do have to work harder if you have no advantages to get a date and many women won't do that because of tradition.

 

So I guess the truth is how you look is actually way more important than how confident you feel, people are always saying it doesn't matter if you look ugly if you're confident girls will be drawn to you but we all know that's a lie, lol.

 

But again women who are lonely either are rejecting guys or never getting out so no one even knows of her existence, lonely guys may spend tons of money on failed dates, and approach tons of women to get a date and occasionally if you play the numbers game enough maybe one day someone will find you attractive, maybe. Also I don't know any lonely guys who constantly reject women, they are just glad if someone wants them.

 

While lonely women just kind of sit around at home wondering why no guy wants them. If they put in the kind of effort some lonely guys put in to dating their odds will drastically improve.

[MGX]

I think most women have to chase guys off with a stick, because they are women. It's the quality of those men that's in question.

 

Guys on the other hand, wish they had it so good, that they had girls to refuse.

[AD1980]

OP, your question about if they are overestimating their own attractiveness, doesn't that mean they're confident -- yes and no. If they are overestimating their own attractiveness, it comes off less as confidence and more as delusional and entitled -- and they often wear it as bitterness. That's what people see, and that's not attractive. We all get that way, but got to keep it from showing when dating because neither sex likes it.

 

And lonely women may be hindered by wanting more attractive guys just like men are, or they may simply never be able to get a date because they're fat, flat, ugly, or old or all four. I truly believe there are more women who can't date than men. I've seen men who were not at all attractive still be able to date. And it may be the fact women do not usually ask men out that is the reason why there's more women out there rotting away because no one wants them. That might account for it. Because you do have to work harder if you have no advantages to get a date and many women won't do that because of tradition.

 

So unless you go after somebody who you or whoever deem as that persons physical equivalent that means that person overestimates their own attractiveness level? Maybe that person is simply attracted to the other person and says let me give it a shot..it doesn't automatically mean that persons overestimating their worth

[Necris]

Well yes maybe, everyone has to find their own target audience. The audience who will accept them.

 

So let's say a guy feels like he's average when he's actually slightly below average in looks so talks to girls that reject him who are just average plain girls. Should he try talking to girls who are below average in looks? What happens when girls also don't view themselves so low like a girl who is really below average due to her obesity but sees herself as beautiful so rejects advances of unattractive men.

 

Or let's say looks really aren't the issue but personality and interests are the real issue and it turns out the guy is actually going after the wrong type of girls, he felt he had something in common with these girls but they don't feel the same. But there's another type of girl that would be more open to his advances but unfortunately he doesn't find those girls attractive or he feels like he doesn't have much in common with them. Then what should the guy do?

 

But it is not as simple as a 10 matches another 10 and a 2 matches another 2. It is not all about attractiveness for many women.

Other things come into play, education, social class, things in common, personality etc.

A guy may be a 10 on the attractiveness scale, but if he is not educated well, or has poor social skills or a dreadful personality, he may as well be a 1 to any woman who is looking for a LTR with an educated man with a good personality and social skills.

Whether she herself is a 1 or a 10 is immaterial, he will be rejected.

 

 

Actually for both women and men personality, things in common, education, etc. all play a part in attraction. Most guys don't want a LTR with a poorly educated, very annoying, but super attractive woman whom they have share no common interests with. But physical attractiveness plays a massive role in both sexes. The guy that's a 10 looks wise but unnattractive in all other areas I guarantee you will still get dates and probably a LTR because of his looks.

 

But I do get what you are saying perhaps some guys are just going after the wrong type of women and looks aren't the major issue but their personalities and interests simply don't match. But unfortunately some guys maybe quite odd so very few women really are compatible with them.

[d0nnivain]

Necris

 

Have you ever gotten input from any women your own age who know you IRL?

 

I am a woman but I have a dear male friend. When we 1st met he told me he was lousy with women. I knew he was a bit shy & somewhat goofy but he was very good looking, well educated & dressed well. It made no sense to me as a woman that he couldn't find a woman to date.

 

After spending a few hours with him in a bar, I realized his problem right away: he was clueless. I noticed about a 1/2 dozen women hitting on him & many more eye humping him from afar. He swore up & down he never got a 2nd look from any of them. He thought I was nuts.

 

A few weeks later we were in another bar. This time my BF was with us. Since my buddy didn't believe me, I had my BF point out all the interested women. I remember my buddy looked at one & said to my BF, that girl is not interested in me. My BF literally smacked him upside the head -- playfully -- and assured him that not only was the woman in question interested but if properly motivated would probably have sex with him on premises. I thought at least she'd be willing to go home with my friend, the 28 year old virgin. Between my BF & me, we managed to get my buddy a new GF that night.

 

Sometimes you just need to shift your own perspective.

[elaine567]

So unless you go after somebody who you or whoever deem as that persons physical equivalent that means that person overestimates their own attractiveness level? Maybe that person is simply attracted to the other person and says let me give it a shot..it doesn't automatically mean that persons overestimating their worth

 

No, but if they keep getting rejected by similar women, it could mean they are overestimating their worth.

Best really not to get too hooked up on physical attractiveness, as it is pretty subjective, better to gauge on level of interest.

[Necris]

Necris

 

Have you ever gotten input from any women your own age who know you IRL?

 

I am a woman but I have a dear male friend. When we 1st met he told me he was lousy with women. I knew he was a bit shy & somewhat goofy but he was very good looking, well educated & dressed well. It made no sense to me as a woman that he couldn't find a woman to date.

 

After spending a few hours with him in a bar, I realized his problem right away: he was clueless. I noticed about a 1/2 dozen women hitting on him & many more eye humping him from afar. He swore up & down he never got a 2nd look from any of them. He thought I was nuts.

 

A few weeks later we were in another bar. This time my BF was with us. Since my buddy didn't believe me, I had my BF point out all the interested women. I remember my buddy looked at one & said to my BF, that girl is not interested in me. My BF literally smacked him upside the head -- playfully -- and assured him that not only was the woman in question interested but if properly motivated would probably have sex with him on premises. I thought at least she'd be willing to go home with my friend, the 28 year old virgin. Between my BF & me, we managed to get my buddy a new GF that night.

 

Sometimes you just need to shift your own perspective.

 

I don't have any female friends, I used to but I can't resist the urge to ask them out resulting in a gradual loss of friendship.

 

I do however know I am in fact completely clueless. I can't read people very well at all.

 

So I approach girls that I think are interested but they never are so perhaps there are girls that are interested but I can't find them, and I have no way of knowing how to develop that ability.

[elaine567]

I don't have any female friends, I used to but I can't resist the urge to ask them out resulting in a gradual loss of friendship.

 

I do however know I am in fact completely clueless. I can't read people very well at all.

 

So I approach girls that I think are interested but they never are so perhaps there are girls that are interested but I can't find them, and I have no way of knowing how to develop that ability.

 

Cultivate some female friends and don't ask them out, but seek their advice and learn how to talk to women in general and suss out who is interested and who isn't.

They may also know some girls who would be interested in you, it is always good to network.

[Necris]

Cultivate some female friends and don't ask them out, but seek their advice and learn how to talk to women in general and suss out who is interested and who isn't.

They may also know some girls who would be interested in you, it is always good to network.

 

My hobbies and interests put me at a disadvantage when it comes to making female friends, you don't ask people to be your friend its something that happens naturally over a long period of time. When I had female friends they never helped set me up with anyone or even tell me about other girls being interested, then again I never asked or maybe they thought I was gay or something.

 

 

 

Now for me I'm personally not looking at the moment since I'm dealing with some potential mental health issues (unrelated to dating) went to 2 different doctors one was saying I seem to be developing schizophrenia and the other saying I have ocd and general anxiety disorder, so after I get these things sorted out I will begin searching again.

[JuneJulySeptember]

My hobbies and interests put me at a disadvantage when it comes to making female friends, you don't ask people to be your friend its something that happens naturally over a long period of time. When I had female friends they never helped set me up with anyone or even tell me about other girls being interested, then again I never asked or maybe they thought I was gay or something.

 

Meetup groups...

 

Certain meetup groups are formed of people who are much more laid back socially. The reason being, IMO, they don't have hordes of friends because they themselves are not the 'most interesting man in the world'/most charismatic/most beautiful, etc.

 

I have definitely found that people who do particular meetup groups are nicer and friendlier than say, co-workers or classmates. With co-workers and classmates, I feel like I'm back in high school a lot of the time. It's cliquey, hierarchial, and there's lots of people who don't care about you.

 

Geek-oriented meetup groups and hiking oriented meetup groups especially. It's not that you want people who are necessarily awkward. But you want nice people who are open to hearing your story when you tell it. And people who have experienced awkwardness themselves are more likely to be more lenient. I know where you're coming from. Definitely.

Edited April 29, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[elaine567]

Now for me I'm personally not looking at the moment since I'm dealing with some potential mental health issues (unrelated to dating) went to 2 different doctors one was saying I seem to be developing schizophrenia and the other saying I have ocd and general anxiety disorder, so after I get these things sorted out I will begin searching again.

 

Investigate "Mindfulness"

Mindfulness Helps People Live with Schizophrenia - Mad In America

MIndfulness has also been proven to help in OCD and anxiety too.

[wizer]

I always wondered about this, I mean at first glance this "advice" sounds like it would help someone who's struggling because they keep trying to date "outside their league" but in actuality...

 

I mean has anyone ever tried this advice? I have and I find there is no difference between asking out girls I'm attracted to and girls I'm not attracted to, the rejection will still happen regardless.

 

It's all about desperation. If you're getting rejected by less attractive women then you're not going ugly or fat enough.

 

Scan the profiles of women in your geographical area. Start with the ugliest, nastiest beast you can possibly find. You won't get rejected, I'll guarantee it. Then work up from there.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, depends on how you define "Unattractive", I know some people who think they shouldn't settle for less than 9 or 10's when they don't have much to bring to the table themselves.

 

Their friends and family start to worry and give them advice how they should give that guy Dave that comes to her workplace restaurant daily as he's always sitting in her station. Though he may have a receding hairline, as a 40 year old waitress, she doesn't much offer as well.

[wizer]

Well, depends on how you define "Unattractive"

 

Someone who looks like they might eat you.

[preraph]

So I guess the truth is how you look is actually way more important than how confident you feel, people are always saying it doesn't matter if you look ugly if you're confident girls will be drawn to you but we all know that's a lie, lol.

 

But again women who are lonely either are rejecting guys or never getting out so no one even knows of her existence, lonely guys may spend tons of money on failed dates, and approach tons of women to get a date and occasionally if you play the numbers game enough maybe one day someone will find you attractive, maybe. Also I don't know any lonely guys who constantly reject women, they are just glad if someone wants them.

 

While lonely women just kind of sit around at home wondering why no guy wants them. If they put in the kind of effort some lonely guys put in to dating their odds will drastically improve.

 

Unwanted women are out there. They may not be in the bars, but everyone has to go the supermarket and work and things like that.

 

Again, what you call confidence may be an unwarranted delusion. It may seem like confidence to you but come off as delusional to others who don't think you're all that. I mean, we all have to deal with a little of that, right, since we all think we're just fine. Confidence is important. But looks is the first thing we all see, and especially with online dating, it's about all we see. Basically, people usually date within their attractiveness range, but yes, attractiveness does take into consideration, number one, looks, success, confidence, and then a lot of variables that some like and some don't. You may be confident that you are a good capable person, and that will serve you well, but if you think that's all it takes to get a good looking woman, well, why would she date capable and not attractive when she could instead date capable and attractive on her level? It can happen, but it's rare.

 

Also, consider that women as a rule, don't care as much about a man's body as men care about a woman's body, and there's lots of variables there. What men other men find attractive are usually pretty far off from what a lot of women find attractive. How many times have I heard buys moan that they don't see what women see in Johnny Depp. He's short, he's skinny, he looks a little dirty sometimes. But that's because all women don't care if a guy is all muscley, though some do. The neck down isn't as important to most women as it is to most men. I don't know what you're looking for , but if you're like most men, it's a woman who is young and slim and has a smaller waist and some boobs and/or butt and a "girl nextdoor" face. That is what a lot of guys consider reasonable, and that is actually a very small pool of young women who in 10 years won't look like that either. And that's the pool most guys are fishing in, no matter what they look like.

[Necris]

It's all about desperation. If you're getting rejected by less attractive women then you're not going ugly or fat enough.

 

Scan the profiles of women in your geographical area. Start with the ugliest, nastiest beast you can possibly find. You won't get rejected, I'll guarantee it. Then work up from there.

 

But why? Why would u do that to someone and what benefit would you get from it? Thats not going to help you find someone you like and you are using someone for no reason.

[JuneJulySeptember]

It's all about desperation. If you're getting rejected by less attractive women then you're not going ugly or fat enough.

 

Scan the profiles of women in your geographical area. Start with the ugliest, nastiest beast you can possibly find. You won't get rejected, I'll guarantee it. Then work up from there.

 

But why? Why would u do that to someone and what benefit would you get from it? Thats not going to help you find someone you like and you are using someone for no reason.

 

In my area, I found at least one profile or a larger, older woman and it explicitly stated something like "I'm OK, if you're not interested, maybe we can hang out and do something as friends."

 

And to be honest, I almost put the same thing in my profile. I mean, we're talking about PEOPLE here, not sports cars. I was going to respond, but I can't remember why I didn't, I was busy maybe. Some people would just like to meet other people.

 

Those are few and far in between though. The vast majority of women have several men messaging them.

[AD1980]

Necris

 

Have you ever gotten input from any women your own age who know you IRL?

 

I am a woman but I have a dear male friend. When we 1st met he told me he was lousy with women. I knew he was a bit shy & somewhat goofy but he was very good looking, well educated & dressed well. It made no sense to me as a woman that he couldn't find a woman to date.

 

After spending a few hours with him in a bar, I realized his problem right away: he was clueless. I noticed about a 1/2 dozen women hitting on him & many more eye humping him from afar. He swore up & down he never got a 2nd look from any of them. He thought I was nuts.

 

A few weeks later we were in another bar. This time my BF was with us. Since my buddy didn't believe me, I had my BF point out all the interested women. I remember my buddy looked at one & said to my BF, that girl is not interested in me. My BF literally smacked him upside the head -- playfully -- and assured him that not only was the woman in question interested but if properly motivated would probably have sex with him on premises. I thought at least she'd be willing to go home with my friend, the 28 year old virgin. Between my BF & me, we managed to get my buddy a new GF that night.

 

Sometimes you just need to shift your own perspective.

 

The majority of us struggling still at a certain age aren't that attractive never mind so attractive that numerous women at places are eye f'in us where we just don't notice it so I don't think that's a great example

[Phoe]

I figure it's simply about numbers.

 

If you're only going after particularly attractive ones, you're cutting out a chunk of women. By being more open about looks, you're simply increasing the number of opportunities.

 

Doesn't guarantee success, but it won't hurt your chances.

 

BUT... total lack of attraction altogether just can't work. I've always been inclined to become attracted based on personality over looks, but if you can't find attraction in either, it's futile.

[JuneJulySeptember]

The majority of us struggling still at a certain age aren't that attractive never mind so attractive that numerous women at places are eye f'in us where we just don't notice it so I don't think that's a great example

 

I have no comment on that story.

 

In my own life, the biggest turnaround I have ever seen is one of my high school friends got basically no women in high school even though he was always tall and good looking. A few girls did like him and they definitely made that CLEAR, but they were sorta average-ish and I think he thought he could do better. None of the girls with any social status liked him because he had no status or swag.

 

But once he got to college, he got a lot of women.

 

Basically, by age 25-28 you know how attractive you are.

 

Your opinion of yourself can only be so far away from reality. My friend I mentioned above had strippers calling him cute and handsome when we went to clubs. It was only a matter of time. Women are not too shy. If you are good looking, they will let you know about it.

Edited April 30, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[JuneJulySeptember]

I figure it's simply about numbers.

 

If you're only going after particularly attractive ones, you're cutting out a chunk of women. By being more open about looks, you're simply increasing the number of opportunities.

 

 

I really don't think any guy here is doing that.

 

YOU are probably the peak of what any type of guy who complains about getting no women goes after.

 

I definitely haven't messaged a woman as attractive than you and dozens of women have ignored my messages. Just how it is.

 

What other guys are talking about is going to the way bottom of the barrel. Maybe the 1 in 100 woman who doesn't get any messages, so she might respond just because she is flattered or happy.

Edited April 30, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Phoe]

I really don't think any guy here is doing that.

 

YOU are probably the peak of what any type of guy who complains about getting no women goes after.

 

I definitely haven't messaged a woman as attractive than you and dozens of women have ignored my messages. Just how it is.

 

What other guys are talking about is going to the way bottom of the barrel. Maybe the 1 in 100 woman who doesn't get any messages.

 

Well, I won't pretend to be particularly well acquainted with what any individual man does or doesn't find attractive, but I suppose it's simply about casting a wider net.

 

Not necessarily limiting yourself to only a certain level of attractiveness, but pursuing a wide variety. No point in boxing oneself in.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, I won't pretend to be particularly well acquainted with what any individual man does or doesn't find attractive, but I suppose it's simply about casting a wider net.

 

Not necessarily limiting yourself to only a certain level of attractiveness, but pursuing a wide variety. No point in boxing oneself in.

 

There was a point where I was going to message some really cute and hot women on OLD just because ... what the h@ll, I'm paid up.

 

I never got around too it because I just kind of set OLD aside and it's been collecting dust.

 

I'll let you know how it goes if I get around to it. I can predict the results won't be great. More attractive women get more messages. Just kind of how it is.

[Phoe]

There was a point where I was going to message some really cute and hot women on OLD just because ... what the h@ll, I'm paid up.

 

I never got around too it because I just kind of set OLD aside and it's been collecting dust.

 

I'll let you know how it goes if I get around to it. I can predict the results won't be great. More attractive women get more messages. Just kind of how it is.

 

Well, OLD admittedly wouldn't be the greatest place to test any kind of theories. But I just figure it's best not to make any assumptions about men or women and their dating lives, based solely on what they look like.

[AD1980]

I have no comment on that story.

 

In my own life, the biggest turnaround I have ever seen is one of my high school friends got basically no women in high school even though he was always tall and good looking. A few girls did like him and they definitely made that CLEAR, but they were sorta average-ish and I think he thought he could do better. None of the girls with any social status liked him because he had no status or swag.

 

But once he got to college, he got a lot of women.

 

Basically, by age 25-28 you know how attractive you are.

 

Your opinion of yourself can only be so far away from reality. My friend I mentioned above had strippers calling him cute and handsome when we went to clubs. It was only a matter of time. Women are not too shy. If you are good looking, they will let you know about it.

 

Oh yeah I'm sure good looking dudes have been complemented a decent amount..I'm 34 and never been told im good looking or even cute so I'm aware where I stand lol