Stuck again having to make a choice- should it be this difficult?

[Winterina]

You say you are married for 3.5 years, means that you know your H for about 5-6 years give or take?

It means that he met your daughter when she was a little girl. Whatever happened is on him not your daughter. HE as an adult that took over a role for her caretaker and a stepdad should have made effort in establishing trusting and loving relationship with her, regardless of her issues. It is your child, a woman he married, your daughter's well being should have been his priority too. Had he acted like a caring friend rather than verbally abuse her and make him hate him and create so much anger and resentment in her, you would have a different daughter today...one that is not difficult, that does not swear (big effing surprise she does that if he verbally abused her as a kid), that feels loved and protected.

My BF stepdad was a piece of s... who got his sister kicked out of the house and he was abusive to both of them. Today, my bf sister is a horrible angry person that hates the world and that dropped out of college. She also never got over the fact that her own mother chose that guy over her... that is what created even more anger in her.

 

 

Choose your own flesh and blood over a guy... he is there today, tomorrow he might cheat on you with your best friend and leave you, which is what happened to my bf's mom. Fully deserved end for her imo.

[Akashsingh]

Lets look at it from a practical perspective:

 

Your husband, her step father doesnt like her, doesnt want her back. Also she would not mend with him either.

 

So why invite her in? She is 19 and one day she is again going to leave for someone else. So do you want to spoil your marriage for the remainder of your life?

 

Ultimately your daughter needs to be able to grow up and support herself on her own. You can and should help her temporarily, but not to the point where your husband has to compromise.

 

Your child is your child and your marriage is your marriage. One day your daughter will be 25 and she will go to another man, but, if you moved out over your husband's objections, you will ultimately lose your husband.

 

You will lose your daughter to another man, thats for sure, given her age. Do you want to be lonely when she is 25?

 

best thing to do is help her out for 6 mos. to 1 yr , by finding her a place to live nearby you.

 

You pay part of her rent and give her some loan to return or something like that. Ultimately she is going to have to care for herself.

[sandylee1]

Blood is thicker than water. I remember being 19 and I lived away at college. I know my parents would and did help me out no matter what. If my 19 year old needed a place to live, then I'd absolutely ensure she wasn't going to be homeless, or fall into the hands of some predator taking advantage of her.

 

If rules can be set and agreed, that would be best. If you H refuses, then try and help your daughter rent a room.

 

It's obviously best if the two of them don't live under the same roof, but never let it seem that you have chosen him over her. One of my friends had something similar happen ( mum bought a new house too small for her to move in ), when she was living with her in the previous place. The mum's boyfriend was instrumental in this. It's been 30 years and her mom is dead, but she never forgave her for it.

 

Your legal responsibility may end at 18, but my parental bond wouldn't allow me to not do anything for my daughter. You don't abandon your kids at 18 for goodness sake.