Simon Phoenix Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Well, most people don't marry their first relationship. Instead of trying to put lipstick on a pig, it's time for you to learn from this and use those lessons to move ahead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I've always been the Spock of the relationship, in that I was always the more rational head thinker, and he was the heart thinker. That's still how we are. But we're just so young and part of me thinks "right person, wrong time". I certainly don't want to be over, not for good anyway. If he comes back after a time, great. If not, I will be able to focus on my education and mental health and get into a much better spot with who I am and who I want to be. Either way, I win. Plenty of us know that feeling. When you get to a relationship place so serious you need to either end it or make it permanent is when things come into focus. The question becomes how much do you want to give up... how much do you want them to give up. There is only one way to make sure that you can get back together with him and NC or limited contact isn't part of it. You have 3.5 years of relationship history to draw on and at least a year I take it of that is living together. What you need to is to have a sit down and talk about what's going on with him. Maybe even in couples counseling. After 3.5 years in many ways your relationship would already resemble a young marriage. It's just that right now it is easier to walk away. Emotionally immature people often prefer to make pie in the sky plans that they just as often don't follow through on. Sitting down and having a hard discussion of what you both really want and if you can get that by being together may scare him. If he does not agree to such talks then you have your answer. Think carefully about going to a wedding with an EX. Weddings bring emotions out in people that can cause great joy and great pain. They make people think about what they have, don't have, want, and wish for. If you go to that wedding it is possible nothing could happen...it is just as possible there could be some drama. Suppose you go to the wedding and after the toast for the bride and groom he whips out a nice little engagement ring and ask you to be his wife....what do you say? At this point if you are not sure or the answer is yes then forget what we have said about NC and try to get that couples counseling. If he is willing to go through with something like that then there is hope. If not then you need to let him go. He will not soon be mature enough about things to stick with and get married to. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Couples counseling? I'm sorry, that's not a good idea. Not only did he end it, but he's borderline abusive. She's needs to be done with him, not trying to back into a second chance via a third party. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 At most, couples counseling would be putting the relationship on life support. It would almost undoubtedly end later on and the situation would be the same. This relationship isn't worth saving. SLee will come to that conclusion eventually, after they part ways physically and she has time to think/reflect on the relationship without the bias that his presence presents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SLee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Couples counseling right now would be a total mess, I think. Even if the ex DID go for it, it would only help if he wanted it to as well. If these things were addressed maybe months ago, then counseling maybe could have helped, but we'll never know. We've lived together for about a year and a half. However, after about 4 months into the relationship, we never spent a night apart, staying every night in each other's dorms/apartments. We're both in the bridal party for the wedding, so for some of it we won't even be around each other, and I'll be way too busy focussing on the bride and her day. I don't want my personal life to ruin my friends' day. It's to the point with him now that I'm looking forward to living apart, because of the frustration and annoyance his behavior causes me much of the time. I get pretty lonely sometimes, I'm not going to lie, and I would like to get back with him at some point, but I don't want to reconcile right now because it'd just be a disaster. I'm not gonna wait for him or cling to hope or anything. I miss him a lot, but right now I just want control over my own life back. Thanks to ya'll for replying!! Link to post Share on other sites
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