Who pays for the wedding?

[goodyblue]

LOL no we are not. I don't know a single woman who has spent her life dreaming of a wedding when she wasn't even close to being engaged.

 

Anyway, I think it's nice when parents can contribute but the bulk ime has been on the couple, except in the cases of very rich families in which case dad paid for it all.

 

Omg. Never when I was growing up did I dream of what my wedding would be. And I am also a huge risk taker who does all the dirty jobs around the house (mowing the lawn, unclogging toilets, recently I chased a possum out of our garage), but... I am more of a realist. Lol

[amaysngrace]

I'm giving my daughter a check and a ladder.

[d0nnivain]

Women are hard wired to dream of their wedding day, and with whom it will be, and with whom they will spend their lives with.

 

The life with your SO doesn't start until the wedding day, so it's a good place to start if you want to start saving for your future.

 

 

Wrong! I didn't start thinking about my wedding day until about a week after I had an engagement ring. None of my friends spent their lives dreaming about some fairytale wedding. In fact I only know a few women who did this & their marriages ended in disasters.

 

Before I got engaged, I had a world class education, a great job with a salary that can support me & my whole family, a house I paid for on my own, two cars & a lifetime of travel.

 

You are living in the dark ages dreaming of your wedding, picking out a wedding dress before you even fall in love & resigning yourself to some job that you well know you cannot support yourself through.

 

You need to invest in your future not dream about your wedding. Get an education. Get a job that will enable you to support yourself. After you accomplish something then you can start thinking about marriage & family because you will be up a creek if you marry & have kids, then something happens to your "provider" husband.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It would be nice that you pay for the wedding, since the man will be paying for the marriage with his life.

[MJJean]

Women are hard wired to dream of their wedding day, and with whom it will be, and with whom they will spend their lives with.

 

The life with your SO doesn't start until the wedding day, so it's a good place to start if you want to start saving for your future.

 

Nope. I didn't think about my wedding until after I was engaged.

 

I can tell you from experience that life with your SO, even if you elect to live in separate homes until the marriage, begins long before the wedding day.

 

Saving for a future means saving for reliable transportation, a home, retirement, and setting aside a fund "in case of emergency or unemployment". The wedding ceremony is brief. The reception is one of many parties and lasts only hours. The honeymoon lasts merely days. The real life bills, responsibilities, obligations, and the day to day work of maintaining a marital relationship then begin and last for decades.

 

Save for your future, but don't tie that savings to a wedding. Be open to other possibilities. As I said before, maybe your ideal groom won't want a big wedding and would prefer a simple ceremony and a decent down payment on a mortgage.

[csny111]

Women aren't hard wired to dream of that. They are TAUGHT to dream of that.

 

Also, if you really believe your life with your SO doesn't start til that day, you have a lot of learning yet to do. Your life with your SO begins much sooner than that. That's the foundation on which you build upon before the wedding.

 

 

 

And where did you learn this? A gender studies class, at a public community college?

[csny111]

Wrong! I didn't start thinking about my wedding day until about a week after I had an engagement ring. None of my friends spent their lives dreaming about some fairytale wedding. In fact I only know a few women who did this & their marriages ended in disasters.

 

Before I got engaged, I had a world class education, a great job with a salary that can support me & my whole family, a house I paid for on my own, two cars & a lifetime of travel.

 

You are living in the dark ages dreaming of your wedding, picking out a wedding dress before you even fall in love & resigning yourself to some job that you well know you cannot support yourself through.

 

You need to invest in your future not dream about your wedding. Get an education. Get a job that will enable you to support yourself. After you accomplish something then you can start thinking about marriage & family because you will be up a creek if you marry & have kids, then something happens to your "provider" husband.

 

 

 

This is the problem. Marriage is deteriorating, and it's this worldview that is destroying it. Where did you all you go to school? Public?

 

 

Marriage is designed for sex, and procreation. Period. People aren't hardwired to wait until they are 30, and have degrees before marrying. Yes, the foundation of the relationship starts before the wedding, when you are seeking counsel from someone at a church and deciding if you are compatible. Your life starts after the wedding day.

 

It's only been the last 30 years that we have this worldview of waiting until we are 30-35 to get married. And marriage is on the "DECLINE"!! That's not a good thing!!!

 

 

Yes, I'm gonna say it... Women need to either get their butts back home and in the kitchen, or stop contributing to the rising decline of the sanctity of marriage!!!!

Edited April 29, 2015 by csny111

[csny111]

It would be nice that you pay for the wedding, since the man will be paying for the marriage with his life.

 

Thank you! This is my thinking on it!

 

 

Women, feminism, gender studies... all of this is contributing to women who are going to wind up being very lonely, in our society. For a long long time.

[csny111]

I suggest you all go watch the movie, "Old Fashioned"

 

and get your heads out of the 50 Shades of Grey our society has become.

[d0nnivain]

I actually went to Catholic school, grade school, high school, & grad school. I had very little secular education & my marriage is quite strong thank you for your concern.

 

I agree that the institution of marriage needs to be strengthened & it's not disposable but it will get improved with equal partners not through subservience.

[SJS]

I suggest you all go watch the movie, "Old Fashioned"

 

and get your heads out of the 50 Shades of Grey our society has become.

lol. Kids today.

 

 

If you want to talk old fashioned, I'm a SAHM and have been probably since you were still in the single digits, and even I think you are whacked.

[MJJean]

This is the problem. Marriage is deteriorating, and it's this worldview that is destroying it. Where did you all you go to school? Public?

 

 

Marriage is designed for sex, and procreation. Period. People aren't hardwired to wait until they are 30, and have degrees before marrying. Yes, the foundation of the relationship starts before the wedding, when you are seeking counsel from someone at a church and deciding if you are compatible. Your life starts after the wedding day.

 

It's only been the last 30 years that we have this worldview of waiting until we are 30-35 to get married. And marriage is on the "DECLINE"!! That's not a good thing!!!

 

 

Yes, I'm gonna say it... Women need to either get their butts back home and in the kitchen, or stop contributing to the rising decline of the sanctity of marriage!!!!

 

Umm, I'm catholic (practicing, not fallen away), a SAHM for nearly 20 years, and I was married and a mother at 19. I also homeschool.

 

Your real adult life should begin long before the wedding day. If you're not complete in yourself how can you become part of a healthy and stable couple? Realistically, you may not find a suitable groom until you're in your 30's. You can't put life on hold until Mr Right comes along. What if he shows up late or not at all?

 

I can absolutely tell you from experience that your life with your SO does indeed begin before the ceremony. You'll be making many decisions together and living out those decisions well before the wedding day.

 

The two of you will be deciding on matters of chastity, financial matters (especially related to the wedding expenses and how/where you will live and on what budget after the wedding), social and professional engagements, and all manner of details that will need to be worked out during the lead up to and after the marriage takes place such as child rearing, religious practice, chore division, etc.

 

And again, what will you do if your future husband says "Honey, I know you wanted a big wedding, but it's just one day and I can't see the expense when we could put those funds toward a home or our nest egg."

Edited April 29, 2015 by MJJean

[csny111]

Okay, well that's part of the problem. All of you went to a Catholic school, where they teach you you're supposed to pray to Mary.

 

If ya'll went to such private, religious schools, then I am ashamed at all of you.

[pteromom]

What if you fall in love with a man who has his own ideas and dreams for his wedding day? Are you willing to compromise?

 

What if he would be deeply offended/emasculated by you wanting to pay for the entire wedding without financial help from him?

 

It's nice that you know what you want, but the more you can let go of rigid expectations and go with the flow of the river of life, the happier you will be in the long run.

[MJJean]

Okay, well that's part of the problem. All of you went to a Catholic school, where they teach you you're supposed to pray to Mary.

 

If ya'll went to such private, religious schools, then I am ashamed at all of you.

 

So your response to reason and logic and the advice of those older and wiser who have experiences that you lack is to attack their religion? Also, catholics ask Mary and the Saints to intercede on our behalf, not pray to her. There is a big difference.

 

I would guess that we've pointed out some realities that endanger your fantasy and this makes you lash out.

 

You have a lot of maturing to do before you'll be ready to even entertain the idea of marriage.

[Diezel]

And where did you learn this? A gender studies class, at a public community college?

 

I'll take the bait, just because I know you are doing it on purpose.

 

Where did you learn that women are genetically hard-wired to think about getting married... in that bunker along with Kimmie Schmidt?

[csny111]

Actually, I just got off the phone with a Christian College, where I am considering studying Marriage & Families, and becoming a Christian Marriage Counselor.

 

I even asked the guy on the phone, to make sure that they are a super conservative Christian college, and that I'm not going to get into one of their Psychology courses and hear

 

"Oh, men and women are all the same" and blah blah blah, and all that non-sense.

 

 

I can get a scholarship or whatever to do it, and they offer a lot of financing for this particular school (as long as I do the work).

 

 

Seeing as the only thing I have ever wanted to do is be married (In a Christian, old fashioned context), I figure the next best thing is to study up on Christian Families and Marriages. Where they do teach Biblical studies, and subservience, and all of that perfect God's way type of thing.

 

People shudder at the word "subservant" and I do not know why. Men & women are equal, but it's like a military ranking. Where you have the head of the military, and the rest of the military falls in line with the leader.

 

 

That's the difference between men and women. Also, once a woman is married, her NUMBER 1 job shifts from serving the Lord, to serving her husband and her family.

 

I do not find that harmful, at all. That is taking the best interests of both the woman, and the man into consideration.

 

 

...and Yes. I am not going to take a Catholic seriously.

[csny111]

I'll take the bait, just because I know you are doing it on purpose.

 

Where did you learn that women are genetically hard-wired to think about getting married... in that bunker along with Kimmie Schmidt?

 

 

I was home schooled. In a loving environment, with friends and family.

 

 

I want to home school my future kids, so that kind of leaves little room for working.

[MJJean]

...and Yes. I am not going to take a Catholic seriously.

 

That's ok. I am not taking a child seriously.

[GorillaTheater]

Is there actually a prospective groom in this scenario??

[Diezel]

Is there actually a prospective groom in this scenario??

 

Last name: Christ.

First name: Jesus.

[csny111]

I repeat...

 

Actually, I just got off the phone with a Christian College, where I am considering studying Marriage & Families, and becoming a Christian Marriage Counselor.

 

I even asked the guy on the phone, to make sure that they are a super conservative Christian college, and that I'm not going to get into one of their Psychology courses and hear

 

"Oh, men and women are all the same" and blah blah blah, and all that non-sense.

 

 

I can get a scholarship or whatever to do it, and they offer a lot of financing for this particular school (as long as I do the work).

 

 

Seeing as the only thing I have ever wanted to do is be married (In a Christian, old fashioned context), I figure the next best thing is to study up on Christian Families and Marriages. Where they do teach Biblical studies, and subservience, and all of that perfect God's way type of thing.

 

People shudder at the word "subservant" and I do not know why. Men & women are equal, but it's like a military ranking. Where you have the head of the military, and the rest of the military falls in line with the leader.

 

 

That's the difference between men and women. Also, once a woman is married, her NUMBER 1 job shifts from serving the Lord, to serving her husband and her family.

 

I do not find that harmful, at all. That is taking the best interests of both the woman, and the man into consideration.

 

 

...and Yes. I am not going to take a Catholic seriously.

[GorillaTheater]

I repeat...

 

Why are you repeating yourself?

[pteromom]

You are defending so passionately the things you were taught, part of me wonders if you are choosing to be angry at those who believe differently so that you don't have to consider their positions and risk learning something different.

 

I am not saying you are wrong - if you believe in serving your husband, go out and find a man who feels the exact same way. There are plenty out there.

 

But I would suggest trying to let go of the anger at a world that doesn't believe as you do, so that you can find peace and happiness in your own heart.

[csny111]

Being angry at the world the Devil runs and controls, is only natural for a Christian.

 

 

We will be persecuted for our faith, even if it is just on message boards. It's a fact of being a Christian. The problem is that, if everyone believed in Jesus, nobody would be able to persecute anymore, and we would be living in a world of love, and compassion.

 

 

Unfortunately, because of the fall of man, the majority of the world will turn away from Jesus Christ, and that is sad. And infuriating. I'm mad, on BEHALF of God!!

 

 

Some things needed to change, granted. Other things, did not. I am happy I am living in 2015, as opposed to 1950, but not EVERYTHING needed to change!!!