jezzabelle7 Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I need some advice or opinions on my current situation. I am 26 and living with my boyfriend of almost three years, we have been living together for almost 2 years. We have a happy stable relationship and have discussed marriage at length..... Here is my problem. I have just found out that I am pregnant!! This was definitely not in the plans...yet. BF and I are overwhelmed and a little nervous, but adjusting to the idea of becoming parents sooner than we thought. We just told his mom about it and she took the news well, she's worried about us (health, finances, etc...), but not upset or disappointed. We are planning to tell my parents this weekend and I am sure that it will not go over as well. I think that my mom will be shocked and disappointed, but will quickly get over it and warm up to the idea. My dad on the other hand is going to be pissed....so much so that I am afraid he may stop talking to BF and I. He is very traditional and I think my having a child without being married would embarass him and be disappointing. That is the other thing....my BF and I have discussed getting married and we both feel strongly that we would like to wait until after the baby is born....we don't want to rush and throw together a wedding in a few months....we want to spend time focusing on the pregnancy and preparing for that. We do plan to become engaged this year, as we probably would have regardless and set a date for next fall sometime. I know it shouldn't matter what other people think , but I am having alot of anxiety about the reaction of my parents and the reaction of others when we tell them that we don't plan to get married until after the baby is born. Does anyone have any ideas on how to break the "news" to my parents?? It's not like we can act like it's great news. Any thoughts on waiting until the baby arrives to get married?? Thanks for any comments. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 you could say you are moving to mexico............then say sike!!! we are only pregnant and NOT getting married yet! cause that is about the only way to tell them, staight up. Good luck, and i am sure they will warm up to it after the initial shock. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 My dad is 75 and VERY traditional, but when I was pregnant by my exBF and I wasn't even living with him and we had a sh*tty relationship, my Dad was still fine with it. He loves me, and by that line of logic loves everything about me, even the unplanned pregnancies. So, even if he is upset at first, he won't be once he sees his grandbaby. congrats. I waited until I was 11 weeks along to tell my dad because I have a history of miscarriages, Long story short I had another one so it wasn't in the cards, but if you have a lot of anxiety you could put it off until after the first trimester. lots of moms do that. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 congratulations on your pregnancy, jezz! to be honest, I really wouldn't know how to advise you on how to let your parents know that they will be grandparents, because no matter how old you are and no matter how long you've lived away from home, you're still their child and they'll always want to be able to have a certain amount of control over what goes on in your life because they're trying to protect you from getting hurt ... especially when you're a girl child! you mention being overwhelmed at this news, and a little nervous, but even though this happened earlier than you'd planned, are y'all a bit excited about the baby? I ask because sometimes it's easier to set the tone (welcoming this unexpected pregnancy) for your families to follow. Your folks may be initially upset by the news, but if you seem genuinely excited or happy, it allows them to be happy as well, because they're not trying to make things right for you. Your dad will be a harder sell, but I guarantee that once this child arrives, you will have thought he gave birth to it himself because he's so thrilled by his grandbaby -- I've seen it first hand with my brother-in-law, when my niece got pregnant before marrying, and he was VERY protective of her. Any thoughts on waiting until the baby arrives to get married?? I think you're very wise to concentrate on your child instead of rushing into marriage, because even though you risk censure for being unmarried, you're taking into consideration the health of the relationship. I know of too many couples who want to "do the right thing" by rushing into marriage, but aren't mentally or emotionally equipped to deal with marriage on top of impending parenthood. Then later, a fear develops in which one begins believing his/her spouse's primary reason for marrying was because of the baby, not because he/she wanted to do so in the first place. And that's a whole lot to cope with on top of having those kids .... Link to post Share on other sites
Elmo Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 First, congratulations! Secondly, my take on this is different than most here on LS. I don't understand why not to get married, if you have already discussed it. I think having a baby is WAY more of a commitment. I also think that if you get married, the chance of the family disolving is smaller. Of course, this is my opinion....but if you put the baby first, shouldn't you consider making his/her family as stable as possible? I know everyone is going to bite my head off for venturing this. I just thought this line of reasoning should be discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 what about getting engaged 1st and announce both to your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts