Is this for real?

[nlhoffme]

I have been...was with my boyfriend since November. We're both college students at different universities but we try and make things work the best we can, or we did. Until last week. Thursday we got into an argument and he blew up saying I had trust issues and he had commitment issues and that we needed a break. I gave him the weekend to himself, didn't talk to him. Sunday we talked and right away he apologized to me for everything that happened. Saying that he was just stressed with finals and wanting to finish strong in his classes. We agreed that I would text him after my finals and that we would see each other this weekend.

 

So I texted him after my finals today and we got into it again because he said he told me to text him just to make me feel better and that he didn't actually have the time to talk to me about our relationship or anything. I got mad, he got mad. I was stressed, he is stressed. I tried to back up saying we both needed to calm down before we talked again. But he said that he wasn't dealing with this during finals and said we were done until after his finals. That we could talk about things then but he was done until then. Changed his relationship status and everything.

 

After a weekend of worrying if he was going to break up with me or not, and then being told that everything was fine, he wanted to be with me, nothing was wrong, nothing bad would happen and nothing would change. To being broken up with the next day I'm so confused and lost. He hasn't unfriended me or any of my friends in the social media world and hasn't deleted any of our pictures together plus he regularly checks to see what I have posted. My thought is that if you're going to break up with someone for could there is not "we're done until ____ and then we can talk" or "we're done until ____ and then I'll text you". If you're done with someone for good you just end it and that's it. You don't continue to check everything they post and you don't stay friends with them and their friends on social media.

 

I'm a mess though figuring out what I'm suppose to do and what the chances are that he texts me when he's done with his final. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a text saying he was sorry for everything because he was stressed, but I'm afraid to get a text saying he just can't do it anymore.

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

Since this sounds a bit similar to to my situation. I want to reply. It seems like he has already decided he can't do it anymore. I'm still healing from hearing this exact same thing from my ex about 2 & 1/2 months ago. It hurts so much and was so confusing! And that's why I created a thread asking how someone can just give up on you like that? What I've learned from everyone here and my experience is that LDRs are really hard, much harder than traditional relationships and some people don't want to deal with the added stress of it all. Especially if he already has stress with his finals, that doubles the stress..

 

I can see you may take it personally but you can't think that way. It seems like you are one of the situations I am in, where the timing is wrong. I know that at first I was in denial and sounded like just like you in the beginning with waiting. I even became a person I never thought I would be for a couple weeks in the beginning by begging & scheming to get him back. It's never worth it. For your own sake, I don't think you should stress over if he going to text you or not and filling yourself with too much hope because it may be that he's already decided he doesn't want to continue a stressful LDR. He even is saying things to you "just to make you feel better", which shows he's already decided but he's trying to make you feel better and that's confusing you into thinking there's hope! If that's the case you should prepare for it now. I know when you're in the beginning of a BU and in the thick of the storm that's easier said then done. I found it helpful reading the break up section of LS about NC and how it helps for healing you. If you continue obsessing over him through social media, trying to contrive reasons why or why he's not checking your page, you're causing yourself so much stress and pain, that's not worth it in the end.

 

Again, I'm saying all of this so you can prepare yourself for what might be coming. If it does come to an end, I would just chalk it up to wrong timing. The way you handle it after that will be the defining point if maybe in the future you two can try again when you're closer and have gone through some of the normal changes we experience when we're younger. If you become "that" girl who can't let go and becomes ridiculously obsessive, you WILL lose all chance of future reconciliation. I don't know you and so I'm not saying you'd definitely do this. I just wish I had someone tell me that because when you're so full of emotions in the beginning you don't think rationally!

 

I really hope I could help or at least give you something to consider. Like I said, I know how painful it is but the faster you go about it the right way with NC afterwards and letting him go, the faster you will feel better, little by little, and heal.

Edited April 28, 2015 by Ijustdon'tgetit