Not married, but angry over controlling girl...

[mikevader]

I've read other threads with similar traits and I felt the need to share my story and ask for advice. Long read...

 

Here's the situation. We both are 27 years old parents of one child and the second one is on its way, expected in a few months. Been together for almost a decade. We've met using a dating website because we were shy at this time and I never had a girlfriend before. Met in person a few times then it clicked so that was it, we were officially together.

 

Lots of things change in a decade. In my opinion, I changed a lot and I feel better as a person than I was 10 years ago. I feel more confident, I have goals and know where I am heading. I'm an entrepreneur and business is going good, except for some problems that I'll discuss below. I once was a negative person and complained about everything. This era is gone for good. I am positive and want positivism. I am sick and tired of negativity. I want myself and my family to be happy.

 

So the last few weeks have been really hard for me. I'm struggling with her behavior. At first, I told to myself that it could be pregnancy hormones but I don't think so because she's been acting this way for a long time. Only it's stronger now.

 

First things first. We moved in a new house that we bought together. There's no available places in daycare nearby so she decided to temporary leave her job to stay at home with our son. I can tell she does not enjoy staying at home with our kid. She is over controlling him! "Don't touch that, NO!, don't do this, NO!, don't go there, NO! don't do that, STOP! Don't walk on the floor without your slippers, don't walk on the floor with your socks!! NO NO NO NO..." When she does that I go crazy! FFS stop yelling at the kid!!!! Let him live!!! Poor boy he only wants to play outdoors and all you do (except doing chores) is laying on the couch on facebook all day. Then she replies that I don't know what it is to stay at home with the kid (she's been home with him for less than 2 weeks). I then say that there is absolutely no problem with him and that he behaves really well when he's alone with me at home. She then becomes angry and make her typical threats to leave. "You'll laugh less when I will leave". I say okay then, when we'll have shared custody of him you'll be alone with him for a whole week! She then say that she wouldn't leave forever but only for a week to have a break of him.

She stopped posting FB pictures of him. I feel like she doesn't like him anymore. She also said that "we could have waited for the next baby". Wait for what? The f***?

 

I take good care of our son. When I come home from work, I play and take care of him. I give his bath every other day. A few weeks ago, she asked me to give him the bath every day. I asked why? Then she became angry and told me that she's at home with him all day. It this supposed to be a chore? Should I give his bath everyday?

 

Nagging issues: So asides of the kid issues, I have nagging issues. I do all the outdoor works. I must admit that I don't do many chores indoors but I fill and empty the dishwasher. She don't want me to do the laundry because she says that I do it all wrong. Also she often says that I could cook but honestly, I don't feel like cooking when I come home from work at 6 PM and I honestly don't enjoy cooking at all. She does cook, but kitchens always a mess afterwards and she doesn't clean it. She wants me to clean her mess and gets angry if I don't or if I forget about it.

 

Other control issues:

Complains that I don't do the laundry but doesn't want me to touch the washing machine. I want to grow a full (but clean) beard. She doesn't want me to grow a beard although I enjoy having one. She doesn't even kiss me anymore when I'm shaved so why couldn't I grow a beard? She is absolutely unsupportive about my job (own business).

She complains that I'm always in the garage when the kid is sleeping. If I come in the living room, all she does is watch TV or facebook. She doesn't really talk to me so why would she want me to be upstairs with her? She doesn't want me to go out with my friends. It's been a loooong time since I saw them but I cannot because of her. Her reason? The kid, eh! "You leave me here with the kid and I'm stuck with him all day long". I also cannot take any decision by myself. She gets angry if I do something without asking her first.

 

We moved to our new house recently. A good buddy of mine came over a few days ago and we talked while drinking a few beers in front of a campfire. Good times. He told me that he was contemplating the idea to leave his girlfriend because she is constantly negative and might be depressive. I told him that I have the same issue at home but I wasn't contemplating leaving (yet).

 

She has an appointment to the doctor today. Typical pregnancy checkup. I told her to talk to the doctor about her problems and that she might have anger/depression/bipolarity issues. She went crazy, denied having depression issues. I insisted but she still denies it and won't talk about it. She is now giving me the silent treatment for one day now.

 

For the last few years: I can't remember the last time she hugged me, kissed me, said that she loved me (in person). 100% of the time, I am the one who initiates it. I try to hug her, she says that she's busy. I want to kiss her, she give me her cheek. Sex is out of the question. In bed, I can't remember the last time we were close and our bodies were touching. We sleep each on our sides, back to back. I talked to her about it but she says she doesn't need physical contact.

 

Other small things:

She never says good night if I don't tell her before. For a few years she did not give me any birthday or Christmas gifts.

 

What to do? How to act? Is she normal? Should I stop trying to initiate physical contact?

 

I don't want to lose my remaining backbone and balls. I have goals and ambition. But she is making it hard for me. Home is supposed to be a happy place but I feel I am constantly walking on eggshells when I come home from work. I work outdoors and I feel relieved when I'm out of the home. This isn't supposed to be the case in a normal situation. I don't want to feel miserable for all my life with her roller-coaster mood swings...

 

Lack of sex, lack of laugh, lack of smiles, lack of complicity.

[d0nnivain]

For the children's sake I would look into relationship counseling.