I want to change and stop hurting my wife

[wavylocks]

My wife and I have been together for only 2.5 years. We got engaged after 10 months and married in 2 years. We are 5 months pregnant. Here is my problem.

 

About 5 months into our relationship my wife caught me looking at pictures of women on the internet. I don't know why I was doing it. I think she is gorgeous and she takes amazing care of me. We had a fight and she was going to break up with me, but obviously she stayed. Fast forward to yesterday, and she caught me doing it again.

 

I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm not turned on when I do it. I dont masturbate. I just look. I'm really struggling with this because of how much I love her. Am I just a pervert? I completely broke her heart and she wants to divorce me. She said she can't ever trust me again.

 

I made an appointment with a therapist to talk about this because I am really lost. I love her so deeply and I don't know why I hurt her. Please help me. I can provide more info and please don't be shy to (productively) tell me what you think. I'm not going to be offended. I'm disgusted with myself right now.

[loveboid]

Number one. It's disrespectful that you let your wife see you looking at another woman. If that same woman you were looking at online walked down the street toward you and your wife you would not look intently at that woman, I hope! Why? Because it's disrespectful to your wife. It doesn't matter if it's online or not. She saw you looking.

 

Number two. Those women are actors.

 

Number three. Your wife is pregnant. Look at baby books you fool!

 

Number four. Find a better hobby. I recommend becoming expert at oral sex and massage on your wife.

 

Number five. Get involved with the baby. If you're feeling left out and neglected tell her. Take charge in something.

[oldshirt]

This is all about context. What were the pictures you were looking at?

 

 

Were you checking out Heidi Klume's latest bikini shoot on TMZ?

 

 

Or were you looking at pictures of women blowing donkeys while sticking garden hoses up themselves?

 

 

Big difference. If it was the former, your wife is an insecure, controlling bee-otch. If it was the later, you are a sick perve and she has the right to be concerned.

[darkmoon]

is this really all you argue about?

 

one bad move and there is divorce?

Edited April 29, 2015 by darkmoon

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'm sorry but your wife sounds tremendously insecure. All you were doing is looking at pictures online. Since I presume you weren't on Ashley Madison checking out profiles or something, I fail to see the reason for all the drama and hysterics. It is absolutely unreasonable for your wife to legitimately expect you to never look at another woman ever again. It's controlling and narcissistic.

 

It's weird, I mean I know a lot of women have various hangups about this kind of stuff but she's really overreacting. I certainly don't think you're a pervert, hell, you don't even masturbate...I just...you're apparently already getting all your sexual fulfillment from her so really, what more goes she expect?

[loveboid]

Maybe it's hormones?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Don't be disgusted with yourself, it's perfectly normal and healthy for men to look at other naked women online.

 

Don't listen to the feminazi's about how demeaning it is for women when it's the women themselves that are choosing to be involved in it, but since other women are jealous and insecure they choose to hate you for it since they can't control or stop those women whom they're jealous over.

 

These type of women can't help but feel insecure over anything that makes them feel less than number one at any given moment...not because it has anything to do with you, but their own deep down insecurity they have in life...don't think you have the power to control or prevent that, you didn't start it and you definitely won't fix it...she will always be this way and because she has issues she will always expect you to be the one to carry that burden now, especially now that you are married, that's part of the package deal women don't tell you about...because it sounds like you just set yourself for a lot of future drama.

 

Don't let her behavior and moods send you off the handle, she's just flipping out and acting out, but it's not personal. She's pregnant and hormonal, she wants your faith, loyalty and all that other normal crap women want and when she sees you looking at other naked women online it makes her feel like crap and you'd prefer them over her.

 

It's how a lot of women think, but as guys we know it has nothing to do with that, so don't feel guilty over something that you know isn't true and try to explain it, she's never going to care nor understand.

 

You're likely under a lot of stress and pressure right now, so give yourself a break, find some other way to relieve that stress because you are likely distracting yourself with images and deep down doing it because you know it's something you shouldn't do.

 

But she needs therapy as much as you do, don't let her hit you over the head with a bat, smashing you into the ground and grinding you down as a man because you looked at some stupid pictures online.

 

Just do the normal thing that women want to hear, say you won't do it again, apologize, tell her nice things, buy her some flowers, basically do the damage control and make things all better, that's what women want...and next time don't be an idiot getting caught looking at women by her, especially right now...she's going to cut your head off and drink your blood, and you will end up looking like the bad guy over her craziness...the system is rigged against men because women are emotional, whoever sheds tears first wins.

[elaine567]

My wife and I have been together for only 2.5 years. We got engaged after 10 months and married in 2 years. We are 5 months pregnant. Here is my problem.

 

About 5 months into our relationship my wife caught me looking at pictures of women on the internet. I don't know why I was doing it. I think she is gorgeous and she takes amazing care of me. We had a fight and she was going to break up with me, but obviously she stayed. Fast forward to yesterday, and she caught me doing it again.

 

I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm not turned on when I do it. I dont masturbate. I just look. I'm really struggling with this because of how much I love her. Am I just a pervert? I completely broke her heart and she wants to divorce me. She said she can't ever trust me again.

 

 

Your wife is carrying your child, how would you feel if she was spending time ogling naked men on the internet?

She has your child inside her and she is fantasizing over other men, She is supposed to be the mother of your child and her mind is on other men?

The mother of your child is getting her jollies over dreaming about other men?

How would that make you feel?

YOU would feel like sh*t, you would feel she would rather have someone else's baby, you would feel a fool to think she ever wanted your baby. YOU would be angry, hurt, upset and sad, and guess what? That is exactly how your wife feels.

 

Your wife is at her most vulnerable, her body shape will be upsetting her and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will need reassured big time re her desirability as a woman and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will be in baby mode, she will feel close to you and your baby growing inside her, and you are checking out other women.

You have in effect "betrayed" her. It wont matter to her that they are "only" pictures, your focus has shifted off her and onto other women and where does that slippery slope lead? She will be in hell over this.

 

So we can talk all day about men being visual and how it is oh so healthy for men to look at naked women on line, but what it boils down to here is respect and not wishing to hurt people we are close to.

You showed a deep lack of respect for a woman who has put her life on hold for you, for your baby.

You knew that would upset and hurt her (like it did before), but you continued to do it anyway. She didn't catch you out the only time you did this, did she?

I guess she will take you back, as she is pregnant, but this is a rift she is unlikely to forget in a hurry. This is the stuff that breeds resentment and ends up in sexless marriages.

You have some serious making up to do here if you are going to have a happy marriage going forward, flowers and chocolates I guess will be heaved in the bin for a start.

[xxoo]

How and why is she catching you? Don't you have a smartphone and a bathroom door?

 

If she's caught you twice, you are being careless, inconsiderate, or maybe impulsive. If she's caught your twice, what are the chances that your child will catch you? Your failure to be discreet is the issue. Just as our dirty thoughts about a hot celebrity don't need to be voiced, computer searches of hot women don't need to be thrown in your spouse's face.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I think shes overreacting if she's threatening divorce over a little porn. Sure, everyone has their own feelings about it, and I understand why she might be feeling vulnerable right now cause of the baby, but I dont think its realistic to expect your partner to give it up forever on account of your hangups. Theres nothibg wrong with you for looking... Most people look at porn.

 

I agree the issue here is discretion. Why is she catching you?

[OMC]

Does it matter where you get your appetite as long as you go home to eat?

[goodyblue]

Your wife is carrying your child, how would you feel if she was spending time ogling naked men on the internet?

She has your child inside her and she is fantasizing over other men, She is supposed to be the mother of your child and her mind is on other men?

The mother of your child is getting her jollies over dreaming about other men?

How would that make you feel?

YOU would feel like sh*t, you would feel she would rather have someone else's baby, you would feel a fool to think she ever wanted your baby. YOU would be angry, hurt, upset and sad, and guess what? That is exactly how your wife feels.

 

Your wife is at her most vulnerable, her body shape will be upsetting her and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will need reassured big time re her desirability as a woman and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will be in baby mode, she will feel close to you and your baby growing inside her, and you are checking out other women.

You have in effect "betrayed" her. It wont matter to her that they are "only" pictures, your focus has shifted off her and onto other women and where does that slippery slope lead? She will be in hell over this.

 

So we can talk all day about men being visual and how it is oh so healthy for men to look at naked women on line, but what it boils down to here is respect and not wishing to hurt people we are close to.

You showed a deep lack of respect for a woman who has put her life on hold for you, for your baby.

You knew that would upset and hurt her (like it did before), but you continued to do it anyway. She didn't catch you out the only time you did this, did she?

I guess she will take you back, as she is pregnant, but this is a rift she is unlikely to forget in a hurry. This is the stuff that breeds resentment and ends up in sexless marriages.

You have some serious making up to do here if you are going to have a happy marriage going forward, flowers and chocolates I guess will be heaved in the bin for a start.

 

Her upset has nothing to do with being pregnant as she threatened divorce the first time she caught him and she wasn't pregnant then.

 

This is her insecurity speaking, but I don't know how you are dealing with her threatening to end it over something this small. How can you count on her being there for you if she will leave over something trivial?

 

So, get to the bottom of her bigger issue which is her flaming insecurity.

Edited April 29, 2015 by goodyblue

[Lion Heart]

It's a trust issue. Plus more.

 

Why couldn't you discuss your desire to look at pictures of naked women with your W before you did? Like before you got married?

 

You hid it. That's sneaky and deceitful. And the suggestion of doing it behind the toilet door or anywhere else (and then it's ok) would mean the same for infidelity then. As long as your spouse doesn't know, it's fine.

 

For me it is a form of infidelity. In my 3 IC opinion too IF it isn't talked about first. In fact it can be the stepping stone to infidelity in the form of a PA later on. It shows you lack full commitment and you would benefit reading a book or two on the subject.

 

For all people who think this behaviour is normal, then I guess you'd be absolutely FINE about suggesting to your daughters, wives, sisters and mothers to join this type of career as "perfectly normal"! Gasp? Why? Double standards that's why.

You ALSO wouldn't want the women you love being exploited in a merely "visual" way by the pervs you know ARE getting off looking at them. Get real.

 

Please! Common doesn't equate to normal.

 

When I discussed this issue with my H years ago I suggested he'd be happier married to a woman who loved porn too. The response amongst other things was that he wouldn't want to marry a woman "like that" nor know the mother of his children was "like that" either. Well neither would I.

 

I wouldn't have married a guy into looking at pictures of naked women or porn etc. I'm pretty sure that's what your W meant.

 

Plus the fact she's pregnant with your child and may feel unattractive already. You may have confirmed that she is.

She may also think she's not enough for you, and you've confirmed this thought also. Also she may think He** I've married a man "like that" and now I'm trapped with his baby!

He's hidden his desires from me, persisted with it and deceived me. What's next? And she'd be right. What's next.

 

I guess you'd either better raise your moral standards to keep your W or get your W to lower her moral standards to accept your behaviours. There's a great divide in your M.

 

It's refreshing to think that you'd be willing to "get help" for this problem that could easily become an addiction (if it isn't already). Being rid of behaviours like these will free up your mind to devote more commitment to your W and fatherhood.

There's WAY more to be gained through clearing your head than not.

 

Best wishes and congratulations on the baby

Lion Heart.

[BlueIris]

I agree with Elaine.

 

Your wording is interesting. “My wife and I have been together for only 2.5 years.” Why do you say “only”? Are you saying this isn’t important? Are you looking for a way out or an excuse? You said, “We are 5 months pregnant.” No, no… your wife is pregnant. You are not pregnant. Respect that.

 

Your role as father and protector for a pregnant woman and infant has begun. When you are ogling naked women, you are daydreaming about screwing around. Your head and heart haven’t embraced and shifted into being a family man, a father and husband first and foremost. She has begun that transition- to wife and mother in the most primal, essential way- and she is alone in that so long as you are emotionally somewhere else.

Edited April 29, 2015 by BlueIris

[lucy_in_disguise]

 

When I discussed this issue with my H years ago I suggested he'd be happier married to a woman who loved porn too. The response amongst other things was that he wouldn't want to marry a woman "like that" nor know the mother of his children was "like that" either. Well neither would I.

 

 

Lion Heart.

 

A woman like what? A woman who enjoys sex and doesnt feel threatened by pictures of other naked women?

 

There is a lot of shaming going on for what is a normal behaivior for most people.

 

I am not suggesting he hide it. I think he should stand his ground wih his wife on the porn issue... not beg to change and go to therapy to figure out whats wrong with him.

 

I dont think there is anything wrong with him. But he should be more discreet. He doesnt need to lie about doing it but no need to do it in front of her either.

 

Personally i think he fact that she hreatened divorce over this is a much bigger issue thsn the porn. That shows either a serious lack of commitment or poor communication skills.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Your wife is carrying your child, how would you feel if she was spending time ogling naked men on the internet?

She has your child inside her and she is fantasizing over other men, She is supposed to be the mother of your child and her mind is on other men?

The mother of your child is getting her jollies over dreaming about other men?

How would that make you feel?

YOU would feel like sh*t, you would feel she would rather have someone else's baby, you would feel a fool to think she ever wanted your baby. YOU would be angry, hurt, upset and sad, and guess what? That is exactly how your wife feels.

 

No, that's not how a man would feel. You are projecting your feelings as a woman, and making the mistake most women make in believing that men operate with the same mentality and emotional insecurity as if we are of the same wiring in our brains...we're not, and there's no comparison in that regard because a woman who constantly hounds a man over her insecurity is not going to be the type to look at "hot men" online...that's not what she does, and it's not because she wants to or does it out of respect, she just doesn't have the desire to and yet that's slammed down men's throats as a statement of her loyalty...please, it has nothing to do with it, it's comparing apples to oranges, so you missed way off mark for men.

 

Your wife is at her most vulnerable, her body shape will be upsetting her and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will need reassured big time re her desirability as a woman and you decide to go looking at hotties on the internet?

She will be in baby mode, she will feel close to you and your baby growing inside her, and you are checking out other women.

You have in effect "betrayed" her. It wont matter to her that they are "only" pictures, your focus has shifted off her and onto other women and where does that slippery slope lead? She will be in hell over this.

 

Looking at women online has nothing to do with the fact she is pregnant or she's insecure about her body, he's not looking at these women to replace his wife. But this is something men and women will never agree on, because for the most part we don't share the same point of view.

 

However, for the convenience of dramatization, women desire to attach all kinds of meaning and build it up into something it's not but sounds like a good argument to her. It's almost as you are saying him watching porn or women online somehow makes him love his baby much less...it's ridiculous, and there's no correlation.

 

Should he just sit by the bedside and watch his pregnant wife 24 hours a day? showering her with compliments because lets not forget...she's holding his baby, we've really got to hit every point starting off with that argument because it surely justifies everything.

 

This is the problem with women, they want things to be different than they really are...they want their feelings and perspectives to override what a man actually thinks and feels for the sake of her benefit. It matters very little what it actually means to him or what affect it actually has on said man, I'm sure a scientific report that's 100 percent without a doubt accurate in that it makes absolutely no difference to men, and doesn't affect them in any way emotionally and respectively towards their SO..would make absolutely no difference to women. It doesn't matter, you cannot change the fact that you will at the end of the day, see things your way and then you'll even feel justified in using that as ammunition to abuse said men.

 

It really is ridiculous and childish when you put it all together, because in actuality, it makes no difference how it affects men, it only matters how she feels.

 

So we can talk all day about men being visual and how it is oh so healthy for men to look at naked women on line, but what it boils down to here is respect and not wishing to hurt people we are close to.

You showed a deep lack of respect for a woman who has put her life on hold for you, for your baby.

You knew that would upset and hurt her (like it did before), but you continued to do it anyway. She didn't catch you out the only time you did this, did she?

I guess she will take you back, as she is pregnant, but this is a rift she is unlikely to forget in a hurry. This is the stuff that breeds resentment and ends up in sexless marriages.

You have some serious making up to do here if you are going to have a happy marriage going forward, flowers and chocolates I guess will be heaved in the bin for a start.

 

I love how respect is always used as a fuel for women as long as it is in their benefit. But you never hear them talking about the respect for men, and how men are. No, no no, it's only to justify they way she feels about everything...and if she forbids it and you still do it, whether its in your right as a human being and whether it's just how you feel, it doesn't matter because you will be automatically disrespectful if he does what she says not to do...love love how that works, very convenient...but hey, let's not talk about what the man does or doesn't deserve right?

 

You show a deep lack of respect for men and zero understanding for how they operate, deal with stress and how they internalize and process things.

 

You will never hear about a woman "making it up to her man" for anything she's done....chocolates, flowers, and what else? hell do we even know what a man deserves, or you know what, he's probably always wrong so he probably never deserves anything anyway, it's only women who are entitled to special treatment...the screams are so loud and every single person on this forum knows what a man should do when he upsets a woman, but you hear crickets and not even a clear thought enters your mind when it's a man who is deserving...we don't even have a socially constructed vision of how men should be treated when women are wrong...isn't that kind of weird? no coincidence there whatsoever.

 

I feel like men's balls have been pulled out and flushed down the toilet, they've become the b!!tches of the house...full of apologies and kissing @ss for everything the woman feels bad about. She holds the power and decides what is ok, what is moral, what is respectful, what is deserving..but she's never looking out for the guy, why do that? it's not like a man has any needs, he's just obligated to be the "perfect man"...or try to be as close to one as possible.

[CarrieT]

Wow - I guess it really is contextual.

 

I'm a woman and I don't see the big deal about looking. My husband knows he can always read a menu because he has already chosen his entree: Me.

 

I don't view looking as cheating and I'm sorry the OP's wife is so hurt by it. It is fantasy and not reality after all...

[BlueIris]

No, that's not how a man would feel. You are projecting your feelings as a woman, and making the mistake most women make in believing that men operate with the same mentality and emotional insecurity as if we are of the same wiring in our brains...we're not, and there's no comparison in that regard because a woman who constantly hounds a man over her insecurity is not going to be the type to look at "hot men" online...that's not what she does, and it's not because she wants to or does it out of respect, she just doesn't have the desire to and yet that's slammed down men's throats as a statement of her loyalty...please, it has nothing to do with it, it's comparing apples to oranges, so you missed way off mark for men.

 

Not all men are the same, Ninja. I know men who do not have the same perspective that you do.

 

Sex is not the only primal drive, even for men. There really are men who have natural and very strong primal drives regarding their mates and families, and some even have such strong drives about mating and family that they feel more bonded when their mates become pregnant.

 

Also, insecurity is not always about how bodies look. If you want to think primal, a pregnant woman can very well have primal needs for safety and security that have nothing to do with whether some guy thinks she looks fat.

 

I don’t think he said that she was “constantly hounding” him or “slamming things down his throat.” Oppression theory.

[loveboid]

Could it be that you're just really turned on by marrying and impregnating your wife? And that your wife is madly in love with you? When someone is in love any thought of their beloved desiring someone else sends them into deep despair. Maybe her response is a sign of this and a good thing?

 

Edit: this could all be just a terrible misunderstanding between you.

Edited April 29, 2015 by loveboid

[goodyblue]

No, that's not how a man would feel. You are projecting your feelings as a woman, and making the mistake most women make in believing that men operate with the same mentality and emotional insecurity as if we are of the same wiring in our brains...we're not, and there's no comparison in that regard because a woman who constantly hounds a man over her insecurity is not going to be the type to look at "hot men" online...that's not what she does, and it's not because she wants to or does it out of respect, she just doesn't have the desire to and yet that's slammed down men's throats as a statement of her loyalty...please, it has nothing to do with it, it's comparing apples to oranges, so you missed way off mark for men.

 

 

 

Looking at women online has nothing to do with the fact she is pregnant or she's insecure about her body, he's not looking at these women to replace his wife. But this is something men and women will never agree on, because for the most part we don't share the same point of view.

 

However, for the convenience of dramatization, women desire to attach all kinds of meaning and build it up into something it's not but sounds like a good argument to her. It's almost as you are saying him watching porn or women online somehow makes him love his baby much less...it's ridiculous, and there's no correlation.

 

Should he just sit by the bedside and watch his pregnant wife 24 hours a day? showering her with compliments because lets not forget...she's holding his baby, we've really got to hit every point starting off with that argument because it surely justifies everything.

 

This is the problem with women, they want things to be different than they really are...they want their feelings and perspectives to override what a man actually thinks and feels for the sake of her benefit. It matters very little what it actually means to him or what affect it actually has on said man, I'm sure a scientific report that's 100 percent without a doubt accurate in that it makes absolutely no difference to men, and doesn't affect them in any way emotionally and respectively towards their SO..would make absolutely no difference to women. It doesn't matter, you cannot change the fact that you will at the end of the day, see things your way and then you'll even feel justified in using that as ammunition to abuse said men.

 

It really is ridiculous and childish when you put it all together, because in actuality, it makes no difference how it affects men, it only matters how she feels.

 

 

 

I love how respect is always used as a fuel for women as long as it is in their benefit. But you never hear them talking about the respect for men, and how men are. No, no no, it's only to justify they way she feels about everything...and if she forbids it and you still do it, whether its in your right as a human being and whether it's just how you feel, it doesn't matter because you will be automatically disrespectful if he does what she says not to do...love love how that works, very convenient...but hey, let's not talk about what the man does or doesn't deserve right?

 

You show a deep lack of respect for men and zero understanding for how they operate, deal with stress and how they internalize and process things.

 

You will never hear about a woman "making it up to her man" for anything she's done....chocolates, flowers, and what else? hell do we even know what a man deserves, or you know what, he's probably always wrong so he probably never deserves anything anyway, it's only women who are entitled to special treatment...the screams are so loud and every single person on this forum knows what a man should do when he upsets a woman, but you hear crickets and not even a clear thought enters your mind when it's a man who is deserving...we don't even have a socially constructed vision of how men should be treated when women are wrong...isn't that kind of weird? no coincidence there whatsoever.

 

I feel like men's balls have been pulled out and flushed down the toilet, they've become the b!!tches of the house...full of apologies and kissing @ss for everything the woman feels bad about. She holds the power and decides what is ok, what is moral, what is respectful, what is deserving..but she's never looking out for the guy, why do that? it's not like a man has any needs, he's just obligated to be the "perfect man"...or try to be as close to one as possible.

 

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the difference between an insecure girl and a woman who knows who she is and what she wants ( not you personally ninja, I know you are a guy, but the general premise).

 

I will admit, I am secure enough in myself (and I am a chubby 45 year old) to know that I can give my guy what he needs. I don't care about pornography one way or another.

 

I.do have to say though, I do make up to my guy if I drop the ball on something that matters to him. Not with flowers and chocolates but other ways that matter to him.

 

I also defer to him often, pmaking sure he knows that he is the man of the house, our patriarch and that what he thinks/feels/wants matters to me. Trust me, the payoff for that is HUGE. I want my guy to be a MAN. I like who he is.

 

Part of a happy relationship is respect for who someone is, not who you want them to be, and non judgement.

 

If I wanted to be with a p*ssy I would be a lesbian. Make a man feel like a man and he will give you whatever you could ever want or need.

Edited April 29, 2015 by goodyblue

[Mr Carson]

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the difference between an insecure girl and a woman who knows who she is and what she wants ( not you personally ninja, I know you are a guy, but the general premise).

 

I will admit, I am secure enough in myself (and I am a chubby 45 year old) to know that I can give my guy what he needs. I don't care about pornography one way or another.

 

I.do have to say though, I do make up to my guy if I drop the ball on something that matters to him. Not with flowers and chocolates but other ways that matter to him.

 

I also defer to him often, pmaking sure he knows that he is the man of the house, our patriarch and that what he thinks/feels/wants matters to me. Trust me, the payoff for that is HUGE. I want my guy to be a MAN. I like who he is.

 

Part of a happy relationship is respect for who someone is, not who you want them to be, and non judgement.

 

If I wanted to be with a p*ssy I would be a lesbian. Make a man feel like a man and he will give you whatever you could ever want or need.

 

I do love it when my W wants me to kick A$$, but she would kick mine if she cough me looking at porn. I don't look at porn but I do notice the woman at the grocery store with the thin blouse and a chill

[goodyblue]

I do love it when my W wants me to kick A$$, but she would kick mine if she cough me looking at porn. I don't look at porn but I do notice the woman at the grocery store with the thin blouse and a chill

 

Lol! I am just not threatened by that kind of stuff. Don't think for one second I don't notice a guy with some great pecks and a nice tooshie. That doesn't mean I would chase them. Just appreciation.

[xxoo]

This is what you should have told your wife/gf the first time this happened:

 

"I'm very sorry you saw that. I was careless and inconsiderate to leave that page open (or however she saw it), and it won't happen again. I can't promise I'll never look at women online, because I'm sure I will. But I can promise that i'll never be careless enough to throw it in your face again."

 

At least you would have been honest, and she would have had a chance to take it or leave it before getting married and pregnant.

 

Personally, I'd tell my H to scoot over and we'll search together One for him, one for me, one for him, one for me......

[CrystalCastles]

You hid it. That's sneaky and deceitful. And the suggestion of doing it behind the toilet door or anywhere else (and then it's ok) would mean the same for infidelity then. As long as your spouse doesn't know, it's fine.

 

For all people who think this behaviour is normal, then I guess you'd be absolutely FINE about suggesting to your daughters, wives, sisters and mothers to join this type of career as "perfectly normal"! Gasp? Why? Double standards that's why.

You ALSO wouldn't want the women you love being exploited in a merely "visual" way by the pervs you know ARE getting off looking at them. Get real.

 

When I discussed this issue with my H years ago I suggested he'd be happier married to a woman who loved porn too. The response amongst other things was that he wouldn't want to marry a woman "like that" nor know the mother of his children was "like that" either. Well neither would I.

 

I wouldn't have married a guy into looking at pictures of naked women or porn etc. I'm pretty sure that's what your W meant.

 

Plus the fact she's pregnant with your child and may feel unattractive already. You may have confirmed that she is.

She may also think she's not enough for you, and you've confirmed this thought also. Also she may think He** I've married a man "like that" and now I'm trapped with his baby!

He's hidden his desires from me, persisted with it and deceived me. What's next? And she'd be right. What's next.

 

I guess you'd either better raise your moral standards to keep your W or get your W to lower her moral standards to accept your behaviours. There's a great divide in your M.

 

Looking at porn on occasion is not an addiction. I have no idea where you came up with that.

 

But I guess I'm secure enough in my own skin and position with my boyfriend to not care whether he looks at porn or not. I look at porn. He looks at porn. He even suggested that we look at it together. There's nothing abnormal to look at naked pictures, people with normal sex drives do that.

 

I really hate it when people villify those who look at porn. I noticed that women especially love to villify men who look at porn, accuse them of cheating, and a whole bunch of other crazy nonsense. Its scary the levels of insecurity some people have.

 

OP, if your wife is bothered that much, just look at porn discretely. Her behaviour is controlling and unhealthy. The fact that she had her mind on divorce screams of insecurity, I think she's the one that needs counselling.

[MJJean]

I totally don't see the problem. So you look at pictures of women. Men are visual. Looking at women is totally normal. Heck, you aren't even wankin it! I fail to see why she is so upset. It's not like you were on dating/hook-up sites or neglecting her sexual needs in favor of porn.

 

*Disclaimer* I am a married woman, mother of 3 (so, yes, I have been pregnant) and couldn't care less if DH looks at porn as long as he is meeting my needs. Sometimes, we'll watch together.