Need to get away...

[bathtub-row]

I guess I just need to vent, and would like some advice. I'm so sick of being in the company that xMM owns. I'm sick of all the things tied to being there, tired of watching him with his family in meetings, sick of all the crap that's tied to it. No matter what, I don't think I will ever be at peace until I just leave. Something happened at work today that just blindsided me and I have no idea where it came from. Something similar happened last year and xMM stepped in and put a stop to it when he found out that there was really nothing to talk about. Lately, I thought things were going great with my boss, and basically everything, but it turns out that I'm wrong. I've really had enough.

 

I'm single and my son is grown and out of the house. I have a home that I owe about $70k on. I might be able to sell it for around $120k or $130k. I have a side career that I've been working on for about a year (real estate). If I sell my house and move into an apartment, I would probably have enough money to live on for nearly a year and establish my real estate career. My sister is moving back to where I live and we plan to live together. What do you guys think? I'm starting to feel trapped and that I have nowhere to turn. I just want to run away. I feel so sad and it seems to always come back to being at this company. I suppose I could go work somewhere else but I would really hate that. I like real estate because I can be self-employed. I have come to hate working for someone else. I sure could use some suggestions.

[gettingstronger]

Wow, you are further along than most to be in a position for a fresh start. You have a workable plan and the impetus to do something. Go with it. Really, it sounds so much more doable than your current situation. Go go go!

[GirlStillStrong]

I think it is in your best interest to get completely away from him.

[Josmatjes]

Go for the fresh start! Either put your house up for sale or have your sister move in and split the mortgage....work on your real estate...it can be pretty lucrative....you can do this!!

[lookingforclosure]

Go for it...new beginnings can be so refreshing

[whichwayisup]

If I sell my house and move into an apartment, I would probably have enough money to live on for nearly a year and establish my real estate career. My sister is moving back to where I live and we plan to live together. What do you guys think? I'm starting to feel trapped and that I have nowhere to turn.

 

Do it!

 

Quit that job, tell exMM to shove it up his ass and leave. Your mental health is most important, it's obvious that job doesn't make you happy anymore.

 

You already have goals to strive for and a game plan. You have a sister who you're close to and can live with so that's amazing.

 

Your peace is awaiting.

[bathtub-row]

Wow. Thanks everyone for your encouragement. Your words really mean a lot to me.

 

I really am super-happy about my sister moving back. I cried tears of happiness when she told me. She will pay rent and, really, my mortgage is so low that her share of rent will cover my payment. I would hate to sell my house because I love it. The only reason I would consider selling it would be to get the cash out of it. But it would break my heart, honestly.

 

Real estate in the city I live in is very much alive. I've been able to handle about 2 clients at a time while working at xMM's company and I've enjoyed the money, and the work. I think today at the office was the last straw and I was a breath away from walking out the door. I'm so tired of being blindsided when I'm under the impression that things are going smoothly. I simply can't please these people and I'm tired of trying.

 

I'll talk to my sister about this. I would welcome any more thoughts and suggestions. Thanks everyone.

[gettingstronger]

Have you thought about facing the situation head on at work? Would you be able to say, we all know this is not workable. Do you have any leave built up that you can cash out to tide you over until your sister gets there? Can you do some temp work maybe giving you a flexible schedule to pick up additional clients. Holy heck, if you can work at a company owned by your ex AP I'm guessing you can do just about anything.

[bathtub-row]

Have you thought about facing the situation head on at work? Would you be able to say, we all know this is not workable. Do you have any leave built up that you can cash out to tide you over until your sister gets there? Can you do some temp work maybe giving you a flexible schedule to pick up additional clients. Holy heck, if you can work at a company owned by your ex AP I'm guessing you can do just about anything.

 

Yeah, I've been looking in the job sections. I've been a manager for 13 yrs. Seems like I could do something, huh? I think I'd flip burgers at this point.

 

I don't have any time built up, or anything to cash out. Just my house. That's why I'd consider selling it. And in this market, it would sell in 3 days with multiple offers. I see it all the time. But I don't think I can do it. I just love my house too much.

 

The only thing about real estate is that even if someone puts an offer on a house tomorrow, it will take a month for me to see the money. A cash deal takes less time. Not a bad deal but that would be a problem right now if I walked. I have met a generous investor recently. I keep thinking there may be possibilities with him. I also have a couple looking for house and I could make around $5,000 if they'd ever make up their minds. That's a tough one.

 

I'm honestly thinking about walking out the door on Friday. Its a leap of faith but it's the only thought that makes me feel less suffocated. I just don't know if I'm brave enough to do it.

Edited April 29, 2015 by bathtub-row

[Popsicle]

Do it, girl!

 

I need to have a fresh start about every 10 years or so. It's coming up on that time again for me soon and I'll probably move cities.

[bathtub-row]

That's a good point about starting over every ten yrs or so. I'm definitely past that mark. I talked to my sister and she said that I should just get more aggressive with getting clients and then walk out the door. If I sold a couple of $300k houses, honestly, that would set me up. And that shouldn't be that hard to do.

 

I'll see how things go at the office. I actually plan to talk to my boss again tomorrow because I want to know what triggered the whole thing. Some of his comments were off the wall. It will be one happy day when I exit that place for good. It has been nothing but torture for me for a long time. I think I'm also going to keep looking for another job to see what comes up. I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with things.

[blue963]

If you can manage, try to keep your house. Its a good place of refuge and its so much better to investing in something permanent. Have your sister move in as soon as possible. Really excited for you....you can do this if you really want to!

[loveboid]

Yeah, I second keeping the house. It'll be great to have a paid off mortgage.

[minimariah]

i think selling your house & moving back in with your sister is a great idea. if this environment is toxic for you and if it makes you unhappy - leave. do whatever you can and need to do to make yourself feel better, to create a healthy surroundings for yourself.

 

this can be your new beginning.

 

are you still in contact with your xMM?

Edited April 29, 2015 by minimariah

[Survivor12]

That's a good point about starting over every ten yrs or so. I'm definitely past that mark. I talked to my sister and she said that I should just get more aggressive with getting clients and then walk out the door. If I sold a couple of $300k houses, honestly, that would set me up. And that shouldn't be that hard to do.

 

I'll see how things go at the office. I actually plan to talk to my boss again tomorrow because I want to know what triggered the whole thing. Some of his comments were off the wall. It will be one happy day when I exit that place for good. It has been nothing but torture for me for a long time. I think I'm also going to keep looking for another job to see what comes up. I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with things.

 

What difference does it make to know what triggered him??? Would any answer he gave you change anything? If you are serious about leaving it all behind you, you should be looking forward, not back!

 

There is a big difference between running away and moving ahead. Unless you are focused on and excited about the future and not just looking for an escape, it is very likely that you will not succeed in finding happiness. My advice to you is to look for a new job and until you are able to move away from the situation physically, work on removing yourself emotionally. Once you are in a position to leave, you have a much greater chance at being happy & content than if you are running away.

 

I am all for removing yourself from a negative situation, but I urge you to be realistic. You make it sound so simple to quickly sell a couple of $300K houses, but if it were so easy, why haven't you done it already? Please don't misunderstand--I'm not saying you can't; I'm just saying that it's wiser to be realistic instead of hanging your hopes on "best case scenarios".

 

Having your sister moving in sounds like a great plan, but what if something changes & she decides to move out? What if she were to lose her job or run into financial problems? How will that affect your financial plan? It's risky to hinge your wagon to someone else's horse.

 

Have you considered looking for a job in a RE office until you have had time to build your clientele? Or, perhaps, in a related field where you can make new contacts.

 

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you great success!

[gettingstronger]

Could you take out a small personal loan or a home equity loan to give you that cushion you need to get your freedom? I am not usually an advocate of debt, but if you view it as an investment in YOU it makes sense-

 

How serious and how soon can your sister come- could you take on a renter to make up the difference?

[BetrayedH]

My advice would he to have your financials in line FIRST, then quit the job. Either have another job lined up, or have your house sold and know when the cash is coming. Use your head, not your emotions.

[the_artist_1970]

I guess I just need to vent, and would like some advice. I'm so sick of being in the company that xMM owns. I'm sick of all the things tied to being there, tired of watching him with his family in meetings, sick of all the crap that's tied to it. No matter what, I don't think I will ever be at peace until I just leave. Something happened at work today that just blindsided me and I have no idea where it came from. Something similar happened last year and xMM stepped in and put a stop to it when he found out that there was really nothing to talk about. Lately, I thought things were going great with my boss, and basically everything, but it turns out that I'm wrong. I've really had enough.

 

I'm single and my son is grown and out of the house. I have a home that I owe about $70k on. I might be able to sell it for around $120k or $130k. I have a side career that I've been working on for about a year (real estate). If I sell my house and move into an apartment, I would probably have enough money to live on for nearly a year and establish my real estate career. My sister is moving back to where I live and we plan to live together. What do you guys think? I'm starting to feel trapped and that I have nowhere to turn. I just want to run away. I feel so sad and it seems to always come back to being at this company. I suppose I could go work somewhere else but I would really hate that. I like real estate because I can be self-employed. I have come to hate working for someone else. I sure could use some suggestions.

 

You are awesome! You are raising a son on your own and you have created a way to be self employed. You go girl!

 

Leave that company and the drama behind and step out on faith. You can do it!

[eye of the storm]

Thinking positive thoughts for you.

 

Start saving every penny you can, cut all costs not absolutely necessary. Then when you have enough to survive on for a bit...jump ship.

 

Working in a toxic environment will affect your health.

 

Good luck!

[bathtub-row]

I should probably clarify something -- xMM is not my immediate boss. xMM lives in another city a few hundred miles away. I see him once or twice a week in video conference meetings. We almost never talk anymore, and never call one another. The last time I saw him in person was at the company Christmas party -- where his wife and son joined him. We talked briefly a few weeks ago when we were the only ones logged into one of the meetings. He asked me how I was doing with real estate and I told him that I had closed on some homes. He was very excited for me and asked why I hadn't called to tell him. I jokingly said that I wasn't aware that I was supposed to. I thought it was an odd thing for him to say...then again, probably not. I think he says a lot of things he doesn't mean.

 

I don't have the same feelings for him anymore but, at times, it's emotionally stressful being around the situation. A couple of weeks ago, I went into the office late so that I wouldn't have to be in the meeting. For the most part, I live in my own world at the office, while working on my strategy to escape. More than a year ago, xMM and I had a discussion about me getting my real estate license. He knows I'm on my way out and I've let him know that I expect his support about it.

 

I'm not going to do anything silly like walk away from a paycheck until I have a substantial amount of money in the bank. Unfortunately, I have too many obligations. But the potential is there to make enough quickly and that realization keeps my hopes alive. After what happened the other day at work, I like to fantasize about just walking out of there. It will be a happy day, I can assure you.

 

Also, for clarification, my sister currently lives in another state and is now moving back to where I live. She will be living with me - probably for a year or two. She will be here on the last day of May. For those who asked, she's self-employed and a published author of two books. I'm the odd-ball in my family because I have a 9-5 job. Most people in my family are entrepreneurs. I want to join the crowd. Lol.

[bathtub-row]

Yesterday, after the brow-beating conversation my boss had with me, about an hour later, one of the women on my team was in my boss's office with the door shut. She does some work for him and one of the VP's there but I'm her boss. She is almost never in his office with the door closed. When I saw that so quickly after his conversation with me, I immediately thought that he has plans to replace her with me and that he has been talking to her about it. I hoped against hope that this was not the case because it would mean that he's undermining me with someone on my team. Today, I thought things went really well but when I was leaving the office, the same woman was in my boss's office with the door shut again. This makes me very uncomfortable as I think he actually is making plans behind my back. I think he's paranoid that I'll quit and leave him in the lurch, and/or, he's looking for a reason to get rid of me.

 

One of the things he said to me the other day was that he was "tired of doing my work for me". I almost fell over as I'm one of the hardest working people there. When I asked him more about this, he was only referring to the fact that he has asked me to talk in meetings with the VP's and field personnel. I did as he asked but he said that he had to bring up something that I should've brought up. This was truly a ridiculous conversation as he never once clarified that I needed to bring up something like that, which was very specific. He then backed down and said he couldn't blame me for something he wasn't clear about. This is the nonsense I'm dealing with. I just want to scream sometimes.

 

My sister says that I should involve xMM in this situation but I think that's a mistake. I'll only do that if I have nowhere else to turn.

[bathtub-row]

Yeah, I second keeping the house. It'll be great to have a paid off mortgage.

 

I actually only owe $62k on my house but I have a 2nd mortgage that has a balance of about 8k on it. It will be paid off in about 2 years. I tacked that on to what I owe on my house because, of course, that loan would have to be paid off completely if I sold my house.

 

I'll keep my house. I don't have the heart to sell it.

[bathtub-row]

i think selling your house & moving back in with your sister is a great idea. if this environment is toxic for you and if it makes you unhappy - leave. do whatever you can and need to do to make yourself feel better, to create a healthy surroundings for yourself.

 

this can be your new beginning.

 

are you still in contact with your xMM?

 

My sister will actually be moving in with me. I'm very excited about her coming back. It will really change my life for the better. I was thinking about selling my house and living on the cash for awhile, but I'm going to try to avoid that scenario if I can.

 

I rarely talk to xMM but see him fairly often through televised meetings at work.

[bathtub-row]

What difference does it make to know what triggered him??? Would any answer he gave you change anything? If you are serious about leaving it all behind you, you should be looking forward, not back!

 

There is a big difference between running away and moving ahead. Unless you are focused on and excited about the future and not just looking for an escape, it is very likely that you will not succeed in finding happiness. My advice to you is to look for a new job and until you are able to move away from the situation physically, work on removing yourself emotionally. Once you are in a position to leave, you have a much greater chance at being happy & content than if you are running away.

 

I am all for removing yourself from a negative situation, but I urge you to be realistic. You make it sound so simple to quickly sell a couple of $300K houses, but if it were so easy, why haven't you done it already? Please don't misunderstand--I'm not saying you can't; I'm just saying that it's wiser to be realistic instead of hanging your hopes on "best case scenarios".

 

Having your sister moving in sounds like a great plan, but what if something changes & she decides to move out? What if she were to lose her job or run into financial problems? How will that affect your financial plan? It's risky to hinge your wagon to someone else's horse.

 

Have you considered looking for a job in a RE office until you have had time to build your clientele? Or, perhaps, in a related field where you can make new contacts.

 

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you great success!

 

I think it's important to know what stirred up this issue with my boss but, I know now that if I asked him, he would lie about it. I really don't know what happened and probably never will. The only reason I care is because I want to know if it's xMM's son who has stirred this up. I doubt it but I don't trust the situation (he knows about his dad and I). As long as I'm there, in my mind, it does matter. But I'll just have to let it go. No one will be forthcoming about that.

 

The only problem with getting another job is that I will lose the freedom that I have in my current job. Working at another company would seriously limit my freedom. If I were practicing real estate full-time, selling a couple of homes for $300k isn't that far-fetched because of the market area I'm in. As it is, I limit the clients I have, etc. I'm about to ramp up the marketing, though, and things could turn around. But I totally understand about being realistic and all that. Being realistic and responsible are the only things that have kept me pinned to this lousy situation.

 

I have looked at jobs in real estate offices but, so far, nothing has turned up. It's a good idea and something could pan out at some point. Thank you for your thoughts.

[bathtub-row]

Could you take out a small personal loan or a home equity loan to give you that cushion you need to get your freedom? I am not usually an advocate of debt, but if you view it as an investment in YOU it makes sense-

 

How serious and how soon can your sister come- could you take on a renter to make up the difference?

 

I already have a 2nd mortgage on my house. I'm not sure if I could do anything else at this point. It's a good thought -- even though I agree with you about debt, etc. In this case, it's something I would do.

 

My sister will be here on May 31st.