How to politely tell a neighbor to f**k off, and still remain neighborly

[ascendotum]

The final straw happened last October. She raked up all the leaves in her front yard and literally separated out the leaves that had blown into her yard from my tree, and put those back in my yard.

Unreal.

Damn. The dressed up poodle and the limited mowing schedule would bug me a little but I'd deal with it but this shyte ^ is stepping over the line into jerk neighbor. A poor moocher neighbor is just out to make his life easier & cheaper but is generally not a malicious prick, but picking out the leaves and then tipping boxes of them back onto your lawn is asking to have Metellica tuned up up loud on the stereo at doggy nap time. I'm sure legally that would be considered throwing her refuse over the fence.

Edited April 30, 2015 by ascendotum

[lollipopspot]

I'm not sure why people say he's messing with you - he's probably just a lonely guy.

 

If you say, "Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I need some quiet/alone time," what happens? It doesn't have to be hostile, just state that you want to be alone to think or concentrate or whatever.

[I_Give_Up67]

I'm not sure why people say he's messing with you - he's probably just a lonely guy.

 

If you say, "Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I need some quiet/alone time," what happens? It doesn't have to be hostile, just state that you want to be alone to think or concentrate or whatever.

 

 

 

Lollipop, I have considered that he may be just a lonely guy, and he probably is to an extent. But the reason I'm avoiding his friendship is due to the fact that he latches on to people just to use them. He has a group of older men that he hangs out with, all of them Vietnam era veterans. These guys treat him like he's a 12 year old. These are the guys that provide him with his food, loan him money and gave him all of the furnishings in his home. During a conversation a few weeks ago, he let it slip that he saw me as good of a friend as his vet buddies. I've only known the guy for a few months, and I have not been real friendly to him.

 

 

I did try to politely tell him, that I needed my privacy while I am at home, especially while out in the yard working. He agreed, telling me that he would never disturb me or be a bother. Then that very same day he was back in my yard, in my face complaining about his health problems while chain smoking.

[central]

Wear a tiny speedo when you're where he can see you outdoors, and start a conversation about gay marriage and how much you're in favor of manly love. Then tell him he looks good today. If he keeps coming around, spread the word in the nearest stores, etc., that he comes on to you, won't leave you alone, and you don't like it.

 

Or course, if he's gay, you're screwed.

[I_Give_Up67]

Wear a tiny speedo when you're where he can see you outdoors, and start a conversation about gay marriage and how much you're in favor of manly love. Then tell him he looks good today. If he keeps coming around, spread the word in the nearest stores, etc., that he comes on to you, won't leave you alone, and you don't like it.

 

Or course, if he's gay, you're screwed.

 

 

 

That's the part that worries me...

[Toodaloo]

He was able to afford to buy his place after receiving an inheritance from his late sister. Apparently the money is gone and now he is broke.

 

He will be gone soon enough... He will have to sell if he doesn't get his bum into gear as he will not be able to afford to live there.

 

Just keep telling him that you are busy right now and can't stop to chat. When your washing your car just say you need to get this done as you have commitments else where that you need to keep.

 

Start growing your hedges for the next lot that arrive...

[SoleMate]

Avoiding him won't work.....nor will the subtler discouragement tactics. I recommend a 180. You go on the offensive, going over to talk to HIM, whining, asking to borrow money again and again and again, from all angles, trying to get him to rake your yard, haul your trash, buy you groceries. Yammer like a moron on any fool topic. Go on and on in a boring diatribe about politics opposite to his. Be bulletproof to any discouragement. Say things like, "Now we're friends, I'm so happy we're going to be able to get our driveways sealed at the same time!" Make it clear that he'll be fronting the money for both driveways, and you'll be paying him back when and IF the job is done to your satisfaction. If he does not instantly sign up for a two-way driveway sealing to be paid by him, nag at him about it every time you see him. Assign him to HELP other neighbors with chores you have invented (raking etc.) and again, whenever you glimpse him through the trees, come bounding over to ask whether he's spoken to the Johnsons and will be helping them with their groceries and fences. make up any kind of crazy-ass irrational justification you choose ("it's Tuesday so today would be a great time for you to haul a load of Budweiser for me") and then argue it unendingly as if it made perfect sense. Etc. Have fun with it.

Edited April 30, 2015 by SoleMate

[jen1447]

^ Could work.

[Timshel]

Wear a tiny speedo when you're where he can see you outdoors, and start a conversation about gay marriage and how much you're in favor of manly love. Then tell him he looks good today. If he keeps coming around, spread the word in the nearest stores, etc., that he comes on to you, won't leave you alone, and you don't like it.

 

Or course, if he's gay, you're screwed.

 

Dangerously hysterical. Neighbor dude doesn't sound like the type to "get it." It sounds fun though.

 

I have come to view neighbors as amusing and weird. Mine are pretty cool but seeing the idiosyncrasies of people at home is so different from the same at work in a professional setting. Property lines, trees, pets, unintentional overhearing of raised voices, seeing people in various states of undress and so on. I have a privacy fence and some space but on a hill and the highest point so if I am in my back yard, I never know what I am going to get.

 

As a woman, my problem has been inappropriate and unwelcome advances. I have been diligent with letting them know I have a 38 and have been itching to find out if it's as loud as I've been told. Should I use the noise reducing muffs or risk an eardrum bust? Kidding, boundaries. I'm on good terms with everyone but only because I let them know I respect you, you respect me.

Boundaries and a sense of humor.

[I_Give_Up67]

Dangerously hysterical. Neighbor dude doesn't sound like the type to "get it." It sounds fun though.

 

I have come to view neighbors as amusing and weird. Mine are pretty cool but seeing the idiosyncrasies of people at home is so different from the same at work in a professional setting. Property lines, trees, pets, unintentional overhearing of raised voices, seeing people in various states of undress and so on. I have a privacy fence and some space but on a hill and the highest point so if I am in my back yard, I never know what I am going to get.

 

As a woman, my problem has been inappropriate and unwelcome advances. I have been diligent with letting them know I have a 38 and have been itching to find out if it's as loud as I've been told. Should I use the noise reducing muffs or risk an eardrum bust? Kidding, boundaries. I'm on good terms with everyone but only because I let them know I respect you, you respect me.

Boundaries and a sense of humor.

 

 

Timshel, right now, his access into my yard is far too easy. After getting some very good suggestions here, over the next few months I plan to add some fast growing shrubbery along the property line. If I can block his easy access, then he will have to walk 500 ft. or more to get onto my property. I was nearly traumatized recently, by him running out in his underwear (think Homer Simpson:sick:) just to say "hi" when I pulled into my drive a couple of weeks ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Avoiding him won't work.....nor will the subtler discouragement tactics. I recommend a 180. You go on the offensive, going over to talk to HIM, whining, asking to borrow money again and again and again, from all angles, trying to get him to rake your yard, haul your trash, buy you groceries. Yammer like a moron on any fool topic. Go on and on in a boring diatribe about politics opposite to his. Be bulletproof to any discouragement. Say things like, "Now we're friends, I'm so happy we're going to be able to get our driveways sealed at the same time!" Make it clear that he'll be fronting the money for both driveways, and you'll be paying him back when and IF the job is done to your satisfaction. If he does not instantly sign up for a two-way driveway sealing to be paid by him, nag at him about it every time you see him. Assign him to HELP other neighbors with chores you have invented (raking etc.) and again, whenever you glimpse him through the trees, come bounding over to ask whether he's spoken to the Johnsons and will be helping them with their groceries and fences. make up any kind of crazy-ass irrational justification you choose ("it's Tuesday so today would be a great time for you to haul a load of Budweiser for me") and then argue it unendingly as if it made perfect sense. Etc. Have fun with it.

 

 

SoleMate, I love your way of thinking

 

I have already began taking the opposite political view with him, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. For example, he walks over last week and start harping on Obama for being weak on ISIS, I told him that there was no such thing as ISIS and that it was all made up by Obama and the news media. I told him it was all fake, and that people that believe those news stories are all idiots. He looked stunned for a second, then quickly changed the subject.

 

I will definitely try some of your other suggestions, if for no other reason, just to f**k with him.

[Timshel]

Timshel, right now, his access into my yard is far too easy. After getting some very good suggestions here, over the next few months I plan to add some fast growing shrubbery along the property line. If I can block his easy access, then he will have to walk 500 ft. or more to get onto my property. I was nearly traumatized recently, by him running out in his underwear (think Homer Simpson:sick:) just to say "hi" when I pulled into my drive a couple of weeks ago.

 

 

Shrubbery, 500 ft., excellent choice. I have heard that FB & Youtube eat this stuff up.

 

Good Luck!

[SoulCat]

After getting some very good suggestions here, over the next few months I plan to add some fast growing shrubbery along the property line. If I can block his easy access, then he will have to walk 500 ft. or more to get onto my property.

 

 

I don't know if it naturally exists in Florida, but here in Britain the leylandii, or Leyland Cyprus is a very popular choice for neighbour deterring, fast growing shrubbery.

 

 

It also leads to many disputes between neighbours but in your case that might be preferable over having him impose on you as your new bff whenever he feels like it.

[I_Give_Up67]

I don't know if it naturally exists in Florida, but here in Britain the leylandii, or Leyland Cyprus is a very popular choice for neighbour deterring, fast growing shrubbery.

 

 

It also leads to many disputes between neighbours but in your case that might be preferable over having him impose on you as your new bff whenever he feels like it.

 

 

SC, great suggestion! In fact those Leyland Cyprus trees were my first choice, as I planted them at my last home in another state. Within five years they had grown taller than my house. Unfortunately they are not recommended here in my area due to disease and our local pests. I may do a bit more research before I rule them out completely.

 

Thanks for the suggestion!

[I_Give_Up67]

Here it is Saturday morning and I am running on just 3 hours of sleep after having driven 8 hours to get home from working out of town last week. I'm definitely not in a charitable mood this morning to say the least. My lawn is in desperate need of mowing and care.

 

 

I actually dread going outside because it will only take minutes before the troll appeasr, and today will be the day I go ape shjt on him.

 

 

Wish me luck...

[Methodical]

If you decide to go with a natural landscape barrier be sure to choose a prickly, thorny bush that will prevent him from being able to slither through..something like holly bushes if they grow in your area.

[spiderowl]

I have a colleague like this who won't leave me in peace. Some people just have to interact, they can't bear to be on their own. It's really awkward when you don't want to because they are forever trying to catch you when they see you as 'available'. Ultimately, they are seeking attention. It's a pity you haven't got another neighbour he could interact with.

 

Are there any clubs or societies nearby that he could join for free, where he could 'interact' all he likes away from you? If so, it might be worth suggesting them as good places to get to know people. Other than that, I'm a bit at a loss as to what to suggest because the one thing that would keep him happy and off your back a bit is to give him those bursts of attention he needs. Believe me, I understand when you don't want to do this. Why can't these people just go and bother someone else?

[I_Give_Up67]

I have a colleague like this who won't leave me in peace. Some people just have to interact, they can't bear to be on their own. It's really awkward when you don't want to because they are forever trying to catch you when they see you as 'available'. Ultimately, they are seeking attention. It's a pity you haven't got another neighbour he could interact with.

 

Are there any clubs or societies nearby that he could join for free, where he could 'interact' all he likes away from you? If so, it might be worth suggesting them as good places to get to know people. Other than that, I'm a bit at a loss as to what to suggest because the one thing that would keep him happy and off your back a bit is to give him those bursts of attention he needs. Believe me, I understand when you don't want to do this. Why can't these people just go and bother someone else?

 

 

 

 

Spiderowl, thank you!

 

 

I feel for you in regards to having to deal with your colleague.

 

He has many people he calls friends, and he appears to visit them occasionally. I do not know this for certain, but I can sense that they may have grown tired of him also. Since he does not want to find and maintain employment, he constantly borrows things from them. When I first met him I was very friendly towards him, but then he start asking me to borrow tools, money, and my WiFi code. That is when I began to distance myself from him.

 

He told me last week that he was thinking about joining the local Masonic Lodge. I hope he follows through..

[sandylee1]

That's the part that worries me...

 

Or he could be homophobic? That could be a dangerous move.

[I_Give_Up67]

So this past Thursday, my fishing buddy and I are getting the boat prepped and checking the nav charts, when the PITA neighbor invited himself into my boat garage. My buddy looks at me like, who is this wacko? Being a bit pissed at the intrusion, I introduced them then proceeded to continue our planning while trying to ignore him. He then launches into how bad his medical problems are, and that his blood pressure was 215/120 when he went to the doctor earlier in the day. I ignored him, but my buddy told me to hold on for a second with a look of panic and concern on his face. My buddy began to question him as to why was he allowed to leave the doctor's office with a blood pressure of 215/120? My friend told him that no doctor he's ever known, would allow a patient to walk out of his office with a BP that high. The neighbor began to backpedal a bit by saying that he has medication, but could not tell us why he was allowed to leave without being hospitalized immediately. My friend quickly realized what I have already figured out, and that is that this guy is full of shjt!

 

As much as I've listened to him bash welfare recipients and freeloaders, he is now planning on trying to get permanent Social Security Disability Insurance (SSI). Despite having never worked enough to actually pay into that system in a meaningful way. Yet another reason for me not to like this guy.

 

After about five minutes, we both ignore him, he eventually get's the message and leaves. Just when I think he's catching on to the fact that he's not welcome on my property, he shows up unannounced again. Regrettably, I've missed the optimum planting window for the natural barrier I want to plant along the property line. So I will have to wait until the fall before I can proceed.

 

This may be a long summer....