circusfood Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 My girlfriend of 3 years, i live with her.... She pretty much has always had awesome taste in clothes. that's one of the things that attracted me a bit to her was the fact that I thought she dressed "cool" and Classy and looked totally stylish. I remember when she used to "always" dress cool and always have her toes and nails painted and looking good, her hair was always looking cool, was always getting it cut, but not so much anymore. Now she'll go for months without a cut, or let her nails get all chipped, or even get lazy to trim her nails. I mean granted, she'll ALWAYS look good to me, i love her. But she doesn't go to all the trouble of looking the way she always used to look, unless it's a special occasion, like our anniversary or were going out on a friday. It seems like it has to be something special, for her to get dressed. I always make sure i'm clean shaven for her or looking nice for her, But she'll even go 2 or 3 days without shaving her legs, because she says "I was too tired and lazy to do it in the shower". We'll go out and come home and she'll IMMEDIATELY jump into lounge wear (pajama bottms, old t-shirt) and lounge on the couch. Sometimes I wonder if it's just the fact that we Live together. Maybe if we lived seperately and were more of a Dating couple, it'd be different, i don't know. I love her very much, but I just don't feel that she goes out of her way to look nice for me anymore. Plus she's very sloppy and gets very lazy Hence the fact that as soon as she gets home she jumps into lounge clothes. She's always complaining that she needs a make-over, but she used to look good all on her own before, what's the change? we don't have a baby, she's not in school, she just works, She's only 24. So what's the deal? Am i being too shallow? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but i want to say something. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 If you really want her to feel good and you can hit two birds with one stone! Tell her you're paying for a day at the spa! Haircut, massage, facial and a pedicure. Say you'd like to take her out to dinner that night too and then later on have a romantic night ... I think she's just settled in, feels real cozy and comfy with ya. We all tend to let ourselves go abit after a while. Doing what I suggested atleast will make her feel good and that's when you can say, You look beautiful in that outfit! We need to dressup and go out like this more often. The other thing is...What is her work sked like? Busy, stressed? This could be a factor as well. Hope this helps abit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author circusfood Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 that sounds like an idea. I should just buy her a manicure or something like that, or a day at the spa like you said. Totally good idea. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
loveturtle Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 My boyfriend doesn't ever make love to me as much as i'd like him to, and this completely messes with my self-esteem....that no matter what i do to look good for him, he fails to compromise with how much i would like to have sex. With his, 3X a week, with me 3X a day.... I know my wants might be much, but i would atleast like to once a day, i dont even get that..... I'm a prety girl, it doesnt make sense to me why he wouldnt be loving me all the time especially since i only get to see him for a week once every 3 months....i live in cali, he lives in PA. So enough about me.... but the point is... myabe you dont make love to her enough...or make her feel sexy. girls need to feel like they are sexy to their men. you might need to reaffirm to her how much she turns you on, then she might make more of an effort in looking good for you. when my boyfriend rejects me sexually, i feel useless and so insulted... i do try sohard to look good for him, but if i'm not sexy to him no matter what, whats the point of trying. in the beginning, you say your girlfriend put alot of effort into maintaining her looks.....maybe you shoudl look at yourself and try to figure out what you did for her at that time that you dont do anymore. maybe you made her feel a certain way, a certain specialness, that you fail to do now. maybe that is the reason she subconsciously stopped caring about how she looked for you. t could be from resentment that you don't give her what you used to either... mayeb you maintain your appearance very well, but maybe you started slacking in how you make her feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 You're welcome!! I really hope it cheers her up and makes her feel good about herself. I can relate abit, especially after 11 years! LOL! Sometimes it is hard to make yourself look all sexy and pretty for your spouse. Lazyness does come into play and life gets in the way at times too. My husband surprised me and then I got to invite my neighbour for company. It was really great! Gals day at the Spa and then a nice dinner and some lovin' later ... (With my hubby, not my female neighbour! LMAO!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Maybe also buy her a couple of 'house' type outfits that are comfortable but also look nice. There are a lot of nifty outfits these days that are comfy but so stylish that people wear them out, too. I'm thinking of those jersey or velour stretch suits - the kind that usually have stripes down the side. Or something else that she won't feel is 'too good' to wear around the house but that still looks nice. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 what difference does it make if you she changes into comfy clothes at home? it's one thing to be dressed up or look nice when you're out, but when you're home is the time to relax and be comfortable. my boyfriend (who i also live with) never makes me feel like i look like a scumbag when i change at home. if anything, he does it with me, and we lounge together. usually at that point i still have make-up on, my hair is still nice, it's not like i turn into a ragamuffin or anything. what's the big deal? geez. i think you're being too picky, and you should accept her. you should be glad she's comfortable enough to be comfortable with you. if you need to see her dressed up and looking like you want her to look, take her somewhere where she'll have to look especially nice. then you both get something you want. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Welcome to the world of cohabitation... Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Buying your girlfriend a day at the spa and a make-over, or choosing new clothes for her can cause you more trouble than it is worth. Consider the possibility that she might very well take such actions on your behalf as some form of an insult. Sometimes expensive 'gifts' like this are simply not worth the gamble. Try telling your girlfriend how you feel about things. Don't worry about coming off as shallow; you either are shallow or you are not, so why try to hide it if you are? This is bothering you, and the only way to get it across to her is by being direct. Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 According to your standards, I "let myself go" a lot. I get my hair cut every few months, I don't paint my nails, I don't wear makeup (I think I'm pretty enough that I don't need to), and I don't shave my legs every single day, and sometimes I go several days without doing it, depending on the time of year. Thankfully my boyfriend thinks I'm gorgeous. Sometimes us women actually care about things other than our looks, just like you men do. And it doesn't mean I don't look nice, but why should I have to go through any more effort than a man does in order to look nice? It's ridiculous. Then again, I tend not to be a typical woman. I only have three pairs of shoes and one purse, and God only knows where it is. Oh, and if you disagree that a woman can look good without makeup, PM me and I'll send a pic of myself sans makeup. I just don't want to post it as my avatar, because I don't need people knowing who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by SadAndLonely Oh, and if you disagree that a woman can look good without makeup, PM me and I'll send a pic of myself sans makeup. I just don't want to post it as my avatar, because I don't need people knowing who I am. Just when you were getting my hopes up... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 She could just be relaxing with you. She feels comfortable and you should take that as a good thing. She probably expects you to be equally comfortable with her. Another option is that she's not feeling as good about herself and her motivation is down. You might be able to detect her own regrets about her laziness and sloppiness. That's something she'll have to deal with on her own, and you might find opportunities to contribute, but you can't really fix it. I know I go through ups and downs this way, and take care of things more or less depending how I feel. Of course, I've known people who criticize their sweethearts for laziness and sloppiness when it isn't justified. Some people just like to criticize their partner, probably because there is something deeper wrong that they can't express. I think that's cheesy and reflects very badly on the person doing the criticizing. The reason I bring that up is because you seem very concerned with how she's making you feel, but don't seem at all concerned with how she feels. So I think there is some shallowness in the mix here. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 At least she didn't chunk up. No, seriously. If she dresses up when you go out and gets comfortable at home. What's the problem. If it's a huge problem, you need to use POSITIVE reinforcement. When she gets her haircut, rave about how cute it is. When she is dressed up, pay her all kinds of attention. Compliments will work wonders. But I can't help but think that this is a little shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 According to your standards, I "let myself go" a lot. I get my hair cut every few months, I don't paint my nails, I don't wear makeup (I think I'm pretty enough that I don't need to), and I don't shave my legs every single day, and sometimes I go several days without doing it, depending on the time of year *gasp*, well, you've really let yourself go! Just kidding. really do guys realize how much work and money all this s**t is. We have to shave more than half of our freaking bodies! And got forbid we miss a spot. And looking cute aint that comfortable... Heels hurt like hell sometimes. This is really embarrassing, but hey I'm annonymous. I told my bf he has to tell me in the morning if we are going to have sex that night, so I can shave! I was like, "I'm tired of shaving every day just in case we have sex, so why don't you warn me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini02 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Do you know how hard it is to do all the things that make women "beautiful?" It can be time consuming and it can hurt!! It's normal for people to want to look their best when they first start dating, and then "let themselves go" as time goes on. It's a comfort thing. She's hoping you're still gonna love her with messy hair and eye-goop sometimes!! I had to head off to work with no make-up after getting 4 hours of sleep and I told my boyfriend that I was hideous and he said "No you're still beautiful" That's the kinda thing girls want to hear!!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn This is really embarrassing, but hey I'm annonymous. I told my bf he has to tell me in the morning if we are going to have sex that night, so I can shave! So you can shave what? I hope not your chin. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I think it's really cute that you want your gf to be sexy and all! I love to be in shape and dress smart for my cutie (no cutie recently, but heck, I remeber the good ol' times ). However, when I had my exmas or lots of work to do, or under pressure, having a perfect manicure was CERTAINLY not one of my main concerns. So maybe it's a mood swing. I'm not saying that sexy lingery or a day at the spa aren't a good idea. How about a nice week end together, to re-get intouch with eachother? It will take the pressure off, relax... the evening you'll get to dress up and dine out... it will take her mind off work and put you on the "main concerns" list . Living together can be great fun, I'm glad you're not taking her for granted and that you are expecting her to be "attractive". That means you're attracted to her and that's just sooooo cute !!! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by johan So you can shave what? I hope not your chin. Ha ha, just my legs. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Okay, I'm going against the flow here but hey, I like taking care of myself a bit. I like to get my nails done and pedicures and keep myself looking nice- I do it for myself as well as my man. Every guy I have ever dated has said, "Gosh, you take good care of yourself" I'm not high maintenance, but there is maintenance! One of the number one needs of a man is to have an attractive partner. According to books, it's very important to him. Just like a woman's need for affection. Since men are so visual I can totally see that. It is hard work to keep all of that up- if you have a sick child or a work crisis you might not be able to for a week or so but that doesn't mean you totally let yourself go! I consider it part of my "job" so to speak in my relationship to look nice for my partner, but hey, that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Yes, I agree. I would always like to look great for my man. But the way he describes it, it is like she puts on sweat pants when she gets home. Not that she's wearing them out or anything. That's why I said, if he takes her out more, she'll dress up more. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 But there's old, baggy, stained, ugly sweatpants and there's nice, neat, attractive sweatpants. I'm guessing he'd not complain if she was picking option B. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Hah! I let myself go big time I guess. Then again if I never really took care of myself like that to begin with...when I get comfortable I do my nails because I'm obsessed with it and I stare at my nails all day while I type. I am obsessed with shoes. I have weird taste in clothes. But it's so irritating to me, maintenence for me, blow drying my hair and all that, takes SO LONG and every guy I've been with gets ready in 5 seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I'd like to make a suggestion. My current b/f does NOT like it when I come home and get into my "sweats" either so when he said to me "I don't like to see you dressed like a bum (in his baby,baby voice holding me in his arms)......why don't I give you some money and you can to go Silk and Satin and buy yourself some of those cutie little top and pant sets so that you can be comfortable and I can look at my cute sexy little bunny again?" I loved the way he presented his case. He stated his case, made his point and complimented me. You wanna beleive I am cute, sexy and comfy all at the same time now! bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Bubbles, My ex would turn blue at the word "pyjamas", LOL! Men, he was a tough one to break, but inspite his flaws, he did teach me a couple of things about men! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by circusfood We'll go out and come home and she'll IMMEDIATELY jump into lounge wear (pajama bottms, old t-shirt) and lounge on the couch. Sometimes I wonder if it's just the fact that we Live together. Maybe if we lived seperately and were more of a Dating couple, it'd be different, i don't know. well i can tell you, when i get home from work i get right outta my nicer work clothes and out on comfy clothes. i am not gonna ruin my good clothes hanging out at home. when you live with someone, and they do not have to go to see you....the effort in getting ready to go out is Thankfully lessened, if not eliminated! You can, however, ask her not to put such frumpy clothes on.......... in a nice way. Link to post Share on other sites
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