She lets herself "Go" a lot, Am I being too shallow?

[SadAndLonely]

I totally agree that people should practice good hygiene! I take a shower and wash my hair and brush my teeth and all that every single day, even if I'm not leaving the house. But I don't think nail polish and shaving your legs every single day and getting a haircut every couple of months are necessary, especially if they take a lot of time and money, which they often do. I think the roles should be reversed. Men should be expected to have their periods, wear makeup, shave their legs, do their hair, paint their nails, etc., and women should have to work, make decent money, and know how to change tires...whoops, I already do that.

 

Anyway, I digress.

[SexKitten]

are you being shallow?

 

yes. but maybe your personality is shallow, and so you shouldn't be judged on this. some people would have no problem with it--you do.

 

find a way to tell her nicely that you appreciate her effort to look nice when she does. expect a disappointed outburst if you don't use kidgloves, though, because people's appearances are touchy subjects.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by SadAndLonely

I totally agree that people should practice good hygiene! I take a shower and wash my hair and brush my teeth and all that every single day, even if I'm not leaving the house. But I don't think nail polish and shaving your legs every single day and getting a haircut every couple of months are necessary, especially if they take a lot of time and money, which they often do. I think the roles should be reversed. Men should be expected to have their periods, wear makeup, shave their legs, do their hair, paint their nails, etc., and women should have to work, make decent money, and know how to change tires...whoops, I already do that.

 

I shave every morning, weekends included. I don't care for the way my face feels if I don't. I get a haircut every 3-4 weeks, generally coinciding with my Army Reserve weekends.

 

As for periods, I gladly defer that to the ladies!

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Scott S

I shave every morning, weekends included. I don't care for the way my face feels if I don't. I get a haircut every 3-4 weeks, generally coinciding with my Army Reserve weekends.

 

As for periods, I gladly defer that to the ladies!

 

Dude have you ever witnessed a woman shaving her legs? Shaving your face takes like 5 minutes. I am stuck doing backbends in the shower and shaving my tender bits. Do YOU have to shave your pubes? I think not. Or blow dry your hair. Or figure out what products to use on your T-zone. Or the whole nail polish thing.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Dude have you ever witnessed a woman shaving her legs? Shaving your face takes like 5 minutes.

 

Yes I have, actually. I have also performed the service on a woman, but that's for another thread.

 

I am stuck doing backbends in the shower and shaving my tender bits. Do YOU have to shave your pubes? I think not. Or blow dry your hair. Or figure out what products to use on your T-zone. Or the whole nail polish thing.

 

Most men don't do those other things. We have grooming rituals of our own. I have recently seen depiliatories for men, though. I do not have copious amounts of body hair, & since I keep my head hair short, I don't blow-dry.

 

On the issue of body hair, it is interesting how men consider it virile & masculine, while of the women whom I've heard opine on the subject, the general consenus is that they consider it disgusting.

[moimeme]

But I don't think nail polish and shaving your legs every single day and getting a haircut every couple of months are necessary,

 

What is all this with not wanting to get your hair done? I think almost every poster has said it. I *love* getting my hair done. My guy is great - lovely hands so the hair wash is delicious and he's a sweetie so it's fun to see him. And I always feel so much neater when my hair's all tidied up and cut nice.

 

On the issue of body hair, it is interesting how men consider it virile & masculine, while of the women whom I've heard opine on the subject, the general consenus is that they consider it disgusting.

 

We have had many male body hair threads here and while it seems there is now a majority of women who like their men naked as newborn babies ( ), there are still a lot of ladies who like their fellows fuzzy

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

What is all this with not wanting to get your hair done? I think almost every poster has said it. I *love* getting my hair done. My guy is great - lovely hands so the hair wash is delicious and he's a sweetie so it's fun to see him. And I always feel so much neater when my hair's all tidied up and cut nice.

 

I have a phobia and hate having other people touch my hair with scissors. I absolutely can't stand it, I get ansty and anxious. I can only either go to my friend's house (who is a hairdresser) and get really stoned and she cuts my hair there and I wince the whole time, or I cut it myself. I can't stand it, and from what I hear this is actually a common phobia. As a youngster I had long long hair and my mother trimmed the ends for me.

[laRubiaBonita]

me too B_O!

 

it stems from me having curly hair and living in the 80's!

 

after each hair cut i can ever remember, till age 17, i would lock myself in the bathroom an bawl my eyes out cause it was soooo horrible!

 

then my grandmother is like a hair freak, always wanting to cut it, comb it........ and she once put my hair in pigtails and cut it to give it that "layered look".

[Bubbles]

I stoppped getting my hair cut when I was 24! I also have naturally curly hair and those stupid beeeoches at the salon's have NO IDEA about curly hair!!! If you cut an inch.......my hair shrinks back into my head by 4 inches! Bawl & bawl & bawl for hours and days!

 

I cut my bangs myself and let the rest of it grow. I cannot even walk into a salon without getting that icky feeling in my gut!

 

 

bubbles

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by Bubbles

I stoppped getting my hair cut when I was 24! I also have naturally curly hair and those stupid beeeoches at the salon's have NO IDEA about curly hair!!! If you cut an inch.......my hair shrinks back into my head by 4 inches! Bawl & bawl & bawl for hours and days!

 

I cut my bangs myself and let the rest of it grow. I cannot even walk into a salon without getting that icky feeling in my gut!

 

 

bubbles

I feel EXCACTLY the same way!

 

even when I get some chic WITH curly hair, she will F- up my hair!

[circusfood]

HEY GUYS-

 

Not sure if My girl has Bad Hygiene or if she's just lazy, but

another thang she does is, she Never brushes her teeth before

breakfast and she only brushes ONCE a day, after breakfast,

but never before bed. I'll admit though, she never really has bad breath

except in the morning, yikes.

 

 

Anyway, I took some y'alls advice and I bought her a Haircut and

Manicure/Pedicure Gift Certificate. I gave it to her and told her i'd

take her out tonite (she's off all day today) so we'll see.

She asked why I did it, and if I thought she wasn't looking

cute for me. I just told her, i felt like doing something nice for her,

to make herself feel and look good.

 

I know when you move in with your GF/BF or wife/husband to be, there's

always going to be some minor (or sometimes Major) quirks youre going to

have to get used to from your Significant Other. I know all this. Everyone is

different. My girl's are starting to not seem so bad. ( i mean I wish she'd work

on the teeth brushing the most, for her own dental health) but She just been

busy, think that's what it's been. She works a pretty hectic job and has been trying

to work in Exercising as well. So, i'm going to not be so judgemental.

 

Still, i feel I do a lot more in the relationship (rent, bills, both Our car's maintenance, finding

things for us to do on the weekend) but She does cook more now and she does clean up the house

every once in a while. She's getting better at being a little bit more domestic.

She came from a household wear MOM did everything and she didn't have to

lift a finger, or cook a thing, sort of spolied by dad. I think i'm realizing this week that she's trying and

that i need to chill out and be more patient with our relationship's growth.

[SadAndLonely]

You know, it seems like every time you post, you add something new to the mix as far as what's wrong with your girlfriend. Maybe you should give us the WHOLE story, hmm?

 

Otherwise, to me, it seems like you're not getting the answers you want, so you add in something new that's wrong with her.

 

Out of curiosity, are her teeth healthy? Does she floss?

[FolderWife]

Good greif...dump the lazy skank

[Bubbles]

Thank Gawd somebody said it! I have been reading and reading and reading and thinking the same thing all along......it's the reason why I have not posted - I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing.

 

Listen, I had a friend (female) who's boyfriend broke up with her and told her that he could'nt stant living with her any longer. That's it, that's all he said to her. He packed his stuff and walked out the front door. I ran into him some time after that and we had a chance to really talk about what happened (since he asked about her) You know what he told me? He told me that she such a lazy slob that he could'nt stomach coming home to a pig stye of a house any longer. He was afraid to eat off the dishes for fear that they were not properly washed etc...........

 

I could totally understand what he was saying. I have witnessed her laziness.........in the five years that we hung out together? I NEVER saw her bedroom even once!!!! This was always a curiosity to me, now don't get me wrong.......I really don't necessarily need to see the sleeping quarters of everyone that I hang with but this?.......this was just weird! I asked her mother one time "what's up with that?" You wanna know what her mother said? Her mother said that was such a slob that she would be humiliated if any one of her friends would EVER see her bedroom!!!! So I could understand what her ex was telling me. I had only been to their place once.

 

You would never have guessed it by looking at her. She is very clean, very well dressed, corrects you when you say something out of it's proper context blah, blah, blah.......you 'd think she would be the kind of person that would be immaculate at home?........Not so, she was exactly the opposite!

 

So you know what I say? If she's a slob at heart? Nothing you do or say will change her. If you cannott tolerate a slob then you simply cannot tolerate living with a slob!

 

Pack HER bags and call her folks to tell them she's coming home and the next time she moves out? Make sure her mother has taught her what she needs to know about keeping house and a little self respect!!!

 

bubbles

[HoldOn]

Why does everyone on this site accept worse behavior than they deserve.

 

i feel I do a lot more in the relationship (rent, bills, both Our car's maintenance, finding

things for us to do on the weekend

Plus you do all the cleaning apparently.

 

I think you really need to fix this problem, if you are going to have a long-term relationship. I hate to tell everyone on this website to break up because of small things. But, on the other hand, having respect for your SO is a big thing.....

 

Please tell us the whole story, cuz I can't quite figure out whether she is taking advantage of you or if she is just a loveable slob who is trying her best. Please help us help you!

[seahorse]

Hi,

 

She sounds like she needs a kick up her rear, and/or a rota for cleaning, one of the other.

As for only brushing her teeth once a day, that's not too clever either.

 

We have had many male body hair threads here and while it seems there is now a majority of women who like their men naked as newborn babies ( ), there are still a lot of ladies who like their fellows fuzzy.

 

Mmmmm, bring on those hairy men!!! I love 'em!

 

Ok, we all get a bit comfortable with our other halves, but even after living with my (ex)hubby for 18 years, I still shaved my legs every time I showered. I didn't use nail polish at the time, but I kept myself neat, (and a size lower than I was comfortable with) just for him. It didn't stop him having a five year affair with a stick insect though, so I guess that was a waste of time.

 

You've told us a lot about her, and a fair bit about you. In the end though, it's up to you. Can you stand to keep living with her as things are, and possibly getting worse?

 

 

Over to you circusfood.

[circusfood]

Please tell us the whole story, cuz I can't quite figure out whether she is taking advantage of you or if she is just a loveable slob who is trying her best. Please help us help you!

 

Sorry to keep adding stuff, I guess I didn't really realize I was

doing that.

 

Remember I mentioned I bought her that Spa Treatment? Well, she said she was going to

do it FRIDAY, because she was off, well, turns out she got too lazy and didn't go and was

although she was afraid i'd be disappointed when i got home that evening, but still did nothing

and watched TV all day. I was disappointed in her laziness, not the fact that she didn't use my gift.

 

Well like I said, I think maybe I'm just putting too much into it. I've lived with her quirks This Long!

Yes, I handle all the bills in the house (she's horrible at paying bills) and pay the rent and clean up.

She does make a lot of dinners and will clean up sometimes.

I don't know....Maybe in a subtle way i'm holding a small bit of resentment towards her, wondering

why she doesn't take better care of herself or "try" and look good or even "do Something productive"

with her time.

 

TRUTH BE TOLD:

We've had a Great relationship, but about a year ago we got back together, after she had broken up with me Twice in a

3 month span and she even moved out with a friend for 6 months to sort of "find Herself" ( i think she got bored with

herself) and experience a Single Life and find out if "I was the One for her", reflect on her life & find her calling.

 

I was completely crushed, but got on with things and accepted it and about 6 months later, when things didn't pan out

and her 'Hanging out' and 'Partying' got old, She came back to me. And I took her back, because I Love Her.

I was heart-broken, but relieved when she came back. It caused some great pain, though. Anyway.

 

She hasn't totally found "her thing" in life and doesn't have many Hobbies. She hardly ever sees the crew

she was hanging out with (when we were broken up) at all, and Doesn't have many friends. She gets Really

Anti-Social and quiet, which is something else i've had to deal with.

Lately she's just been working a lot, trying to save money Because, I proposed to her in December.

So we've been talking "wedding" and Saving money.

 

Maybe it's just me wondering if, "She's" the one, now. Maybe I'm wondering if I should have let her do

more Growing Up, before I took her back. Maybe I'm wondering if I can live with her ways, for the rest of my life.

I love her very very much, we're like best friends, as well as lovers. But I don't want Our Relationship to be

the ONLY thing she does. Because, we'll end up where we were a year ago. She'll get bored with herself.

 

I'm not trying to open up old wounds, which is why i've been trying to work on things and accept things the way

they are..Hence the fact that I asked first about "Why Partners let themselves go" after a while. I'm trying to

be a loving man about this and ask if i'm being Selfish or Petty. I don't wan to be. She's not god-awful or a pain in the

ass to be around. She's actually a fun loving gal. Just very lazy and gets bored often.

 

This is something I know I should really talk about with her, but I know she'll get defensive and ask

Why i want to talk about it and She'll probably get Really quiet and closed up and Cry and stuff like that.

(she hates talking about things of a serious nature when it comes to our relationship) She won't even

mention or Talk about our break-up, she never brings it up and wants to forget it Ever happened.

 

i don't know what to do. Nobody's perfect, i should just except what we have and be thankful, right?

[hotgurl]

circusfood

your last post really got to the heart of the problem. Your are focusing on the laziness because it's more tangiable. you guys need to talk about the breakup.

 

you are right to worry about her getting bored if she has no outside intrests. It is not healthy. Also the way your said she deals with conflict need to be improved. You are going to have tough times in your marraige and she can't just shut down and cry. If she does the marraige won't work. I suggest pre marraige consuling.

[bicyclejunk]

I think maybe you two need to find some hobby, you can do together.

Something that will keep you really busy, so there's no time to rest.

Something to motivate HER and make YOU forget about the little things

bugging you.

 

You obviously love her, so work out the kinks. But don't do an ULTIMATUM

kinda thing, Gradully get her out of that laziness and maybe mention a few things

here and there to change, But i'd advise not to go for "the Talk", because from what

you're saying, it might cause more problems.

[Dreamgirl03]

I honestly dont see what the big deal is..i mean seriously...who cares what u look like at home unless ur having a big dinner or something..no one is there besides u guys, so there should be no reason to be dressed up. and really if she`s tired and stresssed from work, she not gonna want to be all dazzly all the time like she used to be..people do start changing after awhile ya know..

[Scott S]

Originally posted by moimeme

We have had many male body hair threads here and while it seems there is now a majority of women who like their men naked as newborn babies ( ), there are still a lot of ladies who like their fellows fuzzy

 

This reminds me of something cute/funny.

 

My wife & I teach 3-year-old Sunday School. Recently, I was reading a Bible story about Jacob & Esau, & how Jacob tricked his father & stole his brother's birthright (Genesis 27). As I explained how Jacob used goatskins to cover himself so he would feel hairy like his brother, one of the little girls piped up "My daddy gots a hairy back, and a BIG hairy belly!!" So try very hard not to bust up in front of the children.

 

After church was over, her parents came to retrieve her. Looking at her father, I thought "I know a secret! I know a secret!"

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by hotgurl

circusfood

your last post really got to the heart of the problem. Your are focusing on the laziness because it's more tangiable. you guys need to talk about the breakup.

 

you are right to worry about her getting bored if she has no outside intrests. It is not healthy. Also the way your said she deals with conflict need to be improved. You are going to have tough times in your marraige and she can't just shut down and cry. If she does the marraige won't work. I suggest pre marraige consuling.

 

I agree. Oftentimes, especially in relationships, it takes us some time to get to the root of the problem. Could it be that you are worried that her “letting herself go” is actually a reflection of her feelings for you?? That is what “came to me” after I read your last post.

 

I think it’s so hard, I mean how do you ever really know if she is The One. There’s definitely not going to be some great big sign that says, PICK HER, PICK HER, PICK HER. So perhaps, it comes down to: what you can and will live with as things presently ARE. And if that is a match (or at least a solid base) for what you would like to have in the future?? You obviously love her very much, so at least you have something very solid to start with!

 

 good luck & keep posting!