Only Traits of a Misogynist?

[lockedoutluv]

I came across the following article and wondered if I exhibit any of the worrying traits:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201502/12-ways-spot-misogynist

 

I will post the traits separately if you don't want to click through, but let me get to my point... A lot of these traits are exhibited by my female partner. I don't think they are exclusive to a male towards a female (misogyny). Wouldn't these traits as exhibited by anyone be considered aggressive or even abusive towards a partner?

[lockedoutluv]

The following traits are typical of the misogynist:

 

1.He will zero in on a woman and choose her as his target. Her natural defenses may be down because he’s flirtatious, exciting, fun, and charismatic at first.

 

2.As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.

 

3.He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.

 

4.He will be late for appointments and dates with women, but be quite punctual with men.

 

5.His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centered.

 

6.He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.

 

7.He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.

 

8.He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit, or borrow money from them without paying them back.

 

9.On a date, he will treat a woman the opposite of how she prefers. If she is an old-style lady who prefers a "gentleman" who holds the door for her, orders for both and pays for the meal, he will treat her like one of his male buddies, order for himself, and let her pay for the whole meal if she offers (and sometimes even if she doesn’t). If she is a more independent type who prefers to order her own meal and pay for herself, he will rudely order for both and pay the check while she goes to the bathroom.

 

10.Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.

 

11.He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.

 

12.He may suddenly disappear from a relationship without ending it, but may come back three months later with an explanation designed to lure the woman back in.

[Taramere]

Are you male or female? If you're female with a female partner and you feel that she's misogynist towards you, that seems perfectly feasible to me. Camille Paglia seems to have made a career out of being a misogynist (though she's described as a feminist). Quite a lot of women identify more with men than they do with other women, and express pretty misogynistic attitudes. Likewise there are probably plenty of men out there who are more comfortable with women and don't really like other men.

 

The list in that article was interesting. My longest, and ultimately worst, relationship was with a guy who very much presented himself as a feminist, had female friends etc. But quite a bit of the stuff in that list rings a bell...and the thing I always remember was that he never tended to hold eye contact with me for very long.

 

Also, one time he told me that when he was a little boy his mother had accused him of hating girls and women. It seemed like a very odd thing for a mother to say to her child, and I remember from the way he told me it was obviously one of those hurtful childhood memories that had a fairly important impact on him. It made me wonder a little if his staunchly pro-women outlook was a bit of overcompensation in action.

[lockedoutluv]

I am a male, she is a female and I recognize about 8 or 9 of these traits in her/our relationship, as long as you flip the male/female aspects of the traits.

 

Taramere, I am sorry you had to deal with this. It's not fun.

[Taramere]

I am a male, she is a female and I recognize about 8 or 9 of these traits in her/our relationship, as long as you flip the male/female aspects of the traits.

 

Taramere, I am sorry you had to deal with this. It's not fun.

 

Well, that was a long time ago so it's old history - but I'm sorry you're having to deal with it just now.

 

When you talk about flipping the male/female aspects do you mean that she treats her female friends more respectfully than she treats you?

 

The female version of misogyny is known as misandry. I'm not really certain whether there's a universal agreement of what either misogyny or misandry actually mean, or what they stem from. I would tend to think that misogyny involves disliking and disparaging that which tends to be associated with femininity...and that misandry would relate to disliking and despising things stereotypically associated with masculinity.