Girlfriend Going Clubbing for First Time

[forest97]

The bolded bit times a million!

 

Yes put all your trust in her- she's a grown person who should know how to behave when in a relationship. Personally I'd be pretty annoyed if my BF had to REMIND me not to cheat on him! Cheating shouldn't even be a consideration in a healthy relationship

 

Well i will try my hardest to just think that! I am her first boyfriend which is probably weird for her to be honest, which is why i'm worried about her not knowing what to do and how to act? It shouldn't but did you see my 1st thread about the texts?

[Penguin_hugs]

Well i will try my hardest to just think that! I am her first boyfriend which is probably weird for her to be honest, which is why i'm worried about her not knowing what to do and how to act? It shouldn't but did you see my 1st thread about the texts?

 

My BF is my first as well, we met when I was 20. I have never had to learn how to act- I just knew not to cheat. Society teaches that to you.

 

I'll comment on your other thread so as not to go off topic on this

[forest97]

My BF is my first as well, we met when I was 20. I have never had to learn how to act- I just knew not to cheat. Society teaches that to you.

 

I'll comment on your other thread so as not to go off topic on this

 

Ahh i see and how is your relationship if you don't mind me asking? And you've been together a while now or?

 

That's true, its like her dad cheated on her mum when she was young and she doesn't like her dad, so this hurt her and she must know how it feels to be that hurt.

 

Thank you

[d0nnivain]

I just really care about her and do not want to lose her, hopefully she won't go clubbing every weekend haha will miss our quiet nights in they are good! Think we are going to the same uni next year, which was weird but if we are both still together at least we won't be miles apart. You think a couple of occasions eh? she's a lightweight, aha it makes me laugh to be honest

 

 

Your insecurities have disaster written all over this relationship. Look at it this way. If she survived a trip to a tropical paradise without you & wasn't tempted with the guy she spent weeks with, you have to have some reasonable belief that she can be trusted to go to a bar / club without you. Unless you can get to this place of trust -- especially in the absence of evidence that she did anything other than take photos with this other guy -- you are going to ruin this & every other relationship you will ever have.

 

Also understand that most relationships do not survive the transition to college / uni even if you go to the same school. A whole new world is going to open up for both of you.

 

Try to take a few deep breaths & relax about this. You are your own worst enemy. The night she goes out, you have other plans doing something with your buddies to take your mind off her. Kiss her the last time you see her before she goes out. Tell her to text you the day after & tell you all about her hangover but then DO NOT CONTACT HER at all. Let her be. Let her have fun. Show her you trust her.

[Penguin_hugs]

Ahh i see and how is your relationship if you don't mind me asking? And you've been together a while now or?

 

That's true, its like her dad cheated on her mum when she was young and she doesn't like her dad, so this hurt her and she must know how it feels to be that hurt.

 

Thank you

 

My relationship is great we've been together for around 18 months- we met online on PoF. He did his PhD in my hometown (40 mins away) so I used to see him at weekends for the first 9 months and then he moved for a post doctorate position- which takes around 2 and a half hours to get there now. We see each other roughly every fortnight while I am studying- sometimes longer when I have deadlines. I miss him like crazy- just like you did when your GF was away- but it just makes you appreciate your time more.

 

We text throughout the day- usually in the morning, lunch and a bit more in the evening. It can be hours though for a reply from either of us though- because we have lives to live!

 

Neither of us would cheat- the thought wouldn't even cross our minds. Yet no one had to specifically tell us not to- it was instinct. For example- originally on OLD I chatted with someone who was 400 miles away- we got on great chatting. We met a few times half way when he was visiting family- but dating wasn't practical and there was no spark. However, we were still good friends. Once I met my BF I told him about my friend and my friend knows about my BF. Last year I was visiting family who lived near my friend so I arranged a visit- never even considered it as cheating. My Mum got annoyed about the situation and told me I had to "clear it" with my BF first. I told him about it that he was a friend I met online and we still kept in touch. My BF was amazed I'd even told him as he couldn't see what the issue was. So I met up with my friend and had a great day out!

 

Basically you can have friends of the opposite gender and not ever consider cheating! My best friend since I was 4 is a guy (only recently has come out), I lived in a house of 3 guys at uni last year- never considered cheating.

 

Oh and like your GF, my Dad cheated on my Mum and they had a messy divorce. It really affects you- you just wouldn't want to put anyone through that pain!

 

Trying to sum up my rambles- basically stop trying to implant the idea of her cheating in her head. Relax and be happy with your relationship. Not every guy is a threat

[forest97]

My relationship is great we've been together for around 18 months- we met online on PoF. He did his PhD in my hometown (40 mins away) so I used to see him at weekends for the first 9 months and then he moved for a post doctorate position- which takes around 2 and a half hours to get there now. We see each other roughly every fortnight while I am studying- sometimes longer when I have deadlines. I miss him like crazy- just like you did when your GF was away- but it just makes you appreciate your time more.

 

We text throughout the day- usually in the morning, lunch and a bit more in the evening. It can be hours though for a reply from either of us though- because we have lives to live!

 

Neither of us would cheat- the thought wouldn't even cross our minds. Yet no one had to specifically tell us not to- it was instinct. For example- originally on OLD I chatted with someone who was 400 miles away- we got on great chatting. We met a few times half way when he was visiting family- but dating wasn't practical and there was no spark. However, we were still good friends. Once I met my BF I told him about my friend and my friend knows about my BF. Last year I was visiting family who lived near my friend so I arranged a visit- never even considered it as cheating. My Mum got annoyed about the situation and told me I had to "clear it" with my BF first. I told him about it that he was a friend I met online and we still kept in touch. My BF was amazed I'd even told him as he couldn't see what the issue was. So I met up with my friend and had a great day out!

 

Basically you can have friends of the opposite gender and not ever consider cheating! My best friend since I was 4 is a guy (only recently has come out), I lived in a house of 3 guys at uni last year- never considered cheating.

 

Oh and like your GF, my Dad cheated on my Mum and they had a messy divorce. It really affects you- you just wouldn't want to put anyone through that pain!

 

Trying to sum up my rambles- basically stop trying to implant the idea of her cheating in her head. Relax and be happy with your relationship. Not every guy is a threat

 

Your relationship sounds great to be honest, you love each other and fully trust each other! I'm so glad to hear

 

I know i get worried and insecure, but just recently my ex (1st serious relationship) cheated on me, so now everytime i think it could happen, i know i shouldn't think that but it does come up. My girlfriend has not given me anything to think about in regards to cheating (other than those texts to that guy) and i do love her. I just do not want to be hurt again and she makes me happy. am i unreasonable at all?

[d0nnivain]

I know i get worried and insecure, but just recently my ex (1st serious relationship) cheated on me, so now everytime i think it could happen, i know i shouldn't think that but it does come up. My girlfriend has not given me anything to think about in regards to cheating (other than those texts to that guy) and i do love her. I just do not want to be hurt again and she makes me happy. am i unreasonable at all?

 

Yes you are being unreasonable. Your are blaming your GF and punishing her for something that another woman -- not your GF --did.

 

How would you feel if your neighbor robbed a bank but the police decided to throw you in jail because they were afraid that you might get ideas about robbing a bank because you live near the robber? It's absurd but that's what you are doing

[Mrin]

End well this won't.

[elaine567]

Your relationship sounds great to be honest, you love each other and fully trust each other! I'm so glad to hear

 

I know i get worried and insecure, but just recently my ex (1st serious relationship) cheated on me, so now everytime i think it could happen, i know i shouldn't think that but it does come up. My girlfriend has not given me anything to think about in regards to cheating (other than those texts to that guy) and i do love her. I just do not want to be hurt again and she makes me happy. am i unreasonable at all?

 

The more you pressurise her, the unhappier she will be, and the unhappier she is, the more chance she will look elsewhere.

Once she starts looking elsewhere, the chances she will cheat or leave you all together, rise exponentially.

Chill.

[sleed]

Most young girls experiment and are curious, she will break up with you at some point, like i said before, you need to already half let her go.

 

She will leave you 100%, milk out everything you can out of the relationship.

 

Remember that girls are in exploration mode until 30+, you need to ask them these things, or watch for them when they talk.

 

If they aren't exploring they will say something like : "i would like something really serious, maybe even marriage", "im tired of dating im ready for something very serious etc". Stuff like that.

 

On the other hand they experiment if you hear the words "im young" a lot.

[Phoe]

Ehh, clubbing isn't always what you see on TV.

 

My first time clubbing I had 2 drinks, danced a bit with my friend, then went home after being hit in the head with a stray bottle.

 

Super drunk dude lost control of the beer bottle in his hand and what luck that it hit me right in the back of the head lol.

 

Otherwise, yeah, no TVesque debauchery.

[forest97]

Today is the day she is finally going out clubbing, should i say anything to her?

 

I'm probably going to say hope you have a great night and stuff but should i warn about things and mention if she does anything with a guy, or will it not be worth it? I will also say, my phone will be on all night, so if she needs me or anything just call.

 

Also should i ask her to text me when she gets to her friends house, or should i just leave that?

[SoulCat]

Tell her to go and enjoy her night out, look after herself and if she needs you you're only a phonecall away.

 

And leave it at that.

[loveweary11]

Today is the day she is finally going out clubbing, should i say anything to her?

 

I'm probably going to say hope you have a great night and stuff but should i warn about things and mention if she does anything with a guy, or will it not be worth it? I will also say, my phone will be on all night, so if she needs me or anything just call.

 

Also should i ask her to text me when she gets to her friends house, or should i just leave that?

 

Your hands are tied. Don't say anything about other guys or you'll drive her right to them!

 

Wait until after... and see how she does.

 

A lot of people don't even like clubs. She may never go again.

 

Also, if you do get that late night call and a hookup, you can be sure she stayed true.

[forest97]

Your hands are tied. Don't say anything about other guys or you'll drive her right to them!

 

Wait until after... and see how she does.

 

A lot of people don't even like clubs. She may never go again.

 

Also, if you do get that late night call and a hookup, you can be sure she stayed true.

 

I was just going to say have a great night and stay safe etc. and let her know that if she needs me or anything during the night, i will leave my phone on all night for her and she can call/text me should she need to.

 

If she doesn't text or call even when she is back, i haven't asked her to and she may forget or something, but i do not need to be worried about this do i?

[loveweary11]

I was just going to say have a great night and stay safe etc. and let her know that if she needs me or anything during the night, i will leave my phone on all night for her and she can call/text me should she need to.

 

If she doesn't text or call even when she is back, i haven't asked her to and she may forget or something, but i do not need to be worried about this do i?

 

You could always say, "text me when you're in so I know you got back safe." But, don't get all torqued up if she forgets.

 

Only worry if she starts doing this every weekend instead of being with you.

 

There is nothing to worry about with a one time thing.

[forest97]

You could always say, "text me when you're in so I know you got back safe." But, don't get all torqued up if she forgets.

 

Only worry if she starts doing this every weekend instead of being with you.

 

There is nothing to worry about with a one time thing.

 

Do you think? Will it matter if she doesn't text me when she gets to her friends house where she is staying?

 

Well she is a party animal, and is quite a lightweight so i'm guessing she will enjoy it a lot, and is going to a house party before, she will probably be very drunk before the clubs.

 

Well next weekend she is taking me shopping for my birthday and a meal for her birthday from her dad which i'm going to and staying at hers hopefully. Then the weekend after i will be 18 and she is coming clubbing with me she says.

 

I just don't want to lose the time we spend usually on weekends, cuddling and watching tv, going to have meals. Hopefully clubbing doesn't ruin everything

[fardaxel]

Well, when you say it won't end well, yes, that's probably true. That's because you're teenagers on the cusp of adulthood, and while a minute number of teenage relationships last a long time, the majority of them don't. So yes, at some point, you will break up.

 

Will it be because of drugs and alcohol and experimentation? Maybe. Maybe it'll be for other reasons. But she's 18, and there is no other time that she's going to be this age, with minimal responsibility, so she might as well enjoy it. There's plenty of time to be an adult, this isn't the time.

 

You've got a much better chance of holding onto her if you lighten up and give her some rope, rather than tighten the noose.

[loveweary11]

Do you think? Will it matter if she doesn't text me when she gets to her friends house where she is staying?

 

Well she is a party animal, and is quite a lightweight so i'm guessing she will enjoy it a lot, and is going to a house party before, she will probably be very drunk before the clubs.

 

Well next weekend she is taking me shopping for my birthday and a meal for her birthday from her dad which i'm going to and staying at hers hopefully. Then the weekend after i will be 18 and she is coming clubbing with me she says.

 

I just don't want to lose the time we spend usually on weekends, cuddling and watching tv, going to have meals. Hopefully clubbing doesn't ruin everything

 

 

Yeah, hopefully it doesn't ruin everything, but don't get yourself all worked up over a "what if." Only worry about it if it does happen.

 

And no, don't worry if she doesn't text that night either. There will be lots of people talking with her all night, she'll be wasted and may just pass out when she gets back.

 

If she sees you as ruining her fun, your entire relationship will be in jeopardy.

 

So let her go do whatever. Just ignore your worries for the night and see her the next day/night.

[forest97]

Yeah, hopefully it doesn't ruin everything, but don't get yourself all worked up over a "what if." Only worry about it if it does happen.

 

And no, don't worry if she doesn't text that night either. There will be lots of people talking with her all night, she'll be wasted and may just pass out when she gets back.

 

If she sees you as ruining her fun, your entire relationship will be in jeopardy.

 

So let her go do whatever. Just ignore your worries for the night and see her the next day/night.

 

I do worry like that, basically like an idiot aha! but how would i ever find out if anything did happen, i never would? I really hope it doesn't to be honest, and hopefully, even though she is drunk she can hopefully still say no.

 

Also she has been really moody with me the past 2 days, i do not know why, do you have any ideas?

[fardaxel]

I do worry like that, basically like an idiot aha! but how would i ever find out if anything did happen, i never would? I really hope it doesn't to be honest, and hopefully, even though she is drunk she can hopefully still say no.

 

Also she has been really moody with me the past 2 days, i do not know why, do you have any ideas?

 

Because you're being a drag about the clubbing. You're acting like you're 67, not 17.

[Diezel]

Do you have a life of your own?

Don't you have your own friends or family you can do things with tonight?

 

You are so wrapped up into her life and what she is doing and what she is thinking... that I absolutely bet you'll be sitting at home with their phone in your hand waiting for her to text or call.

 

You worry too much for a 17 year old.

[SoulCat]

Also she has been really moody with me the past 2 days, i do not know why, do you have any ideas?

 

Because, Forest, you are seriously cramping her style with your clingy, insecure and frankly immature behaviour.

 

From what I've read in your posts, you have been on her case constantly for the past few weeks. About the trip abroad, the 'hot' guy, the Facebook/Instagram pics, about not texting/emailing, about the clubbing.

 

 

Keep it up buddy and her cheating on you will be the last of your worries. She'll have dumped your needy ass well before that.

[forest97]

Because, Forest, you are seriously cramping her style with your clingy, insecure and frankly immature behaviour.

 

From what I've read in your posts, you have been on her case constantly for the past few weeks. About the trip abroad, the 'hot' guy, the Facebook/Instagram pics, about not texting/emailing, about the clubbing.

 

 

Keep it up buddy and her cheating on you will be the last of your worries. She'll have dumped your needy ass well before that.

 

Yes but i haven't mentioned any of the above to her at all, so i don't see how it could affect how she's feeling, this is literally out of nowhere, like yesterday she was fine (well wasn't as bad as she is today) but i don't see why she is. I'm like go and have a great night tonight and stuff

[SoulCat]

Yes but i haven't mentioned any of the above to her at all, so i don't see how it could affect how she's feeling, this is literally out of nowhere, like yesterday she was fine (well wasn't as bad as she is today) but i don't see why she is. I'm like go and have a great night tonight and stuff

 

Unfortunately for you, women tend to be quite good at reading between the lines. It's not so much what you say, or don't say.

It's your attitude and behaviour that gives your game away.

 

You cannot tell me that you come to this board practically every day fretting about everything she does and playing it totally cool with her in person.

You are fooling yourself if you think you do.