stillafool Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yes - I understand your point elaine567 - there are always exceptions to any generalization. But - is it your position that most women get involved with extra-marital relationships because they are having "bad sex" at home? I would think that that scenario can and does happen but probably isn't the main reason women have affairs. My main point was, however, that everyone has their own reason for getting involved in an affair but it is not the best way to handle whatever problems that exist in a marriage. There still are fundamental differences between men and women and this applies to every area of life. Not just the sexual realm. Oh, and to answer your specific question - "Doesn't that apply to both genders?" - I personally think that it is more true for men than it is for women. I could be wrong, and there are always exceptions, but I still think more men get involved with affairs for purely sexual reasons than do women. This is certainly changing. More and more women are having affairs and the reason is an unsatisfying sex life. If you look around on LS you will see that most of the people having affairs are women and the number one reason is the an unfulfilled sex life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) So interesting SolG- in therapy we talked a lot about how we are viewed as an "it" couple- our kids are successful athletes, well liked at school, intelligent and we are highly involved in the program, I teach so I am well known in the community as well- he has worked his way up to VP and has tons of responsibilities- we have a second home, etc... all of that and he felt like we had hit a plateau- I was enjoying what I considered the product of years of hard work- he wanted/needed that ego boost that comes with climbing up life- I remember thinking it odd that he said (paraphrased) " I didn't want to seem ungrateful for all we have but I was missing feeling a rush" - umm, yeah, nothing says ungrateful like cheating, but..... I'm curious GIS, did it ever occur to him to tell you he was feeling unsettled? He says he felt that he would seem ungrateful to raise it... but has he ever expressed why that was so? What did he fear you would do if he revealed to you that maybe he felt your goals needed redirection/extension? Was he afraid of disappointing and disrupting what he perceived as your happiness because he loves and respects you so much? Edited May 8, 2015 by SolG 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 SolG- that was really nice- I wish it was that "me" focused and not so "him" focused- although we have not really touched on the "why" he didn't come to me so much (we have so much to work through-mostly right now his self loathing) I have a feeling he was just being a selfish coward-the opportunity presented itself and he was in a weak place mentally and went for it- I love this guy, no doubt, but his FOO has produced a man that has/had a hard time seeing beyond him- he was raised a survivor with really no one but him to look out for his needs-I guess I never really understood what that meant until this- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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