scammy Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 My bf is away for an internship and is having a really hard time fitting in. he is upset every time he calls and is very short tempered. He told me yesterday that it does not matter if I have another bf. I feel like he wants me to break up w him. He told me I need to think about what I want this summer. I am transferring to the same university as him next year and leaving my job of 5 years to attend school full time. If him & I break up I am still going to transfer. He told me one day,” I am a di%$" and I believe him. When he is nice he is wonderful but when he is miserable he is horrible. It is finals for me and we are both under alot of stress, I have unruly children that he resents having to help me with. Should I just let him fade off? Sex is great between us and we also enjoy each other when not stressed. He says he wants more children later and if we stay together that means IVF and raising kids at 40. It is almost like he is pushing me to break up with him so as to save himself from looking bad? Or is it just the stress form work? Hey guys I need some advice because I cried all night. I really care about this guy he has helpled me out the six months we have been together but when it comes to love he is messed up? Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I don't think that stress would cause him to behave like he wants you to break up but instead he is maybe no longer in love with you. You should be upfront with him and tell him how you feel - that he is putting you in a position to be the one to break up. I don't think you could allow him to just fade off, there would be no closure with him possibly coming in and out of your life depending on his level of stress or whatever else his selfish reasons are. Be firm and have HIM make a decision - he knows how you feel about him and is putting you on the spot about guessing how he feels etc. Tell him to be upfront with you or else you don't want to break up and he is going to end up with you long term, that if he doesn't want to be with you, he should tell you especially since his behavior is unacceptable, no matter what type of stress he is going through. I'm sure you have as much stress with your children and work and the last thing you deserve is the man you love to treat you like sh*** because of this or that excuse. ON THE OTHER HAND, maybe he is so stressed out that he is crying for help and trying to get your attention by saying that you could have another bf, but he doesn't really mean it. Maybe he is too proud to admit how difficult his internship is and he is unable to keep up wtih the demands associated with it. Maybe he needs reassurance that you will still be there for him, that even though you are apart right now, that you will not choose to be with someone else even though he is giving you the option to. I don't know!!! Link to post Share on other sites
scammy Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Thanks for the advice, BF called tonight from atop a hill and told me how he could see New York and the Empire Sate building. The tone of his voice was "different" he seemed almost a little nervous. I think he was waiting for me too say something. He acknowledged that he did not call me last night and he was letting let me go quickly but he was tired. I told him I loved him and that was fine that maybe we could talk this weekend if he was not too busy. You are right about having enough to deal with he should not treat me that way, even if he is having a really hard time. I think after talking to him tonight I just need to give him support and let him know I will be here for him. I am guessing tonight may have not been a good time to tell him I am thinking about renting a room for 8 weeks this summer from a guy I dated casually. But him and I try to keep everything out in the open so I gave him the details and asked him if he would have any problems with it. He told me to do what I have to. Everyone knows I need to save money for school. It means I can save at least $1000. It will all boil down to trust something that is very difficult. I have to watch myself because I can not make myself seem like I am so clingy that I am pining away here in the mid-west and yet I don't want to make him jealous. I let him know I went out last night with my buddy/ex and played pool. and that is where the subject came up about me renting a room. I think it will be just fine. He went on vacation a couple of months ago with an ex who is now a good friend. I was a little jealous. I trust him because he took me to his home-town in another state to meet her and his old friends. He also told me the full details of where they were going and what the sleeping arraignments were and assured me that he loved me and nothing funny was going on. My BF has never meet the guy I am going to be rooming with, but I have hung out with this guy the whole time my BF & I have been dating. He tutors me in Chemistry. I explained to my BF in the beginning of our relationship that I needed this guys help. I think my BF realizes that saving $$$ for school is really important. OH the plot thickens I will be so glad when I am done with school. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Whoa... First thing.. you said your BF resents having to help you out with your Kids? Sorry.. but yeah my thought on this is.. you have Kids, he knew you had kids when he met you, they are a forever kinda Deal-E-O and I know for myself if I really believed that my BF resented my Little People he wouldn't be my BF.... Good choice in believing him when he says he's a Dick.. I would also say that it would be wise to believe him when he says he's all okay with it if you have another BF and it doesn't matter to him... Regardless if he's under stress or not.. it doesn't excuse him being a ****er Link to post Share on other sites
LLLLoSSSer Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Trust shouldn't be a difficult thing...except when there's a problem. He's vacationing with an ex and is uncharacteristically mean. You're playing pool and moving in with yours. WEEEEEIRD. Time to let go. You don't want to marry this kind of guy anyway. Kids are stressful, jobs are stressful, life is stressful. You don't need someone who reacts this way to stress. I think it sounds like he's up to something, and trying to get you to be the "bad guy" and break up with him. What kind of boyfriend doesn't care if his girlfriend rents a room from an ex? One who doesn't care if he gets left for the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
scammy Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 I appreciate your opinion and you all are probably right to a certain extent. LLLoser as for him not caring if I leave him for my future roomy, I really think he would care. Him and I have opposite sex friends and as for him vacationing with his ex I don't see it as mean. As I said before I have met her the ex we all vacationed together and I do not feel threatened by her. I t is natural to get jealous, I think he feels the same way. I like the fact I am free to play pool with whoever I please. Did I stress all I never became intimate with this future roomie and he has a GF. I just disagree with that its weird........ Allot of this has to do with survival specifically $$$$ you can say I am using my friend/ex for money but we really are friends. One of my biggest problems is I have no friends because I have moved and well the girls in my classes are on the average10 years younger. Maybe I am so annoying woman hate me? I told a group of girls in the beauty school I was an Engineering major and it was dead silence. I have not made one decent girlfriend in the 1 1/2 years I have been where I am. It would be nice to have friends that are girls to go out with but I don't. On a last note I feel it does say something if you are dating someone who left on good terms with a previous relationship. I have two other exs that I still am friends with and the BF has met one of them. You are right life is stressfull but I disagree with you LLOSER its time to for me to move on lets put it this way. I have to take some resposibility for this situation. Merin said if her BF resented her little people she would get rid of him. I have to clarify something I brought my BF around my kids way to soon, after only two months of dating he was cooking and cleaning while I studied and his grades dropped. Yes I am defending him but I am not getting any warm fuzzy feelings here guys. Just mostly get of the pot or piss answers. So he's a dick but not all the time. I just wanted advice on how to deal with him. Link to post Share on other sites
LLLLoSSSer Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 ew. i guess the only way to deal with it, then, is to keep live in denial. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by scammy Merin said if her BF resented her little people she would get rid of him. I have to clarify something I brought my BF around my kids way to soon, after only two months of dating he was cooking and cleaning while I studied and his grades dropped. Yes I am defending him but I am not getting any warm fuzzy feelings here guys. Just mostly get of the pot or piss answers. So he's a dick but not all the time. I just wanted advice on how to deal with him. Merin STILL feels the same way... Link to post Share on other sites
scammy Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hey thanks LLOOSSER Whatever ew and denial meant... I can compare bumping into you with having a jellyfish in the crack of your butt. Not pleasant Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Haven't read this whole thread but... When a guy tell you he is a dick, believe him. I agree with another poster who said, life is stressful. There is no time that will go by where it won't be. So you'll always have to deal with these moods. One of the biggest clues I got to my bf's personality was when we were on a trip and our flight was cancelled at 7:00 at night. We immediately rented a car and he drove 12 hours OVERNIGHT, just so I could get back to school in time. No complaints. No Anger. When a guy is the right guy, he will stand up for you even in the worst of times. Link to post Share on other sites
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