tacoman Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Okay, heres the quick run down..........my girl friend of 5 years gave me every cliche line in the book....i need space, i dont know what i want, etc........but when i ask her if she believes in second chances she says yes......and says that she wont close the door to an opportunity of us getting back together. This happend two weeks ago and has been horrible on me. We had an excellent flawless relationship with no major issues. I even got the i love you but dont know if i "love" you. Our relationship has always been her madly all over me, etc.......we are so compatible and basically a perfect fit all the way around. We have talked a couple times since and we talk very casually and no one is mad at the other. It is all happening at a big time for the both of us.......i am 23 and she is 22/23......just a few weeks ago i was of course getting the "when do i get my ring" kind of talk and then blam. We are both finishing college and have a bunch of other huge stressors going on in both our lives.....just future kind of stuff, work, etc......the usual. We have been in a little spirt of no contact for the 2 weeks, with of course me always being the one breaking down.....but i will usually get a quick polite response back, etc.......i know their is not another guy involved (cheating wise), though i am obviously aware of the fact that their could be a person who tweaked her interest, but i dont believe there is anything "lined up" so to speak. We had some minor issues in our relationship that led to this without me knowing.....nothing unfixable or something that would involve personal sacrifice to change....things like thinking about future......and a slight mothering kind of thing, but not really a huge deal to change....... I have spent everyday reflecting on myself and her and us and have already began making the changes for the betterness of myself. We had an insanly close relationship....not overbearing....we had out sepearte lives...friends, etc...just really close. But fell into a little routine the past 5 months because of school, work, etc......so she became unhappy. Here is the problem though......i am having my big film screening at my school on the 27th and she said she will still go despite what is happening now.....i just sent her an email today and got no response, but i am 98% sure that her and her mom are coming......i just need to know when i should call her to get her the directions. I dont want it to seem like i am always in her space, but this is something that i have been working up to for 3 years, so she wants to go.....it is just awkward on how to approach this with this all going on. Everytime we talk i try to stay clear from anything to do with what is happening or the potential of us back on.......but by the time the screening roles around it will have been like 24 days "apart" or something.....is that too soon to ask if i could call her in a week to just get out and have some fun, which was a lot of what led to this, we just got busy and routined........i dont know what is to soon and what will push her away.....i dont want to get together thinking we are "back on".....i just want to have the chance to have some fun and if it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt.......just that chance....as of right now we havnt really sat down and discussed what is happening.....unless i confront.....it is confusing as hell for me because i am stuck in such limbo. How should i approach any of this? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Don't contact her. Let her have her space. Go out and date other people. She'll come running back, saying how sorry she is. Then you can dump her for good or watch her repeat the same material. Or maybe things will improve. As of now, she's got you right where she wants you. Don't contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tacoman Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 the sticky part is the screening on the 27th....i know she wants to go and i want her there, because she helped quite a lot......and i heard her mom wants to go........ Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 They can come to the screening if they like... doesn't mean you have to talk to her once the event is over. Link to post Share on other sites
gs121 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I'm in the same shoes as you, same time duration and age.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t59760/ NC/haven't heard from her for almost a month.. Link to post Share on other sites
Firesqueak Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 May I make a suggestion? Please, oh for the love of God, PLEASE use spacing in your posts so that it's easier to read! LOL Anyway- if your chick needs space, then throwing yourself at her will do both of you no good. Give her room to breathe, man. Maybe she's just really stressed over finals. Ending college (my whole senior year) was TERRIFYING for me- after all, it's like, "Wow...I have to go make a living now. School's over, and it's all I've ever known! What do I really want, anyway??" Maybe she's going through the same thing. Just be there for her, and if that's not good enough for you, then move on, yourself. Don't depend on her, or wait for her, to make a decision- that puts unneeded pressure on her Besides, you (and everyone else) should take care of youself, first. As I had to tell my good friend yesterday, "Do not hedge your bets on someone who doesn't know how they feel about you." Link to post Share on other sites
Firesqueak Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Also, about the viewing- why do you want her there? If she goes purely because she worked on the film, I think that's alright. You can go and be polite to her and her mother. You don't have to buddy up with them. But, if you want her there because you miss her...that's probably not a good idea, considering she's not sure if she wants you in her life, or not. If it's going to be too much for you to bear, I would explain it to her honestly. Something like, "Look, this is really difficult for me, and I'm doing my best right now. Seeing you is not what I need, I'm trying to piece my life back together, and it's hard enough with out having to be in close proximity for a long period of time. Can we work it out so that you come to this viewing at another time? Or, if you do come, can you please not seek me out to make conversation? I'm not sure how I would handle it right now, if you DID try to talk to me." Or, if you are comfortable with seeing her (somehow I doubt that) I would not say anything to her. If she comes, great, if not, so what? When she comes, do not approach her, and if she does approach you, make polite conversation. If she tries to steer it towards the relationship, just say something like, "I'm not comfortable talking about this here. Perhaps you can call me sometime about it." and leave it at that. After all, at this point, you don't owe her a d*mn thing, right? You may also want to try this tactic, "I really do want to be your friend. HOwever, in order to be your friend, I need to get over you first, otherwise, it will all end up in an attempt to get you back. I do want you in my life, but just not right now." It would be honest, it's going to be hard for her to hear from you. But, at this point, take care of yourself first and foremost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tacoman Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 This is all a weird situatin and i think she got confused as hell about a lot of things. it is total quarter life crisis crap, she even got in contact with a friend from 5 years ago that she absolutly hated until a few days before she asked for space. I dont know, because one part says i am done, but the other part says that maybe she just is confused as hell right now and we can hopefully work something out in the near future..the hard part is the unkown timeline. Because during the first week when i confronted her, she seemed to be hiding behind something. Trying to let things roll off her back. even at the end of the conversation, i tried to lighten the mood a bit and she laughed, but looked like she was trying not to, just to keep to her position for now. The remedy to our entire relationship is to just start goin out and doin things again, plus a couple minor issues, we both got swamped with work,school,etc.... I will wait a certain amount of time (mid-summer maybe) just because we both still admit to having an incredible relationship, etc.... i have dealt with myself, am moving forward rapidly, trying to stay focused. I am hoping it is a matter of taking things real slow for the next while. Neither of us are mad, we are just both confused. I like to deal with things head on and talk them through, she does the opposite sometimes. So i was even going to use the screening on the 27th, to just play it cool and just ask if i could maybe give her a call in a week or so just to go out and have some fun. I was using that date as a guage to see where i stand in general, so that is alot of why i want her there, because it will tell me ALOT about what is going to happen, based on how she reacts towards me. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 To be honest, it kind of sounds like you want her there for the wrong reasons. Focus on your screening because its important to you. I know she is too but this is your dream right? Don't worry if she is there or not. If she needs directions she will either call you or get them online. Women are resourceful. Let her be. Talking things out may not change the fact that she is confused. It sounds like you are trying to be rational and make her see your side of why you should be together. She needs to find out for herself what she wants and the more time you spend chasing her the harder its going to be for you. Seriously do not contact her. You can have fun without her. Its great that you are changing for the better but you need to do it for yourself before you do it for her. Do not let her dictate your feelings and actions. Once you take more control over your growth it will feel like you are accomplishing 10 million times more. If she doesn't come back its not the end of the world. I have hoped my ex would come back for a long time and if he doesn't o well. I didn't fix my inner problems for him, I did them for myself. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by tacoman Neither of us are mad, we are just both confused. You're not confused, she is. Link to post Share on other sites
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