Honestly seems like I will never meet someone

[Chris715]

I'm only 24 years old but already I'm burnt out on my failures of dating and the rejection that comes along with it.

 

-1st girl I dated at 21 (2012). She went away for college, we dated for some months, she pushed all of her depression/suicide issues on me and made me depressed in the process, we broke up. I couldn't let her go for an entire year after that, we stayed in contact for way too long and I became desperate to get back together with her.

 

-Next date I didn't have until 2 years later (2014) after I finally started getting over my first ex. Became pretty close with a girl I met through OLD over the course of about a month, met for a date that went really well, afterwards I became needy and clingy and opened up about my depression, all of this probably scared her away. She offered to be friends but obviously that didn't last long.

 

-The next girl I dated was summer 2014. We had a good thing going for a couple months until she started to lose interest for one reason or another (part of it was I think I pushed for a relationship too fast) and she proceeds to date our boss at work instead, which crushed me.

 

-Last week I went on my first date almost a year since all of that happened, really cute girl I met through OLD. Thought our first date was going well but she cut it short and I haven't heard from her since, so obviously not.

 

So at 24 years old that's all of my dating experience, which I realize is kind of pathetic. I don't understand why I have had such negative experiences with dating and it's making me start to despair that I will never find someone that likes me as much as I like them. I don't feel attractive to women because of all of this, specifically because of the girl that rejected me this last week. I don't know where I go from here. My therapist says I should keep meeting knew people and dating even though I told her it's currently making my depression worse with the rejection I've been experiencing, and with every rejection I'm more and more convinced I won't meet someone.

 

I've been thinking lately that maybe there's something inherently wrong with me.

Edited April 30, 2015 by Chris715

[Carm]

I'm 49 years old and if I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self I would say be single, enjoy your 20's, go out with friends, travel...etc.

 

 

You're only 24, there is so much more time for you to become entangled in a relationship!

[Chris715]

I'm 49 years old and if I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self I would say be single, enjoy your 20's, go out with friends, travel...etc.

 

 

You're only 24, there is so much more time for you to become entangled in a relationship!

 

For me it seems like I'm running out of time since I was a later bloomer with dating. Everyone else seems to have it so easy with meeting girls and getting into a relationship and for me it's always been nothing but a struggle. I wish I could just go out and enjoy life and not care at all that I'm single but that's not where my mindset is right now and I don't know how to get there.

[Carm]

Well may I suggest that you stop comparing yourself to other people. TBH, you don't even know if those other couples are happy. Don't you have friends that you can spend your spare time with?

 

 

I have a son whose 21 and he spends so much time having fun with his buddies, playing hockey and soccer that he doesn't think that he needs a gf.

 

 

Time to start figuring out how you can enjoy life on your own so that when someone does come along you can enjoy your life alone and together.

[d0nnivain]

You are 24, not 42. Even then I met the man who would become my husband at 39.

 

Do not give up hope but recognize that it is a process that requires effort.

 

When I set out to date as an adult I promised myself I would do at least one new thing per week to meet new people. Sometimes I had to push myself because I was tired or feeling like it wasn't worth it but I pressed on.

 

Lo & behold, at an event I forced myself to attend I met my husband.

 

So if you can't list at least 10 things you can do to meet people, get cracking. Then make a promise that you will make an effort at least once per week.

[Chris715]

You are 24, not 42. Even then I met the man who would become my husband at 39.

 

Do not give up hope but recognize that it is a process that requires effort.

 

When I set out to date as an adult I promised myself I would do at least one new thing per week to meet new people. Sometimes I had to push myself because I was tired or feeling like it wasn't worth it but I pressed on.

 

Lo & behold, at an event I forced myself to attend I met my husband.

 

So if you can't list at least 10 things you can do to meet people, get cracking. Then make a promise that you will make an effort at least once per week.

Donnivain, I think you're advice is really good and I'm going to try to follow it but it's easier said than done right now for me. I'm dealing with crippling social anxiety and depression that makes my day to day life pretty difficult. Meeting a new person can be enough to give me a full blown panic attack sometimes. I opened up about all of it to my parents earlier this year and am seeing a psychologist right now but still not much improvement.

 

And the anxiety and depression, coupled with my dating struggles, has pretty much killed my self esteem, especially when it comes to girls. Seems like I have a lot of issues I need to work out.

[d0nnivain]

You have to address your social anxiety before you can do anything. I'm glad you are working with a therapist.

 

Here's the thing though: everybody is nervous. Second, the terrifying things from grade school (that the other kids will laugh at you or worse), don't generally happen as adults. Even the folks that reject you won't do it in such a way as to humiliate you. So try this: smile at 1 new random person a day for a week. Just smile. The week after that smile & say hi. Just hi nothing else. See what kind of positive responses you get from that & then keep doing it.

 

Also find something you enjoy doing & do that. Having pleasure in your life helps.

[RedButton]

I was rejected by every girl I liked until I was 27, when I met a wonderful & beautiful girl and had a great relationship with her. I know it sounds trite, but it's not worth worrying over so much. I was like you and was certain that there was something wrong with me until then.

 

Now I'm so much more confident about myself and trying to be bright with regards to the future. At 27 I was able to have a great relationship with a 22 year old, and now I'm seeing a lovely 27 year old and have had other women express interest in the meantime. Your life doesn't end at 25! Women don't stop finding you attractive on your 26th birthday!

 

As others have said, feel free to try your hand at online dating and the like, meet new girls and see if you like them, but don't feel like 'time is running out' or scared, because it's not worth it.

 

I know it's easier said than done, and I still find myself worrying about it all the time regardless, but in moments of clarity I realise it's silly.

[Talvez]

Don't be so hard on yourself! Dating is time consuming and you are not going to find the perfect match right away. It takes time and energy. Don't focus your attention so much in meeting your soul mate. Just enjoy life.

 

Rejection is a natural thing, but don't get discouraged. Be yourself and you'll get lots of dates. Like I said, stop being so self-conscious.

[GirlStillStrong]

If social anxiety and depression are crippling you, you need to see a doctor. I'm almost 50 and I can tell you, your 20s are for having fun. There is plenty of time for seriousness.

[sportygirl89]

I am 25 and soon to be 26 and have been single since my jerk of an ex walked out on me while I was sick two years ago. Have you tried going to gym or any work out like cross fit? It helped my confidence to the point where I think I don't want a man. But I know I do but it helps me coping being single. All the friends I have met have been awesome to meeting people. Believe me I live in a small town where everyone knows each other so dating gets interesting. This is a college town so people either want a friends with benefits situation or nothing at all. So I guess I'll have to wait until I move away .

[SycamoreCircle]

My mom who is in her late-70's and grew up in the country in Alabama and I share a joke. It's enhanced by that front porch, rocking-chair wisdom. She told me one time that there's an adage that goes the two happiest days of your life are the day you buy your boat and the day you sell it.

 

Somehow, I think this adage applies to other things, as well.

[rester]

I'm 49 years old and if I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self I would say be single, enjoy your 20's, go out with friends, travel...etc.

 

 

You're only 24, there is so much more time for you to become entangled in a relationship!

 

If social anxiety and depression are crippling you, you need to see a doctor. I'm almost 50 and I can tell you, your 20s are for having fun. There is plenty of time for seriousness.

 

I will say the same thing. Enjoy your 20s and don't worry too much about dating. Do the things your friends and peers in relationships are unable to do, while you have the freedom to do them. Develop your life skills, get good at a few hobbies/sports, travel, party, get in great shape, and enjoy your limited responsibilities for as long as you can.

[Gwwm123]

I have fallen in love only once, and my heart is still aching, I think about her everyday. We were initially together two years ago for 6 months, then after those two years she contacted me, I was overwhelmed with joy but it turned out she never fixed herself and it all broke down again after two months of just talking and sharing only one kiss. I miss her dearly, I was so hopeful everything would work out and it didn't.

 

Today I have three girls that are interested in me but I am not, and if I were to initiate something it would not be fair because my ex is very much still with me.

 

Although right now I feel I will never fall in love again, that I will never meet a girl which will make me feel like she has, that I find attractive on every single level, her smile, her hair, her skin, her feminism, there is a small glimmer of hope inside me that it might happen again, but not at the level she made me feel, my heart has a special place for her.

 

Try to be strong, even if you don't fall in love again there will be a time where you wont place much importance to it. Do things that you like, go to the gym, practice sports, all those things help.

[Necris]

I don't think you have anything to worry about man.

 

Sure it has been rough, but at the same time you also said you have been in relationships before. This tells me you do have the knowledge and skill necessary to actually meet someone its just a matter of actually finding the right girl which can be a daunting task, but possible.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What do you mean you'll never meet somebody?

 

You just listed all of your relationships and you're barely old enough to rent a car.

 

Read some of the threads here. There are guys the same age or older who have never gotten a woman ever.

[devilish innocent]

I too have social anxiety. I've found the times when I've had the most luck with meeting people was when I pushed myself to talk to people. It's not automatic. There were stretches of time when I would do it without seeing any results. But eventually I'd meet somebody who wanted to befriend me, and that gave me more confidence with talking to other people

 

As far as dating, it's hard for everyone. Most people have more losses than wins before they find the right person. But then it just takes that win with the right person to make it worth it. I doubt there is anything wrong with you. You've had at least one girlfriend, so I'm sure there are other girls that would appreciate you as well. You just need to be patient. It's a good idea to get out and meet people. But don't feel like you have to find a relationship. It's not a race. It will happen when it's meant to happen, as long as you are continuing to meet people. The best thing to do is just try to relax and enjoy the process.

[fardaxel]

I'm 49 years old and if I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self I would say be single, enjoy your 20's, go out with friends, travel...etc.

 

 

You're only 24, there is so much more time for you to become entangled in a relationship!

 

This is very good advice.

 

Your 20s are a great time to make all your dating mistakes, along with racking up some life experience (travel, career, etc) before looking for something more serious in your 30s.

[Chris715]

I too have social anxiety. I've found the times when I've had the most luck with meeting people was when I pushed myself to talk to people. It's not automatic. There were stretches of time when I would do it without seeing any results. But eventually I'd meet somebody who wanted to befriend me, and that gave me more confidence with talking to other people

 

As far as dating, it's hard for everyone. Most people have more losses than wins before they find the right person. But then it just takes that win with the right person to make it worth it. I doubt there is anything wrong with you. You've had at least one girlfriend, so I'm sure there are other girls that would appreciate you as well. You just need to be patient. It's a good idea to get out and meet people. But don't feel like you have to find a relationship. It's not a race. It will happen when it's meant to happen, as long as you are continuing to meet people. The best thing to do is just try to relax and enjoy the process.

 

I think this is good advice and this is where I need to be with my mindset. Right now I think I come across as pushy and maybe a little desperate when it comes to wanting a relationship with a girl, which I'm sure they can sense and is probably a huge turn off. Working on myself and meeting new people is probably a good idea right now, even though it will be hard for me.