misty12 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I have been in individual counseling for a couple of years now. I have been working through the issues in my marriage, with a lot of waive ring back and forth on whether to stay or go, and overtime have leaned in the direction of divorcing my husband. So I've been working with my counselor to work through the steps, and even met with a mediator and I am having a divorce agreement written up. However, during our sessions, something will come up about the fact that my husband and I enjoy doing a number of things together and over all have the same values. then my counselor will say "And maybe that's enough for you." When ever she says this, it stops me in my tracks. I then start wavering again. I'm not really sure why she would say this to someone who is telling her she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband and doesn't have kids. I feel like it puts me two steps back. I am then confused about what I should expect marriage to be. Is this normal in counseling, or should I find a new counselor? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 i think the counsellor has taken a lot pf expense to mess up your mind, ask for your money back, and divorce if you have a happier life planned Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Counselors ask probing Qs & make you think of alternative perspectives you may not have considered. They do not say You should do this or not do that. You have to make choices & it can feel more overwhelming when they point out that you have more options then you realized. Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I have been in individual counseling for a couple of years now. I have been working through the issues in my marriage, with a lot of waive ring back and forth on whether to stay or go, and overtime have leaned in the direction of divorcing my husband. So I've been working with my counselor to work through the steps, and even met with a mediator and I am having a divorce agreement written up. However, during our sessions, something will come up about the fact that my husband and I enjoy doing a number of things together and over all have the same values. then my counselor will say "And maybe that's enough for you." When ever she says this, it stops me in my tracks. I then start wavering again. I'm not really sure why she would say this to someone who is telling her she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband and doesn't have kids. I feel like it puts me two steps back. I am then confused about what I should expect marriage to be. Is this normal in counseling, or should I find a new counselor? Therapists can be like everything else in life. You have to shop around sometimes to get a fit that is right. For example: I'm an FTM and engaged to a girl and we definitely need to do alot of counseling to get through alot in our relationship so we would need a therapist who has the right methods to deal with a couple like us. I think you should look into another therapist maybe and see if it's a better fit for you. Don't feel bad about that. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I'm not really sure why she would say this to someone who is telling her she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband and doesn't have kids. I feel like it puts me two steps back. I am then confused about what I should expect marriage to be. You don't want to be intimate with your husband, but you enjoy similar things and share the same values. Do you not love him anymore or did you ever love him? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Well, IS it enough for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 No counselor can "make you" feel anything. Your feelings are your feelings. You know what they are - and aren't. Are you sure you just don't want someone to decide for you? It doesn't work that way. When a decision is made - there is action to be taken to make that decision become a reality. You either do it or you don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IAlwaysSettle09 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I agree you should find a new therapist. I think you know you're not happy and this relationship isn't what you want, but something less significant in comparison is making you second guess yourself. I never regretted ending a relationship, especially when I went back and forth about it for so long. When it was finally over, I was relieved I didn't have to think about it anymore. Maybe you should do a pros/cons list, but I think you already know what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 you are in IC because you do not know. but you are looking for easy answers: "tell me what to do"; you want 'yes' men. if you want that talk with your GFs. a good IC should challenge/probe so you become confident in your direction. i chose mind because of that very reason. i want other thoughts/ideas. interesting side note: after our first session my IC was surprised i want to continue with her because of the friction, but that i wanted/needed that. relationships are a series of compromises (you can't have everything you want). hence the IC comment "maybe that's enough [to stay]". i have a sense that your IC thinks you should stay but their opinion is not what matters, its yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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