Did I do the right thing if I want my ex back eventually?

[eclipse]

My ex and I have been broken up for 8 months and have remained friends where we still talked everyday. I still like her and she has been dating others, but can tell she still likes me some. She wanted me to start dating others but have not found anyone I like yet. She said last Dec. she was still in love with me but wanted me to date others and then come back to her when I'm done.

 

I did everything for this girl, when she said jump I jumped. I took care of her when she was drunk, I went to texas w/her because she needed someone to go with to her grandma's funeral and I was the only one she could tolerate on a trip. I even changed most of the things she didn' like about me to please her after we broke up.

 

Well I was talking to her last week in her apt. (she lives in same complex) and we got on the subject of us and she said she could never date me again because I wasn't as social as her and was more on the boring side. Well I was pissed cause she didn't tell me that sooner and told her then to get rid of my number and to not call me again, and I left. I came back upstairs to write her a good bye email telling her she lied to me about us getting back together and lead me on and to not call me anymore and that I'll always love her and sorry things couldn't work out and that I basically needed to heal and get over her. I think she is pretty mad at me for abandoning her, she has not tried to call me and she has been staying at her new interests house again whom I thought she didn't like, because she said so. So she is definitely staying away from me. If it matters we have been extremely close for a year and a half, but dated for 5 months.

 

Well my question is did I do the right thing if I want her to want me back?

 

How long before she will miss me?

 

Will she get over her anger toward me and try to contact me?

 

Wonder what she is thinking right now.

[ConfusedInOC]

Boy up until the "we live in the same complex" thing, your situation is similar to mine. It's interesting to see your side of things, because it shows me what a "pushover" I have been. I think you are a bit of one as well.

 

First off, if she wants you to date other people, she's really trying nicely to say "Go find someone else, I am not interested in you...."

 

Secondly, by saying "I still love you" she is really saying "You're mine, whenever I want you, at the snap of my fingers..."

 

I think you did the right thing. No contact. Stay away from her. Why would you want her anyways if she's sleeping around with other men? You don't want the extra luggage she might be carrying (STDs) and if you're the only person she can tolerate on a trip, umm, that's a big warning sign.

 

Forget her. Find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are.

 

And thank you for helping me realize what a pushover I have been. I NEEDED TO READ THIS!

[LoveAlways]

YES, you DID do the right thing because you abandoned her, you went from always being there for her to being completely absent and that's how she'll realise what she has lost. She's become so used to always having you there, she's come and gone as she pleases, done her thing and known you'd always be waiting for her.

 

You not being there for her anymore is depriving her of that attention she always wanted and had she's going to see she wants it back. Deprivation (in your case, her being deprived of you) is what makes us realise what is truly essential, as you most probably are to her in some way.

 

She is most probably feeling really bad about being your friend for so long, leading you on and then just dropping it out of no where that she doesn't want to get back together, while you held on to a false hope for so long. Personally, I'd feel EXTREMELY selfish and immoral dangling my ex boyfriend in front of me keepin him hangin there just for my own self-obsessed attention needs.

 

She probably expected you to break down and cry and beg her to take back what she said (that you couldnt be together cos u were boring and she was fun) - but you didn't, you held your hed up and stood your ground - and that's why you are brilliant!!!

 

She's probably missing you already. You have no idea the power of removing yourself from someone you were always there for. It is quite a shock. She will get over her anger, it will dissolve into hurt.

 

And if I am wrong about all the above mentioned then this girl is a cruel human being and certainly not worth your time or your tears and you must see this!!!

 

P.S Dont let people tell you you're boring. You're not.

[Marshbear]

Everything you are doing is appropriate. Keep doing what you are doing and don't let your guilt or her guilt influence you. She will not change her mind but will just feel sorry for you and you don't want her sympathy.

[ReluctantRomeo]

You have definitely done the right thing. You are restoring your dignity. And "no contact" will give you a chance to heal.

 

Whether or not it will get her back is another matter. It's your *best* chance, since you will become less of a pushover, but it is a 50/50 chance at best.

 

Question is: do you really want someone who treats you like this? You think so right now, but I can almost guarantee that after a few months away from her you will be reconsidering. It happened to me.

[whycan'tigetoverhim]

First of all, who the hell does this girl think she is telling you that you're boring???!

 

Second of all, if only the whole "no contact" was that simple...

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel right now. My ex of 4 YEARS still claims I'm his best friend and says he NEEDS to hang out and have me in his life. I agreed to meet him one last time lastnight (hadn't seen eachother in 6 months) to see how things would go. I told him that if he wasn't ready to give me another chance, then I was out of his life for good. Well, he let me walk away and yes, I had to fight back the tears, but now I know I did all that I could. It is now day 1 of this no contact business and while I know that's what has to be done, it's not that easy. I keep wondering what he's thinking, if he's going to decide that he made the wrong decision - and it's only making things worse for me. Yes, he was the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning, but I'm praying that is going to go away with time. So now begins day 1 and I know I just have to get through today, then worry about getting through day 2 and just go from there.

 

You have to do the same thing. Take it day by day and not if, but WHEN she contacts you - say "If I'm so boring then why are you calling me???"

[eclipse]

Wow, thanks everyone for the wonderful replies! I feel better already in just knowing I'm doing the right thing. She is young and (only 21) and I hope one day she comes to her senses because I know I was one of the best things to happen to her. Maybe she'll realize now what she lost and come sniffing around again, but I do think she is very angry right now, but what else was I supposed to do. I think she may be making herself very absent because she wants me to get worried about her and call her because she thinks like that.

[RecordProducer]

You want to be with her again and she obviously doesn't. It's best for you to not contact her or you will never get over her. She might miss you as a friend, but not as a potential lover. It's probably not such a big deal for her as it is for you. It's time for you to move on, buddy!

[strange love]

Well my question is did I do the right thing if I want her to want me back?

 

-- Hmm you know theres no magical way to get your ex back. Dont fool yourself into thinking so..

and while we are on the subject magic, and or witchcraft doesnt always help out either.

 

How long before she will miss me?

--- well that depends.. few hours, few days, few weeks, few months...

 

 

Will she get over her anger toward me and try to contact me?

 

-- why dont you try being angry at her. Then you wont really care if she is around. Then go out and sow your oats.

 

Wonder what she is thinking right now.

-- deeper deeper..little more to the left thats right.....

 

Seriously though. Unless she has property of yours, move on. Thats the only reason I hadnt moved on from my ex yet plus the fact I was at times a real bastard..(oh well thats me tee hee hee)

Plus I tried dating other people..plus she began contacting me again..

Good rule of thumb is if they start seeing someone else, leave it alone.

 

any other questions?

[eclipse]

Well, she tried to call me yesterday to get her school ID back (she left a message), which she claims she cannot get another one now. So I didn't want to talk to her so I texted her from my computer and told her I would leave the ID under my welcome mat in front of my door and to come get it whenever because I didn't know when I would be home next. Well about 12am she calls my cell phone twice, doesn't leave a message then calls my house phone and lets it ring once. What the hell does she want? She still has not picked up her ID yet. Do you think she's starting to realize or just wants to torture me?