lakers Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 the last 4 weeks it's been heartbreaking for me. My wife that I been married for 8 years and been together for 14 years. I found out she's been texting her co-worker and been very suspicious, she's also send nude photos of herself but without her face in them just her backside which is her butt. I'm so down, but I had no choice to call her co-worker who she's been texting a lot. He's also married and I finally got to talk to the guy, he said he didn't do anything with my wife and respects our marriage . I notice he also said, I would never cheat on my wife, or take advantage of your wife. Furthemore, he explain that it was work related and he never mention he likes her, only as a friend but my wife would still text him. I talked to him more and he said my wife was the one trying to get him to like her, but he couldn't because he loves his wife and he said he hopes the best for us. I talked to my wife today she was upset that I talked to her co worker, but I wanted to get out of my chest. How can I trust her ever again. I know that she said she wouldn't cheat but she did send text and the pictures, I feel heartbroken more because we had a big trust and to always tell the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 the last 4 weeks it's been heartbreaking for me. My wife that I been married for 8 years and been together for 14 years. I found out she's been texting her co-worker and been very suspicious, she's also send nude photos of herself but without her face in them just her backside which is her butt. I'm so down, but I had no choice to call her co-worker who she's been texting a lot. He's also married and I finally got to talk to the guy, he said he didn't do anything with my wife and respects our marriage . I notice he also said, I would never cheat on my wife, or take advantage of your wife. Furthemore, he explain that it was work related and he never mention he likes her, only as a friend but my wife would still text him. I talked to him more and he said my wife was the one trying to get him to like her, but he couldn't because he loves his wife and he said he hopes the best for us. I talked to my wife today she was upset that I talked to her co worker, but I wanted to get out of my chest. How can I trust her ever again. I know that she said she wouldn't cheat but she did send text and the pictures, I feel heartbroken more because we had a big trust and to always tell the truth. So sorry OP. Did the OM respond to your wife's texts sexually? If he did then he does not respect you or your marriage. He could be lying to save his skin too. It sounds like you saw his texts too so the question is did he. Regardless of his role, your wife sadly betrayed you, and if she was the instigator, you have major issues. She is now on the defensive getting mad at you for her sexting a coworker. That is bull****. She should be begging forgiveness instead. Remember OP you did nothing wrong. Your wife should immediately give you all her passwords and quit her job. To restore trust she must be completely accountable and transparent. It is highly conceivable this may not be the first time and who can say if the affair was not physical. You cannot believe anything she says without verification. Sure she would tell you she wouldn't cheat. But the fact is she already did by sexting. Dont let her minimize the affair, the damage. Your wife has probably deleted everything. She has to earn your trust, but first you need full disclosure. Listen to the good sound advice from the good people here. So sorry for your loss of trust. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I cannot fathom a situation in which nude texting would be work related. I think investigation is in order. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 If the guy really respected your marriage he'd block your W number and would have said he's never seen any pics or texts. hmmmm 5 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Look further. See if he cell bill shows calls between them. I don't believe his story and you shouldn't either. What explanation does your wife give you? She sent the pics and she should have consequences. What consequences do you plan to hand out? Doing nothing means she's likely to do it again...or more. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I cannot fathom a situation in which nude texting would be work related. I think investigation is in order. I'm sorry you are going through this and for the anxiety you are now feeling. Sounds to me like he is backpedaling to avoid having you tell his wife. Your wife is attempting to blame-shift this on to you. That is a worrisome sign. AT this point, she should be showing you only remorse, if there is a chance that this situation can be resolved. Did you read the texts? If the content was sexual, or personal, then you have all you need to know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Panda9080 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Hi Laker, I don't know what to tell you or give you any advice as I don't know the whole story and history between you and your wife. However, I came across this article. Hope it gives you some ideas. Why Women Cheat - Business Insider Hope things will get easier for you soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Yeah, I don't buy his story at all. Co-workers don't text constantly. Especially after work hours. I also can't imagine anyone sending pics of their ass to another married person unless they knew for a fact the other person wanted it. Maybe it wasn't physical yet, but definitely an EA on it's way to being physical. I understand you're hurt and anger, but I think you may of shot yourself in the foot by confronting the co-worker too soon. You are going to have a really hard finding the truth or any evidence now. With that said, I don't think you should let this go. Your wife has obvious boundary issues. Texting nude photos to a co-worker is disrespectful to you and your marriage. If you want to be with her, I strongly suggest you ask for fully transparency and marriage counseling. Best Wishes! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Generally nude pics are sent after someone has seen the body in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 (edited) don't believe any of this for one minute. i suggest you go and look through your wife's call log- through your phone company -and see how long this has been going on. you also need to inform this man's wife about this situation- she has a right to know, also. as of this point, your wife has betrayed you. if you don't take care of this situation ASAP you're gonna get cheated on for sure, m'man. trust nothing these two are saying right now. t am Edited May 1, 2015 by Artie Lang 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lakers Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Yeah, I don't buy his story at all. Co-workers don't text constantly. Especially after work hours. I also can't imagine anyone sending pics of their ass to another married person unless they knew for a fact the other person wanted it. Maybe it wasn't physical yet, but definitely an EA on it's way to being physical. I understand you're hurt and anger, but I think you may of shot yourself in the foot by confronting the co-worker too soon. You are going to have a really hard finding the truth or any evidence now. With that said, I don't think you should let this go. Your wife has obvious boundary issues. Texting nude photos to a co-worker is disrespectful to you and your marriage. If you want to be with her, I strongly suggest you ask for fully transparency and marriage counseling. Best Wishes! one thing I forgot to mention he re-sign two weeks ago. I still don't believe my wife and his story. I will go to the call logs in the phone bill and see how many times she talked to him . the end of the billing cycle is today, so I'll be checking tomorrow. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Keylogger time, if they are sending naked selfies you can bet their really comfortable with each other. Demand full transparency, she's proven that she is open for more and willing. Time for her to look for a new job. Tell the other mans wife what has transpired, she needs to know the truth from someone other than her husband. They are both dirty, there is more to this, get the other betrayed spouse involved, a second set of eyes can't hurt. Check all phone records, credit card purchases(look for purchases from places like Victoria's Secret), or any unusual purchases from area's of town she wouldn't normally go to. Hopefully you caught this early. Time to state your boundaries and consequences for breaking them, make them crystal clear. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 You are going to have to come to realize this on your own but...cheaters 1. Lie ( You could catch them in the act and they might say oh I was giving him c.p.r) 2. Deny ( even when you have proof they will deny it. Some call it gaslighting. 3. Minimize ( They might own up to some of it yes we were emotionally having an affair but it was never physical.) Your wife has lied as has her coworker. She has denied. Next, will come the minimization. This is all in the cheaters handbook. You can read story after story and they all involve these same disgusting acts. Gather evidence silently. Do Not let her know your looking for more evidence. ( They delete texts, accounts, whatever) if you can put on a poker face. Once you get confirmation of what you already suspect/ know then do a 180. This is your only chance this marriage has. Just remember they Lie, Deny and Minimize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 (edited) Lakers I'm sorry for your pain, the situation you're in and the fact you married such a person. It stinks. 1) don't believe a single word that your WW and her AP said, or says. Cheaters lie, deceive, shift blame on to their spouses and do a myriad of things very similarly. Find these out on LS and take her to task when she employs one of these methods. Never believe a cheater. You may have only found out 5%. Be prepared for this possibility. 2) tell the other man's wife asap. There's no way that pics of a$$es are in job descriptions of most work places. And there's no way that purely work banter jumps to naked pics, no way! ALOT more has happened between your WW and her OM. Your WW OM may want to keep his W but that just makes him a cake-eater just like your WW. The other betrayed spouse NEEDS to know for lots of reasons. Do not tell your WW you are going to phone her. Do not ASK your WW. Just do it. For all YOU know, OMs BW may have found the naked pics also and made him resign. She may already have joined LS. She may have FAR more to tell you, than you to her. 3) your WW needs consequences for her exploits. It sounds like you want to reconcile but that may only last until.... until you find out more perhaps or realize it's a deal breaker for you. 4) get legal advice and find out where you stand. 5) expose the A to your families and friends. You will need support to get through this. Cheaters have NO IDEA the pain they cause when they their break vows and will simply expect you to keep it to yourself and get over it. AFFAIRS are not simply something in a M to "get over". You may need IC, definitely MC and probably a D. D is how you "get over" an A, and D is the usual consequence for an A anyway. Are there children involved? These are hard times for you. I shudder to remember 3 months ago for me (it's 4.5 months since my D Day). Know reconciling with a cheating spouse is no walk in the park. I've never tried reconciling with one until now and I know why. IMO they are people that are simply not worth it. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I'm glad for you that you found LS early. Stay with us. There's monumental support for you here. Best wishes. Hang in there brother. Lion Heart. Edited May 1, 2015 by Lion Heart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Do you have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lakers Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Do you have kids? yes I have three kids. We are a young couple in our early 30's. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 The best thing you can do is stop talking to him and talk to his wife and don't tell your wife you are doing it. It is preposterous and an insult to your intelligence to tell you that use is sending nude pictures to him and it is work related. You need to put a VAR in her car(voice activated recorder) and now that he no longer works for the company you better know where she is so put anGPS on her car. Now let me guess. If along with this ridiculous story she is now locking her phone and sleeping with it, the. You have only the tip of the iceberg 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I notice he also said, I would never cheat on my wife, or take advantage of your wife. Furthemore, he explain that it was work related and he never mention he likes her, only as a friend but my wife would still text him. I talked to him more and he said my wife was the one trying to get him to like her, but he couldn't because he loves his wife and he said he hopes the best for us. He is doing damage control to try to manipulate you into not telling his wife. My suggestion is to talk to her directly. Your wife and this guy are having an affair, not sure how serious it is but something is going on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 one thing I forgot to mention he re-sign two weeks ago. When did your wife find out that you knew and when did the other man (OM) resign? Which happened first and how many days separated the two events? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I could see work colleagues sending pics of Kim Kardashian's butt for "discussion", as that is her trade mark and it is "interesting". But sending another man a naked pic of her own butt, is all about sex and I guess an invitation, or a keepsake, sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 first order of business - tell his wife. and do NOT tell him or your wife you're going to do this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 You shouldn't have gone to her affair partner, now they'll be more careful. Get a polygraph and an attorney and get this over with. Inform his wife ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 She was spending more time with him than with you, they worked together. I noticed that you posted in regards to his resignation after I responded to your post suggesting she resign. My guess is something happened at work, they may have been caught, others may know. They most likely discussed a strategy to keep you away from his wife, for all you know she may be the one that busted them and his resignation was a requirement of reconciliation. If you want all the truth, talk to his wife and as already suggested, don't tell your wife your going to do it. Compare notes, who knows, there may be dates that match her husband and your wife being at the same place together. Suggest she check his texts/emails for numbers and email accounts that you don't know exist but belong to your wife. This wouldn't be the first time a wayward spouse used a burner phone or new email account to take their affair underground. Stop talking to other man, he's a liar just like your wife and likely strategized with her the storey you have been told. Talk to his wife if you want this to be over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lakers Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 She was spending more time with him than with you, they worked together. I noticed that you posted in regards to his resignation after I responded to your post suggesting she resign. My guess is something happened at work, they may have been caught, others may know. They most likely discussed a strategy to keep you away from his wife, for all you know she may be the one that busted them and his resignation was a requirement of reconciliation. If you want all the truth, talk to his wife and as already suggested, don't tell your wife your going to do it. Compare notes, who knows, there may be dates that match her husband and your wife being at the same place together. Suggest she check his texts/emails for numbers and email accounts that you don't know exist but belong to your wife. This wouldn't be the first time a wayward spouse used a burner phone or new email account to take their affair underground. Stop talking to other man, he's a liar just like your wife and likely strategized with her the storey you have been told. Talk to his wife if you want this to be over. I'm going to talk to his wife. I want her to know as well, I need to get this out of my chest. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 What did the phone bill show? How far back did you review it? Link to post Share on other sites
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