Broken up by boyfriend cheating with best friend

[mitz36]

Hi, I am 6 weeks into the worst breakup of my life. My boyfriend (ex now) slept with my best friend of over 30 yrs...

I was not given the option of trying to make it work, this was completely out of nowhere for me.

history: He has never cheated on anyone, but has been cheated on more than once by his exes. I was the only woman he's ever trusted and we had been through a lot together in the 6.5 yrs of our relationship. He came to me bearing a lot of unresolved baggage, and finally after 2 rough years of on and off, including him dating a friend of his to try and prove he didnt need me, he admitted he loved me. something i already knew btw...

we were quite happy after that until i had a meltdown one night and stormed out, neither of us contacted the other and we were broken up. i ran into him a cpl mnths later and we start talking since the anger had dissipated by then. i find out that he was dating another friend of his, which he admitted was because he didnt want to be alone. we ended up back together and all was good again until his brother, who was freeloading off of him, started stealing from him and i was very vocal about him kicking him out of his house. we barely spoke (did not live together because his brother was disgusting and i couldnt stand him). he had a medical issue and me taking care of him brought us back together, then a miracle, he finally had enough and kicked his brother out. We were able to just relax and be us, like a normal couple, finally, he even gave me a ring that christmas which was huge for him.

When it all blew up I just had a bad feeling, the last time she came to visit me my stomach was upset and i didnt know why. she acted normal and pretended to still be my friend of over 30 yrs... he tells me he had gone with her to see some fish someone was selling, after they went, that is not normal, he always told me where he was going if anywhere at all. next he says they are going to pick up a fish tank cuz her husband cant help since his arm is damaged. that night i had a horrible feeling and was in bed when he got home. he came up and tried kissing me, i told him it wasnt right him hanging out with my best friend more than me. and that he knew of her informing her husband she wanted to separate before she told me! he put up a bit of a fight but then just said ok, kissed my forhead and went downstairs.

that is the night im sure things got physical. i start noticing hes not txting me during the day barely at all and when he goes out to his parents for the weekend he got so drunk he had to be taken care of, and again, did not txt me at all. very out of the ordinary for him.

that Wed night i figured id try to spice things up and put lingerie on, he ignored me completely. i freaked out and said 'i dont want to move home' meaning back to my apartment. silence. then he says 'theres more' and 'i LET it happen'. again i freaked and when he tried to say sorry i pushed him off me and said dont touch me. thats when he shut down and it was over, i stormed around the house after figuring out it was with her! he left and i found out after went and picked her up!

they are still together right now 6 weeks later, her husband is devastated and she has abandoned her kids. they have two teenagers that are very angry at her and messed up and a 7 yr old. she barely sees them at all and her husband is doing what he can to keep the peace on top of dealing with what she did to him.

she has also had an affair with another best friends husband yrs ago in the hopes that they could get together but he didnt leave his wife for her and moved away.

she has a history of this, my ex was just stupid enough to follow it through and now she his living in my house.

she has made jealous comments to me many times and envied everything we had. we did not have kids so we did what we wanted and she wanted my life and my bf.

last night i saw her sitting in his truck alone and confronted her, she didnt say a word and i let her have it. told her she will never be half the woman i am, he wont be able to support her spending habits and rescue her from the debt shes gotten herself in and that she will never have the life we had, among other things.

i sent him angry txts and blocked his number so i dont get any angry replies. shes always played the victim and made it look like all her problems are not her fault, and he knew that about her. he knew about how irresponsible she is and that she was jealous, so why is he with her?!

he has always been mr nice guy and i know he did not seek her out for a relationship, she preyed on him like she did her other friends husband because she needed to have someone else before she could leave her poor husband. shes been txting him for the last few yrs and i had no idea! she waited until she saw a weakness in our relationship and used everything i had confided to her against me. she knew all the right things to say to him and it worked.

i was doing ok for the most part until i confronted her last night, now i feel like im back at the start. i dont care about him, hes not the person i know right now and i know he feels like sh*t cuz when i see him driving he cant even look at me. but why is he letting her fill my role when i did nothing to deserve being hurt, and how can he let her do that to me?!

where has his loyalty to me, the only woman hes ever trusted, gone?

the last time i spoke to him he was mad at me...at me! that was right after it all happened.

im just so confused, if anyone has been through something similar please help, this was not a stranger. she was like a sister to me and she plotted and succeeded in stealing my life with no remorse at all. i just want her to pay and be stomped on like shes done to me, her husband of 20 yrs and her kids...

[PegNosePete]

Look, I'm sorry to say that there's nothing you can do here.

 

You have been betrayed in the worst possible way by both your boyfriend and your best friend.

 

There is nothing left to do but to cut them both off totally and never speak to either of them again. Why on earth would you want to maintain a friendship with either of them after they have done this to you? Neither of them have any love or respect for you. You need to go NC with both of them and begin to heal the wounds they have inflicted.

[No Limit]

Sorry but, look at his track record. He only goes for the "bad girls", and you knew that yourself the moment he told you you were the first that didn't cheat on him. He's a dramaqueen, he cherishes it more than love. You also should have known what kind of friend she was when she kept making those comments - a friend will say they're HAPPY for what you have, not that they WANT IT TOO.

 

Be careful on who you choose to be your friend. Be even more careful who you get into a relationship with. If it's any consolation, you've relieved yourself of not one but two liars. And don't worry about the pain you're currently feeling, it will go away in time. Just be sure you stay NC (= no contact) with both of them, don't react should any of them ever attempt to reach out for you. Don't fall into the "I did a mistake, please, I love you!!" trap your ex might pull off (well, not "might", he definitely will once their affair goes dry).

[SycamoreCircle]

You should have ended things after he left you the first time. Own your responsibility of this. Cut all of these toxic people out of your life. Do not monitor them or ask about them. Grieve. Heal. Move on.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

[Redhead14]

Hi, I am 6 weeks into the worst breakup of my life. My boyfriend (ex now) slept with my best friend of over 30 yrs...

I was not given the option of trying to make it work, this was completely out of nowhere for me.

history: He has never cheated on anyone, but has been cheated on more than once by his exes. I was the only woman he's ever trusted and we had been through a lot together in the 6.5 yrs of our relationship. He came to me bearing a lot of unresolved baggage, and finally after 2 rough years of on and off, including him dating a friend of his to try and prove he didnt need me, he admitted he loved me. something i already knew btw...

we were quite happy after that until i had a meltdown one night and stormed out, neither of us contacted the other and we were broken up. i ran into him a cpl mnths later and we start talking since the anger had dissipated by then. i find out that he was dating another friend of his, which he admitted was because he didnt want to be alone. we ended up back together and all was good again until his brother, who was freeloading off of him, started stealing from him and i was very vocal about him kicking him out of his house. we barely spoke (did not live together because his brother was disgusting and i couldnt stand him). he had a medical issue and me taking care of him brought us back together, then a miracle, he finally had enough and kicked his brother out. We were able to just relax and be us, like a normal couple, finally, he even gave me a ring that christmas which was huge for him.

When it all blew up I just had a bad feeling, the last time she came to visit me my stomach was upset and i didnt know why. she acted normal and pretended to still be my friend of over 30 yrs... he tells me he had gone with her to see some fish someone was selling, after they went, that is not normal, he always told me where he was going if anywhere at all. next he says they are going to pick up a fish tank cuz her husband cant help since his arm is damaged. that night i had a horrible feeling and was in bed when he got home. he came up and tried kissing me, i told him it wasnt right him hanging out with my best friend more than me. and that he knew of her informing her husband she wanted to separate before she told me! he put up a bit of a fight but then just said ok, kissed my forhead and went downstairs.

that is the night im sure things got physical. i start noticing hes not txting me during the day barely at all and when he goes out to his parents for the weekend he got so drunk he had to be taken care of, and again, did not txt me at all. very out of the ordinary for him.

that Wed night i figured id try to spice things up and put lingerie on, he ignored me completely. i freaked out and said 'i dont want to move home' meaning back to my apartment. silence. then he says 'theres more' and 'i LET it happen'. again i freaked and when he tried to say sorry i pushed him off me and said dont touch me. thats when he shut down and it was over, i stormed around the house after figuring out it was with her! he left and i found out after went and picked her up!

they are still together right now 6 weeks later, her husband is devastated and she has abandoned her kids. they have two teenagers that are very angry at her and messed up and a 7 yr old. she barely sees them at all and her husband is doing what he can to keep the peace on top of dealing with what she did to him.

she has also had an affair with another best friends husband yrs ago in the hopes that they could get together but he didnt leave his wife for her and moved away.

she has a history of this, my ex was just stupid enough to follow it through and now she his living in my house.

she has made jealous comments to me many times and envied everything we had. we did not have kids so we did what we wanted and she wanted my life and my bf.

last night i saw her sitting in his truck alone and confronted her, she didnt say a word and i let her have it. told her she will never be half the woman i am, he wont be able to support her spending habits and rescue her from the debt shes gotten herself in and that she will never have the life we had, among other things.

i sent him angry txts and blocked his number so i dont get any angry replies. shes always played the victim and made it look like all her problems are not her fault, and he knew that about her. he knew about how irresponsible she is and that she was jealous, so why is he with her?!

he has always been mr nice guy and i know he did not seek her out for a relationship, she preyed on him like she did her other friends husband because she needed to have someone else before she could leave her poor husband. shes been txting him for the last few yrs and i had no idea! she waited until she saw a weakness in our relationship and used everything i had confided to her against me. she knew all the right things to say to him and it worked.

i was doing ok for the most part until i confronted her last night, now i feel like im back at the start. i dont care about him, hes not the person i know right now and i know he feels like sh*t cuz when i see him driving he cant even look at me. but why is he letting her fill my role when i did nothing to deserve being hurt, and how can he let her do that to me?!

where has his loyalty to me, the only woman hes ever trusted, gone?

the last time i spoke to him he was mad at me...at me! that was right after it all happened.

im just so confused, if anyone has been through something similar please help, this was not a stranger. she was like a sister to me and she plotted and succeeded in stealing my life with no remorse at all. i just want her to pay and be stomped on like shes done to me, her husband of 20 yrs and her kids...

 

Sweetie, for whatever reason, he became unhappy at some point in the relationship. He was at best immature and didn't communicate with you about it and so the two of you didn't have the opportunity to work it out.

 

He is immature, selfish and amoral. And so is your friend. You don't need or deserve these kinds of people in your life. Be a better person than they are. Keep moving forward. Allow yourself the time to grieve. Do it in bits though. Set aside a time each day or each week to sit down with your feelings for 15 minutes or half an hour. At the end of that period, you pick yourself up and go do something you've been wanting to do or enjoy. Perhaps something that you haven't been doing at all or as much because you were in the relationship. Make yourself busy. Show them how much they've lost.

 

No amount of revenge will close this for you. Holding on to anger serves no purpose except maybe to cause you to be depressed.

 

Let it go. Breathe. It's difficult I know but be strong. And, keep venting here. That's a good thing. It'll be like a journal. Do it each week or day. Over time go back a read through these posts and, hopefully, you'll be tracking your "recovery" from this and see more positive things being written. It takes time, but it is at some point really uplifting usually.

 

Hang in there! We're here for you.

[smackie9]

It's good that you are venting, so sorry it turned into an ugly mess. How gutted you must feel.

 

Don't go blaming your friend for everything that happened....your BF is just as guilty. Don't make him out to be the victim and that your GF took him away from you... he's an adult, he made his own decision. The only victim here is you.

 

The further away you keep yourself from all this the better....stewing, fretting over the experience is a waste of your energy.

 

Chin up, and bravely move on.

[mitz36]

i am seeing now that he is not the person he used to be, but no he was never a drama queen, farthest from it. he was just a coward that could not be alone and never dealt with past baggage.

i have also never sought out to keep either of them in my life, they have been cut off completely until i confronted her the other night. i had my confrontation with him right when it happened and i do believe they both deserved one. i have not been seeking them out.

he has shown me a side of himself that i did not believe was possible considering that i had stood by him through so much the last almost 7 years. the last couple days has been rough.

she sent me a huge message this morning that i could not even read, my sister read me bits and pieces and it is just her trying to justify why what they did was ok. it is all bs, weve known her for over 30 yrs and she has obviously forgotten that she has told us stuff in that time. there were outright lies in it and comments so stupid its almost unbelievable. she even threw my anxiety in my face... she is trying to look like the bigger person and sadly she has many ppl that believe her. shes telling ppl he was my ex bf, which if you ask me is still not ok for a friend to date after such a long relationship, but we were still together when it started...

i wanted to reply, just a very brief couple lines to knock her off her high horse, but really, what will it do? either she is out right lying, or she actually believes what she is saying. either way, no jabs i make at her will change that, shes never going to admit shes a dirty backstabbing person.

it hurts seeing him as a different person that has no loyalty to me at all and believes everything she says, even though hes seen with his own eyes who she is.

I know life isnt supposed to be fair, but why do the ppl that hurt so many others get whatever they want while those of us that have only done right get **** on over and over?

I just feel in the last few days that there have been more knives stabbed in my back and wonder when it will end?

I did not know about her past cheating with her other friends husband, i found that out the night this all came out. i had no indication that she was after my bf....

I got my tattoo today (something I do when Im in pain) and it was a beautiful experience. it was unlike any of my others, i closed my eyes and focused on the physical pain and relished it. it almost brought me to tears, and i wished it was more painful at times.

ive never been good at mourning and sometimes just feel so hopeless that i panick not knowing what to do.

[Space Ritual]

I was not given the option of trying to make it work, this was completely out of nowhere for me.

 

And you would have a desire to make this work because???????

 

Seriously, double betrayals suck big time. I was the victim of one too. Do yourself a favor and delete both of them from your life once and for all. Realize this had nothing to do with you, it had everything to do with them being broken individuals.

 

Let these 2 dimwits and their low drama to themselves

[mitz36]

I never said I wanted him back, he disgusts me. I only want to know how to move beyond this but seeing them around town and knowing it's still going on makes it harder....

[No Limit]

Don't think of them. Don't check the streets for them. Do you live in a big city, or tiny village in a rural area?

[La.Primavera]

They have trapped themselves together with the mentality that "everyone is against us".

 

If you stay away and don't engage in any further communication all they have left are her issues with her husband and neglected children. He will soon realize how good he had it before and that he leaped into a serious relationship, and is now living with this woman and is stuck with all her baggage. When he figures out his mistake he is going to resent her for it. There future together looks fraught with problems.

 

Whereas, you can walk away from this situation without the baggage and guilt.

 

Embrace your freedom and hold your head up high if you ever see them in town.

Edited May 17, 2015 by La.Primavera