I have trouble with making decisions. Help!

[tokyo]

I think I have a serious problem. I can not make decisions even if my life depended on it. Sometimes I'm really spontaneous, but often I delay things and actually hope that they will resolve on their own, because I'm afraid of making a wrong decision. I think it's wrong on hoping that time will make a change, but I have such a problem with making decisions.

 

I've heard that you should learn to trust your gut feeling more, but at the same time they say that your prejudices may cloud your judgement.

 

Can someone offer useful advice?

[Three of Swords]

Heya kookie - sorry I can't offer any advice.

 

Just wanted to say I am the same. Cannot make a decision - unless it seems there is absolutely no other option.

 

Some people say a non-decision is actually a decision - to do nothing

 

 

When faced with something ...

First I stall, wait and wait and wait also hoping for a resolution to magically appear.

 

It does happen that I sometimes just have to make a decision and when I do, I overthink it, overanalyze, overcompensate, and constantly second guess myself.

 

Yikes!!

 

Can we get two for the price of one advice here?

[LoveAlways]

Hey guys

 

Also suffered the same problem as you till I realised you only live once

 

How about considering how much time you waste not making a decision or that jumping from one to the other simply gets you no where. At the end of the day, one decision is better than no decision as all. But you have to decide to be brave about your decisions, no matter the consequences.

 

Imagine a couple trying to decide what to get for dinner:

Its a toss up between italian or chinese but both of them cant decide so they end up not getting anything and go hungry when they could have have either a great italian or a superb chinese. The same happens when an indecisive couple cant decide whether or not to go out that night so they just stay home. They miss out...getting what I'm saying here?

 

Just take the giant leap into decisiveness, its a really good quality for living life to the maximum!

[prisoner]

decision making is as much a skill as it is an instinct. one is learned through trial and error (skill) the other is honed through experience (instinct).

 

the concensus has always been that fear creates procrastination. so many people suffer because they are afraid of making bad decisions.

 

there are several schools of thought. get a hold of a book called ZING!. that should help a little. the exercises seem funny at first but the lists are the best.

 

see, it is all about understanding what you are really deciding. what youy want to drink means you have already decided that you are thirsty. what you want to eat: hungry. whether to take a job: money and development. yes or no: what is in it for us and them?

 

try and relax and just understand that no decision is a decision in itself. indifference is like rust, though. beware.

[tokyo]

Three of Swords, I really want to change. I'm wavering and vacillating sometimes, it's truly pathetic. I actually know that once I take a decision and stick to it, it feels great, but before - awful.

 

LoveAlways and Prisoner, thanks.

 

Prisoner, do you mean this one? Zing!: Five Steps and 101 Tips for Creativity on Command by Sam Harrison

[prisoner]

start with that and keep going. it will help in the long run. the exercises are excellent.

 

start the flame and getting to know entelechy.

[IwishIknewThen]

my inability to make a decision has cost me dearly on one particular front.

i live in regret today because of it. (long story) i think one has to look for signs and use common sense before making a decision but when you have a problem like we indecisive people have, we go on and on weighing pros and cons. and still cant decide because we are SO SCARED. we in a sense are perfectionists and want the BEST outcome, with no regrets. i think (for myself) i fear guilt too. i dont want to feel guilty as in hurt anyone etc. or get hurt myself.

i am thinking that i must have made a decision in my youth that went awry somehow and since then, felt weighed down to make any decision, from that point on in life. because for years and years i have not been able to make decisons without draining the hell out of myself before hand.

i personally keep fearing what if this isnt the right decision. some of us carry scars longer than others. i think not being able to decide, is trying to avoid another scar of the "wrong decision".

it is a real problem. it has crippled me. i am happiest when i dont have a major decison to make in life. i will pick up that book too. glad i found this post. i need help in this department too. wish i could offer some answers.

one of the only things that offered me any peace was prayer. i pray to god to give me the wisdom and the strength and to whipser in my ear what is best. sometimes i get a gut feeling then that is stronger towards one side of the thing in question..and i see it as an answer to a prayer.

[prisoner]

we all do. that is the beauty of being human. there is more to life than getting it right every time.

 

You have to let go. You have to see the past as what it is: gone. You have to relinquish yuor burden and move on realising you are free and able to move without pain.

 

Stop letting what came before block yuor view of that big blue sky. Beyond the blue horizon there are still tomorrows. how can you experience them as GOD intended if yuo have the weight of the past yoked?

 

move on from yuor imperfections. move on past what is stopping you from being free.

 

making decisions is about knowing what you are doing. Coming up with an idea and having a strategy for your life is important but happiness and self satisfaction are more imporatnt. You cannot have the strategy without the freedom. take that freedom. choose it.

 

the ability to make decisions clearly will come withunderstanding of the context you want to make them in. What is the end game? Where is it all headed?

 

start enjoying yuor life. the time to lament the past is over!

[iwishiknewthen]

prisoner ---your name should be my name---for i truly feel like a prisoner

 

Your words brought me to tears. Unearthed so much built up inside of me. Why didn't I have this wisdom? The freedom knowing happiness mattersmore than logic. I needed to let out so much that has been built up inside me. My God I think I was hysterical after that post lol but only because what you said was true and I wish I knew then to choose love over logic. I wish also that was the end of the pain..the tears, washing away this grief.

i made a huge mistake. one i can never take back. i lost someone i love and someone who brought me happiness and motivated me beyond anything that ever motivated me b4. this isn't my post so i will just be brief, in saying that i did the logical thing Vs the thing that would make me happy. i was so busy feeling guilt and so afraid to take a chance, i made this person wait for me (until I could decide and get up the nerve to leave my situation and go be with them). then finally they left me after 5 years, and I live with that profound agony daily, because i can never have them back. they now have a significant other. I curse myself for not seeing all the signs (I think God gave me) and acting on it and choosing happiness. You were so right when you said:

making decisions is about knowing what you are doing. Coming up with an idea and having a strategy for your life is important but happiness and self satisfaction are more important.

it took losing that person for me to see the choice i should have made. because i am no longer happy. i am miserable without them. i try each and everyday to overcome it but i just exist now. i go out. i just went away on a trip and still nothing relieves this pain. I know for a fact, I made the wrong decision I was so undecided for years. I kept thinking each day would give way to some new insight. But insight didn't come till too late.

 

quote: You cannot have the strategy without the freedom. take that freedom. choose it.

 

 

I wasn't a free person and I was paralyzed with fair of new..fear of change. For all of you out there..if something makes you happy don't fear change. I was also old fashioned in my thinking. I feel like such an idiot today.

anyway.....................................

 

Quote: the ability to make decisions clearly will come withunderstanding of the context you want to make them in. What is the end game? Where is it all headed?

 

I wish I knew this forum existed when I was so so indecisive and scared of change. I wish I went with my heart. My head sometimes gets me in trouble. I surely do wish I knew then....................

What I have come to know now.

 

Quote:move on from your imperfections. move on past what is stopping you from being free.

 

I am more of a prisoner now than when I first met this person. People say you can choice to love again be free again. I feel I seriously missed that ship. I am older now and this love I have lingers and lingers. its torture. I lost even his friendship. Theres nothing left.

 

quote: we all do. that is the beauty of being human. there is more to life than getting it right every time.

 

I think this is the part that made me cry before I could continue to read the rest. Because its the only hope offered.

 

but for now i cant see what more there is with being able to love and be loved in return (man/woman love) i miss that. after all these years of being on this planet, i don't think i was ever really in love and felt more alive than when i was with this person.

now i just exist and i am trying to decide (yes a decision) how best to go on from here. how to make the most of the relationship that remains in my life.

i wish in some ways i didn't have that past feeling to compare things with. and its an undeniable comparison because its not a thought process...it's just an involuntary feeling. when you're really in love it calls to you. you don't even have to be thinking about it...

sorry for lamenting.

thank you for your words.

you sound wise

i am sure we will all benefit from your post.

[prisoner]

i had to learn what i shared with you. i had to learn the hard way.

 

it took a short time but it was an awful experience that mad me realise that I will never be happy unless I forgive myself for my transgressions.

 

I am going to encourage you to talk to someone you trust. Someone you know very very well. It helped me.

 

Tell them about the post. How you are feeling.

 

You need to begin to understand that the people who really know you love you more than you know and they forgive you quicker than you think.

 

You have to forgive yourself, though. It is the only way.

 

one more thing: it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 

that means that life without pain is not worth living. move on from where you are by forgiving yourself and realising that you would be worse off if you did not feel a thing.