I was wondering

[sammy]

I am having a hard time figuring out guys. What do they want??? Why wont they tell you how they are feeling???? WHy do they shut you out??? How do you know if a guy likes you or not?? If you have been dating a guy for awhile, and you have sex(5 months) what does that mean??????? Does it mean that he wants a relationship?? Im sorry for asking so many questions, but I am just so confused of what a man is thinking

[Paulie]

No, you are confused what THIS man is thinking. I've been in plenty of relationships where the girl knew exactly where I stood, what I wanted out of the relationship, etc. I think some degree of mystery is good, at least in the early stages of a relationship.

 

Now, if you feel that he's using you, or jerking you around, then that's an entirely different situation. This should not be tolerated. You need to question for yourself where these boundaries lie within you, and set those boundaries with him. Allow for some degree of seperateness, but there should be a healthy degree of openness between the two of you, as well.

 

Have you voiced these concerns with him?

 

If so, what does he say?

[Tony T]

1. I am having a hard time figuring out guys. What do they want???

 

Different guys want different things and at different ages. Some want sex when they're younger, a companion when they're older (and sex too). Some want a mama when they're younger and they still want a mama when they're older (and they aren't much interested in sex at all). Some want a nice girl to do things with. Some want a lady to show off to their friends. Some want a steady girl so they don't have the hassle of finding a date every weekend.

 

Different guys want different things. If you pay close attention, you will learn just what your guy wants. If you ask, you may get the truth, you may not.

 

2. Why wont they tell you how they are feeling????

 

Most men aren't made up to discuss feelings. They don't consider it macho although I think that's changing with the times. There are lots of infomercials on TV for courses to help men learn to relate to women better...you know, the Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus stuff.

 

It's real hard to train men to talk about their feelings but let me tell you one thing. When they are hurt, when a girl they love leaves them because they weren't quite attentive enough in the relationship, a man will bawl louder any day and take lots longer to get over it. But they won't tell you that. Men just keep their feelings bottled up inside. That's why more men die of heart attacks at younger ages. A lot of them just aren't aware of their feelings. They don't think in terms of feelings but I promise you they are there.

 

3. WHy do they shut you out???

 

Men are basically hunters. Once they've found their woman, they put the trophy on the mantle and get on with their lives. Most men have no comprehension that after the initial gust of passion, a relationship takes maintenance. Most men didn't pay much attention when they were young so they don't know how men and women relate. Since their fathers didn't pay much attention either, their fathers were as bad or worse. This problem carries down from generation to generation.

 

Many men don't understand those little things that are important to a woman. Now some of them do, but lots don't. Many men just prefer to turn their attention onto something else. They seem to put work and baseball ahead of their relationship lots of times. They do live to regret it much of the time.

 

4. How do you know if a guy likes you or not??

 

Well, sometimes he will tell you. But if you watch his behavior very closely and use your intuition, you will know. If you aren't sure, the chances are good that either he doesn't like you, he's very shy, or he's a foreign spy.

 

5. "If you have been dating a guy for awhile, and you have sex(5 months) what does that mean???????"

 

It means that it took both of you just over 150 days to finally take your clothes off and do what males and females have done for millions of years. Any meaning beyond that has to be expressed in words and behavior by the two of you. Sometimes it means a relationship has gone to a new and greater level. Sometimes, it just means you had a good time. There are times that it can mean you were very bored and looking for something to spice up the relationship.

 

I think in most cases if you felt very good about the experience and got good vibrations from the guy it was a good thing and brought the two of you closer together. It usually has a lot more emotional significance to the female than it does to the male, at least on the surface.

 

6. "Does it mean that he wants a relationship??

 

No, it means he wants an orgasm. Sex is not essential for a relationship. Sex is the whipped cream and the topping on a relationship. It can be an important part of a relationship if you want to make it that. But a guy can want a relationship without having sex with a girl.

 

In the longrun, sex is important to most people but, all by itself, it's just a biological imperative...a human drive forced on by nature for the purpose of procreation. We get around nature with condoms, birth control pills and, if we really want to screw our minds, we use withdrawal prior to ejaculation. I always hated that one.

 

Now there are some guys who will bolt if they don't get sex out of the deal. I don't really think you need those sorts of guys.

 

To answer your question, I don't think having sex means a guy wants a relationship with you. Sex is just too freely available for that to be the case. It just means something different to everybody. To me personally, it has meant different things with different people.

 

One thing guys DON"T want it to mean is that they will be responsible for child support for 18 years.

 

7. "Im sorry for asking so many questions, but I am just so confused of what a man is thinking"

 

Hey, no sweat. My word processor doesn't use ink. And the webmaster of this forum pays for the disk space.

 

Now as far as being confused about what a man is thinking, there are so many of them who think so differently you probably ought to give up your quest for the answer to that question.

 

I gave up trying to figure out women a long time ago.